Timeisthenurseandbreederofallgood。
Hereifthoustay，thoucanstnotseethylove;
Besides，thystayingwillabridgethylife。
Hopeisalover\'sstaff;walkhencewiththatAndmanageitagainstdespairingthoughts。
Thylettersmaybehere，thoughthouarthence;
Which，beingwrittome，shallbedeliver\'dEveninthemilk—whitebosomofthylove。
Thetimenowservesnottoexpostulate:
Come，I\'llconveytheethroughthecity—gate;
And，ereIpartwiththee，conferatlargeOfallthatmayconcernthylove—affairs。
AsthoulovestSilvia，thoughnotforthyself，Regardthydanger，andalongwithme！VALENTINEIpraythee，Launce，anifthouseestmyboy，BidhimmakehasteandmeetmeattheNorth—gate。PROTEUSGo，sirrah，findhimout。Come，Valentine。VALENTINEOmydearSilvia！HaplessValentine！
ExeuntVALENTINEandPROTEUSLAUNCEIambutafool，lookyou;andyetI
havethewittothinkmymasterisakindofaknave:butthat\'sallone，ifhebebutoneknave。Helivesnotnowthatknowsmetobeinlove;yetIaminlove;
butateamofhorseshallnotpluckthatfromme;norwho\'tisIlove;andyet\'tisawoman;butwhatwoman，I
willnottellmyself;andyet\'tisamilkmaid;
yet\'tisnotamaid，forshehathhadgossips;yet\'tisamaid，forsheishermaster\'smaid，andservesforwages。Shehathmorequalitiesthanawater—spaniel;
whichismuchinabareChristian。
PullingoutapaperHereisthecate—logofhercondition。
\'Imprimis:Shecanfetchandcarry。\'Why，ahorsecandonomore:nay，ahorsecannotfetch，butonlycarry;thereforeisshebetterthanajade。\'Item:
Shecanmilk;\'lookyou，asweetvirtueinamaidwithcleanhands。
EnterSPEEDSPEEDHownow，SigniorLaunce！whatnewswithyourmastership？LAUNCEWithmymaster\'sship？why，itisatsea。SPEEDWell，youroldvicestill;mistaketheword。Whatnews，then，inyourpaper？LAUNCETheblackestnewsthateverthouheardest。SPEEDWhy，man，howblack？LAUNCEWhy，asblackasink。SPEEDLetmereadthem。LAUNCEFieonthee，jolt—head！thoucanstnotread。SPEEDThouliest;Ican。LAUNCEIwilltrythee。Tellmethis:whobegotthee？SPEEDMarry，thesonofmygrandfather。LAUNCEOilliterateloiterer！itwasthesonofthygrandmother:thisprovesthatthoucanstnotread。SPEEDCome，fool，come;trymeinthypaper。LAUNCEThere;andSt。Nicholasbethyspeed！SPEED[Reads]\'Imprimis:Shecanmilk。\'LAUNCEAy，thatshecan。SPEED\'Item:Shebrewsgoodale。\'LAUNCEAndthereofcomestheproverb:\'Blessingofyourheart，youbrewgoodale。\'SPEED\'Item:Shecansew。\'LAUNCEThat\'sasmuchastosay，Cansheso？SPEED\'Item:Shecanknit。\'LAUNCEWhatneedamancareforastockwithawench，whenshecanknithimastock？SPEED\'Item:Shecanwashandscour。\'LAUNCEAspecialvirtue:forthensheneednotbewashedandscoured。SPEED\'Item:Shecanspin。\'LAUNCEThenmayIsettheworldonwheels，whenshecanspinforherliving。SPEED\'Item:Shehathmanynamelessvirtues。\'LAUNCEThat\'sasmuchastosay，bastardvirtues;
that，indeed，knownottheirfathersandthereforehavenonames。SPEED\'Herefollowhervices。\'LAUNCECloseattheheelsofhervirtues。SPEED\'Item:Sheisnottobekissedfastinginrespectofherbreath。\'LAUNCEWell，thatfaultmaybemendedwithabreakfast。Readon。SPEED\'Item:Shehathasweetmouth。\'LAUNCEThatmakesamendsforhersourbreath。SPEED\'Item:Shedothtalkinhersleep。\'LAUNCEIt\'snomatterforthat，soshesleepnotinhertalk。SPEED\'Item:Sheisslowinwords。\'LAUNCEOvillain，thatsetthisdownamonghervices！Tobeslowinwordsisawoman\'sonlyvirtue:I
praythee，outwith\'t，andplaceitforherchiefvirtue。SPEED\'Item:Sheisproud。\'LAUNCEOutwiththattoo;itwasEve\'slegacy，andcannotbeta\'enfromher。SPEED\'Item:Shehathnoteeth。\'LAUNCEIcarenotforthatneither，becauseIlovecrusts。SPEED\'Item:Sheiscurst。\'LAUNCEWell，thebestis，shehathnoteethtobite。SPEED\'Item:Shewilloftenpraiseherliquor。\'LAUNCEIfherliquorbegood，sheshall:ifshewillnot，I
will;forgoodthingsshouldbepraised。SPEED\'Item:Sheistooliberal。\'LAUNCEOfhertongueshecannot，forthat\'swritdownsheisslowof;ofherpursesheshallnot，forthatI\'llkeepshut:now，ofanotherthingshemay，andthatcannotIhelp。Well，proceed。SPEED\'Item:Shehathmorehairthanwit，andmorefaultsthanhairs，andmorewealththanfaults。\'LAUNCEStopthere;I\'llhaveher:shewasmine，andnotmine，twiceorthriceinthatlastarticle。
Rehearsethatoncemore。SPEED\'Item:Shehathmorehairthanwit，\'——LAUNCEMorehairthanwit？Itmaybe;I\'llproveit。Thecoverofthesalthidesthesalt，andthereforeitismorethanthesalt;thehairthatcoversthewitismorethanthewit，forthegreaterhidestheless。What\'snext？SPEED\'Andmorefaultsthanhairs，\'——LAUNCEThat\'smonstrous:O，thatthatwereout！SPEED\'Andmorewealththanfaults。\'LAUNCEWhy，thatwordmakesthefaultsgracious。
Well，I\'llhaveher;andifitbeamatch，asnothingisimpossible，——SPEEDWhatthen？LAUNCEWhy，thenwillItellthee——thatthymasterstaysfortheeattheNorth—gate。SPEEDForme？LAUNCEForthee！ay，whoartthou？hehathstayedforabettermanthanthee。SPEEDAndmustIgotohim？LAUNCEThoumustruntohim，forthouhaststayedsolongthatgoingwillscarceservetheturn。SPEEDWhydidstnottellmesooner？poxofyourloveletters！
ExitLAUNCENowwillhebeswingedforreadingmyletter;anunmannerlyslave，thatwillthrusthimselfintosecrets！I\'llafter，torejoiceintheboy\'scorrection。
ExitSCENEII。Thesame。TheDUKE\'spalace。EnterDUKEandTHURIODUKESirThurio，fearnotbutthatshewillloveyou，NowValentineisbanish\'dfromhersight。THURIOSincehisexileshehathdespisedmemost，Forswornmycompanyandrail\'datme，ThatIamdesperateofobtainingher。DUKEThisweakimpressofloveisasafigureTrenchedinice，whichwithanhour\'sheatDissolvestowateranddothlosehisform。
AlittletimewillmeltherfrozenthoughtsAndworthlessValentineshallbeforgot。
EnterPROTEUS
Hownow，SirProteus！IsyourcountrymanAccordingtoourproclamationgone？PROTEUSGone，mygoodlord。DUKEMydaughtertakeshisgoinggrievously。PROTEUSAlittletime，mylord，willkillthatgrief。DUKESoIbelieve;butThuriothinksnotso。
Proteus，thegoodconceitIholdofthee——
Forthouhastshownsomesignofgooddesert——
Makesmethebettertoconferwiththee。PROTEUSLongerthanIproveloyaltoyourgraceLetmenotlivetolookuponyourgrace。DUKEThouknow\'sthowwillinglyIwouldeffectThematchbetweenSirThurioandmydaughter。PROTEUSIdo，mylord。DUKEAndalso，Ithink，thouartnotignorantHowsheopposesheragainstmywillPROTEUSShedid，mylord，whenValentinewashere。DUKEAy，andperverselysheperseversso。
WhatmightwedotomakethegirlforgetTheloveofValentineandloveSirThurio？PROTEUSThebestwayistoslanderValentineWithfalsehood，cowardiceandpoordescent，Threethingsthatwomenhighlyholdinhate。DUKEAy，butshe\'llthinkthatitisspokeinhate。PROTEUSAy，ifhisenemydeliverit:
ThereforeitmustwithcircumstancebespokenByonewhomsheesteemethashisfriend。DUKEThenyoumustundertaketoslanderhim。PROTEUSAndthat，mylord，Ishallbeloathtodo:
\'Tisanillofficeforagentleman，Especiallyagainsthisveryfriend。DUKEWhereyourgoodwordcannotadvantagehim，Yourslandernevercanendamagehim;
Thereforetheofficeisindifferent，Beingentreatedtoitbyyourfriend。PROTEUSYouhaveprevail\'d，mylord;ifIcandoitByoughtthatIcanspeakinhisdispraise，Sheshallnotlongcontinuelovetohim。
