Takeawife，Jack。
CAPT。M。（Withafacelikeawall。）Va-as。Whoseforchoice？
CAPT。G。Ifyou\'regoingtobeablackguard，I\'mgoingon-What\'sthetime？
CAPT。M。（Hums。）-
An\'since\'twasveryclearwedrankonlyginger-beer，Faith，theremustha\'beensomestingointheginger。\"
Comeback，youmaniac。I\'mgoingtotakeyouhome，andyou\'regoingtoliedown。
CAPT。G。WhatonearthdoIwanttoliedownfor？
CAPT。M。Givemealightfromyourcherootandsee。
CAPT。G。（Watchingcheroot-buttquiverlikeatuning-fork。）
SweetstateI\'min！
CAPT。M。Youare。I\'llgetyouapegandyou\'llgotosleep。
TheyreturnandM。compoundsafour-fingerpeg。
CAPT。G。Obus！bus！It\'llmakemeasdrunkasanowl。
CAPT。M。\'Curiousthing，\'twon\'thavetheslightesteffectonyou。
Drinkitoff，chuckyourselfdownthere，andgotobye-bye。
CAPT。G。It\'sabsurd。Isha\'n\'tsleep，IknowIsha\'n\'tlFallsintoheavydozeatendofsevenminutes。CAPT。M。watcheshimtenderly。
CAPT。M。PooroldGandy！I\'veseenafewturnedoffbefore，butneveronewhowenttothegallowsinthiscondition。\'Can\'ttellhowitaffects\'em，though。It\'sthethoroughbredsthatsweatwhenthey\'rebackedintodouble-harness-Andthat\'sthemanwhowentthroughthegunsatAmdheranlikeadevilpossessedofdevils。
（LeansoverG。）Butthisisworsethantheguns，oldpal-worsethantheguns，isn\'tit？（G。turnsinhissleep，andM。toucheshimclumsilyontheforehead。）Poor，dearoldGaddyIGoingliketherestof\'em-goingliketherestof\'em-Friendthatstickethcloserthanabrother-eightyears。Dashedbitofaslipofagirl-eightweeks！And-where\'syourfriend？（Smokesdisconsolatelytillchurchclockstrikesthree。）
CAPT。M。Upwithyou！Getintoyourkit。
CAPT。C。Already？Isn\'tittoosoon？Hadn\'tIbetterhaveashave？
CAPT。M。No！You\'reallright。（Aside。）He\'dchiphischintopieces。
CAPT。C。What\'sthehurry？
CAPT。M。You\'vegottobetherefirst。
CAPT。C。Tobestaredat？
CAPT。M。Exactly。You\'repartoftheshow。Where\'stheburnisher？Yourspursareinashamefulstate。
CAPT。G。（Gruffly。）Jack，Ibedamnedifyoushalldothatforme。
CAPT。M。（Moregruffly。）Dry\'upandgetdressed！IfIchoosetocleanyourspurs，you\'reundermyorders。
CAPT。G。dresses。M。followssuit。
CAPT。M。（Critically，walkinground。）M\'yes，you\'lldo。Onlydon\'tlooksolikeacriminal。Ring，gloves，fees-that\'sallrightforme。
Letyourmoustachealone。Now，iftheponiesareready，we\'llgo。
CAPT。G。（Nervously。）It\'smuchtoosoon。Let\'slightup！Let\'shaveapeg！Let\'s-CAPT。M。Let\'smakeballyassesofourselves！
BELLS。（Without。）-
\"Good-peo-ple-allToprayers-wecall。\"
CAPT。M。Theregothebells！Comean-unlessyou\'drathernot。
（Theyrideoff。）
BELLS-
\"WehonortheKingAndBridesjoydobring-Goodtidingswetell，AndringtheDead\'sknell。\"
CAPT。G。（DismountingatthedooroftheChurch。）Isay，aren\'twemuchtoosoon？Therearenoendofpeopleinside。Isay，aren\'twemuchtoolate？Stickbyme，Jack！WhatthedevildoIdo？
CAPT。M。StrikeanattitudeatthebeadoftheaisleandwaitforHer。（G。groansasM。wheelshimintopositionhe/orethreehundredeyes。）
CAPT。M。（Imploringly。）Gaddy，ifyouloveme，forpity\'ssake，fortheHonoroftheRegiment，standup！Chuckyourselfintoyouruniform！Looklikeaman！I\'vegottospeaktothePadreaminute。
（G。breaksintoagentlePerspiration。）yourfaceI\'llnevermanagain。Standup！visibly。）IfyouwipeyourfaceI\'llneverbeyourbestmanagain。Standup！（G。Tremblesvisibly。）
CAPT。M。（Returning。）She\'scommgnow。Lookoutwhenthemusicstarts。There\'stheorganbeginningtoclack。
Bridestepsoutof\'rickshawatChurchdoor。G。catchesaglimpseo/herandtakesheart。
ORGAN-
\"TheVoicethatbreathedo\'erEden，Thatearliestmarriageday，Theprimalmarriage-blessing，Ithathnotpassedaway。\"
CAPT。M。（WatchingG。）ByJove！Heislookingwell。\'Didn\'tthinkhehaditinhim。
CAPT。G。Howlongdoesthishymngoonfor？
CAPT。M。Itwillbeoverdirectly。（Ansiously。）Beginningtovleachandgulp。Holdon，Gabby，andthinko\'theRegiment。
CAPT。G。（Measuredly。）Isaythere\'sabigbrownlizardcrawlingupthatwall。
CAPT。M。MySaintedMother！Thelaststageofcollapse！
BridecomesUptoleftofaltar，liftshereyesoncetoG。，whoissuddenlysmittenmad。
CAPT。G。（TOhimselfagainandagain。）LittleFeatherweight\'sawoman-awoman！AndIthoughtshewasalittlegirl。
CAPT。M。（Inawhisper。）Formthehalt-inwardwheel。
CAPT。G。obeysmechanicallyandtheceremonyproceeds。
PADRE……onlyuntoherasyebothshalllive？
CAPT。G。（Histhroatuseless。）Ha-hmmm！
CAPT。M。Sayyouwilloryouwon\'t。There\'snoseconddealhere。
Bridegivesresponsewithperfectcoomess，andisgivenawaybythefather。
CAPT。G。（Thinkingtoshowhislearning。）Jackgivemeawaynow，quick！
CAPT。M。You\'vegivenyourselfawayquiteenough。Herrighthand，man！Repeat！Repeat！\"TheodorePhilip。\"Haveyouforgottenyourownname？
CAPT。G。stumblesthroughAffirmation，whichBriderepeatswithoutatremor。
CAPT。M。Nowthering！FollowthePadre！Don\'tpulloffmyglove！Hereitis！GreatCupid，he\'sfoundhisvoice。
CAPT。G。repeatsTrothinavoicetobeheardtotheendoftheChurchandturnsonhisheel。
CAPT。M。（Desperately。）Reinback！Backtoyourtroop！\'Tisn\'thalflegalyet。
PADRE……joinedtogetherletnomanputasunder。
CAPT。G。paralyzedwithfearjibsafterBlessing。
CAPT。M。（Quickly。）Onyourownfront-onelength。Takeherwithyou。Idon\'tcome。You\'venothingtosay。（CAPT。G。jinglesuptoaltar。）
CAPT。M。（Inapiercingrattlemeanttobeawhisper。）Kneel，youstiff-neckedruffian！Kneel！
PADRE……whosedaughtersareyesolongasyedowellandarenotafraidwithanyamazement。
CAPT。M。Dismiss！Breakoff！Leftwheel！
Alltrooptovestry。Theysign。
CAPT。M。KissHer，Gaddy。
CAPT。G。（Rubbingtheinkintohisglove。）Eh！Wha-at？
CAPT。M。（TakingonepacetoBride。）Ifyoudon\'t，Ishall。
CAPT。G。（Interposinganarm。）Notthisjourney！
Generalkissing，inwhichCAPT。G。ispursuedbyunknownfemale。
CAPT。G。（FaintlytoM。）ThisisHades！CanIwipemyfacenow？
CAPT。M。Myresponsibilityhasended。BetteraskMissesGADSAY。
CAPT。G。wincesasthoughshotandprocessionisMendelssohnedoutofChurchtohouse，whereusualtorturestakeplaceoverthewedding-cake。
CAPT。M。（Attable。）Upwithyou，Gaddy。Theyexpectaspeech。
CAPT。G。（Afterthreeminutes\'agony。）Ha-hmmm。（ThundersOfapplause。）
CAPT。M。Doocidgood，forafirstattempt。NowgoandchangeyourkitwhileMammaisweepingover_\"theMissus。\"（CAPT。G。
disappears。CAPT。M。startsuptearinghishair。）It\'snothalflegal。
Wherearetheshoes？Getanayah。
AVAH。MissieCaptainSahibdonegonebandkaroallthejutis。
CAPT。M。（Brandishingscablardedsword。）Woman，producethoseshoesSomeonelendmeabread-knife。Wemustn\'tcrackGaddy\'sheadmorethanitis。（Slicesheeloffwhitesatinslipperandputsslipperuphissleeve。）
WhereistheBride？（Tothecompanyatlarge。）Betenderwiththatrice。It\'saheathencustom。Givemethebigbag。
******
Brideslipsoutquietlyinto\'rickshawanddepartstowardthesun-set。
CAPT。M。（Intheopen。）Stoleaway，byJove！SomuchtheworseforGaddy！Hereheis。NowGaddy，this\'llbelivelierthanAmdberan！Where\'syourhorse？
CAPT。G。（Furiously，seeingthatthewomenareoutofanearshot。）
Wherethe-ismyWife？
CAPT。M。Half-waytoMahasubythistime。You\'llhavetoridelikeYoungLochinvar。
Horsecomesroundonhishindlegs；refusestoletG。handlehim。
CAPT。G。Ohyouwill，willyou？Get\'round，youbrute-youhog-youbeast！Getround！
Wrencheshorse\'sheadover，nearlybreakinglowerjaw:swingshimselfintosaddle，andsendshomebothspursinthemidstofaspatteringgaleofBestPatna。
CAPT。M。Foryourlifeandyourlove-ride，Gaddy-AndGodblessyou！
ThrowshalfapoundofriceatG。whodisappears，bowedforwardonthesaddle，inacloudofsun-litdust。
CAPT。M。I\'velostoldGaddy。（Lightscigaretteandstrollsoff，singingabsently）:-
\"Youmaycarveitonhistombstone，youmaycutitonhiscard，Thatayoungmanmarriedisayoungmanmarred！\"
MissDEERCOURT。（Fromherhorse。）Really，CaptainMafflin！
Youaremoreplainspokenthanpolite！
CAPT。M。（Aside。）Theysaymarriageislikecholera。\'Wonderwho\'llbethenextvictim。
Whitesatinslipperslidesfromhissleeveandfallsathisfeet。Leftwondering。
THEGARDENOFEDENAndyeshallbeas-Gods！
SCENE-Thymygrass-plotatbackoft！\'eMahasudak-bungalow，overlookinglittlewoodedvalley。Ontheleft，glimpseoftheDeadForestofFagoo；ontheright，SimlaHills。Inbackground，lineoftheSnows。CAPTAINGADSBY，nowthreeweeksahusband，issmokingthepipeofpeaceonaruginthesunshine。Banjoandtobacco-pouchonrug。OverheadtheFagooeagles。MRS。G。comesoutofbungalow。
MRS。G。Myhusband！CAPT。G。（Lazily，withintenseenjoyment。）
Eb，wha-at？Saythatagain。
MRS。G。I\'vewrittentoMammaandtoldherthatweshallbebackonthe17th。
CAPT。G。Didyougivehermylove？
MRS。G。No，Ikeptallthatformyself。（Sittingdownbyhisside。）
Ithoughtyouwouldn\'tmind。
CAPT。G。（Withmocksternness。）Iobjectawf\'ly。Howdidyouknowthatitwasyourstokeep？
MRS。G。Iguessed，Phil。
CAPT。G。（Rapturously。）Lit-tleFeatherweight！
MRS。G。Iwon\'tbecalledthosesportingpetnames，badboy。
CAPT。G。You\'llbecalledanythingIchoose。Hasiteveroccurredtoyou，Madam，thatyouaremyWife？
MRS。G。Ithas。Ihaven\'tceasedwonderingatityet。
CAPT。G。NorI。Itseemssostrange；andyet，somehow，itdoesn\'t。
（Confidently。）Yousee，itcouldhavebeennooneelse。
MRS。G。（Softly。）No。Nooneelse-formeorforyou。Itmusthavebeenallarrangedfromthebeginning。Phil，tellmeagainwhatmadeyoucareforme。
CAPT。G。HowcouldIhelpit？Youwereyou，youknow。
MRS。G。Didyoueverwanttohelpit？Speakthetruth！
CAPT。G。（Atwinkleinhiseye。）Idid，darling，justatthefirst。
Rutonlyattheveryfirst。（Chuckles。）Icalledyou-stooplowandI\'llwhisper-\"alittlebeast。\"Ho！Ho！Ho！
MRS。G。（Takinghimbythemous\'acheandmakinghimsitup。）
\"A-little-beast！\"Stoplaughingoveryourcrime！Andyetyouhadthe-the-awfulcheektoproposetome！
CAPT。C。I\'dchangedmymindthen。Andyouweren\'talittlebeastanymore。
MRS。G。Thankyou，sir！AndwhenwasIever？
CAPT。G。Never！Butthatfirstday，whenyougavemeteainthatpeach-coloredmuslingownthing，youlooked-youdidindeed，dear-suchanabsurdlittlemite。AndIdidn\'tknowwhattosaytoyou。
MRS。G。（Twistingmoustache。）Soyousaid\"littlebeast。\"Uponmyword，Sir！Icalledyoua\"Crrrreature，\"butIwishnowIhadcalledyousomethingworse。
CAPT。G。（Verymeekly。）Iapologize，butyou\'rehurtingmeawf\'ly。（Interlude。）You\'rewelcometotorturemeagainonthoseterms。
MRS。G。Oh，whydidyouletmedoit？
CAPT。G。（Lookingacrossvalley。）Noreasoninparticular，but-ifitamusedyouordidyouanygood-youmight-wipethosedearlittlebootsofyoursonme。
MRS。G。（Stretchingoutherhands。）Don\'t！Oh，don\'t！Philip，myKing，pleasedon\'ttalklikethat。It\'showIfeel。You\'resomuchtoogoodforme。Somuchtoogood！
CAPT。G。Me！I\'mnotfittoputmyarmaroundyou。（Putsitround。）
MRS。C。Yes，youare。ButI-whathaveIeverdone？
CAPT。G。Givenmeaweebitofyourheart，haven\'tyou，myQueen！
MRS。G。That\'snothing。Anyonewoulddothat。Theycou-couldn\'thelpit。
CAPT。G。Pussy，you\'llmakemehorriblyconceited。JustwhenI
wasbeginningtofeelsohumble，too。
MRS。G。Humble！Idon\'tbelieveit\'sinyourcharacter。
CAPT。G。Whatdoyouknowofmycharacter，Impertinence？
MRS。G。Ah，butIshall，shan\'tI，Phil？Ishallhavetimeinalltheyearsandyearstocome，toknoweverythingaboutyou；andtherewillbenosecretsbetweenus。
CAPT。G。Littlewitch！Ibelieveyouknowmethoroughlyalready。
MRS。G。IthinkIcanguess。You\'reselfish？
CAPT。G。Yes。
MRS。G。Foolish？
CAPT。G。Very。
MRS。G。Andadear？
CAPT。G。Thatisasmyladypleases。
MRS。G。Thenyourladyispleased。（Apause。）D\'youknowthatwe\'retwosolemn，serious，grown-uppeople-CAPT。G。（Tiltingherstrawhatoverhereyes。）Yougrown-up！Pooh！You\'reababy。
MRS。G。Andwe\'retalkingnonsense。
CAPT。G。Thenlet\'sgoontalkingnonsense。Iratherlikeit。Pussy，I\'lltellyouasecret。Promisenottorepeat？
MRS。G。Ye-es。Onlytoyou。
CAPT。G。Iloveyou。
MRS。G。Re-ally！Forhowlong？
CAPT。G。Foreverandever。
MRS。G。That\'salongtime。
CAPT。G。\'Thinkso？It\'stheshortestIcandowith。
MRS。G。You\'regettingquiteclever。
CAPT。G。I\'mtalkingtoyou。
MRS。G。Prettilyturned。HoldupyourstupidoldheadandI\'llpayyouforit。
CAPT。G。（Affectingsupremecontempt。）Takeityourselfifyouwantit。
MRS。G。I\'veagreatmindto-andIwill！（Takesitandisrepaidwithinterest。）
CAPT。G，LittleFeatherweight，it\'smyopinionthatweareacoupleofidiots。
MRS。G。We\'retheonlytwosensiblepeopleintheworld。Asktheeagle。He\'scomingby。
CAPT。G。Ah！Idaresayhe\'sseenagoodmanysensiblepeopleatMahasu。Theysaythatthosebirdsliveforeversolong。
MRS。G。Howlong？
CAPT。G。Ahundredandtwentyyears。
MRS。G。Ahundredandtwentyyears！O-oh！Andinahundredandtwentyyearswherewillthesetwosensiblepeoplebe？
CAPT。G。Whatdoesitmattersolongaswearetogethernow？
MRS。G。（Lookingroundthehorizon。）Yes。OnlyyouandI-Iandyou-inthewholewide，wideworlduntiltheend。（SeesthelineoftheSnows。）Howbigandquietthehillslook！D\'youthinktheycareforus？
CAPT。G。\'Can\'tsayI\'veconsultedemparticularly。Icare，andthat\'senoughforme。
MRS。G。（Drawingnearertohim。）Yes，now-butafterward。
What\'sthatlittleblackblurontheSnows？
CAPT。G。Asnowstorm，fortymilesaway。You\'llseeitmove，asthewindcarriesitacrossthefaceofthatspurandthenitwillbeallgone。
MRS。G。Andthenitwillbeallgone。（Shivers。）
CAPT。G。（Anriously。）\'Notchilled，pet，areyou？\'Betterletmegetyourcloak。
MRS。G。No。Don\'tleaveme，Phil。Stayhere。IbelieveIamafraid。
Oh，whyarethehillssohorrid！Phil，promisemethatyou\'llalwaysloveme。
CAPT。G。What\'sthetrouble，darling？Ican\'tpromiseanymorethanIhave；butI\'llpromisethatagainandagainifyoulike。
MRs。G。（Herheadonhisshoulder。）Sayit，then-sayit！N-no-
don\'t！The-the-eagleswouldlaugh。（Recovering。）Myhusband，you\'vemarriedalittlegoose。
CAPT。G。（Verytenderly。）HaveI？Iamcontentwhateversheis，solongassheismine。
MRS。G。（Quickly。）Becausesheisyoursorbecausesheismemineself？
CAPT。G。Becausesheisboth。（Piteously。）I\'mnotclever，dear，andIdon\'tthinkIcanmakemyselfunderstoodproperly。
MRS。G。Iunderstand。Pip，willyoutellmesomething？
CAPT。G。Anythingyoulike。（Aside。）Iwonderwhat\'scomingnow。
MRS。G。（Haltingly，hereyes\'owered。）Youtoldmeonceintheolddays-centunesandcenturiesago-thatyouhadbeenengagedbefore。Ididn\'tsayanything-then。
CAPT。G。（Innocently。）Whynot？
MRS。G。（Raisinghereyestohis。）Because-becauseIwasafraidoflosingyou，myheart。Butnow-tellaboutit-please。
CAPT。G。There\'snothingtotell。Iwasawf\'lyoldthen-nearlytwoandtwenty-andshewasquitethat。
MRS。G。Thatmeansshewasolderthanyou。Ishouldn\'tlikehertohavebeenyounger。Well？
CAPT。G。Well，Ifanciedmyselfinloveandravedaboutabit，and-oh，yes，byJove！Imadeuppoetry。Ha！Ha！
MRS。G。Youneverwroteanyforme！Whathappened？
CAPT。G。Icameouthere，andthewholethingwentphut。Shewrotetosaythattherehadbeenamistake，andthenshemarried。
Mas。G。Didshecareforyoumuch？
CAPT。G。No。Atleastshedidn\'tshowitasfarasIremember。
MRS。G。AsfarasyourememberlDoyourememberhername？
（Hearsitandbowsherhead。）Thankyou，myhusband。
CAPT。G。Whobutyouhadtheright？Now，LittleFeatherweight，haveyoueverbeenmixedupinanydarkanddismaltragedy？
MRS。G。IfyoucallmeMrs。Gadsby，p\'rapsI\'lltell。
CAPT。G。（ThrowingParaderaspintohisvoice。）Mrs。Gadsby，confesslMRS。G。GoodHeavens，Phil！Ineverknewthatyoucouldspeakinthatterriblevoice。
CAPT。G。Youdon\'tknowhalfmyaccomplishmentsyet。WaittillwearesettledinthePlains，andI\'llshowyouhowIbarkatmytroop。Youweregoingtosay，darling？
MRS。G。I-Idon\'tliketo，afterthatvoice。（Tremulously。）Phil，neveryoudaretospeaktomeinthattone，whateverImaydo！
CAPT。G。Mypoorlittlelove！Why，you\'reshakingallover。Iamsosorry。OfcourseInevermeanttoupsetyouDon\'ttellmeanything，I\'mabrute。
MRS。G。No，youaren\'t，andIwilltell-Therewasaman。
CAPT。G。（Lightly。）Wasthere？Luckyman！
MRS。G。（Inawhisper。）AndIthougbtIcaredforhim。
CAPT。G。Stillluckierman！Well？
MRS。G。AndIthoughtIcaredforhim-andIdidn\'t-andthenyoucame-andIcaredforyouvery，verymuchindeed。That\'sall。
（Facehidden。）Youaren\'tangry，areyou？
CAPT。G。Angry？Notintheleast。（Aside。）GoodLord，whathaveIdonetodeservethisangel？
MRS。G。（Aside。）Andheneveraskedforthename！Howfunnymenare！Butperhapsit\'saswell。
CAPT。G。Thatmanwillgotoheavenbecauseyouoncethoughtyoucaredforhim。\'Wonderifyou\'lleverdragmeupthere？
MRS。G。（Firmly。）\'Sha\'n\'tgoifyoudon\'t。
CAPT。G。Thanks。Isay，Pussy，Idon\'tknowmuchaboutyourreligiousbeliefs。Youwerebroughtuptobelieveinaheavenandallthat，weren\'tyou？
MRS。G。Yes。Butitwasapincushionheaven，withhymn-booksinallthepews。
CAPT。G。（Wagginghisheadwithintenseconviction。）Nevermind。Thereisapukkaheaven。
MRS。G。Wheredoyoubringthatmessagefrom，myprophet？
CAPT。G。Here！Becausewecareforeachother。Soit\'sallright。
Mrs。G。（Asatroopoflangurscrashthroughthebranches。）Soit\'sallright。ButDarwinsaysthatwecamefromthose！
CAPT。G。（Placidly。）Ah！Darwinwasneverinlovewithanangel。
Thatsettlesit。Sstt，youbrutes！Monkeys，indeed！Youshouldn\'treadthosebooks。
MRS。G。（Foldingherhands。）IfitpleasesmyLordtheKingtoissueproclamation。
CAPT。G。Don\'t，dearone。Therearenoordersbetweenus。OnlyI\'dratheryoudidn\'t。Theyleadtonothing，andbotherpeople\'sheads。
MRS。G。Likeyourfirstengagement。
CAPT。G。（Withanimmensecalm。）Thatwasanecessaryevilandledtoyou。Areyounothing？
MRS。G。Notsoverymuch，amI？
CAPT。G。Allthisworldandthenexttome。
MRS。G。（Verysoftly。）Myboyofboys！ShallItellyousomething？
CAPT。G。Yes，ifit\'snotdreadful-aboutothermen。
MRS。G。It\'saboutmyownbadlittleself。
CAPT。G。Thenitmustbegood。Goon，dear。
MRS。G。（Slowly。）Idon\'tknowwhyI\'mtellingyou，Pip；butifeveryoumarryagain-（Interlude。）TakeyourhandfrommymouthorI\'llbite！Inthefuture，thenremember-Idon\'tknowquitehowtoputit！
CAPT。G。（Snortingindignantly。）Don\'ttry。\"Marryagain，\"
