第3章

类别:其他 作者:Sherwood Anderson字数:16820更新时间:18/12/14 16:11:44
Dismissingthedrivershetookthereinsinherownhandsanddroveoffattopspeedthroughthestreets。Ifapedestriangotinherwayshedrovestraightaheadandthefrightenedcitizenhadtoes- capeasbesthecould。Tothepeopleofthetownitseemedasthoughshewantedtorunthemdown。 Whenshehaddriventhroughseveralstreets,tear- ingaroundcornersandbeatingthehorseswiththewhip,shedroveoffintothecountry。Onthecountryroadsaftershehadgottenoutofsightofthehousessheletthehorsesslowdowntoawalkandherwild,recklessmoodpassed。Shebecamethoughtfulandmutteredwords。Sometimestearscameintohereyes。Andthenwhenshecamebackintotownsheagaindrovefuriouslythroughthequietstreets。Butfortheinfluenceofherhusbandandtherespectheinspiredinpeople\'smindsshewouldhavebeenarrestedmorethanoncebythetownmarshal。 YoungDavidHardygrewupinthehousewiththiswomanandascanwellbeimaginedtherewasnotmuchjoyinhischildhood。Hewastooyoungthentohaveopinionsofhisownaboutpeople,butattimesitwasdifficultforhimnottohaveverydefiniteopinionsaboutthewomanwhowashismother。Davidwasalwaysaquiet,orderlyboyandforalongtimewasthoughtbythepeopleofWines- burgtobesomethingofadullard。Hiseyeswerebrownandasachildhehadahabitoflookingatthingsandpeoplealongtimewithoutappearingtoseewhathewaslookingat。Whenheheardhismotherspokenofharshlyorwhenheoverheardherberatinghisfather,hewasfrightenedandranawaytohide。Sometimeshecouldnotfindahidingplaceandthatconfusedhim。Turninghisfacetowardatreeorifhewasindoorstowardthewall,heclosedhiseyesandtriednottothinkofanything。Hehadahabitoftalkingaloudtohimself,andearlyinlifeaspiritofquietsadnessoftentookpossessionofhim。 OntheoccasionswhenDavidwenttovisithisgrandfatherontheBentleyfarm,hewasaltogethercontentedandhappy。Oftenhewishedthathewouldneverhavetogobacktotownandoncewhenhehadcomehomefromthefarmafteralongvisit,somethinghappenedthathadalastingeffectonhismind。 Davidhadcomebackintotownwithoneofthehiredmen。ThemanwasinahurrytogoabouthisownaffairsandlefttheboyattheheadofthestreetinwhichtheHardyhousestood。Itwasearlyduskofafalleveningandtheskywasovercastwithclouds。SomethinghappenedtoDavid。Hecouldnotbeartogointothehousewherehismotherandfatherlived,andonanimpulsehedecidedtorunawayfromhome。Heintendedtogobacktothefarmandtohisgrandfather,butlosthiswayandforhourshewanderedweepingandfrightenedoncountryroads。Itstartedtorainandlightningflashedinthesky。Theboy\'simaginationwasex- citedandhefanciedthathecouldseeandhearstrangethingsinthedarkness。Intohismindcametheconvictionthathewaswalkingandrunninginsometerriblevoidwherenoonehadeverbeenbe- fore。Thedarknessabouthimseemedlimitless。Thesoundofthewindblowingintreeswasterrifying。 Whenateamofhorsesapproachedalongtheroadinwhichhewalkedhewasfrightenedandclimbedafence。Throughafieldheranuntilhecameintoanotherroadandgettinguponhiskneesfeltofthesoftgroundwithhisfingers。Butforthefigureofhisgrandfather,whomhewasafraidhewouldneverfindinthedarkness,hethoughttheworldmustbealtogetherempty。Whenhiscrieswereheardbyafarmerwhowaswalkinghomefromtownandhewasbroughtbacktohisfather\'shouse,hewassotiredandexcitedthathedidnotknowwhatwashappeningtohim。 BychanceDavid\'sfatherknewthathehaddisap- peared。OnthestreethehadmetthefarmhandfromtheBentleyplaceandknewofhisson\'sreturntotown。WhentheboydidnotcomehomeanalarmwassetupandJohnHardywithseveralmenofthetownwenttosearchthecountry。ThereportthatDavidhadbeenkidnappedranaboutthroughthestreetsofWinesburg。Whenhecamehometherewerenolightsinthehouse,buthismotherap- pearedandclutchedhimeagerlyinherarms。Davidthoughtshehadsuddenlybecomeanotherwoman。 Hecouldnotbelievethatsodelightfulathinghadhappened。WithherownhandsLouiseHardybathedhistiredyoungbodyandcookedhimfood。Shewouldnotlethimgotobedbut,whenhehadputonhisnightgown,blewoutthelightsandsatdowninachairtoholdhiminherarms。Foranhourthewomansatinthedarknessandheldherboy。Allthetimeshekepttalkinginalowvoice。Davidcouldnotunderstandwhathadsochangedher。Herhabit- uallydissatisfiedfacehadbecome,hethought,themostpeacefulandlovelythinghehadeverseen。 Whenhebegantoweepsheheldhimmoreandmoretightly。Onandonwenthervoice。Itwasnotharshorshrillaswhenshetalkedtoherhusband,butwaslikerainfallingontrees。Presentlymenbegancomingtothedoortoreportthathehadnotbeenfound,butshemadehimhideandbesilentuntilshehadsentthemaway。Hethoughtitmustbeagamehismotherandthemenofthetownwereplayingwithhimandlaughedjoyously。Intohismindcamethethoughtthathishavingbeenlostandfrightenedinthedarknesswasanaltogetherunimportantmatter。Hethoughtthathewouldhavebeenwillingtogothroughthefrightfulexperienceathousandtimestobesureoffindingattheendofthelongblackroadathingsolovelyashismotherhadsuddenlybecome。 DuringthelastyearsofyoungDavid\'sboyhoodhesawhismotherbutseldomandshebecameforhimjustawomanwithwhomhehadoncelived。 Stillhecouldnotgetherfigureoutofhismindandashegrewolderitbecamemoredefinite。WhenhewastwelveyearsoldhewenttotheBentleyfarmtolive。OldJessecameintotownandfairlyde- mandedthathebegivenchargeoftheboy。Theoldmanwasexcitedanddeterminedonhavinghisownway。HetalkedtoJohnHardyintheofficeoftheWinesburgSavingsBankandthenthetwomenwenttothehouseonElmStreettotalkwithLouise。 Theybothexpectedhertomaketroublebutweremistaken。ShewasveryquietandwhenJessehadexplainedhismissionandhadgoneonatsomelengthabouttheadvantagestocomethroughhavingtheboyoutofdoorsandinthequietatmosphereoftheoldfarmhouse,shenoddedherheadinap- proval。\"Itisanatmospherenotcorruptedbymypresence,\"shesaidsharply。Hershouldersshookandsheseemedabouttoflyintoafitoftemper。\"Itisaplaceforamanchild,althoughitwasneveraplaceforme,\"shewenton。\"Youneverwantedmethereandofcoursetheairofyourhousedidmenogood。Itwaslikepoisoninmybloodbutitwillbedifferentwithhim。\" Louiseturnedandwentoutoftheroom,leavingthetwomentositinembarrassedsilence。Asveryoftenhappenedshelaterstayedinherroomfordays。Evenwhentheboy\'sclotheswerepackedandhewastakenawayshedidnotappear。Thelossofhersonmadeasharpbreakinherlifeandsheseemedlessinclinedtoquarrelwithherhusband。 JohnHardythoughtithadallturnedoutverywellindeed。 AndsoyoungDavidwenttoliveintheBentleyfarmhousewithJesse。Twooftheoldfarmer\'ssisterswerealiveandstilllivedinthehouse。TheywereafraidofJesseandrarelyspokewhenhewasabout。 Oneofthewomenwhohadbeennotedforherflamingredhairwhenshewasyoungerwasabornmotherandbecametheboy\'scaretaker。Everynightwhenhehadgonetobedshewentintohisroomandsatontheflooruntilhefellasleep。Whenhebecamedrowsyshebecameboldandwhisperedthingsthathelaterthoughthemusthavedreamed。 Hersoftlowvoicecalledhimendearingnamesandhedreamedthathismotherhadcometohimandthatshehadchangedsothatshewasalwaysasshehadbeenthattimeafterheranaway。Healsogrewboldandreachingouthishandstrokedthefaceofthewomanonthefloorsothatshewasec- staticallyhappy。Everyoneintheoldhousebecamehappyaftertheboywentthere。ThehardinsistentthinginJesseBentleythathadkeptthepeopleinthehousesilentandtimidandthathadneverbeendispelledbythepresenceofthegirlLouisewasap- parentlysweptawaybythecomingoftheboy。ItwasasthoughGodhadrelentedandsentasontotheman。 ThemanwhohadproclaimedhimselftheonlytrueservantofGodinallthevalleyofWineCreek,andwhohadwantedGodtosendhimasignofapprovalbywayofasonoutofthewombofKather- ine,begantothinkthatatlasthisprayershadbeenanswered。Althoughhewasatthattimeonlyfifty- fiveyearsoldhelookedseventyandwaswornoutwithmuchthinkingandscheming。Theefforthehadmadetoextendhislandholdingshadbeensuc- cessfulandtherewerefewfarmsinthevalleythatdidnotbelongtohim,butuntilDavidcamehewasabitterlydisappointedman。 ThereweretwoinfluencesatworkinJesseBent- leyandallhislifehismindhadbeenabattlegroundfortheseinfluences。Firsttherewastheoldthinginhim。HewantedtobeamanofGodandaleaderamongmenofGod。Hiswalkinginthefieldsandthroughtheforestsatnighthadbroughthimclosetonatureandtherewereforcesinthepassionatelyreligiousmanthatranouttotheforcesinnature。 ThedisappointmentthathadcometohimwhenadaughterandnotasonhadbeenborntoKatherinehadfallenuponhimlikeablowstruckbysomeunseenhandandtheblowhadsomewhatsoftenedhisegotism。HestillbelievedthatGodmightatanymomentmakehimselfmanifestoutofthewindsortheclouds,buthenolongerdemandedsuchrecog- nition。Insteadheprayedforit。SometimeshewasaltogetherdoubtfulandthoughtGodhaddesertedtheworld。Heregrettedthefatethathadnotlethimliveinasimplerandsweetertimewhenatthebeckoningofsomestrangecloudintheskymenlefttheirlandsandhousesandwentforthintothewildernesstocreatenewraces。Whileheworkednightanddaytomakehisfarmsmoreproductiveandtoextendhisholdingsofland,heregrettedthathecouldnotusehisownrestlessenergyinthebuildingoftemples,theslayingofunbelieversandingeneralintheworkofglorifyingGod\'snameonearth。 ThatiswhatJessehungeredforandthenalsohehungeredforsomethingelse。HehadgrownintomaturityinAmericaintheyearsaftertheCivilWarandhe,likeallmenofhistime,hadbeentouchedbythedeepinfluencesthatwereatworkinthecountryduringthoseyearswhenmodemindustrial- ismwasbeingborn。HebegantobuymachinesthatwouldpermithimtodotheworkofthefarmswhileemployingfewermenandhesometimesthoughtthatifhewereayoungermanhewouldgiveupfarmingaltogetherandstartafactoryinWinesburgforthemakingofmachinery。Jesseformedthehabitofreadingnewspapersandmagazines。Heinventedamachineforthemakingoffenceoutofwire。 Faintlyherealizedthattheatmosphereofoldtimesandplacesthathehadalwayscultivatedinhisownmindwasstrangeandforeigntothethingthatwasgrowingupinthemindsofothers。Thebeginningofthemostmaterialisticageinthehistoryoftheworld,whenwarswouldbefoughtwithoutpatrio- tism,whenmenwouldforgetGodandonlypayattentiontomoralstandards,whenthewilltopowerwouldreplacethewilltoserveandbeautywouldbewell-nighforgottenintheterribleheadlongrushofmankindtowardtheacquiringofpossessions,wastellingitsstorytoJessethemanofGodasitwastothemenabouthim。Thegreedythinginhimwantedtomakemoneyfasterthanitcouldbemadebytillingtheland。MorethanoncehewentintoWinesburgtotalkwithhisson-in-lawJohnHardyaboutit。\"YouareabankerandyouwillhavechancesIneverhad,\"hesaidandhiseyesshone。 \"Iamthinkingaboutitallthetime。BigthingsaregoingtobedoneinthecountryandtherewillbemoremoneytobemadethanIeverdreamedof。 Yougetintoit。IwishIwereyoungerandhadyourchance。\"JesseBentleywalkedupanddowninthebankofficeandgrewmoreandmoreexcitedashetalked。Atonetimeinhislifehehadbeenthreat- enedwithparalysisandhisleftsideremainedsome- whatweakened。Ashetalkedhislefteyelidtwitched。 LaterwhenhedrovebackhomeandwhennightcameonandthestarscameoutitwashardertogetbacktheoldfeelingofacloseandpersonalGodwholivedintheskyoverheadandwhomightatanymomentreachouthishand,touchhimontheshoulder,andappointforhimsomeheroictasktobedone。Jesse\'smindwasfixeduponthethingsreadinnewspapersandmagazines,onfortunestobemadealmostwithouteffortbyshrewdmenwhoboughtandsold。ForhimthecomingoftheboyDaviddidmuchtobringbackwithrenewedforcetheoldfaithanditseemedtohimthatGodhadatlastlookedwithfavoruponhim。 Asfortheboyonthefarm,lifebegantorevealitselftohiminathousandnewanddelightfulways。 Thekindlyattitudeofallabouthimexpandedhisquietnatureandhelostthehalftimid,hesitatingmannerhehadalwayshadwithhispeople。Atnightwhenhewenttobedafteralongdayofadventuresinthestables,inthefields,ordrivingaboutfromfarmtofarmwithhisgrandfather,hewantedtoembraceeveryoneinthehouse。IfSherleyBentley,thewomanwhocameeachnighttositonthefloorbyhisbedside,didnotappearatonce,hewenttotheheadofthestairsandshouted,hisyoungvoiceringingthroughthenarrowhallswhereforsolongtherehadbeenatraditionofsilence。Inthemorningwhenheawokeandlaystillinbed,thesoundsthatcameintohimthroughthewindowsfilledhimwithdelight。HethoughtwithashudderofthelifeinthehouseinWinesburgandofhismother\'sangryvoicethathadalwaysmadehimtremble。Thereinthecountryallsoundswerepleasantsounds。Whenheawokeatdawnthebarnyardbackofthehousealsoawoke。Inthehousepeoplestirredabout。ElizaStoughtonthehalf-wittedgirlwaspokedintheribsbyafarmhandandgigglednoisily,insomedistantfieldacowbawledandwasansweredbythecattleinthestables,andoneofthefarmhandsspokesharplytothehorsehewasgroomingbythestabledoor。Davidleapedoutofbedandrantoawindow。 Allofthepeoplestirringaboutexcitedhismind,andhewonderedwhathismotherwasdoinginthehouseintown。 Fromthewindowsofhisownroomhecouldnotseedirectlyintothebarnyardwherethefarmhandshadnowallassembledtodothemorningshores,buthecouldhearthevoicesofthemenandtheneighingofthehorses。Whenoneofthemenlaughed,helaughedalso。Leaningoutattheopenwindow,helookedintoanorchardwhereafatsowwanderedaboutwithalitteroftinypigsatherheels。Everymorninghecountedthepigs。\"Four,five,six,seven,\"hesaidslowly,wettinghisfingerandmakingstraightupanddownmarksonthewindowledge。Davidrantoputonhistrousersandshirt。Afeverishdesiretogetoutofdoorstookpos- sessionofhim。EverymorninghemadesuchanoisecomingdownstairsthatAuntCallie,thehouse- keeper,declaredhewastryingtotearthehousedown。Whenhehadrunthroughthelongoldhouse,shuttingthedoorsbehindhimwithabang,hecameintothebarnyardandlookedaboutwithanamazedairofexpectancy。Itseemedtohimthatinsuchaplacetremendousthingsmighthavehap- penedduringthenight。Thefarmhandslookedathimandlaughed。HenryStrader,anoldmanwhohadbeenonthefarmsinceJessecameintoposses- sionandwhobeforeDavid\'stimehadneverbeenknowntomakeajoke,madethesamejokeeverymorning。ItamusedDavidsothathelaughedandclappedhishands。\"See,comehereandlook,\"criedtheoldman。\"GrandfatherJesse\'swhitemarehastomtheblackstockingshewearsonherfoot。\" Dayafterdaythroughthelongsummer,JesseBentleydrovefromfarmtofarmupanddownthevalleyofWineCreek,andhisgrandsonwentwithhim。Theyrodeinacomfortableoldphaetondrawnbythewhitehorse。Theoldmanscratchedhisthinwhitebeardandtalkedtohimselfofhisplansforincreasingtheproductivenessofthefieldstheyvis- itedandofGod\'spartintheplansallmenmade。 SometimeshelookedatDavidandsmiledhappilyandthenforalongtimeheappearedtoforgettheboy\'sexistence。Moreandmoreeverydaynowhismindturnedbackagaintothedreamsthathadfilledhismindwhenhehadfirstcomeoutofthecitytoliveontheland。OneafternoonhestartledDavidbylettinghisdreamstakeentirepossessionofhim。 Withtheboyasawitness,hewentthroughacere- monyandbroughtaboutanaccidentthatnearlyde- stroyedthecompanionshipthatwasgrowingupbetweenthem。 Jesseandhisgrandsonweredrivinginadistantpartofthevalleysomemilesfromhome。AforestcamedowntotheroadandthroughtheforestWineCreekwriggleditswayoverstonestowardadistantriver。AlltheafternoonJessehadbeeninamedita- tivemoodandnowhebegantotalk。Hismindwentbacktothenightwhenhehadbeenfrightenedbythoughtsofagiantthatmightcometorobandplun- derhimofhispossessions,andagainasonthatnightwhenhehadrunthroughthefieldscryingforason,hebecameexcitedtotheedgeofinsanity。 StoppingthehorsehegotoutofthebuggyandaskedDavidtogetoutalso。Thetwoclimbedoverafenceandwalkedalongthebankofthestream。 Theboypaidnoattentiontothemutteringofhisgrandfather,butranalongbesidehimandwon- deredwhatwasgoingtohappen。Whenarabbitjumpedupandranawaythroughthewoods,heclappedhishandsanddancedwithdelight。Helookedatthetalltreesandwassorrythathewasnotalittleanimaltoclimbhighintheairwithoutbeingfrightened。Stooping,hepickedupasmallstoneandthrewitovertheheadofhisgrandfatherintoaclumpofbushes。\"Wakeup,littleanimal。Goandclimbtothetopofthetrees,\"heshoutedinashrillvoice。 JesseBentleywentalongunderthetreeswithhisheadbowedandwithhismindinaferment。Hisearnestnessaffectedtheboy,whopresentlybecamesilentandalittlealarmed。Intotheoldman\'smindhadcomethenotionthatnowhecouldbringfromGodawordorasignoutofthesky,thatthepres- enceoftheboyandmanontheirkneesinsomelonelyspotintheforestwouldmakethemiraclehehadbeenwaitingforalmostinevitable。\"ItwasinjustsuchaplaceasthisthatotherDavidtendedthesheepwhenhisfathercameandtoldhimtogodownuntoSaul,\"hemuttered。 Takingtheboyratherroughlybytheshoulder,heclimbedoverafallenlogandwhenhehadcometoanopenplaceamongthetreeshedroppeduponhiskneesandbegantoprayinaloudvoice。 AkindofterrorhehadneverknownbeforetookpossessionofDavid。Crouchingbeneathatreehewatchedthemanonthegroundbeforehimandhisownkneesbegantotremble。Itseemedtohimthathewasinthepresencenotonlyofhisgrandfatherbutofsomeoneelse,someonewhomighthurthim,someonewhowasnotkindlybutdangerousandbrutal。Hebegantocryandreachingdownpickedupasmallstick,whichheheldtightlygrippedinhisfingers。WhenJesseBentley,absorbedinhisownidea,suddenlyaroseandadvancedtowardhim,histerrorgrewuntilhiswholebodyshook。Inthewoodsanintensesilenceseemedtolieoverevery- thingandsuddenlyoutofthesilencecametheoldman\'sharshandinsistentvoice。Grippingtheboy\'sshoulders,Jesseturnedhisfacetotheskyandshouted。Thewholeleftsideofhisfacetwitchedandhishandontheboy\'sshouldertwitchedalso。 \"Makeasigntome,God,\"hecried。\"HereIstandwiththeboyDavid。ComedowntomeoutoftheskyandmakeThypresenceknowntome。\" Withacryoffear,Davidturnedand,shakinghimselfloosefromthehandsthatheldhim,ranawaythroughtheforest。Hedidnotbelievethatthemanwhoturneduphisfaceandinaharshvoiceshoutedattheskywashisgrandfatheratall。Themandidnotlooklikehisgrandfather。Theconvic- tionthatsomethingstrangeandterriblehadhap- pened,thatbysomemiracleanewanddangerouspersonhadcomeintothebodyofthekindlyoldman,tookpossessionofhim。Onandonherandownthehillside,sobbingasheran。Whenhefellovertherootsofatreeandinfallingstruckhishead,hearoseandtriedtorunonagain。Hisheadhurtsothatpresentlyhefelldownandlaystill,butitwasonlyafterJessehadcarriedhimtothebuggyandheawoketofindtheoldman\'shandstrokinghisheadtenderlythattheterrorlefthim。\"Takemeaway。Thereisaterriblemanbackthereinthewoods,\"hedeclaredfirmly,whileJesselookedawayoverthetopsofthetreesandagainhislipscriedouttoGod。\"WhathaveIdonethatThoudostnotapproveofme,\"hewhisperedsoftly,sayingthewordsoverandoverashedroverapidlyalongtheroadwiththeboy\'scutandbleedingheadheldten- derlyagainsthisshoulder。 III SurrenderTHESTORYOFLouiseBentley,whobecameMrs。JohnHardyandlivedwithherhusbandinabrickhouseonElmStreetinWinesburg,isastoryofmis- understanding。 BeforesuchwomenasLouisecanbeunderstoodandtheirlivesmadelivable,muchwillhavetobedone。Thoughtfulbookswillhavetobewrittenandthoughtfulliveslivedbypeopleaboutthem。 Bornofadelicateandoverworkedmother,andanimpulsive,hard,imaginativefather,whodidnotlookwithfavoruponhercomingintotheworld,Louisewasfromchildhoodaneurotic,oneoftheraceofover-sensitivewomenthatinlaterdaysin- dustrialismwastobringinsuchgreatnumbersintotheworld。 DuringherearlyyearsshelivedontheBentleyfarm,asilent,moodychild,wantinglovemorethananythingelseintheworldandnotgettingit。WhenshewasfifteenshewenttoliveinWinesburgwiththefamilyofAlbertHardy,whohadastoreforthesaleofbuggiesandwagons,andwhowasamemberofthetownboardofeducation。 LouisewentintotowntobeastudentintheWinesburgHighSchoolandshewenttoliveattheHardys\'becauseAlbertHardyandherfatherwerefriends。 Hardy,thevehiclemerchantofWinesburg,likethousandsofothermenofhistimes,wasanenthu- siastonthesubjectofeducation。Hehadmadehisownwayintheworldwithoutlearninggotfrombooks,buthewasconvincedthathadhebutknownbooksthingswouldhavegonebetterwithhim。Toeveryonewhocameintohisshophetalkedofthematter,andinhisownhouseholdhedrovehisfam- ilydistractedbyhisconstantharpingonthesubject。 Hehadtwodaughtersandoneson,JohnHardy,andmorethanoncethedaughtersthreatenedtoleaveschoolaltogether。Asamatterofprincipletheydidjustenoughworkintheirclassestoavoidpun- ishment。\"IhatebooksandIhateanyonewholikesbooks,\"Harriet,theyoungerofthetwogirls,de- claredpassionately。 InWinesburgasonthefarmLouisewasnothappy。Foryearsshehaddreamedofthetimewhenshecouldgoforthintotheworld,andshelookeduponthemoveintotheHardyhouseholdasagreatstepinthedirectionoffreedom。Alwayswhenshehadthoughtofthematter,ithadseemedtoherthatintownallmustbegaietyandlife,thattheremenandwomenmustlivehappilyandfreely,givingandtakingfriendshipandaffectionasonetakesthefeelofawindonthecheek。AfterthesilenceandthecheerlessnessoflifeintheBentleyhouse,shedreamedofsteppingforthintoanatmospherethatwaswarmandpulsatingwithlifeandreality。AndintheHardyhouseholdLouisemighthavegotsomethingofthethingforwhichshesohungeredbutforamistakeshemadewhenshehadjustcometotown。 LouisewonthedisfavorofthetwoHardygirls,MaryandHarriet,byherapplicationtoherstudiesinschool。Shedidnotcometothehouseuntilthedaywhenschoolwastobeginandknewnothingofthefeelingtheyhadinthematter。Shewastimidandduringthefirstmonthmadenoacquaintances。 EveryFridayafternoononeofthehiredmenfromthefarmdroveintoWinesburgandtookherhomefortheweek-end,sothatshedidnotspendtheSaturdayholidaywiththetownpeople。Becauseshewasembarrassedandlonelysheworkedconstantlyatherstudies。ToMaryandHarriet,itseemedasthoughshetriedtomaketroubleforthembyherproficiency。InhereagernesstoappearwellLouisewantedtoanswereveryquestionputtotheclassbytheteacher。Shejumpedupanddownandhereyesflashed。Thenwhenshehadansweredsomeques- tiontheothersintheclasshadbeenunabletoan- swer,shesmiledhappily。\"See,Ihavedoneitforyou,\"hereyesseemedtosay。\"Youneednotbotheraboutthematter。Iwillanswerallquestions。ForthewholeclassitwillbeeasywhileIamhere。\" IntheeveningaftersupperintheHardyhouse,AlbertHardybegantopraiseLouise。Oneoftheteachershadspokenhighlyofherandhewasde- lighted。\"Well,againIhaveheardofit,\"hebegan,lookinghardathisdaughtersandthenturningtosmileatLouise。\"AnotheroftheteachershastoldmeofthegoodworkLouiseisdoing。EveryoneinWinesburgistellingmehowsmartsheis。Iamashamedthattheydonotspeaksoofmyowngirls。\"Arising,themerchantmarchedabouttheroomandlightedhiseveningcigar。 Thetwogirlslookedateachotherandshooktheirheadswearily。Seeingtheirindifferencethefatherbecameangry。\"Itellyouitissomethingforyoutwotobethinkingabout,\"hecried,glaringatthem。 \"ThereisabigchangecominghereinAmericaandinlearningistheonlyhopeofthecominggenera- tions。Louiseisthedaughterofarichmanbutsheisnotashamedtostudy。Itshouldmakeyouashamedtoseewhatshedoes。\" Themerchanttookhishatfromarackbythedoorandpreparedtodepartfortheevening。Atthedoorhestoppedandglaredback。Sofiercewashisman- nerthatLouisewasfrightenedandranupstairstoherownroom。Thedaughtersbegantospeakoftheirownaffairs。\"Payattentiontome,\"roaredthemerchant。\"Yourmindsarelazy。Yourindifferencetoeducationisaffectingyourcharacters。Youwillamounttonothing。NowmarkwhatIsay——Louisewillbesofaraheadofyouthatyouwillnevercatchup。\" Thedistractedmanwentoutofthehouseandintothestreetshakingwithwrath。Hewentalongmutteringwordsandswearing,butwhenhegotintoMainStreethisangerpassed。Hestoppedtotalkoftheweatherorthecropswithsomeothermerchantorwithafarmerwhohadcomeintotownandforgothisdaughtersaltogetheror,ifhethoughtofthem,onlyshruggedhisshoulders。\"Oh,well,girlswillbegirls,\"hemutteredphilosophically。 InthehousewhenLouisecamedownintotheroomwherethetwogirlssat,theywouldhavenoth- ingtodowithher。Oneeveningaftershehadbeenthereformorethansixweeksandwasheartbrokenbecauseofthecontinuedairofcoldnesswithwhichshewasalwaysgreeted,sheburstintotears。\"Shutupyourcryingandgobacktoyourownroomandtoyourbooks,\"MaryHardysaidsharply。 *** TheroomoccupiedbyLouisewasonthesecondflooroftheHardyhouse,andherwindowlookedoutuponanorchard。TherewasastoveintheroomandeveryeveningyoungJohnHardycarriedupanarmfulofwoodandputitinaboxthatstoodbythewall。Duringthesecondmonthaftershecametothehouse,LouisegaveupallhopeofgettingonafriendlyfootingwiththeHardygirlsandwenttoherownroomassoonastheeveningmealwasatanend。 HermindbegantoplaywiththoughtsofmakingfriendswithJohnHardy。Whenhecameintotheroomwiththewoodinhisarms,shepretendedtobebusywithherstudiesbutwatchedhimeagerly。 Whenhehadputthewoodintheboxandturnedtogoout,sheputdownherheadandblushed。Shetriedtomaketalkbutcouldsaynothing,andafterhehadgoneshewasangryatherselfforherstupidity。 Themindofthecountrygirlbecamefilledwiththeideaofdrawingclosetotheyoungman。Shethoughtthatinhimmightbefoundthequalityshehadallherlifebeenseekinginpeople。Itseemedtoherthatbetweenherselfandalltheotherpeopleintheworld,awallhadbeenbuiltupandthatshewaslivingjustontheedgeofsomewarminnercircleoflifethatmustbequiteopenandunder- standabletoothers。Shebecameobsessedwiththethoughtthatitwantedbutacourageousactonherparttomakeallofherassociationwithpeoplesome- thingquitedifferent,andthatitwaspossiblebysuchanacttopassintoanewlifeasoneopensadoorandgoesintoaroom。Dayandnightshethoughtofthematter,butalthoughthethingshewantedsoearnestlywassomethingverywarmandcloseithadasyetnoconsciousconnectionwithsex。Ithadnotbecomethatdefinite,andhermindhadonlyalighteduponthepersonofJohnHardybecausehewasathandandunlikehissistershadnotbeenun- friendlytoher。 TheHardysisters,MaryandHarriet,werebotholderthanLouise。Inacertainkindofknowledgeoftheworldtheywereyearsolder。TheylivedasalloftheyoungwomenofMiddleWesterntownslived。InthosedaysyoungwomendidnotgooutofourtownstoEasterncollegesandideasinregardtosocialclasseshadhardlybeguntoexist。Adaugh- terofalaborerwasinmuchthesamesocialpositionasadaughterofafarmeroramerchant,andtherewerenoleisureclasses。Agirlwas\"nice\"orshewas\"notnice。\"Ifanicegirl,shehadayoungmanwhocametoherhousetoseeheronSundayandonWednesdayevenings。Sometimesshewentwithheryoungmantoadanceorachurchsocial。Atothertimesshereceivedhimatthehouseandwasgiventheuseoftheparlorforthatpurpose。Noonein- trudeduponher。Forhoursthetwosatbehindcloseddoors。Sometimesthelightswereturnedlowandtheyoungmanandwomanembraced。Cheeksbecamehotandhairdisarranged。Afterayearortwo,iftheimpulsewithinthembecamestrongandinsistentenough,theymarried。 OneeveningduringherfirstwinterinWinesburg,LouisehadanadventurethatgaveanewimpulsetoherdesiretobreakdownthewallthatshethoughtstoodbetweenherandJohnHardy。ItwasWednesdayandimmediatelyaftertheeveningmealAlbertHardyputonhishatandwentaway。YoungJohnbroughtthewoodandputitintheboxinLouise\'sroom。\"Youdoworkhard,don\'tyou?\"hesaidawkwardly,andthenbeforeshecouldanswerhealsowentaway。 Louiseheardhimgooutofthehouseandhadamaddesiretorunafterhim。Openingherwindowsheleanedoutandcalledsoftly,\"John,dearJohn,comeback,don\'tgoaway。\"Thenightwascloudyandshecouldnotseefarintothedarkness,butasshewaitedshefanciedshecouldhearasoftlittlenoiseasofsomeonegoingontiptoesthroughthetreesintheorchard。Shewasfrightenedandclosedthewindowquickly。Foranhourshemovedabouttheroomtremblingwithexcitementandwhenshecouldnotlongerbearthewaiting,shecreptintothehallanddownthestairsintoacloset-likeroomthatopenedofftheparlor。 Louisehaddecidedthatshewouldperformthecourageousactthathadforweeksbeeninhermind。 ShewasconvincedthatJohnHardyhadconcealedhimselfintheorchardbeneathherwindowandshewasdeterminedtofindhimandtellhimthatshewantedhimtocomeclosetoher,toholdherinhisarms,totellherofhisthoughtsanddreamsandtolistenwhileshetoldhimherthoughtsanddreams。 \"Inthedarknessitwillbeeasiertosaythings,\"shewhisperedtoherself,asshestoodinthelittleroomgropingforthedoor。 AndthensuddenlyLouiserealizedthatshewasnotaloneinthehouse。Intheparlorontheothersideofthedooraman\'svoicespokesoftlyandthedooropened。LouisejusthadtimetoconcealherselfinalittleopeningbeneaththestairwaywhenMaryHardy,accompaniedbyheryoungman,cameintothelittledarkroom。 ForanhourLouisesatonthefloorinthedarknessandlistened。WithoutwordsMaryHardy,withtheaidofthemanwhohadcometospendtheeveningwithher,broughttothecountrygirlaknowledgeofmenandwomen。Puttingherheaddownuntilshewascurledintoalittleballshelayperfectlystill。 Itseemedtoherthatbysomestrangeimpulseofthegods,agreatgifthadbeenbroughttoMaryHardyandshecouldnotunderstandtheolderwom- an\'sdeterminedprotest。 TheyoungmantookMaryHardyintohisarmsandkissedher。Whenshestruggledandlaughed,hebutheldherthemoretightly。ForanhourthecontestbetweenthemwentonandthentheywentbackintotheparlorandLouiseescapedupthestairs。\"Ihopeyouwerequietoutthere。Youmustnotdisturbthelittlemouseatherstudies,\"sheheardHarrietsayingtohersisterasshestoodbyherowndoorinthehallwayabove。 LouisewroteanotetoJohnHardyandlatethatnight,whenallinthehousewereasleep,shecreptdownstairsandslippeditunderhisdoor。Shewasafraidthatifshedidnotdothethingatoncehercouragewouldfail。Inthenoteshetriedtobequitedefiniteaboutwhatshewanted。\"IwantsomeonetolovemeandIwanttolovesomeone,\"shewrote。 \"IfyouaretheoneformeIwantyoutocomeintotheorchardatnightandmakeanoiseundermywindow。Itwillbeeasyformetocrawldownovertheshedandcometoyou。Iamthinkingaboutitallthetime,soifyouaretocomeatallyoumustcomesoon。\" ForalongtimeLouisedidnotknowwhatwouldbetheoutcomeofherboldattempttosecureforherselfalover。Inawayshestilldidnotknowwhetherornotshewantedhimtocome。Sometimesitseemedtoherthattobeheldtightlyandkissedwasthewholesecretoflife,andthenanewimpulsecameandshewasterriblyafraid。Theage-oldwom- an\'sdesiretobepossessedhadtakenpossessionofher,butsovaguewashernotionoflifethatitseemedtoherjustthetouchofJohnHardy\'shanduponherownhandwouldsatisfy。Shewonderedifhewouldunderstandthat。AtthetablenextdaywhileAlbertHardytalkedandthetwogirlswhis- peredandlaughed,shedidnotlookatJohnbutatthetableandassoonaspossibleescaped。Intheeveningshewentoutofthehouseuntilshewassurehehadtakenthewoodtoherroomandgoneaway。Whenafterseveraleveningsofintenselis- teningsheheardnocallfromthedarknessintheorchard,shewashalfbesideherselfwithgriefanddecidedthatforhertherewasnowaytobreakthroughthewallthathadshutherofffromthejoyoflife。 AndthenonaMondayeveningtwoorthreeweeksafterthewritingofthenote,JohnHardycameforher。Louisehadsoentirelygivenupthethoughtofhiscomingthatforalongtimeshedidnothearthecallthatcameupfromtheorchard。OntheFridayeveningbefore,asshewasbeingdrivenbacktothefarmfortheweek-endbyoneofthehiredmen,shehadonanimpulsedoneathingthathadstartledher,andasJohnHardystoodinthedarknessbelowandcalledhernamesoftlyandinsis- tently,shewalkedaboutinherroomandwonderedwhatnewimpulsehadledhertocommitsoridicu- lousanact。 Thefarmhand,ayoungfellowwithblackcurlyhair,hadcomeforhersomewhatlateonthatFridayeveningandtheydrovehomeinthedarkness。Lou- ise,whosemindwasfilledwiththoughtsofJohnHardy,triedtomaketalkbutthecountryboywasembarrassedandwouldsaynothing。Hermindbegantoreviewthelonelinessofherchildhoodandsherememberedwithapangthesharpnewloneli- nessthathadjustcometoher。\"Ihateeveryone,\" shecriedsuddenly,andthenbrokeforthintoati- radethatfrightenedherescort。\"IhatefatherandtheoldmanHardy,too,\"shedeclaredvehemently。 \"IgetmylessonsthereintheschoolintownbutI hatethatalso。\" Louisefrightenedthefarmhandstillmorebyturningandputtinghercheekdownuponhisshoul- der。VaguelyshehopedthathelikethatyoungmanwhohadstoodinthedarknesswithMarywouldputhisarmsaboutherandkissher,butthecountryboywasonlyalarmed。Hestruckthehorsewiththewhipandbegantowhistle。\"Theroadisrough,eh?\" hesaidloudly。Louisewassoangrythatreachingupshesnatchedhishatfromhisheadandthrewitintotheroad。Whenhejumpedoutofthebuggyandwenttogetit,shedroveoffandlefthimtowalktherestofthewaybacktothefarm。 LouiseBentleytookJohnHardytobeherlover。 Thatwasnotwhatshewantedbutitwassotheyoungmanhadinterpretedherapproachtohim,andsoanxiouswasshetoachievesomethingelsethatshemadenoresistance。Whenafterafewmonthstheywerebothafraidthatshewasabouttobecomeamother,theywentoneeveningtothecountyseatandweremarried。ForafewmonthstheylivedintheHardyhouseandthentookahouseoftheirown。AllduringthefirstyearLouisetriedtomakeherhusbandunderstandthevagueandin- tangiblehungerthathadledtothewritingofthenoteandthatwasstillunsatisfied。Againandagainshecreptintohisarmsandtriedtotalkofit,butalwayswithoutsuccess。Filledwithhisownnotionsoflovebetweenmenandwomen,hedidnotlistenbutbegantokissheruponthelips。Thatconfusedhersothatintheendshedidnotwanttobekissed。 Shedidnotknowwhatshewanted。 Whenthealarmthathadtrickedthemintomar- riageprovedtobegroundless,shewasangryandsaidbitter,hurtfulthings。LaterwhenhersonDavidwasborn,shecouldnotnursehimanddidnotknowwhethershewantedhimornot。Sometimesshestayedintheroomwithhimallday,walkingaboutandoccasionallycreepingclosetotouchhimtenderlywithherhands,andthenotherdayscamewhenshedidnotwanttoseeorbenearthetinybitofhumanitythathadcomeintothehouse。WhenJohnHardyreproachedherforhercruelty,shelaughed。\"Itisamanchildandwillgetwhatitwantsanyway,\"shesaidsharply。\"HaditbeenawomanchildthereisnothingintheworldIwouldnothavedoneforit。\" IV TerrorWHENDAVIDHARDYwasatallboyoffifteen,he,likehismother,hadanadventurethatchangedthewholecurrentofhislifeandsenthimoutofhisquietcornerintotheworld。Theshellofthecircum- stancesofhislifewasbrokenandhewascompelledtostartforth。HeleftWinesburgandnoonethereeversawhimagain。Afterhisdisappearance,hismotherandgrandfatherbothdiedandhisfatherbe- cameveryrich。Hespentmuchmoneyintryingtolocatehisson,butthatisnopartofthisstory。 ItwasinthelatefallofanunusualyearontheBentleyfarms。Everywherethecropshadbeenheavy。Thatspring,JessehadboughtpartofalongstripofblackswamplandthatlayinthevalleyofWineCreek。Hegotthelandatalowpricebuthadspentalargesumofmoneytoimproveit。Greatditcheshadtobedugandthousandsoftilelaid。 Neighboringfarmersshooktheirheadsovertheex- pense。SomeofthemlaughedandhopedthatJessewouldloseheavilybytheventure,buttheoldmanwentsilentlyonwiththeworkandsaidnothing。 Whenthelandwasdrainedheplantedittocab- bagesandonions,andagaintheneighborslaughed。 Thecropwas,however,enormousandbroughthighprices。IntheoneyearJessemadeenoughmoneytopayforallthecostofpreparingthelandandhadasurplusthatenabledhimtobuytwomorefarms。 Hewasexultantandcouldnotconcealhisdelight。 Forthefirsttimeinallthehistoryofhisownershipofthefarms,hewentamonghismenwithasmilingface。 Jesseboughtagreatmanynewmachinesforcut- tingdownthecostoflaborandalloftheremainingacresinthestripofblackfertileswampland。OnedayhewentintoWinesburgandboughtabicycleandanewsuitofclothesforDavidandhegavehistwosistersmoneywithwhichtogotoareligiousconventionatCleveland,Ohio。 InthefallofthatyearwhenthefrostcameandthetreesintheforestsalongWineCreekweregoldenbrown,Davidspenteverymomentwhenhedidnothavetoattendschool,outintheopen。 Aloneorwithotherboyshewenteveryafternoonintothewoodstogathernuts。Theotherboysofthecountryside,mostofthemsonsoflaborersontheBentleyfarms,hadgunswithwhichtheywenthuntingrabbitsandsquirrels,butDaviddidnotgowiththem。Hemadehimselfaslingwithrubberbandsandaforkedstickandwentoffbyhimselftogathernuts。Ashewentaboutthoughtscametohim。Herealizedthathewasalmostamanandwon- deredwhathewoulddoinlife,butbeforetheycametoanything,thethoughtspassedandhewasaboyagain。Onedayhekilledasquirrelthatsatononeofthelowerbranchesofatreeandchatteredathim。Homeheranwiththesquirrelinhishand。