第4章

\"Why，ofcourse，Mrs。Deering。It\'sapublichouse，likeanyother，andyouhaveasmuchright——\" \"ButIdidn\'twantyoutothinkthatIwoulddoitwithoutaskingyou，andifitisgoingtobetheleastbitoftroubletoyou。\"ThepoorthingwhileshetalkedstoodleaninganxiouslyovertowardMrs。 March，whohadrisen，andpressingthepointsofherfingersnervouslytogether。 \"Itwon\'t，Mrs。Deering。Itwillbenothingbutpleasure。Why，certainly。IshallbedelightedtohaveMissGagehere，andanythingthatMr。MarchandIcando——Why，wehadjustbeentalkingofit，andMr。Marchhasthisminutegotbackfromseeingtheclerk，andshecanhaveaveryniceroom。Wehadbeenintendingtospeaktoyouaboutitassoonaswesawyou。\" Idonotknowwhetherthiswasquitetrueornot，butIwasgladMrs。Marchsaidit，fromtheeffectithaduponMrs。Deering。Tearsofreliefcameintohereyes，andshesaid:\"ThenIcangohomeinthemorning。Iwasgoingtostayonadayortwolonger，onJulia\'saccount，butIdidn\'tfeeljustrightaboutMr。Deering，andnowI won\'thaveto。\" Therefollowedaflutterofpoliteoffersandrefusals，acknowledgmentsanddisavowals，andanunderstandingthatIwouldarrangeitall，andthatwewouldcometoMrs。Deering\'shotelaftersupperandseeMissGageaboutthewhenandthehowofhercomingtous。\" \"Well，Isabel，\"Isaid，afteritwasallover，andMrs。Deeringhadvanishedinamistofhappytears，\"Isupposethisiswhatyoucallperfectlyprovidential。DoyoureallybelievethatMissGagedidn\'tsendherback？\" \"Iknowshedidn\'t。ButIknowthatsheHADtodoitjustthesameasifMissGagehaddrivenheratthepointofthebayonet。\" Ilaughedatthistragicalimage。\"Canshebesuchaterror？\" \"Sheisanideal。AndMrs。Deeringisasafraidasdeathofher。 Ofcourseshehastoliveuptoher。It\'sprobablybeenthestruggleofherlife，andIcanquiteimagineherlettingherhusbanddiebeforeshewouldtakeMissGageback，unlessshewentbacksatisfied。\" \"Idon\'tbelieveIcanimaginesomuchasthatexactly，butIcanimagineherbeingafraidofMissGage\'stakingitoutofhersomehow。Nowshewilltakeitoutofus。Ihopeyourealisethatyou\'vedoneitnow，mydear。Tobesure，youwillhaveallyourlifetorepentofyourrashness。\" \"Ishallneverrepent，\"Mrs。Marchretortedhardily。\"Itwastherightthing，theonlything。Wecouldn\'thaveletthatpoorcreaturestayon，whenshewassoanxioustogetbacktoherhusband。\" \"No。\" \"AndIconfess，Basil，thatIfeelalittlepityforthatpoorgirl，too。Itwouldhavebeencruel，itwouldhavebeenfairlywicked，tolethergohomesosoon，andespeciallynow。\" \"Oh!AndIsupposethatbyESPECIALLYNOW，youmeanKendricks，\"I said，andIlaughedmockingly，asthenovelistssay。\"HowsickIamofthisstaleoldlove-businessbetweenyoungpeople!Weoughttoknowbetter——we\'reoldenough；atleastYOUare。\" Sheseemednottofeelthegibe。\"Why，Basil，\"sheaskeddreamily，\"haven\'tyouanyromanceleftinyou？\" \"Romance？Bah!It\'sthemostridiculousunrealityintheworld。 Ifyouhadsomuchsympathyforthatstupidgirl，inthatpoorwomaninheranxietyaboutherdisappointment，whyhadn\'tyoualittleforhersickhusband？Butahusbandisnothing——whenyouhavegothim。\" \"Ididsympathisewithher。\" \"Youdidn\'tsayso。\" \"Well，sheisonlyhissecondwife，andIdon\'tsupposeit\'sanythingserious。Didn\'tIreallysayanythingtoher？\" \"Notaword。Itiscurious，\"Iwenton，\"howweletthisidioticlove-passionabsorbustotheverylast。Itiswhollyunimportantwhomarrieswho，orwhetheranybodymarriesatall。Andyetwenosoonerhavethemakingofalove-affairwithinreachthanwereverttothefollyofourownyouth，andabandonourselvestoitasifitwereoneofthegreatinterestsoflife。\" \"Whoistalkingaboutlove？Itisn\'taquestionofthat。It\'saquestionofmakingagirlhaveapleasanttimeforafewdays；andwhatistheharmofit？Girlshaveadullenoughtimeattheverybest。Myheartachesforthem，andIshallneverletachancesliptohelpthem，Idon\'tcarewhatyousay。\" \"Now，Isabel，\"Ireturned，\"don\'tyoubeahumbug。Thisisaperfectlyplaincase，andyouaregoinginforaveryriskyaffairwithyoureyesopen。Youshallnotpretendyou\'renot。\" \"Verywell，then，ifIamgoingintoitwithmyeyesopen，Ishalllookoutthatnothinghappens。\" \"Andyouthinkprevisionwillavail!Iwish，\"Isaid，\"thatinsteadofcominghomethatnightandtellingyouaboutthisgirl，IhadconfinedmysentimentalisingtothatyoungFrench-Canadianmother，andherdirtylittleboywhoatethepea-nutshells。I\'venodoubtitwasreallyamoretragicalcase。Theylookeddreadfullypoorandsqualid。Whycouldn\'tIhaveamusedmyidlefancywiththeirfortunes——thesortofhusbandandfathertheyhad，theirshabbyhome，thestruggleoftheirlife？Thatistheappealthatagenuinepersonlistensto。NothingdoesmoretostampmeaposeurthanthefactthatIpreferredtobemoanmyselfforasulkygirlwhoseemednottobehavingagoodtime。\" Therewastruthinmyjoking，butthetruthdidnotsaveme；itlostmerather。\"Yes，\"saidmywife；\"itwasyourfault。Ishouldneverhaveseenanythinginherifithadnotbeenforyou。Itwasyourcomingbackandworkingmeupaboutherthatbeganthewholething，andnowifanythinggoeswrongyouwillhaveyourselftothankforit。\" Sheseizedtheopportunityofmyhavingjestinglytakenupthisloadtobuckleitonmetightandfast，claspingithere，tyingitthere，andgivingafinalpulltotheknotsthatleftmescarcelythepowertodrawmybreath，muchlessthebreathtoprotest。IwasforcedtohearhersayagainthatallherconcernfromthebeginningwasforMrs。Deering，andthatnow，ifshehadofferedtodosomethingforMissGage，itwasnotbecauseshecaredanythingforher，butbecauseshecaredeverythingforMrs。Deering，whocouldneverliftupherheadagainatDeWittPointifshewentbacksocompletelydefeatedinallthepurposesshehadinaskingMissGagetocomewithhertoSaratoga。 IdidnotobservethatthiswaveofcompassioncarriedMrs。MarchsofarastoleaveherstrandedwithMrs。DeeringthateveningwhenwecalledwithKendricks，andaskedherandMissGagetogowithustotheCongressParkconcert。Mrs。Deeringsaidthatshehadtopack，thatshedidnotfeeljustexactlylikegoing；andmytenderheartachedwithaknowledgeofherdistress。MissGagemadeafaint，falsepretenceofrefusingtocomewithus，too；butMrs。Deeringurgedhertogo，andputonthenewdress，whichhadjustcomehome，sothatMrs。Marchcouldseeit。Thegirlcamebacklookingradiant，divine，and——\"Willitdo？\"shepalpitatedundermywife\'scriticalglance。 \"Do？ItwillOUTdo!Ineversawanythinglikeit!\"Theconnoisseurpatteditalittlethiswayandalittlethat。\"Itisadream!Didthehatcometoo？\" Itappearedthatthehathadcometoo。MissGagerematerialisedwithiton，afteramoment\'sevanescence，andlookedatmywifewiththeexpressionofbeingsomethingimpersonalwithahaton。 \"Simply，thereisnothingtosay!\"criedMrs。March。Thegirlputupherhandstoit。\"Goodgracious!Youmustn\'ttakeitoff!Yourcostumeisperfectfortheconcert。\" \"Isit，really？\"askedthegirljoyfully；andsheseemedtofindthisthefirstfittingmomenttosay，forsolerecognitionofourself-sacrifice，\"I\'mmuchobligedtoyou，Mr。March，forgettingmethatroom。\" Ibeggedhernottospeakofit，andturnedanironicaleyeuponmywife；butshewaslostinadmirationofthehat。 \"Yes，\"shesighed；\"it\'smuchbetterthantheoneIwantedyoutogetatfirst。\"Andsheafterwardexplainedthatthegirlseemedtohaveaperfectinstinctforwhatwentwithherstyle。 Kendrickskepthimselfdiscreetlyinthebackground，and，withhisunfailingrightfeeling，wastalkingtoMrs。Deering，inspiteofhernotpayingmuchattentiontohim。ImustownthatItoowasabsorbedinthespectacleofMissGage。 Shewentoffwithus，anddidnotsayanotherwordtoMrs。Deeringabouthelpinghertopack。Perhapsthiswasbest，thoughitseemedheartless；itmaynothavebeensoheartlessasitseemed。Idaresayitwouldhavebeenmoresufferingtothewomanifthegirlhadmissedthischance。 CHAPTERX Wehadundertakenratheraqueeraffairbutitwasnotsoqueerafterall，whenMissGagewasfairlysettledwithus。Therewereotheryounggirlsinthatpleasanthousewhohadonlyoneanother\'sprotectionandthegeneralsafetyofthesocialatmosphere。Wecouldnotconcealfromourselves，ofcourse，thatwehaddonearatherromanticthing，and，inthelightofEurope，whichwehadmoreorlessuponouractions，ratheranabsurdthing；butitwasacomforttofindthatMissGagethoughtitneitherromanticnorabsurd。Shetooktheaffairwithanapparentignoranceofanythingunusualinit——withsomuchignorance，indeed，thatMrs。Marchhadheroccasionalquestionwhethershewasdulyimpressedwithwhatwasbeingdoneforher。Whetherthiswassoornot，itiscertainthatshewasasdocileandasbiddableasneedbe。Shedidnotalwaysaskwhatsheshoulddo；thatwouldnothavebeeninthetraditionofvillageindependence；butshealwaysdidwhatshewastold，anddidnotvaryfromherinstructionsahair\'s-breadth。Idonotsupposeshealwaysknewwhyshemightdothisandmightnotdothat；andI donotsupposethatyounggirlsoftenunderstandthereasonsoftheproprieties。Theyaretoldthattheymust，andthattheymustnot，andthisinanastonishingdegreesufficesthemiftheyarenicegirls。 OfcoursetherewasprettyconstantquestionofKendricksinthemanagementofMissGage\'samusement，forthatwasreallywhatourenterpriseresolveditselfinto。Heshowedfromthefirstthesweetestdispositiontoforwardallourplansinregardtoher，and，infact，heevenanticipatedourwishes。IdonotmeantogivethenotionthathebehavedfromaninterestedmotiveingoingtothestationthemorningMrs。Deeringleft，andgettingherticketforher，andcheckingherbaggage，andpostingherinthechangesshewouldhavetomake。ThiswassomethingIoughttohavethoughtofmyself，butIdidnotthinkofit，andIamwillingthatheshouldhaveallthecredit。 Iknowthathediditoutofthelovelygenerosityofnaturewhichalwaystookmeinhim。MissGagewastherewithher，andsheremainedtobeconsoledafterMrs。Deeringdeparted。Theycamestraighttousfromthetrain，andthen，whenhehadconsignedMissGagetoMrs。March\'scare，heofferedtogoandseethatherthingsweretransferredfromherhoteltoours；theywereallready，shesaid，andthebillwaspaid。 Hedidnotcomebackthatday，and，infact，hedelicatelywaitedforsomesignfromusthathishelpwaswanted。ButwhenhedidcomehehadformulatedSaratogaverycompletely，andhadabetterconceptionofdoingitthanIhad，aftermyrepeatedsojourns。 WewentveryearlyinourexplorationstotheHouseofPansa，whichyoufindinverymuchbetterrepairatSaratogathanyoudoatPompeii，andwecontrivedtopassawholeafternoonthere。MywifeandIhadbeentherebeforemorethanonce；butitalwayspleasantlyrecalledourwander-years，whenwefirstmetinEurope，andwesufferedroundafterthoseyoungthingswithapatiencewhichIhopewillnotbeforgottenatthedayofjudgment。Whenwecametoaseatwesatdown，andletthemgooffbythemselves；butmyrecollectionisthatthereisnotmuchfurnitureintheHouseofPansathatyoucansitdownon，andforthemostpartweallkepttogether。 KendricksandIthoughtalikeaboutthePompeianhouseasamodelofsomethingthatmightbedoneinthewayofaseasidecottageinourowncountry，andwetalkedupalittlepaperthatmightbedoneforEveryOtherWeek，withprettyarchitecturaldrawings，givinganaccountofourimaginaryrealisationofthenotion。 \"Havesomebody，\"hesaid，\"visitpeoplewhohadbeenboringhimtocomedown，orup，orout，andseethem，andfindtheminaPompeianhouse，withtheseainfrontandablue-greengroveoflowpinesbehind。Mighthaveathreadofstory，butmostlytalkabouthowtheycametodoit，andhowdelightfullylivabletheyfoundit。Youcouldworkitupwithsomearchitect，whowouldhelpyouto\'keepoffthegrass\'inthewayoftechnicalblunders。Withallthistendencytotheclassicinpublicarchitecture，Idon\'tseewhythePompeianvillashouldn\'tbethenextwordforsummercottages。\" \"Well，we\'llseewhatFulkersonsays。Hemayseeanad。init。 Wouldyouliketodoit？\" \"Whynotdoityourself？Nobodyelsecoulddoitsowell。\" \"Thanksforthetaffy；buttheideawasyours。\" \"I\'lldoit，\"saidKendricksafteramoment，\"ifyouwon\'t。\" \"We\'llsee。\" MissGagestared，andMrs。Marchsaid- \"Ididn\'tsupposetheHouseofPansawouldleadtoshopwithyoutwo。\" \"Younevercantellwhichwaycopylies，\"Ireturned；andIaskedthegirl，\"WhatshouldYOUthink，MissGage，ofalittlepaperwithathreadofstory，butmostlytalk，onasupposititiousPompeiancottage？\" \"Idon\'tbelieveIunderstand，\"saidshe，fartooremotefromourliteraryinterests，asIsaw，tobeashamedofherignorance。 \"There!\"IsaidtoKendricks。\"Doyouthinkthegeneralpublicwould？\" \"MissGageisn\'tthegeneralpublic，\"saidmywife，whohadfollowedthecourseofmythought；hertoneimpliedthatMissGagewaswiserandbetter。 \"Wouldyouallowyourselftobedrawn，\"Iasked，\"dreamilyissuingfromanaisleofthepinegroveasthetutelarygoddessofaPompeiancottage？\" Thegirlcastabewilderedglanceatmywife，whosaid，\"Youneedn\'tpayanyattentiontohim，MissGage。Hehasanideathatheismakingajoke。\" Wefeltthatwehaddoneenoughforoneafternoon，whenwehaddonetheHouseofPansa，andIproposedthatweshouldgoandsitdowninCongressParkandlistentotheTroyband。Iwasnotwithoutthehopethatitwouldplay\"WashingtonPost。\" Mywifecontrivedthatweshouldfallinbehindtheyoungpeopleaswewent，andsheasked，\"WhatDOyousupposeshemadeofitall？\" \"ProbablyshethoughtitwasthehouseofSanchoPanza。\" \"No；shehasn\'treadenoughtobesoignorantevenasthat。It\'sastonishinghowmuchshedoesn\'tknow。Whatcanherhomelifehavebeenlike？\" \"Philistinetothelastdegree。Wepeoplewhoareneartoliteraturehavenoconceptionhowfarfromitmostpeopleare。Theimmensemajorityof\'homes，\'asthenewspaperscallthem，havenobooksinthemexcepttheBibleandasemi-religiousvolumeortwo—— thingsyouneverseeoutofsuch\'homes\'——andtheStatebusinessdirectory。IwasastonishedwhenitcameoutthatsheknewaboutEveryOtherWeek。Itmusthavebeenbyaccident。Thesordidnessofherhomelifemustbesomethingunimaginable。Thedaughterofavillagecapitalist，who\'sputtogetherhismoneydollarbydollar，astheydoinsuchplaces，fromthenecessitiesandfolliesofhisneighbours，andhashalfthefarmersoftheregionbythethroatthroughhismortgages——Idon\'tthinkthatshe\'s\'onetobedesired\' anymorethan\'thedaughterofahundredearls，\'ifsomuch。\" \"Shedoesn\'tseemsordidherself。\" \"Oh，thetaintdoesn\'tshowitselfatonce—— \'IfnatureputnotforthherpowerAbouttheopeningoftheflower，Whoisitthatwouldliveanhour？\' andsheisaflower，beautiful，exquisite\" \"Yes，andshehadamotheraswellasthisfatherofhers。Whyshouldn\'tshebelikehermother？\" Ilaughed。\"Thatistrue!Iwonderwhywealwaysleavethemotheroutofthecountwhenwesumupthehereditarytendencies？I supposethemotherisasmuchaparentasthefather。\" \"Quite。Andthereisnoreasonwhythisgirlshouldn\'thavehermother\'snature。\" \"Wedon\'tactuallyKNOWanythingagainstherfather\'snatureyet，\"I suggested；\"butifhermotherlivedastarvedandstuntedlifewithhim，itmayaccountforthateffectofdisappointedgreedwhichI fanciedinherwhenIfirstsawher。\" \"Idon\'tcallitgreedinayounggirltowanttoseesomethingoftheworld。\" \"Whatdoyoucallit？\" Kendricksandthegirlwerestoppingatthegateofthepavilion，andlookingroundatus。\"Ah，he\'sgotenoughforoneday!He\'sgoingtoleavehertousnow。\" Whenwecameuphesaid，\"I\'mgoingtorunoffamoment；I\'mgoinguptothebook-storethere，\"andhepointedtowardonethathadspreadacrossthesidewalkjustbelowtheCongressHallverandah，withbanksandshelvesofnovels，andacryofbargainsinthemonsignsstickingupfromtheirrows。\"IwanttoseeiftheyhavetheLastDaysofPompeii。\" \"Wewillfindtheladiesinsidethepark，\"Isaid。\"Iwillgowithyou——\" \"Mr。MarchwantstoseeiftheyhavethelastnumberofEveryOtherWeek，\"mywifemockedafterus。Thiswas，indeed，commonlyafoibleofmine。Ihadnewlybecomeoneoftheownersoftheperiodicalaswellastheeditor，andIwasallthetimelookingoutforitatthenews-standsandbook-stores，andjudgingtheirenterprisebyitspresenceorabsence。ButthistimeIhadanothermotive，thoughI didnotallegeit。 \"Isupposeit\'sforMissGage？\"Iventuredtosay，bywayofprefacingwhatIwishedtosay。\"Kendricks，I\'mafraidwe\'reabusingyourgoodnature。Iknowyou\'reupheretolookabout，andyou\'relettingususeallyourtime。Youmustn\'tdoit。Womenhavenoconscienceaboutthesethings，andyoucan\'texpectawomanwhohasayoungladyonherhandstospareyou。Igiveyouthehint。 Don\'tcountuponMrs。Marchinthismatter。\" \"Oh，Ithinkyouareverygoodtoallowmetobotherround，\"saidtheyoungfellow，withthatindefatigablepolitenessofhis。Headdedvaguely，\"It\'sveryinteresting。\" \"Seeingitthroughsuchafreshmind？\"Isuggested。\"Well，I\'llownthatIdon\'tthinkyoucouldhavefoundamuchfresherone。HasshereadtheLastDaysofPompeii？\" \"Shethoughtshehadatfirst，butitwastheFallofGranada。\" \"Howdelightful!Don\'tyouwishwecouldreadbookswiththatutterlyunliterarysenseofthem？\" \"Don\'tyouthinkwomengenerallydo？\"heaskedevasively。 \"IdaresaytheydoatDeWittPoint。\" Hedidnotanswer；Isawthathewasnotwillingtotalktheyoungladyover，andIcouldnothelppraisinghistastetomyselfatthecostofmyown。Hisdelicacyforbadehimtheindulgencewhichmyownprotestedagainstinvain。Heshowedhistasteagaininbuyingacheapcopyofthebook，whichhemeanttogiveher，andofcoursehehadtobeallthemoreattentivetoherbecauseofmydeprecatinghisself-devotion。 CHAPTERXI IntheintimacythatgrewupbetweenmywifeandMissGageIfoundmyselflessandlessincluded。ItseemedtomeattimesthatI mighthavegoneawayfromSaratogaandnotbeenseriouslymissedbyanyone，butperhapsthiswasnottakingsufficientaccountofmyvalueasaspectator，bywhomMrs。Marchcouldverifyherownimpressions。 Thegirlhadneverknownamother\'scare，anditwasaffectingtoseehowwillingshewastobemotheredbythechancekindnessofastranger。SheprobablyfeltmoreandmoreherignoranceoftheworldasitunfoldeditselftoherintermssoaltogetherstrangetothelifeofDeWittPoint。Iwasnotsurethatshewouldhavebeensogratefulfortheeffortsmadeforherenjoymentiftheyhadfailed，butasthecasestoodshewascertainlygrateful；mywifesaidthat，andIsawit。Sheseemedtohavewrittenhomeaboutustoherfather，forshereadmywifepartofaletterfromhimconveyinghis\"respects，\"andaskinghertothankusforhim。Shecametomewiththechequeitenclosed，andaskedmetogetitcashedforher；itwasforahandsomeamount。Butshecontinuedtogoaboutatourcost，quiteunconsciously，tillonedayshehappenedtowitnessacontestofcivilitybetweenKendricksandmyselfastowhichshouldpaythecarriageweweredismissing。ThatnightshecametoMrs。March，and，withmanyblushes，askedtobeallowedtopayforthepastandfutureherfullshareoftheexpenseofourjointpleasures。Shesaidthatshehadneverthoughtofitbefore，andshefeltsomuchashamed。Shecouldnotbeconsoledtillshewaspromisedthatsheshouldbeindulgedforthefuture，andthatI shouldbeobligedtoaveragetheoutlayalreadymadeandletherpayafourth。Whenshehadgainedherpoint，Mrs。Marchsaidthatsheseemedalittlescared，andsaid，\"Ihaven\'toffendedyou，Mrs。 March，haveI？Becauseifitisn\'trightformetopay——\" \"It\'squiteright，mydear，\"saidmywife，\"andit\'sveryniceofyoutothinkofit。\" \"Youknow，\"thegirlexplained，\"I\'veneverbeenoutagreatdealathomeeven；andit\'salwaysthecustomthereforthegentlementopayforaride——ordance——oranything；butthisisdifferent。\" MrsMarchsaid\"Yes，\"and，intheinterestofcivilisation，shedidalittlemissionarywork。ShetoldherthatinBostontheyoungladiespaidfortheirticketstotheHarvardassemblies，andpreferredtodoit，becauseitleftthemwithoutevenatacitobligation。 MissGagesaidshehadneverheardofsuchathingbefore，butshecouldseehowmuchbetteritwas。 IdonotthinkshegotonwiththeLastDaysofPompeiiveryrapidly；itsimmediateinterestwassupersededbyotherthings。Butshealwayshadthebookaboutwithher，andIfanciedthatshetriedtoreaditinthosemomentsofrelaxationfromourpleasuringwhenshemightbetterhavebeenday-dreaming，thoughIdaresayshedidenoughofthattoo。 Whatamusedmeintheaffairwastheceleritywithwhichittookitselfoutofourhands。InanincrediblyshorttimewehadnolongerthetroubleofthinkingwhatweshoulddoforMissGage；thatwasprovidedforbytheforethoughtofKendricks，andourconcernwashoweachcouldmaketheothergowiththeyoungpeopleontheirexcursionsandexpeditions。Wehadseenanddoneallthethingsthattheyweredoing，anditpresentlyboredustochaperonthem。 Afteragooddealoftalkingwearrivedataroughdivisionofduty，andIwentwiththemwalkingandeatinganddrinking，andforanythinginvolvinglatehours，andMrs。Marchpresidedatsuchthingsascarriageexercise，concerts，andshopping。 TherearenotmanypublicentertainmentsatSaratoga，exceptsuchasthehotelssupply；butaseriesofSalvationArmymeetingsdiddutyasamusements，andtherewasonetheatricalperformance——aperformanceofEastLynneentirelybypeopleofcolour。Thesentimentsandincidentsoftheheart-breakingmelodrama，asthecolouredmindinterpretedthem，wereofverycuriouseffect。Itwasasiftheversionweredyedwiththesamepigmentthatdarkenedtheplayers\'skins:itallcameoutnegro。Yettheyhadtriedtomakeitwhite；Icouldperceivehowtheyaimednotattheimitationofournature，butattheimitationofourconvention；itwasliketheplayofchildreninthat。Ishouldhavesaidthatnothingcouldbemorefalsethanthemotivesandemotionsofthedramaastheauthorimaginedthem，butIhadtoownthattheirrenditionbythesesinceresoulswasyetmoreartificial。Therewasnothingtraditional，nothingarchaic，nothingautochthonicintheirpoorart。Ifthescenecouldatanymomenthaveresolvedmyselfintoawalk-round，withaninterspersionofspirituals，itwouldhavehadthecharmofthese；itwouldhaveconsoledandedified；butasitwasIhaveseldombeensobored。Ibegantomakesomesadreflections，asthatourAmericansociety，initsendeavourfortheeffectofEuropeansociety，wasofnotrueridealthanthesecolouredcomedians，andIaccusedmyselfofafinalabsurdityinhavingcometherewiththeseyoungpeople，who，accordingtoourgoodnativeusage，couldhavecomeperfectlywellwithoutme。AttheendofthefirstactIbrokeintotheirtalkwithmyconclusionthatwemustnotcountthehistrionictalentamongthegiftsoftheAfricanracejustyet。Wecouldconcedethemmusic，Isupposed，andthereseemedtobehopeforthem，fromwhattheyhadsomeofthemdone，intheregionoftheplasticarts；butapparentlythestagewasnotforthem，andthiswasallthestrangerbecausetheyweresoimitative。Perhaps，Isaid，itwasanexcessofself-consciousnesswhichpreventedtheirgivingthemselveswhollytotheart，andI begantospeakofthesubjectiveandtheobjective，oftherealandtheideal；andwhetheritwasthatIbecameunintelligibleasI becamemetaphysical，IfoundKendricksobviouslynotfollowingmeintheincoherentreplieshegave。MissGagehadhonestlymadenoattempttofollowme。Heasked，Why，didn\'tIthinkitwasprettywelldone？Theyhadenjoyeditverymuch，hesaid。Icouldonlystareinanswer，andwonderwhathadbecomeoftheman\'stastesorhisprinciples；hewaseitherhumbugginghimselforhewashumbuggingme。AfterthatIleftthemalone，andsufferedthroughtherestoftheplaywithwhatreliefIcouldgetfromlaughingwhenthepatheticemotionsofthedramabecametoopoignant。IdecidedthatKendrickswasabsorbedinthestudyofhiscompanion\'smind，whichmustbeopentohiscontemporaneouseyeasitcouldneverhavebeentomyold-sightedglasses，andIenviedhimtheknowledgehewasgainingofthattypeofAmericangirl。Itsuddenlycametomethathemustbefindinghisaccountinthis，andIfeltalittlelessregretforthewasteofcivilities，ofattentions，whichsometimesseemedtomebeyondherappreciation。 I，formypart，gavemyselftothestudyofthetypesaboutme，andIdweltlongandluxuriouslyuponthevisionofafloridandmassivematronindiaphanouseveningdress，whomIimaginedtoberevisitingtheglimpsesofhergirlhoodintheancientwatering-place，andtobegettingallthegaietyshecouldoutofit。ThesearethefiguresonemostlyseesatSaratoga；thereisverylittleyouthofthepresentdaythere，buttheyouthofthepastabounds，withthebelatedyellowhairandthepurplemoustaches，whichgaveanotionofgreaterwickednessinaformergeneration。 Imademyobservationthatthedress，eveninextremecasesofelderlyprime，wasverygood——inthecaseofthewomen，Imean；thementhere，aseverywherewithus，weremostlyslovens；andIwasgladtofindthatthegoodtasteandthecorrectfashionwerewithoutacolour-line；thereweresomemulattoladiespresentasstylishastheirwhitesisters，orstep-sisters。 ThemostamiableofthehumanraceisingreatforceatSaratoga，wherethevasthotelserviceiswhollyinitshands，andithadhonouredtheeffortofthecomediansthatnightwithafullhouseoftheirowncomplexion。Wewhowerenotofitshowedstrangelyenoughinthedarkmass，wholetusleadtheapplause，however，asifdoubtfulthemselveswhereitoughttocomein，andwhomIfoundwillingeventosharesomemisplacedlaughterofmine。Theyformedtwo-thirdsoftheaudienceonthefloor，andtheywereacloudinthegallery，scarcelybrokenbyagleamofwhite。 Ientertainedmyselfwiththemagooddeal，andIthoughthowmuchmoredelightfultheywereintheirownkindlycharacterthanintheirassumptionofwhitecharacter，andItriedtodefinemysufferingfromtheperformanceasaneffectfrommytormentedsympathiesratherthanfrommyoffendedtastes。Whenthelongstresswasover，andweroseandstoodtoletthecrowdgetout，I askedMissGageifshedidnotthinkthismustbethecase。Idonotsupposeshewasreallymuchmoreexperiencedinthetheatrethanthepeopleonthestage，someofwhomIdoubtedtohaveeverseenaplaytilltheytookpartinEastLynne。ButIthoughtIwouldaskherthatinordertohearwhatshewouldsay；andshesaidverysimplythatshehadseensofewplaysshedidnotknowwhattothinkofit，andIcouldseethatshewasabashedbythefact。Kendricksmusthaveseenittoo，forhebeganatoncetosaveherfromherself，withallhissubtlegenerosity，andtoturnhershametopraise。Myheart，whichremainedsufficientlycoldtoher，warmedmorethanevertohim，andIshouldhavelikedtotellherthatherewasthefinestandraresthumanporcelainusingitselflikecommonclayinherbehalf，andtodemandwhethershethoughtshewasworthit。 Ididnotthinkshewas，andIhadaluridmomentwhenIwastemptedtopushonandmakehershowherselfsomehowatherworst。Wehadundertakenapreposterousthinginbefriendingheraswehaddone，andourcourseinbringingKendricksinwaswhollyunjustifiable。 HowcouldIleadherontosomebetrayalofheressentialPhilistinism，andmakehersoimpossibleinhiseyesthatevenhe，withallhissweetnessandgoodness，musttakethefirsttrainfromSaratogainthemorning？ Wehadofcoursejoinedthecrowdinpushingforward；peoplealwaysdo，thoughtheypromisethemselvestowaittillthelastoneisout。 Igotcaughtinadarkeddyonthefirststair-landing；butIcouldseethemfartherdown，andIknewtheywouldwaitformeoutsidethedoor。 WhenIreacheditatlasttheywerenowheretobeseen；Ilookedupthisstreetanddownthat，buttheywerenotinsight。 CHAPTERXII Ididnotafflictmyselfverymuch，norpretendtodoso。Theyknewthewayhome，andafterIhadblunderedaboutinsearchofthemthroughthelampshotdarkness，Isettledmyselftowalkbackatmyleisure，comfortablysurethatIshouldfindthemontheverandahwaitingformewhenIreachedthehotel。Itwasquiteathicknight，andIalmostranintoacoupleatacornerofourquieterstreetwhenIhadgottoitoutofBroadway。Theyseemedtobestandingandlookingabout，andwhenthemansaid，\"Hemusthavethoughtwetookthefirstturn，\"andthewoman，\"Yes，thatmusthavebeentheway，\"Irecognisedmyestrays。 IthoughtIwouldnotdiscovermyselftothem，butfollowon，andsurprisethembyarrivingatourstepsatthesamemomenttheydid，andIpreparedmyselftohurryafterthem。Buttheyseemedinnohurry，andIhadevensomedifficultyinaccommodatingmypacetotheslownessoftheirs。 \"Won\'tyoutakemyarm，MissGage？\"heaskedastheymovedon。 \"It\'ssoVERYdark，\"sheanswered，andIknewshehadtakenit。\"I canhardlyseeastep，andpoorMr。Marchwithhisglasses——Idon\'tknowwhathe\'lldo。\" \"Oh，heonlyusesthemtoreadwith；hecanseeaswellaswecaninthedark。\" \"He\'sveryyounginhisfeelings，\"saidthegirl；\"heputsmeinmindofmyownfather。\" \"He\'sveryyounginhisthoughts，\"saidKendricks；\"andthat\'smuchmoretothepurposeforamagazineeditor。Thereareveryfewmenofhisagewhokeepintouchwiththetimesashedoes。\" \"Still，Mrs。Marchseemsagooddealyounger，don\'tyouthink？I wonderhowsoontheybegintofeelold？\" \"Oh，nottillalongintheforties，Ishouldsay。It\'sagooddealintemperament。Idon\'tsupposethateitherofthemrealisesyetthatthey\'reold，andtheymustbenearlyfifty。\" \"Howstrangeitmustbe，\"saidthegirl，\"fiftyyearsold!Twentyseemsoldenough，goodnessknows。\" \"Howshouldyouliketobeadotardoftwenty-seven？\"Kendricksasked，andshelaughedathisjoke。 \"Idon\'tsupposeIshouldminditsomuchifIwereaman。\" IhadpromisedmyselfthatifthetalkbecameatallconfidentialI woulddropbehindoutofearshot；butthoughitwascuriouslyintimateformetobeputapartinthemindsoftheseyoungpeopleonaccountofmyyearsasnotofthesameraceorfateasthemselves，therewasnothinginwhattheysaidthatImightnotinnocentlyoverhear，asfarastheywereconcerned，andIlistenedon。 Buttheyhadapparentlygivenmequiteenoughattention。Aftersomemutuallaughteratwhatshesaidlast，theyweresilentamoment，andthenhesaidsoberly，\"There\'ssomethingfineinthisisolationthedarkgivesyou，isn\'tthere？You\'reasremoteinitfromourowntimeandplaceasifyouwerewanderingininterplanetaryspace。\" \"IsupposeweAREdoingthatallthetime——ontheearth，\"shesuggested。 \"Yes；buthowharditistorealisethatweareontheearthnow。 SometimesIhaveasenseofit，though，whenthemoonbreaksfromoneflyingcloudtoanother。ThenitseemsasifIwereapassengeronsomevast，shapelessshipsailingthroughtheair。What，\"heasked，withnorelevancythatIcouldperceive，\"wasthestrangestfeelingYOUeverhad？\"IrememberedaskinggirlssuchquestionswhenIwasyoung，andtheirnotapparentlythinkingitatallodd。 \"Idon\'tknow，\"shereturnedthoughtfully。\"TherewasonetimewhenIwaslittle，andithadsleeted，andthesuncameoutjustbeforeitset，andseemedtosetallthewoodsonfire。Ithoughttheworldwasburningup。\" \"Itmusthavebeenveryweird，\"saidKendricks；andIthought，\"Oh，goodheavens!Hashegottotalkingofweirdthings？\" \"It\'sstrange，\"headded，\"howweallhavethatbeliefwhenwearechildrenthattheworldisgoingtoburnup!Idon\'tsupposeanychildescapesit。DoyourememberthatpoemofThompson\'s——theCityofDreadfulNightman——wherehedescribestheendoftheworld？\" \"No，Ineverreadit。\" \"Well，merely，hesayswhentheconflagrationbeganthelittleflameslookedlikecrocusesbreakingthroughthesod。IfiteverhappenedIfancyitwouldbequiteassimpleasthat。Butperhapsyoudon\'tlikegloomypoetry？\" \'Yes，yes，Ido。It\'stheonlykindthatIcareabout。\" \"Thenyouhatefunnypoetry？\" \"Ithinkit\'sdisgusting。Papaisalwayscuttingitoutofthepapersandwantingtosendittome，andwehavethegreatestTIMES!\" \"Isuppose，\"saidKendricks，\"itexpressessomemoods，though。\" \"Ohyes；itexpressessomemoods；andsometimesitmakesmelaughinspiteofmyself，andashamedofanythingserious。\" \"That\'salwaystheeffectofafarcewithme。\" \"ButthenI\'mashamedofbeingashamedafterward，\"saidthegirl。 \"IsupposeyougotothetheatreagreatdealinNewYork。\" \"It\'saschooloflife，\"saidKendricks。\"Imeantheaudience。\" \"Iwouldliketogototheoperaonce。Iamgoingtomakepapatakemeinthewinter。\"Shelaughedwithagaysenseofpower，andhesaid- \"Youseemtobegreatfriendswithyourfather。\" \"Yes，we\'realwaystogether。Ialwayswenteverywherewithhim； thisisthefirsttimeI\'vebeenawaywithouthim。ButIthoughtI\'dcomewithMrs。DeeringandseewhatSaratogawaslike；Ihadneverbeenhere。\" \"Andisitlikewhatyouthought？\" \"No。Thefirstweekwedidn\'tdoanything。ThenwegotacquaintedwithMr。andMrs。March，andIbegantoreallyseesomething。ButI supposeditwasallballsandgaiety。\" \"Wemustgetupafewifyou\'resofondofthem，\"Kendricksplayfullysuggested。 \"Oh，Idon\'tknowasIam。Ineverwentmuchathome。Papadidn\'tcaretohaveme。\" \"Ah，doyouthinkitwasrightforhimtokeepyoualltohimself？\" Thegirldidnotanswer，andtheyhadbothhaltedsoabruptlythatI almostranintothem。\"Idon\'tquitemakeoutwhereweare。\" Kendricksseemedtobepeeringabout。Iplungedacrossthestreetlestheshouldaskme。Iheardhimadd，\"Ohyes；Iknownow，\"andthentheypressedforward。