CHAPTER15-AFalseStartHAVINGhad，duringawanderingexistence，manyopportunitiesofobservingmycompatriotsawayfromhomeandfamiliarsurroundingsinvariouscirclesofcosmopolitansociety，atforeigncourts，indiplomaticlife，orunofficialcapacities，Iamforcedtoacknowledgethatwhereasmycountrywomaninvariablyassumedhernewpositionwithgraceanddignity，mycountryman，inthemajorityofcases，appearedatadisadvantage。
Itakeparticularpleasureinmakingthistributetomy\"sisters\"
tactandwit，asIhavebeenaccusedofbeing\"hard\"onAmericanwomen，andsomehalf-humorouscriticismshavebeentakenseriouslybyover-susceptiblewomen-doubtlesstroubledwithguiltyconsciencesfornothingismoreexactthantheoldFrenchproverb，\"Itisonlythetruththatwounds。\"
Thefactremainsclear，however，thatAmericanmen，asregardspolish，facilityinexpressingthemselvesinforeignlanguages，theartsofpleasingandentertaining，inshort，thethousandandonenothingscomposingthatagreeablewhole，acultivatedmemberofsociety，areinferiortotheirwomankind。IfeelsurethatallAmericanswhohavetravelledandhaveseentheircompatriotinhissocialrelationswithforeigners，willagreewiththis，reluctantasIamtoacknowledgeit。
Thatasisterandbrotherbroughtuptogether，underthesameinfluences，shouldlaterdiffertothisextentseemsincredible。
Itisjustthisthatconvincesmewehavemadeafalsestartasregardstheeducationandambitionsofouryoungmen。
Tofindthereasonsonehasonlytoglancebackatourpast。Afterthestrugglethatinsuredourexistenceasaunitednation，cameaperiodofgreatprosperity。Whenbothseemedsecure，wedidnotpauseandtakebreath，asitwere，beforeenteringanewepochofdevelopment，butdashedaheadontheoldlines。Itisherethatwegotonthewrongroad。Naturallyenoughtoo，forourpeculiarpositiononthiscontinent，farawayfromthecentresofcultivationandart，surroundedonlybylesssuccessfulstateswithwhichtocompareourselves，hasledusintoformingerroneousideasastotheproportionsofthings，causingustoexaggeratethevalueofmaterialprosperityandundervaluemattersofinfinitelygreaterimportance，whichhavebeenneglectedinconsequence。
Amanwho，afterfightingthroughourlatewar，hadsucceededinamassingafortune，naturallywishedhissontofollowhimontheonlyroadinwhichithadeveroccurredtohimthatsuccesswasofanyimportance。Sobeyondgivingtheboyacollegeeducation，whichhehadnotenjoyed，hisambitionrarelywent；hisideabeingtomakeapracticalbusinessmanofhim，oralawyer，thathecouldkeeptheestatetogethermoreintelligently。Inthousandsofcases，ofcourse，individualtasteandbentover-ruledthisinfluence，andacareerofscienceorartwaschosen；butinthemassoftheAmericanpeople，itwasfirmlyimplantedthatthepursuitofwealthwastheonlyoccupationtowhichareasonablehumanbeingcoulddevotehimself。Ayoungmanwhowasnotinsomewayengagedinincreasinghisincomewaslookeduponasaveryundesirablememberofsociety，andsure，soonerorlater，tocometoharm。
Millionairesdeclinedtosendtheirsonstocollege，sayingtheywouldgetideastherethatwouldunfitthemforbusiness，toPaterfamiliastheoneobjectoflife。Undersuchfosteringinfluences，theambitionsinourcountryhavegraduallygivenwaytomoneystandardsandthefalsestarthasbeenmade!Leavingasideatoncethequestionofmoneyinitsrelationtoourpolitics(althoughitwouldbeafruitfulsubjectformoralizing)，andconfiningourselvesstrictlytothesocialsideoflife，wesoonseetheresultsofthismammonworship。
InEngland(althoughEnglishmenhavebeencontemptuouslycalledtheshop-keepersoftheworld)theextensionandmaintenanceoftheirvastempireisthemainspringwhichkeepsthegreatmachineinmovement。Andoneseestensofthousandsofwell-bornanddelicately-bredmencheerfullyenteringthemanybranchesofpublicservicewherethehopeofwealthcannevercome，andretiringonpensionsorhalf-payinthestrengthoftheirmiddleage，apparentlywithoutaregretorathoughtbeyondtheircountry\'swell-being。
InFrance，wherethepassionateloveoftheirownlandhasmadecolonialextensionimpossible，themodernFrenchmanofeducationismoreinterestedintheyearlyexhibitionattheSALONorinasuccessfulplayattheFRANCAIS，thaninthestockmarketsoftheworld。
Wouldthatouryoungmenhadeitherofthesebents!TheyhavecopiedfromEnglandacertainloveofsport，withouttheEnglishclimateorthecalmofcountryandgarrisonlife，tomakethesesportslogicalandnecessary。AstheyoungAmericanmillionairethinkshemustgoonincreasinghisfortune，weseetheanomalyofamanworkingthroughasummer\'sdayinWallStreet，thendashinginatraintosomesuburbanclub，andappearingahalf-hourlateronthepolofield。Nexttowealth，sporthasbecometheambitionofthewealthyclasses，andhasgrownsointoourcollegelifethatthenumberofstudentsinthefreshmanclassofourgreatuniversitiesisseriouslyinfluencedbythatinstitution\'slossesorgainsatfootball。
Whatistheresultofallthis？Ayoungmanstartsinlifewiththefirmintentionofmakingagreatdealofmoney。Ifhehasanytimeleftfromthatoccupationhewilldevoteittosport。Laterinlife，whenhehasleisureandtravels，orisotherwisethrownwithcultivatedstrangers，hemustnaturallybeatadisadvantage。
\"Shop，\"hecannottalk；heknowsthatisvulgar。Music，art，thedrama，andliteratureareclosedbookstohim，inspiteofthefactthathemayhaveaboxonthegrandtierattheoperaandacoupleofdozenhigh-priced\"masterpieces\"hangingaroundhisdrawing-
rooms。Ifheisofafinerclaythanthegeneralrunofhisclass，hewillrealizedimlythatsomehowthegoalhasbeenmissedinhisliferace。Hischaseafterthematerialhaslefthimsolittletimetocultivatetheideal，thathehaspreparedhimselfasadandaimlessoldage；unlesshecanfindpleasureindoingasdidamanIhavebeentoldabout，who，receivinghalfadozenmillionsfromhisfather\'sestate，conceivedthenobleideaofincreasingthemsothathemightleavetoeachofhisfourchildrenasmuchashehadhimselfreceived。Withthestrictesteconomy，andbysuppressingoutofhislifeandthatofhischildrenallamusementsandsuperfluousoutlay，hehassucceedednowformanyyearsinlivingontheincomeofhisincome。TimewillneverhangheavyonthisHarpagon\'shands。Heisaperfectlyhappyindividual，buthisconversationishardlyofakindtoattract，anditmaybedoubtediftherestofthefamilyareasmuchtobeenvied。
AnartistwhohadlivedmanyyearsofhislifeinParisandLondonwasspeakingtheotherdayofacuriousphasehehadremarkedinourAmericanlife。Hehadbeenaccustomedovertheretohavehisstudiothemeeting-placeoffriends，whowoulddropintosmokeandloungeawayanhour，chattingasheworked。Tohisastonishment，hetellsmethatsincehehasbeeninNewYorknotoneofthemanymenheknowshaseverpassedanhourinhisrooms。Isnotthatasignificantfact？Anotherremarkwhichpointsitsownmoralwasrepeatedtomerecently。Aforeignervisitinghere，towhomAmericanfriendswereshowingthesightsofourcity，exclaimedatlast:\"Youhavenotpointedouttomeanycelebritiesexceptmillionaires。\'Doyouseethatman？heisworthtenmillions。
Lookatthathouse!itcostonemilliondollars，andtherearepicturesinitworthoverthreemilliondollars。Thattrottercostonehundredthousanddollars，\'etc。\"Washenotright？Anddoesitnotgivemyreaderashuddertoseeinblackandwhitethephrasesthatare，nevertheless，sooftenonourlips？
Thislevellingofeverythingtoitscashvalueissoingrainedinusthatweareunconsciousofit，asweareofusingslangorlocalexpressionsuntilourattentioniscalledtothem。IwaspresentonceatafarceplayedinaLondontheatre，wheretheaudiencewentintoroarsoflaughtereverytimethestageAmericansaid，\"Why，certainly。\"Iwasindignant，andbeganexplainingtomyEnglishfriendthatweneverusedsuchanabsurdphrase。\"Areyousure？\"
heasked。\"Why，certainly，\"Isaid，andstopped，catchingthetwinkleinhiseye。
Itisverymuchthesamethingwithmoney。Wedonotnoticehowoftenitslipsintotheconversation。\"Outofthefullnessoftheheartthemouthspeaketh。\"TalktoanAmericanofapainterandthecharmofhiswork。Hewillbesuretoask，\"Dohispicturessellwell？\"andwillloseallinterestifyousayhecan\'tsellthematall。Asifthathadanythingtodowithit!
Rememberingthewell-knownanecdoteofSchopenhauerandthegoldpiecewhichheusedtoputbesidehisplateattheTABLED\'HOTE，whereheate，surroundedbytheyoungofficersoftheGermanarmy，andwhichwastobegiventothepoorthefirsttimeheheardanyconversationthatwasnotaboutpromotionorwomen，Ihavebeentemptedtotrytheexperimentinourclubs，changingthesubjectstostocksandsport，andfeelconfidentthatmycontributionstocharitywouldnotruinme。
Allthishashadtheresultofmakingourmendullcompanions；
afterdinner，oratacountryhouse，ifthesubjecttheyloveistabooed，theytalkofnothing!Itissadforarichman(unlesshismindhasremainedentirelybetweentheleavesofhisledger)torealizethatmoneyreallybuysverylittle，andaboveacertainamountcangivenosatisfactioninproportiontoitsbulk，beyondthatdelightwhichcomesfromasenseofpossession。Croesusoftendiscoversashegrowsoldthathehasneglectedtoprovidehimselfwiththeonlythingthat\"isajoyforever\"-acultivatedintellect-inordertoamassafortunethatturnstoashes，whenhehastimetoaskofitanyofthepleasuresandresourceshefondlyimagineditwouldaffordhim。LikeTalleyrand\'syoungmanwhowouldnotlearnwhist，hefindsthathehaspreparedforhimselfadreadfuloldage!
CHAPTER16-AHolyLandNOTlongagoanarticlecameundermynoticedescriptiveoftheneighborhoodaroundGrant\'stombandthecalmthatmidsummerbringstothatvicinity，laughinglyreferredtoasthe\"HolyLand。\"
Ascarelessfingerswanderingoverthestringsofaviolinmayunintentionallystrikeachord，sothewriterofthoselines，allunconsciously，withajest，setvibratingaworldoftendermemoriesandassociations；fortheregionspokenofistrulyaholylandtome，theplaygroundofmyyouth，andconnectedwiththesweetesttiesthatcanbindone\'sthoughtstothepast。
ErnestRenaninhisSOUVENIRSD\'ENFANCE，tellsofaBrittanylegend，firmlybelievedinthatwildland，ofthevanishedcityof\"Is，\"whichagesagodisappearedbeneaththewaves。Thepeasantsstillpointoutatacertainplaceonthecoastthesiteofthefabledcity，andthefishermentellhowduringgreatstormstheyhavecaughtglimpsesofitsbelfriesandrampartsfardownbetweenthewaves；andassertthatoncalmsummernightstheycanhearthebellschimingupfromthosedepths。Ialsohaveavanished\"Is\"inmyheart，andasIgrowolder，Ilovetolistentothemurmursthatfloatupfromthepast。Theyseemtocomefromaninfinitedistance，almostlikeechoesfromanotherlife。
Atthatenchantedtimewelivedduringthesummersinanoldwoodenhousemyfatherhadre-arrangedintoafairlycomfortabledwelling。
Atradition，whichnoonehadevertakenthetroubletoverify，averredthatWashingtonhadoncelivedthere，whichmadethatheroveryrealtous。Thepicturesqueoldhousestoodhighonaslopewherethelandrisesboldly；withanadmirableviewofdistantmountain，riverandopposingPalisades。
ThenewRiversidedrive(which，bythebye，shouldmakeusverylenienttowardthemenwhorobbedourcityascoreofyearsago，fortheyleftusthatvastworkinatonement)，hassochangedtheneighborhooditisimpossiblenowforpiousfeettomakeapilgrimagetothosechildishshrines。Onehouse，however，stillstandsaswhenitwasournearestneighbor。IthadshelteredGeneralGage，landformanyacresaroundhadbelongedtohim。Hewasanenthusiasticgardener，andimported，amongahundredotherfruitsandplants，the\"QueenClaude\"plumfromFrance，whichwassuccessfullyacclimatedonhisfarm。InNewYorkaplumofthatkindisstillcalleda\"greengage。\"ThehousehaschangedhandsmanytimessinceweusedtoplayaroundtheGrecianpillarsofitsportico。Arecentowner，dissatisfieddoubtlesswithitsclassicsimplicity，haspainteditacheerfulmustardcolorandcrowneditwithafinenewMANSARDroof。Thusdisfigured，andshornofitssurroundingtrees，thepooroldhousestandsblanklybytheroadside，remindingoneoftheGreekstatueinAnstey\'s\"PaintedVenus\"aftertheLondonbarberhaddecoratedhertohistaste。
Whendrivingbytherenow，Iclosemyeyes。
Anotherhouse，whereweusedtobetakentoplay，wasthatofAudubon，intheparkofthatname。ManyarainyafternoonIhavepassedwithhischildrenchoosingourfavoritebirdsintheglasscasesthatfilledeverynookandcornerofthetumble-downoldplace，orturningovertheleavesoftheenormousvolumeshewouldsograciouslytakedownfromtheirplacesforouramusement。I
oftenwonderwhathasbecomeofthosevastIN-FOLIOS，andifanyoneeveropensthemnowandadmiresaswedidtheglowingcoloredplatesinwhichtheoldornithologisttooksuchpride。Thereissomethinginfinitelysadintheideaofacollectionofbooksslowlygatheredtogetheratthepriceofprivationsandsacrifices，cherished，fondled，lovinglyread，andthenattheowner\'sdeath，coldlysentawaytostandforeverunopenedontheshelvesofsomepubliclibrary。Itislikeneglectingpoordumbchildren!
Aneventthatmadeaprofoundimpressiononmychildishimaginationoccurredwhilemyfather，whowasnevertiredofimprovingourlittledomain，wascuttingapathwaydownthesteepsideoftheslopetotheriver。Agreatslab，dislodgedbyaworkman\'spick，felldisclosingthegraveofanIndianchief。Inalowarchwayorshallowcavesattheskeletonofthechieftain，hisbowsandarrowsarrangedaroundhimontheground，mingledwithfragmentsofanelaboratecostume，ofwhichlittleremainedbutthebead-work。
Thatitwasthetombofamangreatamonghispeoplewasevidentfromthecarewithwhichthegravehadbeenpreparedandthenhidden，provinghow，hundredsofyearsbeforeourcivilization，anotherracehadchosenthisnoblecliffandstatelyriverlandscapeasthefittingframeworkforagreatwarrior\'stomb。
Thisdiscoverymadenolittlestirinthescientificworldofthatday。Hundredscametoseeit，andasphotographyhadnotthencomeintotheworld，manydrawingsweremadeandcaststaken，andfinallythewholethingwasremovedtotheroomsoftheHistoricalSociety。Fromthatdaythelonelylittlepathheldanawfulcharmforus。OurchildishreadingsofCooperhaddevelopedinusthatloveoftheIndianandhiswildlife，socharacteristicofboyhoodthirtyyearsago。Onstillsummerafternoons，theplacehadaprimevalcalmthatfrozetheyoungbloodinourveins。Althoughwepridedourselvesonourqualityas\"braves，\"andsecretlypinedtobeledonthewar-path，wewereshyofwalkinginthatvicinityindaylight，andnopoweronearth，noteventheofferofthetomahawkorsnow-shoesforwhichoursoulslonged，wouldhavetakenusthereatnight。
AplaceconnectedinmymemorywithatragicassociationwasacrosstheriveronthelastsouthernslopeofthePalisades。HerewestoodbreathlesswhilemyfathertoldthebriefstoryoftheduelbetweenBurrandHamilton，andshowedustherockstainedbytheyoungerman\'slife-blood。InthosedaystherewasasimpleironrailingaroundthespotwhereHamiltonhadexpired，butoflateryearsIhavebeenunabletofindanytraceoftheplace。Thetideofimmigrationhasbroughtsodeepadepositof\"saloons\"andsuburban\"balls\"thattheveryfaceofthelandischanged，oldloversofthatshoreknowitnomore。Neverweretheenvironsofacitysowantonlyandrecklesslydegraded。Municipalitieshaveviedwithmillionairesinsoilinganddebasingtheexquisiteshoresofourriver，that，thirtyyearsago，wereunrivalledtheworldover。
Theglamourofthepaststillliesformeuponthislandscapeinspiteofitsmanydefacements。Theriverwhispersofboyishboatingparties，andthewoodsrecallathousandchildishhopesandfears，resolutedeparturestojointhepirates，ortheredmenintheirstrongholds-journeysboldlycarriedoutuntiltwilightcooledourcourageandthesupper-hourprovedastrongertemptationthanwarandcarnage。
WhenIsatdownthissummereveningtowriteafewlinesabouthappydaysonthebanksoftheHudson，Ihardlyrealizedhowsweetthosememoriesweretome。Therewritingoftheoldnameshasevokedfromtheirlongsleepsomanylovedfaces。Armsseemreachingouttomefromthepast。Thehouseisverystilltonight。
Iseemtobenearermyloveddeadthantotheliving。Thebellsofmylost\"Is\"areringingclearinthesilence。
CHAPTER17-RoyaltyAtPlayFEWmoreamusingsightsaretobeseeninthesedays，thanthatofcrownedheadsrunningawayfromtheirdulloldcourtsandfunctions，roughingitinhotelsandvillas，gambling，yachtingandplayingatbeingrichnobodies。WithmuchintelligencetheyhaveallchosenthesameRepublicanplayground，wherevisitscannotpossiblybetwistedintomeaninganynew\"combination\"orpoliticalmove，thusassuringthemselvesthefreedomfromcareorresponsibility，thatseemstobetheaimoftheirexistence。
Alongsideofwell-to-doRoyaltiesingoodpayingsituations，arethoseoutofajob，whoarelookingaboutfora\"place。\"Onecannottakeanafternoon\'srambleanywherebetweenCannesandMentonewithoutmeetingahalf-dozenofthesemagnates。
Theotherday，inoneshortwalk，IranacrossthreeEmpresses，twoQueens，andanHeir-apparent，andthenfledtomyhotel，fearingtobeunfittedforAmerica，ifIwenton\"keepingsuchcompany。\"Theyareknowingenough，thesewanderinggreatones，andaftertryingmanyplaceshavehitonthischarmingcoastasofferingmorethananyotherfortheircomfortandenjoyment。ThevogueofthesesunnyshoresdatesfromtheirannexationtoFrance，-apriceVictorEmmanuelreluctantlypaidforFrenchhelpinhiswarwithAustria。NapoleonIII。\'sdemandforSavoyandthislittoral，wasfirstmadeknowntoVictorEmmanuelatastateballatGenoa。
Savoywashisbirthplaceandhishome!TheKingbrokeintoawildtemper，cursingtheFrenchEmperorandmakinginsultingallusionstohisparentage，sayinghehadnotonedropofBonapartebloodinhisveins。TheKing\'sfrightenedcourtierstriedtostopthisoutburst，showinghimtheFrenchAmbassadorathiselbow。WithasuperhumaneffortVictorEmmanuelcontrolledhimself，andturningtotheAmbassador，said:
\"Ifearmytongueranawaywithme!\"WithasmileandabowthegreatFrenchdiplomatistremarked:
\"SIRE，IamsodeafIhavenotheardawordyourMajestyhasbeensaying!\"
ThefashionofcomingtotheRivieraforhealthorforamusement，datesfromthesixties，whentheEmpressofRussiapassedawinteratNice，asalastattempttoprolongtheexistenceofthedyingTsarewitsch，herson。TherealsothenextseasontheDukeofEdinburghwooedandwonherdaughter(thenthegreatestheiressinEurope)forhisbride。Theworldmovesfastandajourneyitrequiredamatteroflifeanddeathtodecideon，then，isgaylyundertakennow，thataprincemayraceayacht，oraprincesstryherluckatthegamblingtables。Whenonereflectsthatthe\"royalcaste，\"inEuropealone，numberssomeeighthundredpeople，andthattheEastisbeginningtosendoutitsmoreenterprisingcrownedheadstogetatasteofthefun，thatbeyonddrawingtheirsalaries，thesegoodpeoplehaveabsolutelynothingtodo，excepttoamusethemselves，itisnowonderthatthishappylandiscrowdedwithroyalpleasure-seekers。
AfteratryatFlorenceandAix，\"theQueen\"hasbeenfaithfultoCimiez，acharmingsitebackofNice。ThatgaycityisalwaysEN
FETEthedayshearrives，ashercarriagespasssurroundedbyFrenchcavalry，onecancatchaglimpseofherbigface，anddowdylittlefigure，whichneverthelessshecanmakesodignifiedwhenoccasionrequires。Thestayhereis，indeed，aholidayforthisrecord-breakingsovereign，whopottersaboutherprivategroundsofamorninginadonkey-chair，sunningherselfandwatchingherBattenberggrandchildrenatplay。Intheafternoon，shedrivesacoupleofhours-inanopencarriage-oneoutriderinblackliveryalonedistinguishingherturnoutfromtheothers。
ThePrinceofWalesmakeshisheadquartersatCanneswherehehaspoorluckinsailingtheBrittania，forwhichheconsoleshimselfwithjollydinnersatMonteCarlo。YoucanseehimalmostanyeveningintheRESTAURANTDEPARIS，surroundedbyhisownparticularset，-theDuchessofDevonshire(whostartedapennilessGermanofficer\'sdaughter，andbecametwiceaduchess)；
LadydeGreyandLadyWolverton，bothshowingnearsixfeetofslenderEnglishbeauty；attheirside，andlovelierthaneither，theCountessofEssex。Thehusbandsofthese\"MerryWives\"areabsent，butdonotseemtobemissed，astheladiessitsmokingandlaughingovertheircoffee，thepartyonlybreakinguptowardseleveno\'clocktotryitsluckatTRENTEETQUARANTE，untila\"special\"takesthembacktoCannes。
Heisgettingsadlyoldandfat，isEngland\'sheir，thelikenesstohismammabecomingmoremarkedeachyear。Hisvoice，too，isoddlylikehers，deepandguttural，moreadaptedtothepaternalGerman(whichallthisfamilyspeakwhenalone)thantohisnativeEnglish。Hair，hehasnone，exceptalittlefringeacrossthebackofhishead，justaboveafinelargerolloffatthatblushesabovehisshirt-collar。Toobadthatthisdiscoveryofthemicrobeofbaldnesscomesratherlateforhim!Hehasapleasanttwinkleinhissmalleyes，andanentireabsenceofPOSE，thataccountslargelyforhisimmenseandenduringpopularity。
ButtheHotelCapMartinsheltersquietercrownedheads。TheEmperorandEmpressofAustria，whotrampaboutthehillyroads，theKingandQueenofSaxonyandthefatArch-duchessStephanie。
Austria\'sEmpresslookssadlychangedandill，asdoesanotherladyofwhomonecanoccasionallycatchaglimpse，walkingpainfullywithacrutch-stickintheshadowofthetreesnearhervilla。Itishardtobelievethatthiswhite-haired，bentoldwomanwasoncetheimperialbeautywhofromthesalonsoftheTuileriesdictatedthefashionsoftheworld!Fewhavepaidsodearlyfortheirbriefhourofsplendor!
CanneswithitsexcellentharboristhecentreofinterestduringtheracingseasonwhentheTsarewitschcomesonhisyachtCzaritza。
AttheBattleofFlowers，oneisprettysuretoseetheDukeofCambridge，hisImperialHighness，theGrandDukeMichael，PrinceChristianofDenmark，H。R。H。theDukeofNassau，H。R。H。theArchdukeFerdinandd\'Este，theirSereneHighnessesofMecklenburg-
SchwerinandtheSaxe-Coburg-Gothas，alsoH。R。H。MarieValerieandtheSchleswig-Holsteins，peltingeachotherandthepublicwithCONFETTIandflowers。Indeed，halftheA1MANACHDEGOTHA，thatcontinental\"societylist，\"seemstobesunningitselfhereandforgettingitscares，onbicyclesoronboardyachts。ItissaidthattheCrownPrincessofHonolulu(whoevershemaybe)honorsMentonewithherpresence，andthenewlydeposedQueen\"Ranavalo\"
ofMadagascarisENROUTEtojoininthefun。
Thiscrowdofroyaltyremindsmeofastorytheoldsea-dogswhogatheraboutthe\"Admirals\'corner\"oftheMetropolitanClubinWashington，lovetotellyou。AnAmericancockswain，dazzledbyadoublyroyalvisit，withattendingsuites，onboardtheold\"Constitution，\"cameuptohiscommandingofficerandtouchinghiscap，said:
\"Begpardon，Admiral，butoneofthemkingshastumbleddownthegangwayandbrokehisleg。\"
Ithasbecomeamuchmoreamusingthingtowearacrownthanitwas。TimeshavechangedindeedsinceMarieLaczinskalivedthefiftylonelyyearsofherweddedlifeandborehermanychildren，inonebed-roomatVersailles-amonotonyonlybrokenbyvisitstoFontainebleauorMarly。Shakespeare\'slinenolongerfitsthecase。
Beyondsecuringrichmatchesfortheirchildren，andkeepingasharplookoutthattheRadicalsathomedonotundulycutdowntheircivillists，thesegreatoneshavelittlebuttheiramusementstooccupythem。Dotheyeverreflect，astheyrushaboutvisitingeachotherandsquabblingoverprecedencewhentheymeet，thatsomefinemorningthetax-payersmaywakeup，andaskeachotherwhytheyarebeingcrushedundersuchheavyloads，thateighthundredormorequiteuselesspeoplemaypasstheirlivesinforeignwatering-places，awayfromtheirhomesandtheirduties？
Itwillbeabaddayforthemwhenthelong-sufferingsubjectssaytothem，\"Sincewegetonsoexceedinglywellduringyourmanyvisitsabroad，wethinkwewilltryhowitwillworkwithoutyouatall!\"
ThePrinceoflittleMonacoseemstobeabouttheonlyoneuptothesituation，forheatleaststaysathome，andinconnectionwithtwoothergentlemenrunsanexceedinglygoodhotelandseveralrestaurantsonhisestates，doingallhecantoattractmoneyintotheplace，whilemakingthestrictestlawstopreventhissubjectsgamblingatthefamoustables。Nowifotherroyaltiesinsteadofamusingthemselvesalltheyearroundwouldgoinforsomethingpracticallikethis，theymightbecomeusefulmembersofthecommunity。ThisideaofMonaco\'sPrincestrikesoneasmosttimely，andasopeningacareerforotherindigentcrownedheads。
Hotelsaregettingsogoodandsonumerous，thatwithoutsomeespecial\"attraction\"anewonecanhardlysucceed；buta\"HohenzollernHouse\"wellsituatedinBerlin，withWilliamII。toreceivethetouristsatthedoor，andhisfatwifeatthedesk，wouldbesuretoprosper。Itcertainlywouldbepleasanterforhimtospendmoneysohonestlyearnedthanthemillionswrestedfromhalf-starvingpeasantswhichformhispresentincome。Besidesthereisalmostasmuchgoldlaceonahotelemployee\'sliveryasonacourtcostume!
Thenumerouscrownedheadsonemeetswanderingabout，canhardlylullthemselvesovertheir\"games\"withtheflatteringunctionthattheyareofuse，for，havetheynotFrancebeforethem(whichtheyfindsomuchtotheirtaste)stronger，richer，morerespectedthaneversincesheshookherselffreeofsuchincumbrances？Nottomentionourowndemocraticcountry，whichhasmanagedtoholditsown，inspiteoftheirmanygleefulpredictionstothecontrary。
CHAPTER18-ARockAheadHAVINGhadoccasionseveraltimesduringthispastseason，topassbythelargerstoresinthevicinityofTwenty-thirdStreet，Ihavebeenstruckmorethanever，bytheendlessflowofwomankindthatbeatsagainstthedoorsofthoseestablishments。Iftheyweretempleswhereabeneficentdeitywasdistributinghealth，learning，andallthegoodthingsofexistence，therushcouldhardlyhavebeengreater。ItsaddenedmetorealizethateachoftheeagerwomenIsawwas，onthecontrary，dispensingsomethingofherstrengthandbrain，aswellasthewearilyearnedstipendofthemenofherfamily(ifnotherown)，forwhatcouldbeoflittleprofittoher。
Itoccurredtomethat，ifthepeoplewhoaresoquicktotalkabouttheelevatingandrefininginfluencesofwomen，couldtakeanhourortwoandinspectthecentresinquestion，theymightnotbesofirmintheirbeliefs。For，reluctantasIamtoacknowledgeit，theonegreatmisfortuneinthiscountry，istheunnaturalpositionwhichhasbeen(fromsomemistakenideaofchivalry)
accordedtowomenhere。Theresultofplacingthemonthispedestal，andtreatingthemasthingsapart，hasbeentomakewomeninAmericapoorerhelpmeetstotheirhusbandsthaninanyothercountryonthefaceoftheglobe，civilizedoruncivilized。
Strangeasitmayappear，thisisnotconfinedtotherich，butpermeatesallclasses，becomingmoreharmfulindescendingthesocialscale，anditwillbringaboutadisintegrationofoursociety，soonerthancouldbebelieved。Thesayingonwhichwehaveallbeenbroughtup，viz。，thatyoucangaugethepointofcivilizationattainedinanationbythepositionitaccordstowoman，wasquitetrueaslongaswomanwasconsideredman\'sinferior。Tomakeherhisequalwasperfectlyjust；allthetroublebeginswhenyouattempttomakeherman\'ssuperior，asomethingapartfromhisworkinglife，andnotthecompanionofhistroublesandcares，asshewasintendedtobe。
WhenasmallshopkeeperinEuropemarries，thenextdayyouwillseehisyoungwifetakingherplaceatthedeskinhisshop。Whileheserveshiscustomers，hissmilingspousekeepsthebooks，makeschange，andhasaneyeontheemployees。Atnoontheydinetogether；intheevening，aftertheshopisclosed，arepleasedorsaddenedtogetherovertheresultsoftheday。Thewife\'sDOT
almostalwaysgoesintothebusiness，sothatthereisacommunityofinteresttounitethem，andtheirlivesarepassedtogether。Inthiscountry，whathappens？Thehusbandplaceshisnewwifeinasmallhouse，orintwoorthreefurnishedrooms，generallysofarawaythatallideaofdiningwithherisimpossible。Inconsequence，hehasa\"quicklunch\"downtown，anddoesnotseehiswifebetweeneighto\'clockinthemorningandsevenintheevening。
Hisbusinessisaclosedbooktoher，inwhichshecanhavenointerest，forherwearyhusbandnaturallyrevoltsfromtalking\"shop，\"evenifsheisinapositiontounderstandhim。
Hisfalsesenseofshieldingherfromtherudeworldmakeshimkeephistroublestohimself，sosherarelyknowshisfinancialpositionandsulksoverhis\"meanness\"toher，inregardtopin-money；andbeingaperfectlyidleperson，herdaysareapttobepassedinawayespeciallydevisedbySatanforunoccupiedhands。Shehaslearnednocookingfromhermother；\"goingtomarket\"hasbecomeathingofthepast。Soshefallsavictimtotheallurementsofthebargain-counter；returninghomeafterhoursofaimlesswandering，irritableandaggrievedbecauseshecannotownthebeautifulthingsshehasseen。Shepassestheeveningintryingtowinherhusband\'sconsenttosomepurchaseheknowshecannotafford，whileitbreakshishearttorefuseher-someobject，which，wereshereallyhiscompanion，shewouldnothavehadthetimetoseeorthefollytoaskfor。
Thejanitorinourbuildingistrulyatoiler。Herarelyleaveshisdismalquartersunderthesidewalk，but\"Madam\"walksthestreetscladinsealskinandsilk，a\"Gainsborough\"crowningherfalse\"bang。\"IalwaysthinkofMaxO\'Rell\'scleversaying，whenI
seeher:\"ThesweatoftheAmericanhusbandcrystallizesintodiamondear-ringsfortheAmericanwoman。\"Myjanitresssportsadiminutivepairofthosejewelsandhashopesoflargerones!
Insteadof\"doing\"thebachelor\'sroomsinthebuildingasherhusband\'shelpmeet，she\"does\"herspouse，andachar-womanworksforher。SheisoneofthedropsinthetidethatebbsandflowsonTwenty-thirdStreet-adiscontentedwomanplacedinafalsepositionbyourabsurdcustoms。
Goalittlefurtherupinthesocialscaleandyouwillfindthesame\"detached\"feeling。InahouseholdIknowofonlyonehorseandaCOUPEcanbeafforded。Doyousupposeitisfortheuseofthewearybreadwinner？Notatall。Hewalksfromhishometothe\"elevated。\"Thecarriageistotakehiswifetoteasorthepark。
Inayearortwoshewillgoabroad，leavinghimalonetoturnthecrankthatproducestheincome。Asitis，shealwaysleaveshimforsixmonthseachyearinahalf-closedhouse，tothetendermerciesofacaretaker。Twoadditionalwordscouldbeadvantageouslyaddedtotheweddingservice。After\"forricherforpoorer，\"Ishouldliketohearabridepromisetoclingtoherhusband\"forwinterforsummer!\"
MakeanotherstepupandstandintheentranceofahouseattwoA。M。，justasthecotillioniscommencing，andwatchthecouplesleaving。Thehusband，whohasbeeninWallStreetallday，knowsthathemustbethereagainatninenextmorning。Heisfuriousatthelatenessofthehour，anddroppingwithfatigue。Hiswife，whohasdonenothingtowearyher，isequallyenragedtobetakenawayjustastheballwasbecomingamusing。Whatahappy，unitedpairtheyareasthefootmanclosesthedoorandthecarriagerollsoffhome!Whoistoblame？Thehusbandisvainlytryingtoleadthemostexactingofdoublelives，thatofabusinessmanalldayandasocietymanallnight。Youcanpickhimoutataglanceinaballroom。Hiseyeshowsyouthatthereisnorestforhim，forhehasplacedhiswifeattheheadofanestablishmentwhoseworkingcrusheshimintothemudofcareandanxiety。Hasheanyonetoblamebuthimself？
InEngland，Iamtold，themanofafamilygoesuptoLondoninthespringandgetshiscompleteoutfit，downtothesmallestdetailsofhat-boxandumbrella。Iftherehappenstobemoneyleft，thewifegetsanewgownortwo:ifnot，she\"turns\"theoldonesandrejoicesvicariouslyinthesplendorofher\"lord。\"Iknowonecharminglittlehomeoverthere，wheretheladiescannotaffordapony-carriage，becausethethreeindispensablehunterseatupthewhere-withal。
Thackeraywasdelightedtofindonehousehold(MajorPonto\'s)wherethegovernessruledsupreme，andIfeelafiendishpleasureintheseaccountsofacountrywheremenhavebeenabletomaintainsomerights，andammovedtopreachacrusadefortheliberationoftheAmericanhusband，thatthepoor，down-troddencreaturemayrevoltfromtheslaverywhereheisheldandoncemoreclaimhisbirthright。Ifhebeprompttoact(andissuccessful)hemayworksuchareformthatourgirls，onmarrying，mayfeelthatsomedutiesandresponsibilitiesgowiththeirnewpositions；andastateofthingsbechanged，whereitispossibleforawomantobepitiedbyherfriendsasamodelofabnegation，becauseshehasdecidedtoremainintownduringthesummertokeepherhusbandcompanyandmakehiswearyhome-comingbrighter。Orwhere(asinastoryrecentlyheard)aforeigneronbeingpresentedtoanAmericanbrideabroadandaskingforherhusband，couldhearinanswer:\"Oh，hecouldnotcome；hewastoobusy。Iammakingmywedding-tripwithouthim。\"
CHAPTER19-TheGrandPrixINmostcities，itisimpossibletosaywhenthe\"season\"ends。InLondonandwithusinNewYorkitdwindlesoffwithoutanyspecialfinish，butinParisitcloseslikeatrap-door，orthecurtainonthelastsceneofapantomime，whilethelightsareblazingandtheorchestraisbangingitsloudest。TheGRANDPRIX，whichtakesplaceonthesecondSundayinJune，istheclimaxofthespringgayeties。Uptothatdate，thesocialpacehasbeengettingfasterandfaster，likethefinishofthebigraceitself，andfortunatelyforthelivesofthewomenaswellasthehorses，endsassuddenly。
In1897，thelaststeeplechaseatAuteuil，whichprecedestheGRAND-PRIXbyoneweek，waswonbyahorsebelongingtoanactressoftheTHEATREFRANCAIS，aladywhohasbeenagreatdealbeforethepublicalreadyinconnectionwiththelifeanddeathofyoungLebaudy。Thisyouthhavinghadthemisfortunetoinheritanenormousfortune，whilestillamereboy，plungedintothewildestdissipation，andbecamethepreyofabandofsharpersandblacklegs。Mlle。MarieLouiseMarsyappearstohavebeentheonepersonwhohadasincereaffectionfortheunfortunateyouth。Whenhishealthgavewayduringhismilitaryservice，shethrewoverherengagementwiththeFRANCAIS，andnursedherloveruntilhisdeath-adevotionrewardedbythegiftofamillion。
Atthepresentmoment，fourorfiveofthebandofself-stylednoblemenwhotradedontheboy\'sinexperienceandgenerosity，areservingouttermsinthestateprisonsforblackmailing，andtheTHEATREFRANCAISpossessestheanomalyofayoungandbeautifulactress，whorunsaracingstableinherownname。
THEGRANDPRIXdatesfromthereignofNapoleonIII。，who，atthesuggestionofthegreatrailwaycompanies，inauguratedthisracein1862，inimitationoftheEnglishDerby，asameansofattractingpeopletoParis。Thecityandtherailwayseachgivehalfoftheforty-thousand-dollarprize。Itisthegreatofficialraceoftheyear。ThePresidentoccupiesthecentralpavilion，surroundedbythemembersofthecabinetandthediplomaticcorps。OnthetribunesandlawncanbeseentheTOUTPARIS-allthecelebritiesofthegreatandhalf-worldwhoplaysuchanimportantpartinthelifeofFrance\'scapital。ThewholecolonyoftheRASTAQUOUERES，issuretobethere，\"RASTAS，\"astheyarefamiliarlycalledbytheParisians，whomakelittleifanydistinctionintheirmindsbetweenaSouthAmerican(blazingindiamondsandvulgarclothes)
andourownselect(？)colony。AproposofthisinabilityoftheEuropeanstoappreciateourfinesocialdistinctions，Ihavebeentoldofawell-bornNewYorkerwhotookaFrenchnoblewomanrathertotaskforreceivinganAmericanshethoughtunworthyofnotice，andsaid:
\"Howcanyoureceiveher？Herhusbandkeepsahotel!\"
\"Isthatanyreason？\"askedtheFrench-woman；\"IthoughtallAmericanskepthotels。\"
FortheGRANDPRIX，everywomannotabsolutelybankrupthasanewcostume，heroneideabeingaCREATIONthatwillattractattentionandeclipseherrivals。Thedressmakershavehadabusytimeofitforweeksbefore。
Everyhorsethatcanstandupispressedintoservicefortheday。
Fortwenty-fourhoursbefore，thewholecityisENFETE，andParisENFETEisalwaysasightworthseeing。ThenaturalgayetyoftheParisians，acharacteristicnoticed(ifwearetobelievethehistorians)asfarbackastheconquestofGaulbyJuliusCaesar，breaksoutinallitsamusingspontaneity。Ifthedayisfine，theentirepopulationgivesitselfuptoamusement。FromearlymorningthecurrentsetstowardsthecharmingcorneroftheBoiswheretheLongchampsrace-courselies，picturesquelyencircledbytheSeine(alivewithathousandboats)，andbackedbythewoodyslopesofSuresnesandSt。Cloud。Bynooneverycornerandvantagepointofthelandscapeisseizedupon，when，withablareoftrumpetsandtherattleofcavalry，thePresidentarrivesinhisturnoutALA
DAUMONT，twopostilionsinblueandgold，andaPIQUEUR，precededbyadetachmentoftheshowyGARDESREPUBLICAINSonhorseback，andtakeshisplaceinthelittlepavilionwhereforsomanyyearsEugenieusedtositinstate，andwhichhasshelteredsomanycrownedheadsunderitssimpleroof。Faure\'sarrivalisthesignalfortheracingtobegin，fromthatmomenttheinterestgoesonincreasinguntilthegreat\"event。\"TheninaninstantthevastthrongofhumanbeingsbreaksupandflowshomewardacrosstheBois，fillingthebigPlacearoundtheArcdeTriomphe，rollingdowntheChampsElysees，intwentyparallellinesofcarriages。
Thesidewalksarefilledwithalaughing，singing，uproariouscrowdthatquicklyinvadeseveryrestaurant，CAFE，orchop-houseuntiltheirlittletablesoverflowontothegrassandside-walks，andevenintothemiddleofthestreets。Laterintheeveningtheopen-airconcertsandtheatresarepacked，andeverylittlesquareorganizesitsimpromptuball，themusiciansmountedontables，andthecrowddancinggaylyonthewoodenpavementuntildaybreak。
Thenextday，Parisbecomesfromafashionablepointofview，\"impossible。\"Ifyouwalkthroughthericherquarters，youwillseeonlylonglinesofclosedwindows。Theapproachestotherailwaystationsareblockedwithcabspiledwithtrunksandbicycles。The\"greatworld\"isfleeingtotheseashoreoritsCHATEAUX，andPariswillknowitnomoreuntilJanuary，fortheFrenchareacountry-lovingrace，andsincetherehasbeennocourt，thearistocracypasslongerandlongerperiodsontheirownestateseachyear，partlyfromchoiceandlargelytoshowtheirdisdainfortherepublicanditsentertainments。
Theshadydrivesinthepark，whichonlyadayortwoagoweresobrilliantwithsmarttrapsandspringtoilets，arebecomeacoolwilderness，wherewillmeet，perhaps，afewmaidenladiesexercisingfatdogs，uninterruptedexceptbythewatering-cartorbyafewstraytouristsincabs。NowcomesadelightfultimefortherealamateurofParisandthecountryaround，whichisfullofcharmingcornerswhereonecandineatquietlittlerestaurants，overhangingthewaterorburiedamongtrees。Youaresureofgettingthebestofattentionfromthewaiters，andthedishesyouorderreceiveallthecook\'sattention。OfaneveningtheBoisisalivewithamyriadofbicycles，theirlightstwinklingamongthetreeslikemany-coloredfire-flies。Toanyonewhoknowshowtolivethere，ParisisatitsbestinthelasthalfofJuneandJuly。
Nevertheless，inacoupleofdaystherewillnotbeanAmericaninParis，Londonbeingtheobjectivepoint；forwelovetobe\"inatthedeath，\"andacoronation，amusicalfestival，orabigraceissuretoattractallourfloatingpopulation。
TheAmericanswhohavethehardesttimeinParisarethosewhotryto\"runwiththedeerandhuntwiththehounds，\"astheFrenchproverbhasit，whowouldfainserveGodandMammon。AsanythingespeciallyamusingissuretotakeplaceonSundayinthiswickedcapital，ourfriendsgothroughagoniesofindecision，theirconsciencespullingoneway，theirdesiretoamusethemselvestheother。Somefindamiddlecourse，itseems，foryesterdaythisconversationwasoverheardonthestepsoftheAmericanChurch:
FIRSTAMERICANLADY:\"Areyougoingtostopforthesermon？\"
SECONDAMERICANLADY:\"IamsosorryIcan\'t，buttheracesbeginatone!\"
CHAPTER20-\"TheTreadmill。\"
AHALF-HUMOROUS，half-patheticepistlehasbeensenttomebyawoman，whoexplainsinitherparticularperplexity。Suchlettersarethewindfallsofourprofession!Forwhatismoreattractivethantohaveawomantakeyouforherlayconfessor，towhomshecomesforadviceintrouble？openingherinnocentheartforyourinspection!
Mycorrespondentcomplainsthatherdaysarenotsufficientlylong，norisherstrengthgreatenough，forthethousandandonedutiesandobligationsimposeduponher。\"If，\"shesays，\"awomanhasfriendsandasmallplaceintheworld-andwhohasnotinthesedays？-shemustgolfor\'bike\'orskateabit，ofamorning；thensheisapttolunchout，orhaveafriendortwoin，tothatmeal。
Afterluncheonthereissuretobea\'class\'ofsomekindthatshehasfoolishlyjoined，oracharitymeeting，matinee，orreception；
butaboveall，thereareher\'duty\'calls。Shemustbehomeatfivetomaketea，thatshehaspromisedhermenfriends，andtheywillnotleaveuntilitistimeforhertodressfordinner，\'out\'
orathome，withoftentheopera，asupper，oraballtofollow。
Itisquiteimpossible，\"sheadds，\"underthesecircumstancestoapplyone\'sselftoanythingserious，toreadabookorevenopenaperiodical。Themostonecanaccomplishisaglanceatapaper。\"
Indeed，itwouldrequireanexceptionalconstitutiontocarryouttheaboveprogramme，nottomentiontheattentionthatawomanmust(howeverreluctantly)givetoherhouseandherfamily。Wherearethequiethourstobefoundforself-culture，theperusalofafavoriteauthor，or，perhaps，alittletimid\"writing\"onherownaccount？Nordoesthistreadmillroundfillafewmonthsonlyofherlife。Withslightvariationsofsceneandcostume，itcontinuesthroughtheyear。
Apainter，Iknow，wasfortunateenoughtoreceive，ayearortwoago，thecommissiontopaintawell-knownbeauty。Hewasdelightedwiththeideaandconvincedthathecouldmakeherportraitthebestworkofhislife，onethatwouldbethestepping-stonetofameandfortune。Thiswasinthespring。Hewasnaturallyburningtobeginatonce，butfoundtohisdismaythattheladywasjustaboutstartingforEurope。Sohewaited，andathersuggestioninstalledhimselfacoupleofmonths
laterattheseasidecitywhereshehadacottage。Noonecouldbemorecharmingthan
