第5章

\"Oh，mygoodness!whatdoyouwanttospellitfor？\" \"Idon\'twanttospellit；Iwanttoseewhatitmeans。\" \"Well，thisisastonishing，Imustsay。Icantellyouwhatitmeans，ifyou——ifyou——\" \"Oh，allright!Thatwillanswer，andmuchobligedtoyou，too。\" \"In，in，ter，ter，inter——\" \"Thenyouspellitwithanh\" Whycertainly!\" \"Oh，thatiswhattookmesolong。\" \"Why，mydearsir，whatdidyouproposetospellitwith？\" \"Well，I——I——hardlyknow。IhadtheUnabridged，andIwascipheringaroundinthebackend，hopingImighttreeheramongthepictures。 Butit\'saveryoldedition。\" \"Why，myfriend，theywouldn\'thaveapictureofitineventhelateste——Mydearsir，Ibegyourpardon，Imeannoharmintheworld，butyoudonotlookas——as——intelligentasIhadexpectedyouwould。Noharm—— Imeannoharmatall。\" \"Oh，don\'tmentionit!Ithasoftenbeensaid，andbypeoplewhowouldnotflatterandwhocouldhavenoinducementtoflatter，thatIamquiteremarkableinthatway。Yes——yes；theyalwaysspeakofitwithrapture。\" \"Icaneasilyimagineit。Butaboutthisinterview。Youknowitisthecustom，now，tointerviewanymanwhohasbecomenotorious。\" \"Indeed，Ihadnotheardofitbefore。Itmustbeveryinteresting。 Whatdoyoudoitwith？\" \"Ah，well——well——well——thisisdisheartening。Itoughttobedonewithaclubinsomecases；butcustomarilyitconsistsintheintervieweraskingquestionsandtheinterviewedansweringthem。Itisalltheragenow。 Willyouletmeaskyoucertainquestionscalculatedtobringoutthesalientpointsofyourpublicandprivatehistory？\" \"Oh，withpleasure——withpleasure。Ihaveaverybadmemory，butIhopeyouwillnotmindthat。Thatistosay，itisanirregularmemory—— singularlyirregular。Sometimesitgoesinagallop，andthenagainitwillbeasmuchasafortnightpassingagivenpoint。Thisisagreatgrieftome。\" \"Oh，itisnomatter，soyouwilltrytodothebestyoucan。\" \"Iwill。Iwillputmywholemindonit。\" \"Thanks。Areyoureadytobegin？\" \"Ready。\" Q。Howoldareyou？ A。Nineteen，inJune。 Q。Indeed。Iwouldhavetakenyoutobethirty-fiveorsix。Wherewereyouborn？ A。InMissouri。 Q。Whendidyoubegintowrite？ A。In1836。 Q。Why，howcouldthatbe，ifyouareonlynineteennow？ A。Idon\'tknow。Itdoesseemcurious，somehow。 Q。Itdoes，indeed。Whomdoyouconsiderthemostremarkablemanyouevermet？ A。AaronBurr。 Q。ButyounevercouldhavemetAaronBurr，ifyouareonlynineteenyears! A。Now，ifyouknowmoreaboutmethanIdo，whatdoyouaskmefor？ Q。Well，itwasonlyasuggestion；nothingmore。HowdidyouhappentomeetBurr？ A。Well，Ihappenedtobeathisfuneraloneday，andheaskedmetomakelessnoise，and—— Q。But，goodheavens!ifyouwereathisfuneral，hemusthavebeendead，andifhewasdeadhowcouldhecarewhetheryoumadeanoiseornot？ A。Idon\'tknow。Hewasalwaysaparticularkindofamanthatway。 Q。Still，Idon\'tunderstanditatall，Yousayhespoketoyou，andthathewasdead。 A。Ididn\'tsayhewasdead。 Q。Butwasn\'thedead？ A。Well，somesaidhewas，somesaidhewasn\'t。 Q。Whatdidyouthink？ A。Oh，itwasnoneofmybusiness!Itwasn\'tanyofmyfuneral。 Q。Didyou——However，wecannevergetthismatterstraight。Letmeaskaboutsomethingelse。Whatwasthedateofyourbirth？ A。Monday，October31，1693。 Q。What!Impossible!Thatwouldmakeyouahundredandeightyyearsold。Howdoyouaccountforthat？ A。Idon\'taccountforitatall。 Q。Butyousaidatfirstyouwereonlynineteen，andnowyoumakeyourselfouttobeonehundredandeighty。Itisanawfuldiscrepancy。 A。Why，haveyounoticedthat？(Shakinghands。)Manyatimeithasseemedtomelikeadiscrepancy，butsomehowIcouldn\'tmakeupmymind。 Howquickyounoticeathing! Q。Thankyouforthecompliment，asfarasitgoes。Hadyou，orhaveyou，anybrothersorsisters？ A。Eh!I——I——Ithinkso——yes——butIdon\'tremember。 Q。Well，thatisthemostextraordinarystatementIeverheard! A。Why，whatmakesyouthinkthat？ Q。HowcouldIthinkotherwise？Why，lookhere!Whoisthisapictureofonthewall？Isn\'tthatabrotherofyours？ A。Oh，yes，yes，yes!Nowyouremindmeofit；thatwasabrotherofmine。That\'sWilliam——Billwecalledhim。PooroldBill! Q。Why？Ishedead，then？ A。Ah!well，Isupposeso。Wenevercouldtell。Therewasagreatmysteryaboutit。 Q。Thatissad，verysad。Hedisappeared，then？ A。Well，yes，inasortofgeneralway。Weburiedhim。 Q。Buriedhim!Buriedhim，withoutknowingwhetherhewasdeadornot？ A。Oh，no!Notthat。Hewasdeadenough。 Q。Well，IconfessthatIcan\'tunderstandthis。Ifyouburiedhim，andyouknewhewasdeadA。No!no!Weonlythoughthewas。 Q。Oh，Isee!Hecametolifeagain？ A。Ibethedidn\'t。 Q。Well，Ineverheardanythinglikethis。Somebodywasdead。Somebodywasburied。Now，wherewasthemystery？ A。Ah!that\'sjustit!That\'sitexactly。Yousee，weweretwins—— defunct——andI——andwegotmixedinthebathtubwhenwewereonlytwoweeksold，andoneofuswasdrowned。Butwedidn\'tknowwhich。SomethinkitwasBill。Somethinkitwasme。 Q。Well，thatisremarkable。Whatdoyouthink？ A。Goodnessknows!Iwouldgivewholeworldstoknow。Thissolemn，thisawfulmysteryhascastagloomovermywholelife。ButIwilltellyouasecretnow，whichIneverhaverevealedtoanycreaturebefore。 Oneofushadapeculiarmark——alargemoleonthebackofhislefthand； thatwasme。Thatchildwastheonethatwasdrowned! Q。Verywell，then，Idon\'tseethatthereisanymysteryaboutit，afterall。 A。Youdon\'t？Well，Ido。Anyway，Idon\'tseehowtheycouldeverhavebeensuchablunderinglotastogoandburythewrongchild。But，\'sh!—— don\'tmentionitwherethefamilycanhearofit。Heavenknowstheyhaveheartbreakingtroublesenoughwithoutaddingthis。 Q。Well，IbelieveIhavegotmaterialenoughforthepresent，andIamverymuchobligedtoyouforthepainsyouhavetaken。ButIwasagooddealinterestedinthataccountofAaronBurr\'sfuneral。WouldyoumindtellingmewhatparticularcircumstanceitwasthatmadeyouthinkBurrwassucharemarkableman？ A。Oh!itwasameretrifle!Notonemaninfiftywouldhavenoticeditatall。Whenthesermonwasover，andtheprocessionallreadytostartforthecemetery，andthebodyallarrangedniceinthehearse，hesaidhewantedtotakealastlookatthescenery，andsohegotupandrodewiththedriver。 Thentheyoungmanreverentlywithdrew。Hewasverypleasantcompany，andIwassorrytoseehimgo。 PARISNOTES—— [Crowdedoutof\"ATrampAbroad\"tomakeroomformorevitalstatistics——M。T。] TheParisiantravelsbutlittle，heknowsnolanguagebuthisown，readsnoliteraturebuthisown，andconsequentlyheisprettynarrowandprettyself-sufficient。However，letusnotbetoosweeping；thereareFrenchmenwhoknowlanguagesnottheirown:thesearethewaiters。Amongtherest，theyknowEnglish；thatis，theyknowitontheEuropeanplan—— whichistosay，theycanspeakit，butcan\'tunderstandit。Theyeasilymakethemselvesunderstood，butitisnexttoimpossibletowordanEnglishsentenceinsuchawayastoenablethemtocomprehendit。Theythinktheycomprehendit；theypretendtheydo；buttheydon\'t。HereisaconversationwhichIhadwithoneofthesebeings；Iwroteitdownatthetime，inordertohaveitexactlycorrect。 I。Thesearefineoranges。Wherearetheygrown？ He。More？Yes，Iwillbringthem。 I。No，donotbringanymore；Ionlywanttoknowwheretheyarefromwheretheyareraised。 He。Yes？(withimperturbablemienandrisinginflection。) I。Yes。Canyoutellmewhatcountrytheyarefrom？ He。Yes？(blandly，withrisinginflection。) I。(disheartened)。Theyareverynice。 He。Goodnight。(Bows，andretires，quitesatisfiedwithhimself。) ThatyoungmancouldhavebecomeagoodEnglishscholarbytakingtherightsortofpains，buthewasFrench，andwouldn\'tdothat。Howdifferentisthecasewithourpeople；theyutilizeeverymeansthatoffers。TherearesomeallegedFrenchProtestantsinParis，andtheybuiltanicelittlechurchononeofthegreatavenuesthatleadawayfromtheArchofTriumph，andproposedtolistentothecorrectthing，preachedinthecorrectway，there，intheirpreciousFrenchtongue，andbehappy。Buttheirlittlegamedoesnotsucceed。OurpeoplearealwaysthereaheadofthemSundays，andtakeupalltheroom。Whentheministergetsuptopreach，hefindshishousefullofdevoutforeigners，eachreadyandwaiting，withhislittlebookinhishand——amorocco-boundTestament，apparently。Butonlyapparently；itisMr。Bellows\'sadmirableandexhaustivelittleFrench-Englishdictionary，whichinlookandbindingandsizeisjustlikeaTestamentandthose，peoplearetheretostudyFrench。Thebuildinghasbeennicknamed\"TheChurchoftheGratisFrenchLesson。\" Thesestudentsprobablyacquiremorelanguagethangeneralinformation，forIamtoldthataFrenchsermonislikeaFrenchspeech——itnevernamesahistoricalevent，butonlythedateofit；ifyouarenotupindates，yougetleft。AFrenchspeechissomethinglikethis: Comrades，citizens，brothers，noblepartsoftheonlysublimeandperfectnation，letusnotforgetthatthe21stJanuarycastoffourchains；thatthe10thAugustrelievedusoftheshamefulpresenceofforeignspies；thatthe5thSeptemberwasitsownjustificationbeforeheavenandhumanity；thatthe18thBrumairecontainedtheseedsofitsownpunishment；thatthe14thJulywasthemightyvoiceoflibertyproclaimingtheresurrection，thenewday，andinvitingtheoppressedpeoplesoftheearthtolookuponthedivinefaceofFranceandlive；andletushererecordoureverlastingcurseagainstthemanofthe2dDecember，anddeclareinthundertones，thenativetonesofFrance，thatbutforhimtherehadbeenno17thMarchinhistory，no12thOctober，no19thJanuary，no22dApril，no16thNovember，no30thSeptember，no2dJuly，no14thFebruary，no29thJune，no15thAugust，no31stMay——thatbutforhim，Francethepure，thegrand，thepeerless，hadhadasereneandvacantalmanactoday! IhaveheardofoneFrenchsermonwhichclosedinthisoddyeteloquentway: Myhearers，wehavesadcausetorememberthemanofthe13thJanuary。Theresultsofthevastcrimeofthe13thJanuaryhavebeeninjustproportiontothemagnitudeofthesetitself。Butforittherehadbeenno30November——sorrowfulspectacle!Thegrislydeedofthe16thJunehadnotbeendonebutforit，norhadthemanofthe16thJuneknownexistence；toitalonethe3dSeptemberwasdue，alsothefatal12thOctober。Shallwe，then，begratefulforthe13thJanuary，withitsfreightofdeathforyouandmeandallthatbreathe？Yes，myfriends，foritgaveusalsothatwhichhadnevercomebutforit，anditatone——theblessed25thDecember。 Itmaybewellenoughtoexplain，thoughinthecaseofmanyofmyreadersthiswillhardlybenecessary。Themanofthe13thJanuaryisAdam；thecrimeofthatdatewastheeatingoftheapple；thesorrowfulspectacleofthe30thNovemberwastheexpulsionfromEden；thegrislydeedofthe16thJunewasthemurderofAbel；theactofthe3dSeptemberwasthebeginningofthejourneytothelandofNod；the12thdayofOctober，thelastmountain-topsdisappearedundertheflood。WhenyougotochurchinFrance，youwanttotakeyouralmanacwithyou——annotated。 LEGENDOFSAGENFELD，INGERMANY [Leftoutof\"ATrampAbroad\"becauseitsauthenticityseemeddoubtful，andcouldnotatthattimebeproved——M。T。] Morethanathousandyearsagothissmalldistrictwasakingdom——alittlebitofakingdom，asortofdaintylittletoykingdom，asonemightsay。Itwasfarremovedfromthejealousies，strifes，andturmoilsofthatoldwarlikeday，andsoitslifewasasimplelife，itspeopleagentleandguilelessrace；itlayalwaysinadeepdreamofpeace，asoftSabbathtranquillity；therewasnomalice，therewasnoenvy，therewasnoambition，consequentlytherewerenoheart-burnings，therewasnounhappinessintheland。 InthecourseoftimetheoldkingdiedandhislittlesonHubertcametothethrone。Thepeople\'sloveforhimgrewdaily；hewassogoodandsopureandsonoble，thatbyandbyhislovebecameapassion，almostaworship。Nowathisbirththesoothsayershaddiligentlystudiedthestarsandfoundsomethingwritteninthatshiningbooktothiseffect: InHubert\'sfourteenthyearapregnanteventwillhappen；theanimalwhosesingingshallsoundsweetestinHubert\'searshallsaveHubert\'slife。Solongasthekingandthenationshallhonorthisanimal\'sraceforthisgooddeed，theancientdynastyshallnotfailofanheir，northenationknowwarorpestilenceorpoverty。Butbewareanerringchoice! Allthroughtheking\'sthirteenthyearbutonethingwastalkedofbythesoothsayers，thestatesmen，thelittleparliament，andthegeneralpeople。Thatonethingwasthis: Howisthelastsentenceoftheprophecytobeunderstood？Whatgoesbeforeseemstomeanthatthesavinganimalwillchooseitselfatthepropertime；buttheclosingsentenceseemstomeanthatthekingmustchoosebeforehand，andsaywhatsingeramongtheanimalspleaseshimbest，andthatifhechoosewiselythechosenanimalwillsavehislife，hisdynasty，hispeople，butthatifheshouldmake\"anerringchoice\"——beware! Bytheendoftheyeartherewereasmanyopinionsaboutthismatterastherehadbeeninthebeginning；butamajorityofthewiseandthesimplewereagreedthatthesafestplanwouldbeforthelittlekingtomakechoicebeforehand，andtheearlierthebetter。Soanedictwassentforthcommandingallpersonswhoownedsingingcreaturestobringthemtothegreathallofthepalaceinthemorningofthefirstdayofthenewyear。Thiscommandwasobeyed。Wheneverythingwasinreadinessforthetrial，thekingmadehissolemnentrywiththegreatofficersofthecrown，allclothedintheirrobesofstate。Thekingmountedhisgoldenthroneandpreparedtogivejudgment。Buthepresentlysaid: \"Thesecreaturesallsingatonce；thenoiseisunendurable；noonecanchooseinsuchaturmoil。Takethemallaway，andbringbackoneatatime。\" Thiswasdone。Onesweetwarblerafteranothercharmedtheyoungking\'searandwasremovedtomakewayforanothercandidate。Thepreciousminutesslippedby；amongsomanybewitchingsongstershefoundithardtochoose，andalltheharderbecausethepromisedpenaltyforanerrorwassoterriblethatitunsettledhisjudgmentandmadehimafraidtotrusthisownears。Hegrewnervousandhisfaceshoweddistress。Hisministerssawthis，fortheynevertooktheireyesfromhimamoment。 Nowtheybegantosayintheirhearts: \"Hehaslostcourage——thecoolheadisgone——hewillerr——heandhisdynastyandhispeoplearedoomed!\" Attheendofanhourthekingsatsilentawhile，andthensaid: \"Bringbackthelinnet。\" Thelinnettrilledforthherjubilantmusic。Inthemidstofitthekingwasabouttouplifthisscepterinsignofchoice，butcheckedhimselfandsaid: \"Butletusbesure。Bringbackthethrush；letthemsingtogether。\" Thethrushwasbrought，andthetwobirdspouredouttheirmarvelsofsongtogether。Thekingwavered，thenhisinclinationbegantosettleandstrengthen——onecouldseeitinhiscountenance。Hopebuddedintheheartsoftheoldministers，theirpulsesbegantobeatquicker，thescepterbegantoriseslowly，when:Therewasahideousinterruption! Itwasasoundlikethis——justatthedoor: \"Waw……he!waw……he!waw-he!-wawhe!-waw-he!\" Everybodywassorelystartled——andenragedathimselfforshowingit。 Thenextinstantthedearest，sweetest，prettiestlittlepeasant-maidofnineyearscametrippingin，herbrowneyesglowingwithchildisheagerness；butwhenshesawthataugustcompanyandthoseangryfacesshestoppedandhungherheadandputherpoorcoarseaprontohereyes。 Nobodygaveherwelcome，nonepitiedher。Presentlyshelookeduptimidlythroughhertears，andsaid: \"Mylordtheking，Iprayyoupardonme，forImeantnowrong。Ihavenofatherandnomother，butIhaveagoatandadonkey，andtheyareallinalltome。Mygoatgivesmethesweetestmilk，andwhenmydeargooddonkeybraysitseemstomethereisnomusicliketoit。~Sowhenmylordtheking\'sjestersaidthesweetestsingeramongalltheanimalsshouldsavethecrownandnation，andmovedmetobringhimhere——\" Allthecourtburstintoarudelaugh，andthechildfledawaycrying，withouttryingtofinishherspeech。Thechiefministergaveaprivateorderthatsheandherdisastrousdonkeybefloggedbeyondtheprecinctsofthepalaceandcommandedtocomewithinthemnomore。 Thenthetrialofthebirdswasresumed。Thetwobirdssangtheirbest，butthescepterlaymotionlessintheking\'shand。Hopediedslowlyoutinthebreastsofall。Anhourwentby；twohours，stillnodecision。 Thedaywanedtoitsclose，andthewaitingmultitudesoutsidethepalacegrewcrazedwithanxietyandapprehension。Thetwilightcameon，theshadowsfelldeeperanddeeper。Thekingandhiscourtcouldnolongerseeeachother\'sfaces。Noonespoke——nonecalledforlights。Thegreattrialhadbeenmade；ithadfailed；eachandallwishedtohidetheirfacesfromthelightandcoveruptheirdeeptroubleintheirownhearts。 Finally-hark!Arich，fullstrainofthedivinestmelodystreamedforthfromaremotepartofthehallthenightingale\'svoice! \"Up!\"shoutedtheking，\"letallthebellsmakeproclamationtothepeople，forthechoiceismadeandwehavenoterred。King，dynasty，andnationaresaved。Fromhenceforthletthenightingalebehonoredthroughoutthelandforever。Andpublishitamongallthepeoplethatwhosoevershallinsultanightingale，orinjureit，shallsufferdeath。 Thekinghathspoken。\" Allthatlittleworldwasdrunkwithjoy。Thecastleandthecityblazedwithbonfiresallnightlong，thepeopledancedanddrankandsang；andthetriumphantclamorofthebellsneverceased。 Fromthatdaythenightingalewasasacredbird。Itssongwasheardineveryhouse；thepoetswroteitspraises；thepainterspaintedit；itssculpturedimageadornedeveryarchandturretandfountainandpublicbuilding。Itwaseventakenintotheking\'scouncils；andnogravematterofstatewasdecideduntilthesoothsayershadlaidthethingbeforethestatenightingaleandtranslatedtotheministrywhatitwasthatthebirdhadsungaboutit。 II Theyoungkingwasveryfondofthechase。Whenthesummerwascomeherodeforthwithhawkandhound，oneday，inabrilliantcompanyofhisnobles。Hegotseparatedfromthembyandby，inagreatforest，andtookwhatheimaginedaneatcut，tofindthemagain；butitwasamistake。Herodeonandon，hopefullyatfirst，butwithsinkingcouragefinally。Twilightcameon，andstillhewasplungingthroughalonelyandunknownland。Thencameacatastrophe。Inthedimlightheforcedhishorsethroughatangledthicketoverhangingasteepandrockydeclivity。Whenhorseandriderreachedthebottom，theformerhadabrokenneckandthelatterabrokenleg。Thepoorlittlekinglaytheresufferingagoniesofpain，andeachhourseemedalongmonthtohim。 Hekepthisearstrainedtoheatanysoundthatmightpromisehopeofrescue；butheheardnovoice，nosoundofhornorbayofhound。Soatlasthegaveupallhope，andsaid，\"Letdeathcome，fourcomeitmust。\" Justthenthedeep，sweetsongofanightingalesweptacrossthestillwastesofthenight。 \"Saved!\"thekingsaid。\"Saved!Itisthesacredbird，andtheprophecyiscometrue。Thegodsthemselvesprotectedmefromerrorinthechoice。\" Hecouldhardlycontainhisjoy；hecouldnotwordhisgratitude。Everyfewmoments，nowhethoughthecaughtthesoundofapproachingsuccor。 Buteachtimeitwasadisappointment；nosuccorcame。Thedullhoursdriftedon。Stillnohelpcame——butstillthesacredbirdsangon。Hebegantohavemisgivingsabouthischoice，buthestifledthem。Towarddawnthebirdceased。Themorningcame，andwithitthirstandhunger； butnosuccor。Thedaywaxedandwaned。Atlastthekingcursedthenightingale。 Immediatelythesongofthethrushcamefromoutthewood。Thekingsaidinhisheart，\"Thiswasthetrue-bird——mychoicewasfalse——succorwillcomenow。\" Butitdidnotcome。Thenhelaymanyhoursinsensible。Whenhecametohimself，alinnetwassinging。Helistened-withapathy。Hisfaithwasgone。\"Thesebirds，\"hesaid，\"canbringnohelp；Iandmyhouseandmypeoplearedoomed。\"Heturnedhimabouttodie；forhewasgrownveryfeeblefromhungerandthirstandsuffering，andfeltthathisendwasnear。Intruth，hewantedtodie，andbereleasedfrompain。Forlonghourshelaywithoutthoughtorfeelingormotion。Thenhissensesreturned。Thedawnofthethirdmorningwasbreaking。Ah，theworldseemedverybeautifultothoseworneyes。Suddenlyagreatlongingtoliveroseupinthelad\'sheart，andfromhissoulwelledadeepandferventprayerthatHeavenwouldhavemercyuponhimandlethimseehishomeandhisfriendsoncemore。Inthatinstantasoft，afaint，afar- offsound，butoh，howinexpressiblysweettohiswaitingear，camefloatingoutofthedistance: \"Waw……he!waw……he!waw-he!——waw-he!——waw-he!\" \"That，oh，thatsongissweeter，athousandtimessweeterthanthevoiceofthenightingale，thrush，orlinnet，foritbringsnotmerehope，butcertaintyofsuccor；andnow，indeed，amIsaved!Thesacredsingerhaschosenitself，astheoracleintended；theprophecyisfulfilled，andmylife，myhouse，andmypeopleareredeemed。Theassshallbesacredfromthisday!\" Thedivinemusicgrewnearerandnearer，strongerandstrongerandeversweeterandsweetertotheperishingsufferer\'sear。Downthedeclivitythedocilelittledonkeywandered，croppingherbageandsingingashewent；andwhenatlasthesawthedeadhorseandthewoundedking，hecameandsnuffedatthemwithsimpleandmarvelingcuriosity。Thekingpettedhim，andhekneltdownashadbeenhiswontwhenhislittlemistressdesiredtomount。Withgreatlaborandpaintheladdrewhimselfuponthecreature\'sback，andheldhimselftherebyaidofthegenerousears。Theasswentsingingforthfromtheplaceandcarriedthekingtothelittlepeasant-maid\'shut。Shegavehimherpalletforabed，refreshedhimwithgoat\'smilk，andthenflewtotellthegreatnewstothefirstscouting-partyofsearchersshemightmeet。 Thekinggotwell。Hisfirstactwastoproclaimthesacrednessandinviolabilityoftheass；hissecondwastoaddthisparticularasstohiscabinetandmakehimchiefministerofthecrown；histhirdwastohaveallthestatuesandeffigiesofnightingalesthroughouthiskingdomdestroyed，andreplacedbystatuesandeffigiesofthesacreddonkey； and，hisfourthwastoannouncethatwhenthelittlepeasantmaidshouldreachherfifteenthyearhewouldmakeherhisqueenandhekepthisword。 Suchisthelegend。Thisexplainswhythemolderingimageoftheassadornsalltheseoldcrumblingwallsandarches；anditexplainswhy，duringmanycenturies，anasswasalwaysthechiefministerinthatroyalcabinet，justasisstillthecaseinmostcabinetstothisday；anditalsoexplainswhy，inthatlittlekingdom，duringmanycenturies，allgreatpoems，allgreatspeeches，allgreatbooks，allpublicsolemnities，andallroyalproclamations，alwaysbeganwiththesestirringwords: \"Waw……he!waw……，he!——wawhe!Waw-he!\" SPEECHONTHEBABIES ATTHEBANQUET，INCHICAGO，GIVENBYTHEARMYOFTHETENNESSEETOTHEIR FIRSTCOMMANDER，GENERALU。S。GRANT，NOVEMBER，1879 Thefifteenthregulartoastwas\"TheBabies——astheycomfortusinoursorrows，letusnotforgettheminourfestivities。\" Ilikethat。Wehavenotallhadthegoodfortunetobeladies。Wehavenotallbeengenerals，orpoets，orstatesmen；butwhenthetoastworksdowntothebabies，westandoncommonground。Itisashamethatforathousandyearstheworld\'sbanquetshaveutterlyignoredthebaby，asifhedidn\'tamounttoanything。Ifyouwillstopandthinkaminute——ifyouwillgobackfiftyoronehundredyearstoyourearlymarriedlifeandrecontemplateyourfirstbaby——youwillrememberthatheamountedtoagreatdeal，andevensomethingover。Yousoldiersallknowthatwhenthelittlefellowarrivedatfamily，headquartersyouhadtohandinyourresignation。Hetookentirecommand。Youbecamehislackey，hismerebodyservant，andyouhadtostandaround，too。Hewasnotacommanderwhomadeallowancesfartime，distance，weather，oranythingelse。Youhadtoexecutehisorderwhetheritwaspossibleormot。Andtherewasonlyoneformofmarchinginhismanualoftactics，andthatwasthedouble-quick。Hetreatedyouwitheverysortofinsolenceanddisrespect，andthebravestofyoudidn\'tdaretosayaword。Youcouldfacethedeath-stormatDonelsonandVicksburg，andgivebackblowforblow；butwhenheclawedyourwhiskers，andpulledyourhair，andtwistedyournose，youhadtotakeit。Whenthethundersofwarweresoundinginyourearsyousetyourfacestowardthebatteries，andadvancedwithsteadytread；butwhenheturnedontheterrorsofhiswar-whoopyouadvancedintheotherdirection，andmightygladofthechance，too。Whenhecalledforsoothing-syrup，didyouventuretothrowoutanysideremarksaboutcertainservicesbeingunbecominganofficerandagentleman？No。Yougotupandgotit。Whenheorderedhispap- bottleanditwasnotwarm，didyoutalkback？Notyou。Youwenttoworkandwarmedit。Youevendescendedsofarinyourmenialofficeastotakeasuckatthatwarm，insipidstuffyourself，toseeifitwasright——threepartswatertooneofmilk，atouchofsugartomodifythecolic，andadropofpepperminttokillthosehiccoughs。Icantastethatstuffyet。Andhowmanythingsyoulearnedasyouwentalong! Sentimentalyoungfolksstilltakestockinthatbeautifuloldsayingthatwhenthebabysmilesinhissleep，itisbecausetheangelsarewhisperingtohim。Verypretty，buttoothin——simplywindonthestomach，myfriends。Ifthebabyproposedtotakeawalkathisusualhour，twoo\'clockinthemorning，didn\'tyouriseuppromptlyandremark，withamentaladditionwhichwouldnotimproveaSunday-schoolbookmuch，thatthatwastheverythingyouwereabouttoproposeyourself？Oh! youwereundergooddiscipline，andasyouwentflutteringupanddowntheroominyourundressuniform，younotonlyprattledundignifiedbaby-