第5章
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佚名字数:11198更新时间:18/12/14 13:50:14
\"Oh,mygoodness!whatdoyouwanttospellitfor?\"
\"Idon\'twanttospellit;Iwanttoseewhatitmeans。\"
\"Well,thisisastonishing,Imustsay。Icantellyouwhatitmeans,ifyou——ifyou——\"
\"Oh,allright!Thatwillanswer,andmuchobligedtoyou,too。\"
\"In,in,ter,ter,inter——\"
\"Thenyouspellitwithanh\"
Whycertainly!\"
\"Oh,thatiswhattookmesolong。\"
\"Why,mydearsir,whatdidyouproposetospellitwith?\"
\"Well,I——I——hardlyknow。IhadtheUnabridged,andIwascipheringaroundinthebackend,hopingImighttreeheramongthepictures。
Butit\'saveryoldedition。\"
\"Why,myfriend,theywouldn\'thaveapictureofitineventhelateste——Mydearsir,Ibegyourpardon,Imeannoharmintheworld,butyoudonotlookas——as——intelligentasIhadexpectedyouwould。Noharm——
Imeannoharmatall。\"
\"Oh,don\'tmentionit!Ithasoftenbeensaid,andbypeoplewhowouldnotflatterandwhocouldhavenoinducementtoflatter,thatIamquiteremarkableinthatway。Yes——yes;theyalwaysspeakofitwithrapture。\"
\"Icaneasilyimagineit。Butaboutthisinterview。Youknowitisthecustom,now,tointerviewanymanwhohasbecomenotorious。\"
\"Indeed,Ihadnotheardofitbefore。Itmustbeveryinteresting。
Whatdoyoudoitwith?\"
\"Ah,well——well——well——thisisdisheartening。Itoughttobedonewithaclubinsomecases;butcustomarilyitconsistsintheintervieweraskingquestionsandtheinterviewedansweringthem。Itisalltheragenow。
Willyouletmeaskyoucertainquestionscalculatedtobringoutthesalientpointsofyourpublicandprivatehistory?\"
\"Oh,withpleasure——withpleasure。Ihaveaverybadmemory,butIhopeyouwillnotmindthat。Thatistosay,itisanirregularmemory——
singularlyirregular。Sometimesitgoesinagallop,andthenagainitwillbeasmuchasafortnightpassingagivenpoint。Thisisagreatgrieftome。\"
\"Oh,itisnomatter,soyouwilltrytodothebestyoucan。\"
\"Iwill。Iwillputmywholemindonit。\"
\"Thanks。Areyoureadytobegin?\"
\"Ready。\"
Q。Howoldareyou?
A。Nineteen,inJune。
Q。Indeed。Iwouldhavetakenyoutobethirty-fiveorsix。Wherewereyouborn?
A。InMissouri。
Q。Whendidyoubegintowrite?
A。In1836。
Q。Why,howcouldthatbe,ifyouareonlynineteennow?
A。Idon\'tknow。Itdoesseemcurious,somehow。
Q。Itdoes,indeed。Whomdoyouconsiderthemostremarkablemanyouevermet?
A。AaronBurr。
Q。ButyounevercouldhavemetAaronBurr,ifyouareonlynineteenyears!
A。Now,ifyouknowmoreaboutmethanIdo,whatdoyouaskmefor?
Q。Well,itwasonlyasuggestion;nothingmore。HowdidyouhappentomeetBurr?
A。Well,Ihappenedtobeathisfuneraloneday,andheaskedmetomakelessnoise,and——
Q。But,goodheavens!ifyouwereathisfuneral,hemusthavebeendead,andifhewasdeadhowcouldhecarewhetheryoumadeanoiseornot?
A。Idon\'tknow。Hewasalwaysaparticularkindofamanthatway。
Q。Still,Idon\'tunderstanditatall,Yousayhespoketoyou,andthathewasdead。
A。Ididn\'tsayhewasdead。
Q。Butwasn\'thedead?
A。Well,somesaidhewas,somesaidhewasn\'t。
Q。Whatdidyouthink?
A。Oh,itwasnoneofmybusiness!Itwasn\'tanyofmyfuneral。
Q。Didyou——However,wecannevergetthismatterstraight。Letmeaskaboutsomethingelse。Whatwasthedateofyourbirth?
A。Monday,October31,1693。
Q。What!Impossible!Thatwouldmakeyouahundredandeightyyearsold。Howdoyouaccountforthat?
A。Idon\'taccountforitatall。
Q。Butyousaidatfirstyouwereonlynineteen,andnowyoumakeyourselfouttobeonehundredandeighty。Itisanawfuldiscrepancy。
A。Why,haveyounoticedthat?(Shakinghands。)Manyatimeithasseemedtomelikeadiscrepancy,butsomehowIcouldn\'tmakeupmymind。
Howquickyounoticeathing!
Q。Thankyouforthecompliment,asfarasitgoes。Hadyou,orhaveyou,anybrothersorsisters?
A。Eh!I——I——Ithinkso——yes——butIdon\'tremember。
Q。Well,thatisthemostextraordinarystatementIeverheard!
A。Why,whatmakesyouthinkthat?
Q。HowcouldIthinkotherwise?Why,lookhere!Whoisthisapictureofonthewall?Isn\'tthatabrotherofyours?
A。Oh,yes,yes,yes!Nowyouremindmeofit;thatwasabrotherofmine。That\'sWilliam——Billwecalledhim。PooroldBill!
Q。Why?Ishedead,then?
A。Ah!well,Isupposeso。Wenevercouldtell。Therewasagreatmysteryaboutit。
Q。Thatissad,verysad。Hedisappeared,then?
A。Well,yes,inasortofgeneralway。Weburiedhim。
Q。Buriedhim!Buriedhim,withoutknowingwhetherhewasdeadornot?
A。Oh,no!Notthat。Hewasdeadenough。
Q。Well,IconfessthatIcan\'tunderstandthis。Ifyouburiedhim,andyouknewhewasdeadA。No!no!Weonlythoughthewas。
Q。Oh,Isee!Hecametolifeagain?
A。Ibethedidn\'t。
Q。Well,Ineverheardanythinglikethis。Somebodywasdead。Somebodywasburied。Now,wherewasthemystery?
A。Ah!that\'sjustit!That\'sitexactly。Yousee,weweretwins——
defunct——andI——andwegotmixedinthebathtubwhenwewereonlytwoweeksold,andoneofuswasdrowned。Butwedidn\'tknowwhich。SomethinkitwasBill。Somethinkitwasme。
Q。Well,thatisremarkable。Whatdoyouthink?
A。Goodnessknows!Iwouldgivewholeworldstoknow。Thissolemn,thisawfulmysteryhascastagloomovermywholelife。ButIwilltellyouasecretnow,whichIneverhaverevealedtoanycreaturebefore。
Oneofushadapeculiarmark——alargemoleonthebackofhislefthand;
thatwasme。Thatchildwastheonethatwasdrowned!
Q。Verywell,then,Idon\'tseethatthereisanymysteryaboutit,afterall。
A。Youdon\'t?Well,Ido。Anyway,Idon\'tseehowtheycouldeverhavebeensuchablunderinglotastogoandburythewrongchild。But,\'sh!——
don\'tmentionitwherethefamilycanhearofit。Heavenknowstheyhaveheartbreakingtroublesenoughwithoutaddingthis。
Q。Well,IbelieveIhavegotmaterialenoughforthepresent,andIamverymuchobligedtoyouforthepainsyouhavetaken。ButIwasagooddealinterestedinthataccountofAaronBurr\'sfuneral。WouldyoumindtellingmewhatparticularcircumstanceitwasthatmadeyouthinkBurrwassucharemarkableman?
A。Oh!itwasameretrifle!Notonemaninfiftywouldhavenoticeditatall。Whenthesermonwasover,andtheprocessionallreadytostartforthecemetery,andthebodyallarrangedniceinthehearse,hesaidhewantedtotakealastlookatthescenery,andsohegotupandrodewiththedriver。
Thentheyoungmanreverentlywithdrew。Hewasverypleasantcompany,andIwassorrytoseehimgo。
PARISNOTES——
[Crowdedoutof\"ATrampAbroad\"tomakeroomformorevitalstatistics——M。T。]
TheParisiantravelsbutlittle,heknowsnolanguagebuthisown,readsnoliteraturebuthisown,andconsequentlyheisprettynarrowandprettyself-sufficient。However,letusnotbetoosweeping;thereareFrenchmenwhoknowlanguagesnottheirown:thesearethewaiters。Amongtherest,theyknowEnglish;thatis,theyknowitontheEuropeanplan——
whichistosay,theycanspeakit,butcan\'tunderstandit。Theyeasilymakethemselvesunderstood,butitisnexttoimpossibletowordanEnglishsentenceinsuchawayastoenablethemtocomprehendit。Theythinktheycomprehendit;theypretendtheydo;buttheydon\'t。HereisaconversationwhichIhadwithoneofthesebeings;Iwroteitdownatthetime,inordertohaveitexactlycorrect。
I。Thesearefineoranges。Wherearetheygrown?
He。More?Yes,Iwillbringthem。
I。No,donotbringanymore;Ionlywanttoknowwheretheyarefromwheretheyareraised。
He。Yes?(withimperturbablemienandrisinginflection。)
I。Yes。Canyoutellmewhatcountrytheyarefrom?
He。Yes?(blandly,withrisinginflection。)
I。(disheartened)。Theyareverynice。
He。Goodnight。(Bows,andretires,quitesatisfiedwithhimself。)
ThatyoungmancouldhavebecomeagoodEnglishscholarbytakingtherightsortofpains,buthewasFrench,andwouldn\'tdothat。Howdifferentisthecasewithourpeople;theyutilizeeverymeansthatoffers。TherearesomeallegedFrenchProtestantsinParis,andtheybuiltanicelittlechurchononeofthegreatavenuesthatleadawayfromtheArchofTriumph,andproposedtolistentothecorrectthing,preachedinthecorrectway,there,intheirpreciousFrenchtongue,andbehappy。Buttheirlittlegamedoesnotsucceed。OurpeoplearealwaysthereaheadofthemSundays,andtakeupalltheroom。Whentheministergetsuptopreach,hefindshishousefullofdevoutforeigners,eachreadyandwaiting,withhislittlebookinhishand——amorocco-boundTestament,apparently。Butonlyapparently;itisMr。Bellows\'sadmirableandexhaustivelittleFrench-Englishdictionary,whichinlookandbindingandsizeisjustlikeaTestamentandthose,peoplearetheretostudyFrench。Thebuildinghasbeennicknamed\"TheChurchoftheGratisFrenchLesson。\"
Thesestudentsprobablyacquiremorelanguagethangeneralinformation,forIamtoldthataFrenchsermonislikeaFrenchspeech——itnevernamesahistoricalevent,butonlythedateofit;ifyouarenotupindates,yougetleft。AFrenchspeechissomethinglikethis:
Comrades,citizens,brothers,noblepartsoftheonlysublimeandperfectnation,letusnotforgetthatthe21stJanuarycastoffourchains;thatthe10thAugustrelievedusoftheshamefulpresenceofforeignspies;thatthe5thSeptemberwasitsownjustificationbeforeheavenandhumanity;thatthe18thBrumairecontainedtheseedsofitsownpunishment;thatthe14thJulywasthemightyvoiceoflibertyproclaimingtheresurrection,thenewday,andinvitingtheoppressedpeoplesoftheearthtolookuponthedivinefaceofFranceandlive;andletushererecordoureverlastingcurseagainstthemanofthe2dDecember,anddeclareinthundertones,thenativetonesofFrance,thatbutforhimtherehadbeenno17thMarchinhistory,no12thOctober,no19thJanuary,no22dApril,no16thNovember,no30thSeptember,no2dJuly,no14thFebruary,no29thJune,no15thAugust,no31stMay——thatbutforhim,Francethepure,thegrand,thepeerless,hadhadasereneandvacantalmanactoday!
IhaveheardofoneFrenchsermonwhichclosedinthisoddyeteloquentway:
Myhearers,wehavesadcausetorememberthemanofthe13thJanuary。Theresultsofthevastcrimeofthe13thJanuaryhavebeeninjustproportiontothemagnitudeofthesetitself。Butforittherehadbeenno30November——sorrowfulspectacle!Thegrislydeedofthe16thJunehadnotbeendonebutforit,norhadthemanofthe16thJuneknownexistence;toitalonethe3dSeptemberwasdue,alsothefatal12thOctober。Shallwe,then,begratefulforthe13thJanuary,withitsfreightofdeathforyouandmeandallthatbreathe?Yes,myfriends,foritgaveusalsothatwhichhadnevercomebutforit,anditatone——theblessed25thDecember。
Itmaybewellenoughtoexplain,thoughinthecaseofmanyofmyreadersthiswillhardlybenecessary。Themanofthe13thJanuaryisAdam;thecrimeofthatdatewastheeatingoftheapple;thesorrowfulspectacleofthe30thNovemberwastheexpulsionfromEden;thegrislydeedofthe16thJunewasthemurderofAbel;theactofthe3dSeptemberwasthebeginningofthejourneytothelandofNod;the12thdayofOctober,thelastmountain-topsdisappearedundertheflood。WhenyougotochurchinFrance,youwanttotakeyouralmanacwithyou——annotated。
LEGENDOFSAGENFELD,INGERMANY
[Leftoutof\"ATrampAbroad\"becauseitsauthenticityseemeddoubtful,andcouldnotatthattimebeproved——M。T。]
Morethanathousandyearsagothissmalldistrictwasakingdom——alittlebitofakingdom,asortofdaintylittletoykingdom,asonemightsay。Itwasfarremovedfromthejealousies,strifes,andturmoilsofthatoldwarlikeday,andsoitslifewasasimplelife,itspeopleagentleandguilelessrace;itlayalwaysinadeepdreamofpeace,asoftSabbathtranquillity;therewasnomalice,therewasnoenvy,therewasnoambition,consequentlytherewerenoheart-burnings,therewasnounhappinessintheland。
InthecourseoftimetheoldkingdiedandhislittlesonHubertcametothethrone。Thepeople\'sloveforhimgrewdaily;hewassogoodandsopureandsonoble,thatbyandbyhislovebecameapassion,almostaworship。Nowathisbirththesoothsayershaddiligentlystudiedthestarsandfoundsomethingwritteninthatshiningbooktothiseffect:
InHubert\'sfourteenthyearapregnanteventwillhappen;theanimalwhosesingingshallsoundsweetestinHubert\'searshallsaveHubert\'slife。Solongasthekingandthenationshallhonorthisanimal\'sraceforthisgooddeed,theancientdynastyshallnotfailofanheir,northenationknowwarorpestilenceorpoverty。Butbewareanerringchoice!
Allthroughtheking\'sthirteenthyearbutonethingwastalkedofbythesoothsayers,thestatesmen,thelittleparliament,andthegeneralpeople。Thatonethingwasthis:
Howisthelastsentenceoftheprophecytobeunderstood?Whatgoesbeforeseemstomeanthatthesavinganimalwillchooseitselfatthepropertime;buttheclosingsentenceseemstomeanthatthekingmustchoosebeforehand,andsaywhatsingeramongtheanimalspleaseshimbest,andthatifhechoosewiselythechosenanimalwillsavehislife,hisdynasty,hispeople,butthatifheshouldmake\"anerringchoice\"——beware!
Bytheendoftheyeartherewereasmanyopinionsaboutthismatterastherehadbeeninthebeginning;butamajorityofthewiseandthesimplewereagreedthatthesafestplanwouldbeforthelittlekingtomakechoicebeforehand,andtheearlierthebetter。Soanedictwassentforthcommandingallpersonswhoownedsingingcreaturestobringthemtothegreathallofthepalaceinthemorningofthefirstdayofthenewyear。Thiscommandwasobeyed。Wheneverythingwasinreadinessforthetrial,thekingmadehissolemnentrywiththegreatofficersofthecrown,allclothedintheirrobesofstate。Thekingmountedhisgoldenthroneandpreparedtogivejudgment。Buthepresentlysaid:
\"Thesecreaturesallsingatonce;thenoiseisunendurable;noonecanchooseinsuchaturmoil。Takethemallaway,andbringbackoneatatime。\"
Thiswasdone。Onesweetwarblerafteranothercharmedtheyoungking\'searandwasremovedtomakewayforanothercandidate。Thepreciousminutesslippedby;amongsomanybewitchingsongstershefoundithardtochoose,andalltheharderbecausethepromisedpenaltyforanerrorwassoterriblethatitunsettledhisjudgmentandmadehimafraidtotrusthisownears。Hegrewnervousandhisfaceshoweddistress。Hisministerssawthis,fortheynevertooktheireyesfromhimamoment。
Nowtheybegantosayintheirhearts:
\"Hehaslostcourage——thecoolheadisgone——hewillerr——heandhisdynastyandhispeoplearedoomed!\"
Attheendofanhourthekingsatsilentawhile,andthensaid:
\"Bringbackthelinnet。\"
Thelinnettrilledforthherjubilantmusic。Inthemidstofitthekingwasabouttouplifthisscepterinsignofchoice,butcheckedhimselfandsaid:
\"Butletusbesure。Bringbackthethrush;letthemsingtogether。\"
Thethrushwasbrought,andthetwobirdspouredouttheirmarvelsofsongtogether。Thekingwavered,thenhisinclinationbegantosettleandstrengthen——onecouldseeitinhiscountenance。Hopebuddedintheheartsoftheoldministers,theirpulsesbegantobeatquicker,thescepterbegantoriseslowly,when:Therewasahideousinterruption!
Itwasasoundlikethis——justatthedoor:
\"Waw……he!waw……he!waw-he!-wawhe!-waw-he!\"
Everybodywassorelystartled——andenragedathimselfforshowingit。
Thenextinstantthedearest,sweetest,prettiestlittlepeasant-maidofnineyearscametrippingin,herbrowneyesglowingwithchildisheagerness;butwhenshesawthataugustcompanyandthoseangryfacesshestoppedandhungherheadandputherpoorcoarseaprontohereyes。
Nobodygaveherwelcome,nonepitiedher。Presentlyshelookeduptimidlythroughhertears,andsaid:
\"Mylordtheking,Iprayyoupardonme,forImeantnowrong。Ihavenofatherandnomother,butIhaveagoatandadonkey,andtheyareallinalltome。Mygoatgivesmethesweetestmilk,andwhenmydeargooddonkeybraysitseemstomethereisnomusicliketoit。~Sowhenmylordtheking\'sjestersaidthesweetestsingeramongalltheanimalsshouldsavethecrownandnation,andmovedmetobringhimhere——\"
Allthecourtburstintoarudelaugh,andthechildfledawaycrying,withouttryingtofinishherspeech。Thechiefministergaveaprivateorderthatsheandherdisastrousdonkeybefloggedbeyondtheprecinctsofthepalaceandcommandedtocomewithinthemnomore。
Thenthetrialofthebirdswasresumed。Thetwobirdssangtheirbest,butthescepterlaymotionlessintheking\'shand。Hopediedslowlyoutinthebreastsofall。Anhourwentby;twohours,stillnodecision。
Thedaywanedtoitsclose,andthewaitingmultitudesoutsidethepalacegrewcrazedwithanxietyandapprehension。Thetwilightcameon,theshadowsfelldeeperanddeeper。Thekingandhiscourtcouldnolongerseeeachother\'sfaces。Noonespoke——nonecalledforlights。Thegreattrialhadbeenmade;ithadfailed;eachandallwishedtohidetheirfacesfromthelightandcoveruptheirdeeptroubleintheirownhearts。
Finally-hark!Arich,fullstrainofthedivinestmelodystreamedforthfromaremotepartofthehallthenightingale\'svoice!
\"Up!\"shoutedtheking,\"letallthebellsmakeproclamationtothepeople,forthechoiceismadeandwehavenoterred。King,dynasty,andnationaresaved。Fromhenceforthletthenightingalebehonoredthroughoutthelandforever。Andpublishitamongallthepeoplethatwhosoevershallinsultanightingale,orinjureit,shallsufferdeath。
Thekinghathspoken。\"
Allthatlittleworldwasdrunkwithjoy。Thecastleandthecityblazedwithbonfiresallnightlong,thepeopledancedanddrankandsang;andthetriumphantclamorofthebellsneverceased。
Fromthatdaythenightingalewasasacredbird。Itssongwasheardineveryhouse;thepoetswroteitspraises;thepainterspaintedit;itssculpturedimageadornedeveryarchandturretandfountainandpublicbuilding。Itwaseventakenintotheking\'scouncils;andnogravematterofstatewasdecideduntilthesoothsayershadlaidthethingbeforethestatenightingaleandtranslatedtotheministrywhatitwasthatthebirdhadsungaboutit。
II
Theyoungkingwasveryfondofthechase。Whenthesummerwascomeherodeforthwithhawkandhound,oneday,inabrilliantcompanyofhisnobles。Hegotseparatedfromthembyandby,inagreatforest,andtookwhatheimaginedaneatcut,tofindthemagain;butitwasamistake。Herodeonandon,hopefullyatfirst,butwithsinkingcouragefinally。Twilightcameon,andstillhewasplungingthroughalonelyandunknownland。Thencameacatastrophe。Inthedimlightheforcedhishorsethroughatangledthicketoverhangingasteepandrockydeclivity。Whenhorseandriderreachedthebottom,theformerhadabrokenneckandthelatterabrokenleg。Thepoorlittlekinglaytheresufferingagoniesofpain,andeachhourseemedalongmonthtohim。
Hekepthisearstrainedtoheatanysoundthatmightpromisehopeofrescue;butheheardnovoice,nosoundofhornorbayofhound。Soatlasthegaveupallhope,andsaid,\"Letdeathcome,fourcomeitmust。\"
Justthenthedeep,sweetsongofanightingalesweptacrossthestillwastesofthenight。
\"Saved!\"thekingsaid。\"Saved!Itisthesacredbird,andtheprophecyiscometrue。Thegodsthemselvesprotectedmefromerrorinthechoice。\"
Hecouldhardlycontainhisjoy;hecouldnotwordhisgratitude。Everyfewmoments,nowhethoughthecaughtthesoundofapproachingsuccor。
Buteachtimeitwasadisappointment;nosuccorcame。Thedullhoursdriftedon。Stillnohelpcame——butstillthesacredbirdsangon。Hebegantohavemisgivingsabouthischoice,buthestifledthem。Towarddawnthebirdceased。Themorningcame,andwithitthirstandhunger;
butnosuccor。Thedaywaxedandwaned。Atlastthekingcursedthenightingale。
Immediatelythesongofthethrushcamefromoutthewood。Thekingsaidinhisheart,\"Thiswasthetrue-bird——mychoicewasfalse——succorwillcomenow。\"
Butitdidnotcome。Thenhelaymanyhoursinsensible。Whenhecametohimself,alinnetwassinging。Helistened-withapathy。Hisfaithwasgone。\"Thesebirds,\"hesaid,\"canbringnohelp;Iandmyhouseandmypeoplearedoomed。\"Heturnedhimabouttodie;forhewasgrownveryfeeblefromhungerandthirstandsuffering,andfeltthathisendwasnear。Intruth,hewantedtodie,andbereleasedfrompain。Forlonghourshelaywithoutthoughtorfeelingormotion。Thenhissensesreturned。Thedawnofthethirdmorningwasbreaking。Ah,theworldseemedverybeautifultothoseworneyes。Suddenlyagreatlongingtoliveroseupinthelad\'sheart,andfromhissoulwelledadeepandferventprayerthatHeavenwouldhavemercyuponhimandlethimseehishomeandhisfriendsoncemore。Inthatinstantasoft,afaint,afar-
offsound,butoh,howinexpressiblysweettohiswaitingear,camefloatingoutofthedistance:
\"Waw……he!waw……he!waw-he!——waw-he!——waw-he!\"
\"That,oh,thatsongissweeter,athousandtimessweeterthanthevoiceofthenightingale,thrush,orlinnet,foritbringsnotmerehope,butcertaintyofsuccor;andnow,indeed,amIsaved!Thesacredsingerhaschosenitself,astheoracleintended;theprophecyisfulfilled,andmylife,myhouse,andmypeopleareredeemed。Theassshallbesacredfromthisday!\"
Thedivinemusicgrewnearerandnearer,strongerandstrongerandeversweeterandsweetertotheperishingsufferer\'sear。Downthedeclivitythedocilelittledonkeywandered,croppingherbageandsingingashewent;andwhenatlasthesawthedeadhorseandthewoundedking,hecameandsnuffedatthemwithsimpleandmarvelingcuriosity。Thekingpettedhim,andhekneltdownashadbeenhiswontwhenhislittlemistressdesiredtomount。Withgreatlaborandpaintheladdrewhimselfuponthecreature\'sback,andheldhimselftherebyaidofthegenerousears。Theasswentsingingforthfromtheplaceandcarriedthekingtothelittlepeasant-maid\'shut。Shegavehimherpalletforabed,refreshedhimwithgoat\'smilk,andthenflewtotellthegreatnewstothefirstscouting-partyofsearchersshemightmeet。
Thekinggotwell。Hisfirstactwastoproclaimthesacrednessandinviolabilityoftheass;hissecondwastoaddthisparticularasstohiscabinetandmakehimchiefministerofthecrown;histhirdwastohaveallthestatuesandeffigiesofnightingalesthroughouthiskingdomdestroyed,andreplacedbystatuesandeffigiesofthesacreddonkey;
and,hisfourthwastoannouncethatwhenthelittlepeasantmaidshouldreachherfifteenthyearhewouldmakeherhisqueenandhekepthisword。
Suchisthelegend。Thisexplainswhythemolderingimageoftheassadornsalltheseoldcrumblingwallsandarches;anditexplainswhy,duringmanycenturies,anasswasalwaysthechiefministerinthatroyalcabinet,justasisstillthecaseinmostcabinetstothisday;anditalsoexplainswhy,inthatlittlekingdom,duringmanycenturies,allgreatpoems,allgreatspeeches,allgreatbooks,allpublicsolemnities,andallroyalproclamations,alwaysbeganwiththesestirringwords:
\"Waw……he!waw……,he!——wawhe!Waw-he!\"
SPEECHONTHEBABIES
ATTHEBANQUET,INCHICAGO,GIVENBYTHEARMYOFTHETENNESSEETOTHEIR
FIRSTCOMMANDER,GENERALU。S。GRANT,NOVEMBER,1879
Thefifteenthregulartoastwas\"TheBabies——astheycomfortusinoursorrows,letusnotforgettheminourfestivities。\"
Ilikethat。Wehavenotallhadthegoodfortunetobeladies。Wehavenotallbeengenerals,orpoets,orstatesmen;butwhenthetoastworksdowntothebabies,westandoncommonground。Itisashamethatforathousandyearstheworld\'sbanquetshaveutterlyignoredthebaby,asifhedidn\'tamounttoanything。Ifyouwillstopandthinkaminute——ifyouwillgobackfiftyoronehundredyearstoyourearlymarriedlifeandrecontemplateyourfirstbaby——youwillrememberthatheamountedtoagreatdeal,andevensomethingover。Yousoldiersallknowthatwhenthelittlefellowarrivedatfamily,headquartersyouhadtohandinyourresignation。Hetookentirecommand。Youbecamehislackey,hismerebodyservant,andyouhadtostandaround,too。Hewasnotacommanderwhomadeallowancesfartime,distance,weather,oranythingelse。Youhadtoexecutehisorderwhetheritwaspossibleormot。Andtherewasonlyoneformofmarchinginhismanualoftactics,andthatwasthedouble-quick。Hetreatedyouwitheverysortofinsolenceanddisrespect,andthebravestofyoudidn\'tdaretosayaword。Youcouldfacethedeath-stormatDonelsonandVicksburg,andgivebackblowforblow;butwhenheclawedyourwhiskers,andpulledyourhair,andtwistedyournose,youhadtotakeit。Whenthethundersofwarweresoundinginyourearsyousetyourfacestowardthebatteries,andadvancedwithsteadytread;butwhenheturnedontheterrorsofhiswar-whoopyouadvancedintheotherdirection,andmightygladofthechance,too。Whenhecalledforsoothing-syrup,didyouventuretothrowoutanysideremarksaboutcertainservicesbeingunbecominganofficerandagentleman?No。Yougotupandgotit。Whenheorderedhispap-
bottleanditwasnotwarm,didyoutalkback?Notyou。Youwenttoworkandwarmedit。Youevendescendedsofarinyourmenialofficeastotakeasuckatthatwarm,insipidstuffyourself,toseeifitwasright——threepartswatertooneofmilk,atouchofsugartomodifythecolic,andadropofpepperminttokillthosehiccoughs。Icantastethatstuffyet。Andhowmanythingsyoulearnedasyouwentalong!
Sentimentalyoungfolksstilltakestockinthatbeautifuloldsayingthatwhenthebabysmilesinhissleep,itisbecausetheangelsarewhisperingtohim。Verypretty,buttoothin——simplywindonthestomach,myfriends。Ifthebabyproposedtotakeawalkathisusualhour,twoo\'clockinthemorning,didn\'tyouriseuppromptlyandremark,withamentaladditionwhichwouldnotimproveaSunday-schoolbookmuch,thatthatwastheverythingyouwereabouttoproposeyourself?Oh!
youwereundergooddiscipline,andasyouwentflutteringupanddowntheroominyourundressuniform,younotonlyprattledundignifiedbaby-