indeed！
MRS。G。Imust。Listen，myhusband。Never，never，nevertellyourwifeanythingthatyoudonotwishhertorememberandthinkoverallherlife。Becauseawoman-yes，Iamawoman-can\'tforget。
CAPT。G。ByJove，howdoyouknowthat？
MRS。G。（Confusedly。）Idon\'t。I\'monlyguessing。Iam-Iwas-asillylittlegirl；butIfeelthatIknowsomuch，oh，soverymuchmorethanyou，dearest。Tobeginwith，I\'myourwife。
CAPT。G。SoIhavebeenledtobelieve。
MRS。G。AndIshallwanttoknoweveryoneofyoursecrets-toshareeverythingyouknowwithyou。（Staresrounddesperately。）
CAPT。G。Soyoushall，dear，soyoushall-butdon\'tlooklikethat。
MRS。G。Foryourownsakedon\'tstopme，Phil。Ishallnevertalktoyouinthiswayagain。Youmustnottellme！Atleast，notnow。
Lateron，whenI\'manoldmatronitwon\'tmatter，butifyouloveme，beverygoodtomenow；forthispartofmylifeIshallneverforget！HaveImadeyouunderstand？
CAPT。G。Ithinkso，child。HaveIsaidanythingyetthatyoudisapproveof？
MRS。G。Willyoubeveryangry？That-thatvoice，andwhatyousaidabouttheengagement-
CAPT。G。Butyouaskedtobetoldthat，darling。
MRS。G。Andthat\'swhyyoushouldn\'thavetoldme！YoumustbetheJudge，and，oh，Pip，dearlyasIloveyou，Ishan\'tbeabletohelpyou！Ishallhinderyou，andyoumustjudgeinspiteofme！
CAPT。G。（Meditatively。）Wehaveagreatmanythingstofindouttogether，Godhelpusboth-sayso，Pussy-butweshallunderstandeachotherbettereveryday；andIthinkI\'mbeginningtoseenow。
Howintheworlddidyoucometoknowjusttheimportanceofgivingmejustthatlead？
MRS。G。I\'vetoldyouthatIdon\'tknow。Onlysomehowitseemedthat，inallthisnewlife，Iwasbeingguidedforyoursakeaswellasmyown。
CAPT。G。（Aside。）ThenMafilinwasright！Theyknow，andwe-we\'reblindallofus。（Lightly。）\'Gettingalittlebeyondourdepth，dear，aren\'twe？I\'llremember，and，ifIfail，letmebepunishedasIdeserve。
MRS。G。Thereshallbenopunishment。We\'llstartintolifetogetherfromhere-youandI-andnooneelse。
CAPT。G。Andnooneelse。（Apause。）Youreyelashesareallwet，Sweet？WasthereeversuchaquaintlittleAbsurdity？
Mas。G。Wasthereeversuchnonsensetalkedbefore？
CAPT。G。（Knockingtheashesoutofhispipe。）\'Tisn\'twhatwesay，it\'swhatwedon\'tsay，thathelps。Andit\'salltheprofoundestphilosophy。Butnoonewouldunderstand-evenifitwereputintoabook。
MRS。G。Theidea！No-onlyweourselves，orpeoplelikeourselves-ifthereareanypeoplelikeus。
CAPT。G。（Magisterially。）Allpeople，notlikeourselves，areblindidiots。
MRS。G。（Wipinghereyes。）Doyouthink，then，thatthereareanypeopleashappyasweare？
CAPT。G。\'Mustbe-unlesswe\'veappropriatedallthehappinessintheworld。
MRS。G\'。（LookingtowardSimla。）Poordears！Justfancyifwehave！
CAPT。G。Thenwe\'llhangontothewholeshow，forit\'sagreatdealtoojollytolose-eh，wifeo\'mine？
MRS。G。OPip！Pip！Howmuchofyouisasolemn，marriedmanandhowmuchahorridslangyschoolboy？
CAPT。G。WhenyoutellmehowmuchofyouwaseighteenlastbirthdayandhowmuchisasoldastheSphinxandtwiceasmysterious，perhapsI\'llattendtoyou。Lendmethatbanjo。Thespiritmovethmetojowlatthesunset。
MRS。G。Mind！It\'snottuned。Ah！Howthatjars！
CAPTG。（Turningpegs。）It\'samazinglydifferenttokeepabanjotoproperpitch。
MRS。G。It\'sthesamewithallmusicalinstruments，Whatshallitbe？
CAPT。G。\"Vanity，\"andletthehillshear。（Singsthroughthefirstandhal\'ofthesecondverse。TurningtoMRS。G。）Now，chorus！
Sing，Pussy！
BOTHTOGETHRR。（Conbrio，tothehorrorofthemonkeyswhoaresettlingforthenight。）-
\"Vanity，allisVanity，\"saidWisdom。scorningme-IclaspedmytrueLove\'stenderhandandansweredfrankandfree-ee\"IfthisbeVanitywho\'dbewise？IfthisbeVanitywho\'dbewise？IfthisbeVanitywho\'dbewi-ise（Crescendo。）Vanityletitbe！\"
MRS。G。（Defiantlytothegreyoftheeveningsky。）\"Vanityletitbe！\"
ECHO。（PromtheFagoospur。）Letitbe！
FATIMA
Andyoumaygoineveryroomofthehouseandseeeverythingthatisthere，butintotheBlueRoomyoumustnotgo-TheStoryofBlueBeard。
SCENE-TheGADSBYS\'bungalowinthePlains。Time，11A。M。
onaSundaymorning。CaptainGADSBY，inhisshirt-sleeves，isbendingoveracompletesetofHussar\'sequipment，fromsaddletopicketing-rope，whichisneatlyspreadoverthefloorofhisstudy。
Heissmokinganuncleanbriar，andhisforeheadispuckeredwiththought。
CAPT。G。（Tohimself，fingeringaheadstall。）Jack\'sanass。
There\'senoughbrassonthistoloadamule-and，iftheAmericansknowanythingaboutanything，itcanbecutdowntoabitonly。
\'Don\'twantthewatering-bridle，either。Humbug！-Halfadozensetsofchainsandpulleysforonehorse！Rot！（Scratchinghishead。）
Now，let\'sconsideritalloverfromthehe-ginning。ByJove，I\'veforgottenthescaleofweights！Ne\'ermind。\'Keepthebitonly，andeliminateeverybossfromthecruppertobreastplate。Nobreastplateatall。Simpleleatherstrapacrossthebreast-liketheRussians。Hi！Jackneverthoughtofthat！
MRS。G。（Enteringhastily，herhandboundinacloth。）Oh，Pip，I\'vescaldedmyhandoverthathorrid，horridTipareejam！
CAPT。G。（Absently。）Eb！Wha-at？
MRS。G。（Withround-eyedreproach。）I\'vescaldeditaw-fully！
Aren\'tyousorry？AndIdidsowantthatjamtojamproperly。
CAPT。G。Poorlittlewoman！Letmekisstheplaceandmakeitwell。（Unrollingbandage。）Yousmallsinner！Where\'sthatscald？
Ican\'tseeit。
MRS。G。Onthetopofthelittlefinger。There！-It\'samost\'normousbigburn！
CAPT。G。（Kissinglittlefinger。）Baby！LetHyderlookafterthejam。YouknowIdon\'tcareforsweets。
Mas。G。In-deed？-Pip！
CAPT。G。Notofthatkind，anyhow。Andnowrunalong，Minnie，andleavemetomyownbasedevices。I\'mbusy。
MRS。G。（Calmlysettlingherselfinlongchair。）SoIsee。Whatamessyou\'remaking！Whyhaveyoubroughtallthatsmellyleatherstuffintothehouse？
CAPT。G。Toplaywith。Doyoumind，dear？
MRS。G。Letmeplaytoo。I\'dlikeit。
CAPT。G。I\'mafraidyouwouldn\'t。Pussy-Don\'tyouthinkthatjamwillburn，orwhateveritisthatjamdoeswhenit\'snotlookedafterbyacleverlittlehousekeeper？
MRS。G。IthoughtyousaidHydercouldattendtoit。Ilefthimintheveranda，stirring-whenIhurtmyselfso。
CAPT。G。（Hiseyereturningtotheequipment。）Po-oorlittlewoman！-Threepoundsfourandsevenisthreeeleven，andthatcanbecutdowntotwoeight，withjustalee-tiecare，with-outweakeninganything。Farrieryisallrotinincompetenthands。
What\'stheuseofashoe-casewhenaman\'sscouting？Hecan\'tstickitonwithalick-likeastamp-theshoe！SkittlesMRS。G。What\'sskittles？Pah！Whatisthisleathercleanedwith？
CAPT。G。Creamandchampagneand-Lookhere，dear，doyoureallywanttotalktomeaboutanythingimportant？
MRS。G。No。I\'vedonemyaccounts，andIthoughtI\'dliketoseewhatyou\'redoing。
CAPT。G。Well，love，nowyou\'veseenand-Wouldyoumind？-
Thatistosay-Minnie，Ireallyambusy。
MRS。G。Youwantmetogo？
CAPT。G，Yes，dear，foralittlewhile。Thistobaccowillhanginyourdress，andsaddlerydoesn\'tinterestyou。
MRS。G。Everythingyoudointerestsme，Pip。
CAPT。G。Yes，Iknow，Iknow，dear。I\'lltellyouallaboutitsomedaywhenI\'veputaheadonthisthing。Inthemeantime-
MRS。G。I\'mtobeturnedoutoftheroomlikeatroublesomechild？
CAPT。G。No-o。Idon\'tmeanthatexactly。But，yousee，Ishallbetrampingupanddown，shiftingthesethingstoandfro，andIshallbeinyourway。Don\'tyouthinkso？
MRS。G。Can\'tIliftthemabout？Letmetry。（Reachesforwardtotrooper\'ssaddle。）
CAPT。G。Goodgracious，child，don\'ttouchit。You\'llhurtyourself。
（Pickingupsaddle。）Littlegirlsaren\'texpectedtohandlenumdahs。Now，wherewouldyoulikeitput？（Holdssaddleabovehishead。）
MRS。G。（Abreakinhervoice。）Nowhere。Pip，howgoodyouare-andhowstrong！Oh，what\'sthatuglyredstreakinsideyourarm？
CAPT。G。（Loweringsaddlequickly。）Nothing。It\'samarkofsorts。
（Aside。）AndJack\'scomingtotiffinwithhisnotionsallcutanddried！
MRS。G。Iknowit\'samark，butI\'veneverseenitbefore。Itrunsallupthearm。Whatisit？
CAPT。G。Acut-ifyouwanttoknow。
MRS。G。Wanttoknow！OfcourseIdo！Ican\'thavemyhusbandcuttopiecesinthisway。Howdiditcome？Wasitanaccident？
Tellme，Pip。
CAPT。G。（Grimly。）No。\'Twasn\'tanaccident。Igotit-fromaman-inAfghanistan。
MRS。G。Inaction？Oh，Pip，andyounevertoldme！
CAPT。G。I\'dforgottenallaboutit。
MRS。G。Holdupyourarm！Whatahorrid，uglyscar！Areyousureitdoesn\'thurtnow！Howdidthemangiveityou？
CAPT。G。（Desperatelylookingathiswatch。）Withaknife。Icamedown-oldVanLoodid，that\'stosay-andfellonmyleg，soI
couldn\'trun。AndthenthismancameupandbeganchoppingatmeasIsprawled。
MRS。G。Oh，don\'t，don\'t！That\'senough！-Well，whathappened？
CAPT。G。Icouldn\'tgettomyholster，andMafflincameroundthecornerandstoppedtheperformance。
MRS。G。How？He\'ssuchalazyman，Idon\'tbelievehedid。
CAPT。G。Don\'tyou？Idon\'tthinkthemanhadmuchdoubtaboutit。Jackcuthisheadoff。
Mas。G。Cut-his-head-off！\"Withoneblow，\"astheysayinthebooks？
CAPT。G。I\'mnotsure。Iwastoointerestedinmyselftoknowmuchaboutit。Anyhow，theheadwasoff，andJackwaspunchingoldVanLoointheribstomakehimgetup。Nowyouknowallaboutit，dear，andnow-
MRS。G。Youwantmetogo，ofcourse。Younevertoldmeaboutthis，thoughI\'vebeenmarriedtoyouforeversolong；andyouneverwouldhavetoldmeifIhadn\'tfoundout；andyouneverdotellmeanythingaboutyourself，orwhatyoudo，orwhatyoutakeaninterestin。
CAPT。G。Darling，I\'malwayswithyou，aren\'tI？
MRS。G。Alwaysinmypocket，youweregoingtosay。Iknowyouare；butyouarealwaysthinkingawayfromme。
CAPT。G。（Tryingtohideasmile。）AmI？Iwasn\'tawareofit。
I\'mawf\'lysorry。
MRS。G。（Piteously。）Oh，don\'tmakefunofme！Pip，youknowwhatImean。WhenyouarereadingoneofthosethingsaboutCavalry，bythatidioticPrince-whydoesn\'thebeaPrinceinsteadofastable-boy？
CAPT。G。PrinceKraftastable-boy-Oh，myAunt！Nevermind，dear。Youweregoingtosay？
MRS。G。Itdoesn\'tmatter；youdon\'tcareforwhatIsay。Only-onlyyougetupandwalkabouttheroom，staringinfrontofyou，andthenMafflincomesintodinner，andafterI\'minthedrawmg-roomIcanhearyouandhimtalking，andtalking，andtalking，aboutthingsIcan\'tunderstand，and-oh，Igetsotiredandfeelsolonely！-I
don\'twanttocomplainandbeatrouble，Pip；butIdoindeedIdo！
CAPT。G。Mypoordarling！Ineverthoughtofthat。Whydon\'tyouasksomenicepeopleintodinner？
MRS。G。Nicepeople！WhereamItofindthem？Horridfrumps！
AndifIdid，Ishouldn\'tbeamused。YouknowIonlywantyou。
CAPT，G。Andyouhavemesurely，Sweetheart？
MRS。G。Ihavenot！Pipwhydon\'tyoutakemeintoyourlife？
CAPT。G。MorethanIdo？Thatwouldbedifficult，dear。
MRS。G。Yes，Isupposeitwould-toyou。I\'mnohelptoyou-nocompaniontoyou；andyouliketohaveitso。
CAPT。G。Aren\'tyoualittleunreasonable，Pussy？
MRS。G。（Stampingherfoot。）I\'mthemostreasonablewomanintheworld-whenI\'mtreatedproperly。
CAPT。G。AndsincewhenhaveIbeentreatingyouimproperly？
MRS。G。Always-andsincethebeginning。Youknowyouhave。
CAPT。G。Idon\'t；butI\'mwillingtobeconvinced。
MRS。G。（Pointingtosaddlery。）There！
CAPT。G。Howdoyoumean？
MRS。G。Whatdoesallthatmean？WhyamInottobetold？Isitsoprecious？
CAPT。G。IforgetitsexactGovernmentvaluejustatpresent。Itmeansthatitisagreatdealtooheavy。
MRS。G。Thenwhydoyoutouchit？
CAPT。G。Tomakeitlighter。Seehere，littlelove，I\'veonenotionandJackhasanother，butwearebothagreedthatallthisequipmentisaboutthirtypoundstooheavy。Thethingishowtocutitdownwithoutweakeninganypartofit，and，atthesametime，allowingthetroopertocarryeverythinghewantsforhisowncomfort-socksandshirtsandthingsofthatkind。
MRS。G。Whydoesn\'thepacktheminalittletrunk？
CAPT。G。（Kissingher。）Oh，youdarling！Packtheminalittletrunk，indeed！Hussarsdon\'tcarrytrunks，andit\'samostimportantthingtomakethehorsedoallthecarrying。
MRS。G。Butwhyneedyoubotheraboutit？You\'renotatrooper。
CAPT。G。No；butIcommandafewscoreofhim；andequipmentisnearlyeverythinginthesedays。
MRS。G。Morethanme？
CAPT。G。Stupid！Ofcoursenot；butit\'samatterthatI\'mtremendouslyinterestedin，becauseifIorJack，orIandJack，workoutsomesortoflightersaddleryandallthat。it\'spossiblethatwemaygetitadopted。
MRS。G。How？
CAPT。G。SanctionedatHome，wheretheywillmakeasealedpattern-apatternthatallthesaddlersmustcopy-andsoitwillbeusedbyalltheregiments。
MRS。G。Andthatinterestsyou？
CAPT。G。It\'spartofmyprofession，y\'know，andmyprofessionisagooddealtome。Everythinginasoldier\'sequipmentisimportant，andifwecanimprovethatequipment，somuchthebetterforthesoldiersandforus。
Mas。G。Who\'s\"us\"？
CAPT。G。JackandI；onlyJack\'snotionsaretooradical。What\'sthatbigsighfor，Minnie？
MRS。G。Oh，nothing-andyou\'vekeptallthisasecretfromme！
Why？
CAPT。G。Notasecret，exactly，dear。Ididn\'tsayanythingaboutittoyoubecauseIdidn\'tthinkitwouldamuseyou。
MRS。G。AndamIonlymadetobeamused？
CAPT。G。No，ofcourse。Imerelymeanthatitcouldn\'tinterestyou。
MRS。G。It\'syourworkand-andifyou\'dletme，I\'dcountallthesethingsup。Iftheyaretooheavy，youknowbyhowmuchtheyaretooheavy，andyoumusthavealistofthingsmadeouttoyourscaleoflightness，and-
CAPT。G。Ihavegotbothscalessomewhereinmyhead；hutit\'shardtotellhowlightyoucanmakeahead-stall，forinstance，untilyou\'veactuallyhadamodelmade。
MRS。G。Butifyoureadoutthelist，Icouldcopyitdown，andpinituptherejustaboveyourtable。Wouldn\'tthatdo？
CAPT。G。Itwouldbeawf\'lynice，dear，butitwouldbegivingyoutroublefornothing。Ican\'tworkthatway。Igobyruleofthumb。I
knowthepresentscaleofweights，andtheotherone-theonethatI\'mtryingtoworkto-willshiftandvarysomuchthatIcouldn\'tbecertain，evenifIwroteitdown。
MRS。G。I\'msosorry。IthoughtImighthelp。IsthereanythingelsethatIcouldbeofusein？
CAPT。G。（Lookingroundtheroom。）Ican\'tthinkofanything。
You\'realwayshelpingmeyouknow。
MRS。G。AmI？How？
CAPT。G。Youareofcourse，andaslongasyou\'renearme-Ican\'texplainexactly，butit\'sintheair。
MRS。G。Andthat\'swhyyouwantedtosendmeaway？
CAPT。G。That\'sonlywhenI\'mtryingtodowork-grubbyworklikethis。
MRS。G。Mafflin\'sbetter，then，isn\'the？
CAPT。G。（Rashly。）Ofcourseheis。JackandIhavebeenthinkingalongthesamegroovefortwoorthreeyearsaboutthisequipment。It\'sourhobby，anditmayreallybeusefulsomeday。
MRS。G。（Afterapause。）Andthat\'sallthatyouhaveawayfromme？
CAPT。G。Itisn\'tveryfarawayfromyounow。Takecaretheoilonthatbitdoesn\'tcomeoffonyourdress。
MRS。G。Iwish-IwishsomuchthatIcouldreallyhelpyou。I
believeIcould-ifIlefttheroom。Butthat\'snotwhatImean。
CAPT。G。（Aside。）Givemepatience！Iwishshewouldgo。
（Aloud。）Ias-sureyouyoucan\'tdoanythingforme，Minnie，andI
mustreallysettledowntothis。Where\'smypouch？
MRS。G。（Crossingtowriting-table。）Hereyouare，Bear。Whatamessyoukeepyourtablein！
CAPT。G。Don\'ttouchit。There\'samethodinmymadness，thoughyoumightn\'tthinkofit。
MRS。G。（Attable。）Iwanttolook-Doyoukeepaccounts，Pip？
CAPT。G。（Bendingoversaddlery。）Ofasort。AreyourummagingamongtheTrooppapers？Becareful。
MRs。G。Why？Isha\'n\'tdisturbanything。Goodgracious！Ihadnoideathatyouhadanythingtodowithsomanysickhorses。
CAPT。G。\'WishIhadn\'t，buttheyinsistonfallingsick。Minnie，if1wereyouIreallyshouldnotinvestigatethosepapers。Youmaycomeacrosssomethingthatyouwon\'tlike。
MRS。G。Whywillyoualwaystreatmelikeachild？IknowI\'mnotdisplacingthehorridthings。
CAPT。G。（Resignedly。）Verywell，then。Don\'tblamemeifanythinghappens。Playwiththetableandletmegoonwiththesaddlery。（Slippinghandintotrousers-pocket。）Oh，thedeuce！
MRS。G。（HerbacktoG。）What\'sthatfor？
CAPT。G。Nothing。（Aside。）There\'snotmuchinit，butIwishI\'dtornitup。
MRS。G。（Turningovercontentsoftable。）Iknowyou\'llhatemeforthis；butIdowanttoseewhatyourworkislike。（Apause。）
Pip，whatare\"farcybuds\"？
CAPT。G。Hab！Wouldyoureallyliketoknow？Theyaren\'tprettythings。
MRS。G。ThisJournalofVeterinarySciencesaystheyareof\"absorbinginterest。\"Tellme。
CAPT。G。（Aside。）Itmayturnherattention。
Givesalonganddesignedlyloathsomeaccountofglandersandfarcy。
MRS。G。Oh，that\'senough。Don\'tgoon！
CAPT。G。Butyouwantedtoknow-Thenthesethingssuppurateandmatterateandspread-
MRS。G。Pin，you\'remakingmesick！You\'reahorrid，disgustingschoolboy。
CAPT。G。（Onhiskneesamongthebridles。）Youaskedtobetold。It\'snotmyfaultifyouworrymeintotalkingabouthorrors。
Mas。G。Whydidn\'tyousay-No？
CAPT。G。GoodHeavens，child！Haveyoucomeinheresimplytobullyme？
Mas。G。Ibullyyou？HowcouldI！You\'resostrong。（Hysterically。）
Strongenoughtopickmeupandputmeoutsidethedoorandleavemetheretocry。Aren\'tyou？
CAPT。G。Itseemstomethatyou\'reanirrationallittlebaby。Areyouquitewell？
MRS。G。DoIlookill？（Returningtotable）。Whoisyourladyfriendwiththebiggreyenvelopeandthefatmonogramoutside？
CAPT。G。（Aside。）Thenitwasn\'tlockedup，confoundit。
（Aloud。）\"Godmadeher，thereforeletherpassforawoman。\"Yourememberwhatfarcybudsarelike？
Mas。G。（Showingenvelope。）Thishasnothingtodowiththem。
I\'mgoingtoopenit。MayI？
CAPT。G。Certainly，ifyouwantto。I\'dsooneryoudidn\'tthough。I
don\'tasktolookatyourletterstotheDeer-courtgirl。
Mas。G。You\'dbetternot，Sir！（Takesletterfromenvelope。）Now，mayIlook？Ifyousayno，Ishallcry。
CAPT。G。You\'venevercriedinmyknowledgeofyou，andIdon\'tbelieveyoucould。
Mas。G。Ifeelverylikeitto-day，Pip。Don\'tbehardonme。（Readsletter。）Itbeginsinthemiddle，with-outany\"DearCaptainGadsby，\"oranything。Howfunny！
CAPT。G。（Aside。）No，it\'snotDearCaptainGadsby，oranything，now。Howfunny！
Mas。G。Whatastrangeletter！（Reads。）\"Andsothemothhascometoonearthecandleatlast，andhasbeensingedinto-shallI
sayRespectability？Icongratulatehim，andhopehewillbeashappyashedeservestobe。\"Whatdoesthatmean？Isshecongratulatingyouaboutourmarriage？
CAPT。G。Yes，Isupposeso。
Mas。G。（Stillr\'adingletter。）Sheseemstobeaparticularfriendofyours。
CAPT。G。Yes。Shewasanexcellentmatronofsorts-aMrs。
Herriott-wifeofaColonelHerriott。IusedtoknowsomeofherpeopleatHomelongago-beforeIcameout。
Mas。G。SomeColonel\'swivesareyoung-asyoungasme。Iknewonewhowasyounger。
CAPT。G。Thenitcouldn\'thavebeenMrs。Herriott。Shewasoldenoughtohavebeenycurmother，dear。
Mas。G。Iremembernow。Mrs。ScargillwastalkingaboutherattheDutfins\'tennis，beforeyoucameforme，onTuesday。CaptainMafflinsaidshewasa\"dearoldwoman。\"Doyouknow，IthinkMafilinisaveryclumsymanwithhisfeet。
