第4章

Atlast，whenheconsideredthetimetoberipe，hebegansecretlytosowtheseedsofdiscontentamongthepeople。Itwashisdeliberatepurpose，fromthebeginning，tosubvertthegovernment，butofcoursehekeptthattohimselfforatime。Heuseddifferentartswithdifferentindividuals。HeawakeneddissatisfactioninonequarterbycallingattentiontotheshortnessoftheSundayservices；hearguedthatthereshouldbethreethree-hourservicesonSundayinsteadofonlytwo。Manyhadsecretlyheldthisopinionbefore；theynowprivatelybandedthemselvesintoapartytoworkforit。Heshowedcertainofthewomenthattheywerenotallowedsufficientvoiceintheprayer-meetings；thusanotherpartywasformed。Noweaponwasbeneathhisnotice；heevendescendedtothechildren，andawokediscontentintheirbreastsbecause——ashediscoveredforthem——theyhadnotenoughSunday-school。 Thiscreatedathirdparty。 Now，asthechiefoftheseparties，hefoundhimselfthestrongestpowerinthecommunity。Soheproceededtohisnextmove-anolessimportantonethantheimpeachmentofthechiefmagistrate，JamesRussellNickoy； amanofcharacterandability，andpossessedofgreatwealth，hebeingtheownerofahousewithaparlortoit，threeacresandahalfofyam- land，andtheonlyboatinPitcairn\'s，awhaleboat；and，mostunfortunately，apretextforthisimpeachmentoffereditselfatjusttherighttime。 Oneoftheearliestandmostpreciouslawsoftheislandwasthelawagainsttrespass。Itwasheldingreatreverence，andwasregardedasthepalladiumofthepeople\'sliberties。Aboutthirtyyearsagoanimportantcasecamebeforethecourtsunderthislaw，inthiswise:achickenbelongingtoElizabethYoung(aged，atthattime，fifty-eight，adaughterofJohnMills，oneofthemutineersoftheBounty)trespasseduponthegroundsofThursdayOctoberChristian(agedtwenty-nine，agrandsonofFletcherChristian，oneofthemutineers)。Christiankilledthechicken。Accordingtothelaw，Christiancouldkeepthechicken；or，ifhepreferred，hecouldrestoreitsremainstotheownerandreceivedamagesin\"produce\"toanamountequivalenttothewasteandinjurywroughtbythetrespasser。Thecourtrecordssetforththat\"thesaidChristianaforesaiddiddelivertheaforesaidremainstothesaidElizabethYoung，anddiddemandonebushelofyamsinsatisfactionofthedamagedone。\"ButElizabethYoungconsideredthedemandexorbitant；thepartiescouldnotagree；thereforeChristianbroughtsuitinthecourts。 Helosthiscaseinthejustice\'scourt；atleast，hewasawardedonlyahalf-peckofyams，whichheconsideredinsufficient，andinthenatureofadefeat。Heappealed。Thecaselingeredseveralyearsinanascendinggradeofcourts，andalwaysresultedindecreessustainingtheoriginalverdict；andfinallythethinggotintothesupremecourt，andthereitstuckfortwentyyears。Butlastsummer，eventhesupremecourtmanagedtoarriveatadecisionatlast。Oncemoretheoriginalverdictwassustained。Christianthensaidhewassatisfied；butStavelywaspresent，andwhisperedtohimandtohislawyer，suggesting，\"asamereform，\"thattheoriginallawbeexhibited，inordertomakesurethatitstillexisted。Itseemedanoddidea，butaningeniousone。Sothedemandwasmade。Amessengerwassenttothemagistrate\'shouse；hepresentlyreturnedwiththetidingsthatithaddisappearedfromamongthestatearchives。 Thecourtnowpronounceditslatedecisionvoid，sinceithadbeenmadeunderalawwhichhadnoactualexistence。 Greatexcitementensuedimmediately。Thenewssweptabroadoverthewholeislandthatthepalladiumofthepubliclibertieswaslost——maybetreasonablydestroyed。Withinthirtyminutesalmosttheentirenationwereinthecourt-room——thatistosay，thechurch。Theimpeachmentofthechiefmagistratefollowed，uponStavely\'smotion。Theaccusedmethismisfortunewiththedignitywhichbecamehisgreatoffice。Hedidnotplead，orevenargue；heofferedthesimpledefensethathehadnotmeddledwiththemissinglaw；thathehadkeptthestatearchivesinthesamecandle-boxthathadbeenusedastheirdepositoryfromthebeginning；andthathewasinnocentoftheremovalordestructionofthelostdocument。 Butnothingcouldsavehim；hewasfoundguiltyofmisprisionoftreason，anddegradedfromhisoffice，andallhispropertywasconfiscated。 Thelamestpartofthewholeshamefulmatterwasthereasonsuggestedbyhisenemiesforhisdestructionofthelaw，towit:thathedidittofavorChristian，becauseChristianwashiscousin!WhereasStavelywastheonlyindividualintheentirenationwhowasnothiscousin。Thereadermustrememberthatallthesepeoplearethedescendantsofhalfadozenmen；thatthefirstchildrenintermarriedtogetherandboregrandchildrentothemutineers；thatthesegrandchildrenintermarried； afterthem，greatandgreat-great-grandchildrenintermarried；sothatto- dayeverybodyisbloodkintoeverybody。Moreover，therelationshipsarewonderfully，evenastoundingly，mixedupandcomplicated。Astranger，forinstance，saystoanislander: \"Youspeakofthatyoungwomanasyourcousin；awhileagoyoucalledheryouraunt。\" \"Well，sheismyaunt，andmycousin，too。Andalsomystepsister，myniece，myfourthcousin，mythirty-thirdcousin，myforty-secondcousin，mygreat-aunt，mygrandmother，mywidowedsister-in-law——andnextweekshewillbemywife。\" Sothechargeofnepotismagainstthechiefmagistratewasweak。Butnomatter；weakorstrong，itsuitedStavely。Stavelywasimmediatelyelectedtothevacantmagistracy，and，oozingreformfromeverypore，hewentvigorouslytowork。Innolongtimereligiousservicesragedeverywhereandunceasingly。Bycommand，thesecondprayeroftheSundaymorningservice，whichhadcustomarilyenduredsomethirty-fiveorfortyminutes，andhadpleadedfortheworld，firstbycontinentandthenbynationalandtribaldetail，wasextendedtoanhourandahalf，andmadetoincludesupplicationsinbehalfofthepossiblepeoplesintheseveralplanets。Everybodywaspleasedwiththis；everybodysaid，\"Nowthisissomethinglike。\"Bycommand，theusualthree-hoursermonsweredoubledinlength。Thenationcameinabodytotestifytheirgratitudetothenewmagistrate。TheoldlawforbiddingcookingontheSabbathwasextendedtotheprohibitionofeating，also。Bycommand，Sunday-schoolwasprivilegedtospreadoverintotheweek。Thejoyofallclasseswascomplete。Inoneshortmonththenewmagistratehadbecomethepeople\'sidol! Thetimewasripeforthisman\'snextmove。Hebegan，cautiouslyatfirst，topoisonthepublicmindagainstEngland。Hetookthechiefcitizensaside，onebyone，andconversedwiththemonthistopic。 Presentlyhegrewbolder，andspokeout。Hesaidthenationowedittoitself，toitshonor，toitsgreattraditions，toriseinitsmightandthrowoff\"thisgallingEnglishyoke。\" Butthesimpleislandersanswered: \"Wehadnotnoticedthatitgalled。Howdoesitgall？Englandsendsashiponceinthreeorfouryearstogiveussoapandclothing，andthingswhichwesorelyneedandgratefullyreceive；butshenevertroublesus； sheletsusgoourownway。\" \"Sheletsyougoyourownway!Soslaveshavefeltandspokeninalltheages!Thisspeechshowshowfallenyouare，howbase，howbrutalizedyouhavebecome，underthisgrindingtyranny!What!hasallmanlyprideforsakenyou？Islibertynothing？Areyoucontenttobeamereappendagetoaforeignandhatefulsovereignty，whenyoumightriseupandtakeyourrightfulplaceintheaugustfamilyofnations，great，free，enlightened，independent，theminionofnoscepteredmaster，butthearbiterofyourowndestiny，andavoiceandapowerindecreeingthedestiniesofyoursister-sovereigntiesoftheworld？\" Speecheslikethisproducedaneffectbyandby。CitizensbegantofeeltheEnglishyoke；theydidnotknowexactlyhoworwhereaboutstheyfeltit，buttheywereperfectlycertaintheydidfeelit。Theygottogrumblingagooddeal，andchafingundertheirchains，andlongingforreliefandrelease。TheypresentlyfelltohatingtheEnglishflag，thatsignandsymboloftheirnation\'sdegradation；theyceasedtoglanceupatitastheypassedthecapitol，butavertedtheireyesandgratedtheirteeth；andonemorning，whenitwasfoundtrampledintothemudatthefootofthestaff，theyleftitthere，andnomanputhishandtoittohoistitagain。Acertainthingwhichwassuretohappensoonerorlaterhappenednow。Someofthechiefcitizenswenttothemagistratebynight，andsaid: \"Wecanendurethishatedtyrannynolonger。Howcanwecastitoff？\" \"Byacoupd\'etat。\" \"How？\" \"Acoupd\'etat。Itislikethis:everythingisgotready，andattheappointedmomentI，astheofficialheadofthenation，publiclyandsolemnlyproclaimitsindependence，andabsolveitfromallegiancetoanyandallotherpowerswhatsoever。\" \"Thatsoundssimpleandeasy。Wecandothatrightaway。Thenwhatwillbethenextthingtodo？\" \"Seizeallthedefensesandpublicpropertiesofallkinds，establishmartiallaw，putthearmyandnavyonawarfooting，andproclaimtheempire!\" Thisfineprogramdazzledtheseinnocents。Theysaid: \"Thisisgrand——thisissplendid；butwillnotEnglandresist？\" \"Lether。ThisrockisaGibraltar。\" \"True。Butabouttheempire？Doweneedanempireandanemperor？\" \"Whatyouneed，myfriends，isunification。LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Theyareunified。Unificationisthething。Itmakeslivingdear。Thatconstitutesprogress。Wemusthaveastandingarmyandanavy。Taxesfollow，asamatterofcourse。Allthesethingssummedupmakegrandeur。Withunificationandgrandeur，whatmorecanyouwant？ Verywell——onlytheempirecanconfertheseboons。\" Soonthe8thdayofDecemberPitcairn\'sIslandwasproclaimedafreeandindependentnation；andonthesamedaythesolemncoronationofButterworthI，EmperorofPitcairn\'sIsland，tookplace，amidgreatrejoicingsandfestivities。Theentirenation，withtheexceptionoffourteenpersons，mainlylittlechildren，marchedpastthethroneinsinglefile，withbannersandmusic，theprocessionbeingupwardofninetyfeetlong；andsomesaiditwasasmuchasthree-quartersofaminutepassingagivenpoint。Nothinglikeithadeverbeenseeninthehistoryoftheislandbefore。Publicenthusiasmwasmeasureless。 Nowstraightwayimperialreformsbegan。Ordersofnobilitywereinstituted。Aministerofthenavywasappointed，andthewhale-boatputincommission。Aministerofwarwascreated，andorderedtoproceedatoncewiththeformationofastandingarmy。Afirstlordofthetreasurywasnamed，andcommandedtogetupataxationscheme，andalsoopennegotiationsfortreaties，offensive，defensive，andcommercial，withforeignpowers。Somegeneralsandadmiralswereappointed；alsosomechamberlains，someequerriesinwaiting，andsomelordsofthebedchamber。 Atthispointallthematerialwasusedup。TheGrandDukeofGalilee，ministerofwar，complainedthatallthesixteengrownmenintheempirehadbeengivengreatoffices，andconsequentlywouldnotconsenttoserveintheranks；whereforehisstandingarmywasatastandstill。TheMarquisofArarat，ministerofthenavy，madeasimilarcomplaint。Hesaidhewaswillingtosteerthewhale-boathimself，buthemusthavesomebodytomanher。 Theemperordidthebesthecouldinthecircumstances:hetookalltheboysabovetheageoftenyearsawayfromtheirmothers，andpressedthemintothearmy，thusconstructingacorpsofseventeenprivates，officeredbyonelieutenant-generalandtwomajor-generals。Thispleasedtheministerofwar，butprocuredtheenmityofallthemothersintheland； fortheysaidtheirpreciousonesmustnowfindbloodygravesinthefieldsofwar，andhewouldbeanswerableforit。Someofthemoreheartbrokenandunappeasableamongthemlayconstantlywaitfortheemperorandthrewyamsathim，unmindfulofthebody-guard。 Onaccountoftheextremescarcityofmaterial，itwasfoundnecessarytorequiretheDukeofBethanypostmaster-general，topullstroke-oarinthenavyandthussitintherearofanobleoflowerdegreenamely，ViscountCanaan，lordjusticeofthecommonpleas。ThisturnedtheDukeofBethanyintotolerablyopenmalcontentandasecretconspirator——athingwhichtheemperorforesaw，butcouldnothelp。 Thingswentfrombadtoworse。TheemperorraisedNancyPeterstothepeerageononeday，andmarriedherthenext，notwithstanding，forreasonsofstate，thecabinethadstrenuouslyadvisedhimtomarryEmmeline，eldestdaughteroftheArchbishopofBethlehem。Thiscausedtroubleinapowerfulquarter——thechurch。Thenewempresssecuredthesupportandfriendshipoftwo-thirdsofthethirty-sixgrownwomeninthenationbyabsorbingthemintohercourtasmaidsofhonor；butthismadedeadlyenemiesoftheremainingtwelve。Thefamiliesofthemaidsofhonorsoonbegantorebel，becausetherewasnobodyathometokeephouse。Thetwelvesnubbedwomenrefusedtoentertheimperialkitchenasservants；sotheempresshadtorequiretheCountessofJerichoandothergreatcourtdamestofetchwater，sweepthepalace，andperformothermenialandequallydistastefulservices。Thismadebadbloodinthatdepartment。 Everybodyfelltocomplainingthatthetaxesleviedforthesupportofthearmy，thenavy，andtherestoftheimperialestablishmentwereintolerablyburdensome，andwerereducingthenationtobeggary。Theemperor\'sreply——\"Look——LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Areyoubetterthanthey？andhaven\'tyouunification？\"——didnotsatisfythem。Theysaid，\"Peoplecan\'teatunification，andwearestarving。Agriculturehasceased。Everybodyisinthearmy，everybodyisinthenavy，everybodyisinthepublicservice，standingaroundinauniform，withnothingwhatevertodo，nothingtoeat，andnobodytotillthefields——\" \"LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Itisthesamethere。Suchisunification，andthere\'snootherwaytogetit——nootherwaytokeepitafteryou\'vegotit，\"saidthepooremperoralways。 Butthegrumblersonlyreplied，\"Wecan\'tstandthetaxes——wecan\'tstandthem。\" Nowrightontopofthisthecabinetreportedanationaldebtamountingtoupwardofforty-fivedollars——halfadollartoeveryindividualinthenation。Andtheyproposedtofundsomething。Theyhadheardthatthiswasalwaysdoneinsuchemergencies。Theyproposeddutiesonexports； alsoonimports。Andtheywantedtoissuebonds；alsopapermoney，redeemableinyamsandcabbagesinfiftyyears。Theysaidthepayofthearmyandofthenavyandofthewholegovernmentalmachinewasfarinarrears，andunlesssomethingwasdone，anddoneimmediately，nationalbankruptcymustensue，andpossiblyinsurrectionandrevolution。Theemperoratonceresolveduponahigh-handedmeasure，andoneofanatureneverbeforeheardofinPitcairn\'sIsland。HewentinstatetothechurchonSundaymorning，withthearmyathisback，andcommandedtheministerofthetreasurytotakeupacollection。 Thatwasthefeatherthatbrokethecamel\'sback。Firstonecitizen，andthenanother，roseandrefusedtosubmittothisunheard-ofoutrage——andeachrefusalwasfollowedbytheimmediateconfiscationofthemalcontent\'sproperty。Thisvigorsoonstoppedtherefusals，andthecollectionproceededamidasullenandominoussilence。Astheemperorwithdrewwiththetroops，hesaid，\"Iwillteachyouwhoismasterhere。\" Severalpersonsshouted，\"Downwithunification!\"Theywereatoncearrestedandtornfromthearmsoftheirweepingfriendsbythesoldiery。 Butinthemeantime，asanyprophetmighthaveforeseen，aSocialDemocrathadbeendeveloped。Astheemperorsteppedintothegildedimperialwheelbarrowatthechurchdoor，thesocialdemocratstabbedathimfifteenorsixteentimeswithaharpoon，butfortunatelywithsuchapeculiarlysocialdemocraticunprecisionofaimastodonodamage。 Thatverynighttheconvulsioncame。Thenationroseasoneman——thoughforty-nineoftherevolutionistswereoftheothersex。Theinfantrythrewdowntheirpitchforks；theartillerycastasidetheircocoanuts； thenavyrevolted；theemperorwasseized，andboundhandandfootinhispalace。Hewasverymuchdepressed。Hesaid: \"Ifreedyoufromagrindingtyranny；Iliftedyonupoutofyourdegradation，andmadeyouanationamongnations；Igaveyouastrong，compact，centralizedgovernment；and，morethanall，Igaveyoutheblessingofblessings——unification。Ihavedoneallthis，andmyrewardishatred，insult，andthesebonds。Takeme；dowithmeasyouwill。 Ihereresignmycrownandallmydignities，andgladlydoIreleasemyselffromtheirtooheavyburden。ForyoursakeItookthemup；foryoursakeIlaythemdown。Theimperialjewelisnomore；nowbruiseanddefileasyewilltheuselesssetting。\" Byaunanimousvoicethepeoplecondemnedtheex-emperorandthesocialdemocrattoperpetualbanishmentfromchurchservices，ortoperpetuallaborasgalley-slavesinthewhale-boat——whichevertheymightprefer。 Thenextdaythenationassembledagain，andrehoistedtheBritishflag，reinstatedtheBritishtyranny，reducedthenobilitytotheconditionofcommonersagain，andthenstraightwayturnedtheirdiligentattentiontotheweedingoftheruinedandneglectedyampatches，andtherehabilitaLionoftheoldusefulindustriesandtheoldhealingandsolacingpieties。Theex-emperorrestoredthelosttrespasslaw，andexplainedthathehadstolenitnottoinjureanyone，buttofurtherhispoliticalprojects。Thereforethenationgavethelatechiefmagistratehisofficeagain，andalsohisalienatedProperty。 Uponreflection，theex-emperorandthesocialdemocratchoseperpetualbanishmentfromreligiousservicesinpreferencetoperpetuallaborasgalleyslaves\"withperpetualreligiousservices，\"astheyphrasedit； whereforethepeoplebelievedthatthepoorfellows\'troubleshadunseatedtheirreason，andsotheyjudgeditbesttoconfinethemforthepresent。Whichtheydid。 SuchisthehistoryofPitcairn\'s\"doubtfulacquisition。\" THECANVASSER\'STALE Poor，sad-eyedstranger!Therewasthatabouthishumblemien，histiredlook，hisdecayed-gentilityclothes，thatalmostreachedthemustard，seedofcharitythatstillremained，remoteandlonely，intheemptyvastnessofmyheart，notwithstandingIobservedaportfoliounderhisarm，andsaidtomyself，Behold，Providencehathdeliveredhisservantintothehandsofanothercanvasser。 Well，thesepeoplealwaysgetoneinterested。BeforeIwellknewhowitcameabout，thisonewastellingmehishistory，andIwasallattentionandsympathy。Hetolditsomethinglikethis: Myparentsdied，alas，whenIwasalittle，sinlesschild。MyuncleIthurieltookmetohisheartandrearedmeashisown。Hewasmyonlyrelativeinthewideworld；buthewasgoodandrichandgenerous。Herearedmeinthelapofluxury。Iknewnowantthatmoneycouldsatisfy。 InthefullnessoftimeIwasgraduated，andwentwithtwoofmyservants——mychamberlainandmyvalet——totravelinforeigncountries。 DuringfouryearsIflitteduponcarelesswingamidthebeauteousgardensofthedistantstrand，ifyouwillpermitthisformofspeechinonewhosetonguewaseverattunedtopoesy；andindeedIsospeakwithconfidence，asoneuntohiskind，forIperceivebyyoureyesthatyoutoo，sir，aregiftedwiththedivineinflation。InthosefarlandsI reveledintheambrosialfoodthatfructifiesthesoul，themind，theheart。Butofallthings，thatwhichmostappealedtomyinbornesthetictastewastheprevailingcustomthere，amongtherich，ofmakingcollectionsofelegantandcostlyrarities，daintyobjetsdevertu，andinanevilhourItriedtoupliftmyuncleIthurieltoaplaneofsympathywiththisexquisiteemployment。 Iwroteandtoldhimofonegentleman\'svastcollectionofshells； another\'snoblecollectionofmeerschaumpipes；another\'selevatingandrefiningcollectionofundecipherableautographs；another\'spricelesscollectionofoldchina；another\'senchantingcollectionofpostage- stamps——andsoforthandsoon。Soonmylettersyieldedfruit。Myunclebegantolookaboutforsomethingtomakeacollectionof。Youmayknow，perhaps，howfleetlyatastelikethisdilates。Hissoonbecamearagingfever，thoughIknewitnot。Hebegantoneglecthisgreatporkbusiness；presentlyhewhollyretiredandturnedanelegantleisureintoarabidsearchforcuriousthings。Hiswealthwasvast，andhespareditnot。Firsthetriedcow-bells。Hemadeacollectionwhichfilledfivelargesalons，andcomprehendedallthedifferentsortsofcow-bellsthateverhadbeencontrived，saveone。Thatone——anantique，andtheonlyspecimenextant——waspossessedbyanothercollector。Myuncleofferedenormoussumsforit，butthegentlemanwouldnotsell。Doubtlessyouknowwhatnecessarilyresulted。Atruecollectorattachesnovaluetoacollectionthatisnotcomplete。Hisgreatheartbreaks，hesellshishoard，heturnshismindtosomefieldthatseemsunoccupied。 Thusdidmyuncle。Henexttriedbrickbats。Afterpilingupavastandintenselyinterestingcollection，theformerdifficultysupervened；hisgreatheartbrokeagain；hesoldouthissoul\'sidoltotheretiredbrewerwhopossessedthemissingbrick。ThenhetriedflinthatchetsandotherimplementsofPrimevalMan，butbyandbydiscoveredthatthefactorywheretheyweremadewassupplyingothercollectorsaswellashimself。HetriedAztecinscriptionsandstuffedwhales——anotherfailure，afterincrediblelaborandexpense。Whenhiscollectionseemedatlastperfect，astuffedwhalearrivedfromGreenlandandanAztecinscriptionfromtheCundurangoregionsofCentralAmericathatmadeallformerspecimensinsignificant。Myunclehastenedtosecurethesenoblegems。Hegotthestuffedwhale，butanothercollectorgottheinscription。ArealCundurango，aspossiblyyouknow，isapossessionofsuchsupremevaluethat，whenonceacollectorgetsit，hewillratherpartwithhisfamilythanwithit。Somyunclesoldout，andsawhisdarlingsgoforth，nevermoretoreturn；andhiscoal-blackhairturnedwhiteassnowinasinglenight。 Nowhewaited，andthought。Heknewanotherdisappointmentmightkillhim。Hewasresolvedthathewouldchoosethingsnexttimethatnoothermanwascollecting。Hecarefullymadeuphismind，andoncemoreenteredthefield-thistimetomakeacollectionofechoes。 \"Ofwhat？\"saidI。 Echoes，sir。HisfirstpurchasewasanechoinGeorgiathatrepeatedfourtimes；hisnextwasasix-repeaterinMaryland；hisnextwasathirteen-repeaterinMaine；hisnextwasanine-repeaterinKansas；hisnextwasatwelve-repeaterinTennessee，whichhegotcheap，sotospeak，becauseitwasoutofrepair，aportionofthecragwhichreflectedithavingtumbleddown。Hebelievedhecouldrepairitatacostofafewthousanddollars，and，byincreasingtheelevationwithmasonry，trebletherepeatingcapacity；butthearchitectwhoundertookthejobhadneverbuiltanechobefore，andsoheutterlyspoiledthisone。Beforehemeddledwithit，itusedtotalkbacklikeamother-in-law，butnowitwasonlyfitforthedeaf-and-dumbasylum。Well，nextheboughtalotofcheaplittledouble-barreledechoes，scatteredaroundovervariousstatesandterritories；hegotthemattwentypercent。offbytakingthelot。 NextheboughtaperfectGatling-gunofanechoinOregon，anditcostafortune，Icantellyou。Youmayknow，sir，thatintheechomarketthescaleofpricesiscumulative，likethecarat-scaleindiamonds；infact，thesamephraseologyisused。Asingle-caratechoisworthbuttendollarsoverandabovethevalueofthelanditison；atwo-caratordouble-barreledechoisworththirtydollars；afive-caratisworthninehundredandfifty；aten-caratisworththirteenthousand。Myuncle\'sOregon-echo，whichhecalledtheGreatPittEcho，wasatwenty-twocaratgem，andcosttwohundredandsixteenthousanddollars——theythrewthelandin，foritwasfourhundredmilesfromasettlement。 Well，inthemeantimemypathwasapathofroses。IwastheacceptedsuitoroftheonlyandlovelydaughterofanEnglishearl，andwasbelovedtodistraction。InthatdearpresenceIswaminseasofbliss。 Thefamilywerecontent，foritwasknownthatIwassoleheirtoanuncleheldtobeworthfivemillionsofdollars。However，noneofusknewthatmyunclehadbecomeacollector，atleastinanythingmorethanasmallway，forestheticamusement。 Nowgatheredthecloudsabovemyunconscioushead。Thatdivineecho，sinceknownthroughouttheworldastheGreatKoh-i-noor，orMountainofRepetitions，wasdiscovered。Itwasasixty-fivecaratgem。Youcouldutterawordanditwouldtalkbackatyouforfifteenminutes，whenthedaywasotherwisequiet。Butbehold，anotherfactcametolightatthesametime:anotherecho-collectorwasinthefield。Thetworushedtomakethepeerlesspurchase。Thepropertyconsistedofacoupleofsmallhillswithashallowswalebetween，outyonderamongthebacksettlementsofNewYorkState。Bothmenarrivedonthegroundatthesametime，andneitherknewtheotherwasthere。Theechowasnotallownedbyoneman； apersonbythenameofWilliamsonBolivarJarvisownedtheeasthill，andapersonbythenameofHarbisonJ。Bledsoownedthewesthill；theswalebetweenwasthedividing-line。SowhilemyunclewasbuyingJarvis\'shillforthreemilliontwohundredandeighty-fivethousanddollars，theotherpartywasbuyingBledso\'shillforashadeoverthreemillion。 Now，doyouperceivethenaturalresult？Why，thenoblestcollectionofechoesonearthwasforeverandeverincomplete，sinceitpossessedbuttheone-halfofthekingechooftheuniverse。Neithermanwascontentwiththisdividedownership，yetneitherwouldselltotheother。Therewerejawings，bickerings，heart-burnings。Andatlastthatothercollector，withamalignitywhichonlyacollectorcaneverfeeltowardamanandabrother，proceededtocutdownhishill! Yousee，aslongashecouldnothavetheecho，hewasresolvedthatnobodyshouldhaveit。Hewouldremovehishill，andthentherewouldbenothingtoreflectmyuncle\'secho。Myuncleremonstratedwithhim，butthemansaid，\"Iownoneendofthisecho；Ichoosetokillmyend；youmusttakecareofyourownendyourself。\" Well，myunclegotaninjunctionputanhim。Theothermanappealedandfoughtitinahighercourt。Theycarrieditonup，cleartotheSupremeCourtoftheUnitedStates。Itmadenoendoftroublethere。Twoofthejudgesbelievedthatanechowaspersonalproperty，becauseitwasimpalpabletosightandtouch，andyetwaspurchasable，salable，andconsequentlytaxable；twoothersbelievedthatanechowasrealestate，becauseitwasmanifestlyattachedtotheland，andwasnotremovablefromplacetoplace；otherofthejudgescontendedthatanechowasnotpropertyatall。 Itwasfinallydecidedthattheechowasproperty；thatthehillswereproperty；thatthetwomenwereseparateandindependentownersofthetwohills，buttenantsincommonintheecho；thereforedefendantwasatfulllibertytocutdownhishill，sinceitbelongedsolelytohim，butmustgivebondsinthreemilliondollarsasindemnityfordamageswhichmightresulttomyuncle\'shalfoftheecho。Thisdecisionalsodebarredmyunclefromusingdefendant\'shilltoreflecthispartoftheecho，withoutdefendant\'sconsent；hemustuseonlyhisownhill；ifhispartoftheechowouldnotgo，underthesecircumstances，itwassad，ofcourse，butthecourtcouldfindnoremedy。Thecourtalsodebarreddefendantfromusingmyuncle\'shilltoreflecthisendoftheecho，withoutconsent。Youseethegrandresult!Neithermanwouldgiveconsent，andsothatastonishingandmostnobleechohadtoceasefromitsgreatpowers；andsincethatdaythatmagnificentpropertyistiedupandunsalable。 Aweekbeforemywedding-day，whileIwasstillswimminginblissandthenobilityweregatheringfromfarandneartohonorourespousals，camenewsofmyuncle\'sdeath，andalsoacopyofhiswill，makingmehissoleheir。Hewasgone；alas，mydearbenefactorwasnomore。Thethoughtsurchargesmyheartevenatthisremoteday。Ihandedthewilltotheearl；Icouldnotreaditfortheblindingtears。Theearlreadit；thenhesternlysaid，\"Sir，doyoucallthiswealth？——butdoubtlessyoudoinyourinflatedcountry。Sir，youareleftsoleheirtoavastcollectionofechoes——ifathingcanbecalledacollectionthatisscatteredfarandwideoverthehugelengthandbreadthoftheAmericancontinent；sir，thisisnotall；youareheadandearsindebt；thereisnotanechointhelotbuthasamortgageonit；sir，Iamnotahardman，butImustlooktomychild\'sinterest；ifyouhadbutoneechowhichyoucouldhonestlycallyourown，ifyouhadbutoneechowhichwasfreefromincumbrance，sothatyoucouldretiretoitwithmychild，andbyhumble，painstakingindustrycultivateandimproveit，andthuswrestfromitamaintenance，Iwouldnotsayyounay；butIcannotmarrymychildtoabeggar。Leavehisside，mydarling；go，sir，takeyourmortgage-riddenechoesandquitmysightforever。\" MynobleCelestineclungtomeintears，withlovingarms，andsworeshewouldwillingly，naygladly，marryme，thoughIhadnotanechointheworld。Butitcouldnotbe。Weweretornasunder，shetopineanddiewithinthetwelvemonth，Itotoillife\'slongjourneysadandalone，prayingdaily，hourly，forthatreleasewhichshalljoinustogetheragaininthatdearrealmwherethewickedceasefromtroublingandthewearyareatrest。Now，sir，ifyouwillbesokindastolookatthesemapsandplansinmyportfolio，IamsureIcansellyouanechoforlessmoneythananymaninthetrade。Nowthisone，whichcostmyuncletendollars，thirtyyearsago，andisoneofthesweetestthingsinTexas，I willletyouhavefor—— \"Letmeinterruptyou，\"Isaid。\"Myfriend，Ihavenothadamoment\'srespitefromcanvassersthisday。Ihaveboughtasewing-machinewhichI didnotwant；Ihaveboughtamapwhichismistakeninallitsdetails； Ihaveboughtaclockwhichwillnotgo；Ihaveboughtamothpoisonwhichthemothsprefertoanyotherbeverage；Ihaveboughtnoendofuselessinventions，andnowIhavehadenoughofthisfoolishness。 Iwouldnothaveoneofyourechoesifyouwereeventogiveittome。 Iwouldnotletitstayontheplace。Ialwayshateamanthattriestosellmeechoes。Youseethisgun？Nowtakeyourcollectionandmoveon； letusnothavebloodshed。\" Butheonlysmiledasad，sweetsmile，andgotoutsomemorediagrams。 Youknowtheresultperfectlywell，becauseyouknowthatwhenyouhaveonceopenedthedoortoacanvasser，thetroubleisdoneandyouhavegottosufferdefeat。 Icompromisedwiththismanattheendofanintolerablehour。Iboughttwodouble-barreledechoesingoodcondition，andhethrewinanother，whichhesaidwasnotsalablebecauseitonlyspokeGerman。Hesaid，\"Shewasaperfectpolyglotonce，butsomehowherpalategotdown。\" ANENCOUNTERWITHANINTERVIEWER Thenervous，dapper，\"peart\"youngmantookthechairIofferedhim，andsaidhewasconnectedwiththeDailyThunderstorm，andadded: \"Hopingit\'snoharm，I\'vecometointerviewyou。\" \"Cometowhat？\" \"Interviewyou。\" \"Ah!Isee。Yes——yes。Um!Yes——yes。\" Iwasnotfeelingbrightthatmorning。Indeed，mypowersseemedabitunderacloud。However，Iwenttothebookcase，andwhenIhadbeenlookingsixorsevenminutesIfoundIwasobligedtorefertotheyoungman。Isaid: \"Howdoyouspellit？\" \"Spellwhat？\" \"Interview。\"