第24章

Thisoneisterse。Itranslate: \"FourweeksforMISINTERPRETEDGALLANTRY。\"Iwishthesuffererhadexplainedalittlemorefully。 Afour-weektermisaratherseriousmatter。 Thereweremanyuncomplimentaryreferences，onthewalls，toacertainunpopulardignitary。Onesuffererhadgotthreedaysfornotsalutinghim。Anotherhad\"heretwodayssleptandthreenightslainawake，\"onaccountofthissame\"Dr。K。\"InoneplacewasapictureofDr。K。hangingonagallows。 Hereandthere，lonesomeprisonershadeasedtheheavytimebyalteringtherecordsleftbypredecessors。Leavingthenamestanding，andthedateandlengthofthecaptivity，theyhaderasedthedescriptionofthemisdemeanor，andwritteninitsplace，instaringcapitals，\"FORTHEFT!\" or\"FORMURDER!\"orsomeothergaudycrime。Inoneplace，allbyitself，stoodthisblood-curdlingword: \"Rache!\"[1] 1。\"Revenge!\" Therewasnonamesigned，andnodate。Itwasaninscriptionwellcalculatedtopiquecuriosity。 Onewouldgreatlyliketoknowthenatureofthewrongthathadbeendone，andwhatsortofvengeancewaswanted，andwhethertheprisonereverachieveditornot。 Buttherewasnowayoffindingoutthesethings。 Occasionally，anamewasfollowedsimplybytheremark，\"IIdays，fordisturbingthepeace，\"andwithoutcommentuponthejusticeorinjusticeofthesentence。 Inoneplacewasahilariouspictureofastudentofthegreencapcorpswithabottleofchampagneineachhand； andbelowwasthelegend:\"Thesemakeanevilfateendurable。\" Thereweretwoprisoncells，andneitherhadspaceleftonwallsorceilingforanothernameorportraitorpicture。 TheinsidesurfacesofthetwodoorswerecompletelycoveredwithCARTESDEVISITEofformerprisoners，ingeniouslyletintothewoodandprotectedfromdirtandinjurybyglass。 Iverymuchwantedoneofthesorryoldtableswhichtheprisonershadspentsomanyyearsinornamentingwiththeirpocket-knives，butredtapewasintheway。 Thecustodiancouldnotsellonewithoutanorderfromasuperior；andthatsuperiorwouldhavetogetitfromHISsuperior；andthisonewouldhavetogetitfromahigherone——andsoonupandupuntilthefacultyshouldsitonthematteranddeliverfinaljudgment。 Thesystemwasright，andnobodycouldfindfaultwithit； butitdidnotseemjustifiabletobothersomanypeople，soIproceedednofurther。ItmighthavecostmemorethanIcouldafford，anyway；foroneofthoseprisontables，whichwasatthetimeinaprivatemuseuminHeidelberg，wasafterwardsoldatauctionfortwohundredandfiftydollars。 Itwasnotworthmorethanadollar，orpossiblyadollarandhalf，beforethecaptivestudentsbegantheirworkonit。Personswhosawitattheauctionsaiditwassocuriouslyandwonderfullycarvedthatitwasworththemoneythatwaspaidforit。 Amongthemmanywhohavetastedthecollegeprison\'sdrearyhospitalitywasalivelyyoungfellowfromoneoftheSouthernstatesofAmerica，whosefirstyear\'sexperienceofGermanuniversitylifewasratherpeculiar。 ThedayhearrivedinHeidelbergheenrolledhisnameonthecollegebooks，andwassoelatedwiththefactthathisdearesthopehadfoundfruitionandhewasactuallyastudentoftheoldandrenowneduniversity，thathesettoworkthatverynighttocelebratetheeventbyagrandlarkincompanywithsomeotherstudents。 Inthecourseofhislarkhemanagedtomakeawidebreachinoneoftheuniversity\'smoststringentlaws。 Sequel:beforenoon，nextday，hewasinthecollegeprison——bookedforthreemonths。Thetwelvelongweeksdraggedslowlyby，andthedayofdeliverancecameatlast。 Agreatcrowdofsympathizingfellow-studentsreceivedhimwitharousingdemonstrationashecameforth，andofcoursetherewasanothergrandlark——inthecourseofwhichhemanagedtomakeawidebreachoftheCITY\'S moststringentlaws。Sequel:beforenoon，nextday，hewassafeinthecitylockup——bookedforthreemonths。 Thissecondtediouscaptivitydrewtoanendinthecourseoftime，andagainagreatcrowdofsympathizingfellowstudentsgavehimarousingreceptionashecameforth； buthisdelightinhisfreedomwassoboundlessthathecouldnotproceedsoberlyandcalmly，butmustgohoppingandskippingandjumpingdownthesleetystreetfromsheerexcessofjoy。Sequel:heslippedandbrokehisleg，andactuallylayinthehospitalduringthenextthreemonths! Whenheatlastbecameafreemanagain，hesaidhebelievedhewouldhuntupabriskerseatoflearning；theHeidelberglecturesmightbegood，buttheopportunitiesofattendingthemweretoorare，theeducationalprocesstooslow； hesaidhehadcometoEuropewiththeideathattheacquirementofaneducationwasonlyamatteroftime，butifhehadaveragedtheHeidelbergsystemcorrectly，itwasratheramatterofeternity。 APPENDIXD TheAwfulGermanLanguageAlittlelearningmakesthewholeworldkin—— Proverbsxxxii，7。 IwentoftentolookatthecollectionofcuriositiesinHeidelbergCastle，andonedayIsurprisedthekeeperofitwithmyGerman。Ispokeentirelyinthatlanguage。 Hewasgreatlyinterested；andafterIhadtalkedawhilehesaidmyGermanwasveryrare，possiblya\"unique\"； andwantedtoaddittohismuseum。 Ifhehadknownwhatithadcostmetoacquiremyart，hewouldalsohaveknownthatitwouldbreakanycollectortobuyit。HarrisandIhadbeenhardatworkonourGermanduringseveralweeksatthattime，andalthoughwehadmadegoodprogress，ithadbeenaccomplishedundergreatdifficultyandannoyance，forthreeofourteachershaddiedinthemeantime。 ApersonwhohasnotstudiedGermancanformnoideaofwhataperplexinglanguageitis。 Surelythereisnotanotherlanguagethatissoslipshodandsystemless，andsoslipperyandelusivetothegrasp。 Oneiswashedaboutinit，hitherandthither，inthemosthelplessway；andwhenatlasthethinkshehascapturedarulewhichoffersfirmgroundtotakearestonamidthegeneralrageandturmoilofthetenpartsofspeech，heturnsoverthepageandreads，\"LetthepupilmakecarefulnoteofthefollowingEXCEPTIONS。\"Herunshiseyedownandfindsthattherearemoreexceptionstotherulethaninstancesofit。Sooverboardhegoesagain，tohuntforanotherAraratandfindanotherquicksand。 Suchhasbeen，andcontinuestobe，myexperience。 EverytimeIthinkIhavegotoneofthesefourconfusing\"cases\"whereIammasterofit，aseeminglyinsignificantprepositionintrudesitselfintomysentence，clothedwithanawfulandunsuspectedpower，andcrumblesthegroundfromunderme。Forinstance，mybookinquiresafteracertainbird——(itisalwaysinquiringafterthingswhichareofnosortofnoconsequencetoanybody):\"Whereisthebird?\"Nowtheanswertothisquestion——accordingtothebook——isthatthebirdiswaitingintheblacksmithshoponaccountoftherain。Ofcoursenobirdwoulddothat，butthenyoumuststicktothebook。Verywell，IbegintocipherouttheGermanforthatanswer。Ibeginatthewrongend，necessarily，forthatistheGermanidea。 Isaytomyself，\"REGEN(rain)ismasculine——ormaybeitisfeminine——orpossiblyneuter——itistoomuchtroubletolooknow。Therefore，itiseitherDER(the)Regen，orDIE(the)Regen，orDAS(the)Regen，accordingtowhichgenderitmayturnouttobewhenIlook。Intheinterestofscience，Iwillcipheritoutonthehypothesisthatitismasculine。Verywell——thenTHErainisDERRegen，ifitissimplyinthequiescentstateofbeingMENTIONED，withoutenlargementordiscussion——Nominativecase； butifthisrainislyingaround，inakindofageneralwayontheground，itisthendefinitelylocated，itisDOINGSOMETHING——thatis，RESTING(whichisoneoftheGermangrammar\'sideasofdoingsomething)，andthisthrowstherainintotheDativecase，andmakesitDEMRegen。However，thisrainisnotresting，butisdoingsomethingACTIVELY，——itisfalling——tointerferewiththebird，likely——andthisindicatesMOVEMENT，whichhastheeffectofslidingitintotheAccusativecaseandchangingDEMRegenintoDENRegen。\"Havingcompletedthegrammaticalhoroscopeofthismatter，IanswerupconfidentlyandstateinGermanthatthebirdisstayingintheblacksmithshop\"wegen(onaccountof)DENRegen。\" Thentheteacherletsmesoftlydownwiththeremarkthatwhenevertheword\"wegen\"dropsintoasentence，itALWAYSthrowsthatsubjectintotheGENITIVEcase，regardlessofconsequences——andthereforethisbirdstayedintheblacksmithshop\"wegenDESRegens。\" N。B——Iwasinformed，later，byahigherauthority，thattherewasan\"exception\"whichpermitsonetosay\"wegenDENRegen\"incertainpeculiarandcomplexcircumstances，butthatthisexceptionisnotextendedtoanythingBUTrain。 Therearetenpartsofspeech，andtheyarealltroublesome。 Anaveragesentence，inaGermannewspaper，isasublimeandimpressivecuriosity；itoccupiesaquarterofacolumn； itcontainsallthetenpartsofspeech——notinregularorder，butmixed；itisbuiltmainlyofcompoundwordsconstructedbythewriteronthespot，andnottobefoundinanydictionary——sixorsevenwordscompactedintoone，withoutjointorseam——thatis，withouthyphens； ittreatsoffourteenorfifteendifferentsubjects，eachenclosedinaparenthesisofitsown，withhereandthereextraparentheses，makingpenswithpens:finally，alltheparenthesesandreparenthesesaremassedtogetherbetweenacoupleofking-parentheses，oneofwhichisplacedinthefirstlineofthemajesticsentenceandtheotherinthemiddleofthelastlineofit——AFTERWHICHCOMES THEVERB，andyoufindoutforthefirsttimewhatthemanhasbeentalkingabout；andaftertheverb——merelybywayofornament，asfarasIcanmakeout——thewritershovelsin\"HABENSINDGEWESENGEHABTHAVENGEWORDENSEIN，\" orwordstothateffect，andthemonumentisfinished。 Isupposethatthisclosinghurrahisinthenatureoftheflourishtoaman\'ssignature——notnecessary，butpretty。 Germanbooksareeasyenoughtoreadwhenyouholdthembeforethelooking-glassorstandonyourhead——soastoreversetheconstruction——butIthinkthattolearntoreadandunderstandaGermannewspaperisathingwhichmustalwaysremainanimpossibilitytoaforeigner。 YeteventheGermanbooksarenotentirelyfreefromattacksoftheParenthesisdistemper——thoughtheyareusuallysomildastocoveronlyafewlines，andthereforewhenyouatlastgetdowntotheverbitcarriessomemeaningtoyourmindbecauseyouareabletorememberagooddealofwhathasgonebefore。NowhereisasentencefromapopularandexcellentGermannovel——whichaslightparenthesisinit。Iwillmakeaperfectlyliteraltranslation，andthrowintheparenthesis-marksandsomehyphensfortheassistanceofthereader——thoughintheoriginaltherearenoparenthesis-marksorhyphens，andthereaderislefttoflounderthroughtotheremoteverbthebestwayhecan: \"Butwhenhe，uponthestreet，the(in-satin-and-silk-covered- now-very-unconstrained-after-the-newest-fashioned-dressed) governmentcounselor\'swifeMET，\"etc。，etc。[1] 1。WenneraberaufderStrassederinSammtundSeidegehu\"lltenjetzsehrungenirtnachderneustenmodegekleidetenRegierungsrathinbegegnet。 ThatisfromTHEOLDMAMSELLE\'SSECRET，byMrs。Marlitt。 AndthatsentenceisconstructeduponthemostapprovedGermanmodel。Youobservehowfarthatverbisfromthereader\'sbaseofoperations；well，inaGermannewspapertheyputtheirverbawayoveronthenextpage； andIhaveheardthatsometimesafterstringingalongtheexcitingpreliminariesandparenthesesforacolumnortwo，theygetinahurryandhavetogotopresswithoutgettingtotheverbatall。Ofcourse，then，thereaderisleftinaveryexhaustedandignorantstate。 WehavetheParenthesisdiseaseinourliterature，too；andonemayseecasesofiteverydayinourbooksandnewspapers: butwithusitisthemarkandsignofanunpracticedwriteroracloudyintellect，whereaswiththeGermansitisdoubtlessthemarkandsignofapracticedpenandofthepresenceofthatsortofluminousintellectualfogwhichstandsforclearnessamongthesepeople。 ForsurelyitisNOTclearness——itnecessarilycan\'tbeclearness。Evenajurywouldhavepenetrationenoughtodiscoverthat。Awriter\'sideasmustbeagooddealconfused，agooddealoutoflineandsequence，whenhestartsouttosaythatamanmetacounselor\'swifeinthestreet，andthenrightinthemidstofthissosimpleundertakinghaltstheseapproachingpeopleandmakesthemstandstilluntilhejotsdownaninventoryofthewoman\'sdress。Thatismanifestlyabsurd。 Itremindsapersonofthosedentistswhosecureyourinstantandbreathlessinterestinatoothbytakingagriponitwiththeforceps，andthenstandthereanddrawlthroughatediousanecdotebeforetheygivethedreadedjerk。 Parenthesesinliteratureanddentistryareinbadtaste。 TheGermanshaveanotherkindofparenthesis，whichtheymakebysplittingaverbintwoandputtinghalfofitatthebeginningofanexcitingchapterandtheOTHER HALFattheendofit。Cananyoneconceiveofanythingmoreconfusingthanthat?Thesethingsarecalled\"separableverbs。\"TheGermangrammarisblisteredalloverwithseparableverbs；andthewiderthetwoportionsofoneofthemarespreadapart，thebettertheauthorofthecrimeispleasedwithhisperformance。 AfavoriteoneisREISTEAB——whichmeansdeparted。 HereisanexamplewhichIculledfromanovelandreducedtoEnglish: \"Thetrunksbeingnowready，heDE-afterkissinghismotherandsisters，andoncemorepressingtohisbosomhisadoredGretchen，who，dressedinsimplewhitemuslin，withasingletuberoseintheamplefoldsofherrichbrownhair，hadtotteredfeeblydownthestairs，stillpalefromtheterrorandexcitementofthepastevening，butlongingtolayherpoorachingheadyetonceagainuponthebreastofhimwhomshelovedmoredearlythanlifeitself，PARTED。\" However，itisnotwelltodwelltoomuchontheseparableverbs。Oneissuretolosehistemperearly； andifhestickstothesubject，andwillnotbewarned，itwillatlasteithersoftenhisbrainorpetrifyit。 Personalpronounsandadjectivesareafruitfulnuisanceinthislanguage，andshouldhavebeenleftout。 Forinstance，thesamesound，SIE，meansYOU，anditmeansSHE，anditmeansHER，anditmeansIT，anditmeansTHEY，anditmeansTHEM。Thinkoftheraggedpovertyofalanguagewhichhastomakeoneworddotheworkofsix——andapoorlittleweakthingofonlythreelettersatthat。 Butmainly，thinkoftheexasperationofneverknowingwhichofthesemeaningsthespeakeristryingtoconvey。 Thisexplainswhy，wheneverapersonsaysSIEtome，Igenerallytrytokillhim，ifastranger。 NowobservetheAdjective。Herewasacasewheresimplicitywouldhavebeenanadvantage；therefore，fornootherreason，theinventorofthislanguagecomplicateditallhecould。 Whenwewishtospeakofour\"goodfriendorfriends，\" inourenlightenedtongue，westicktotheoneformandhavenotroubleorhardfeelingaboutit；butwiththeGermantongueitisdifferent。WhenaGermangetshishandsonanadjective，hedeclinesit，andkeepsondecliningituntilthecommonsenseisalldeclinedoutofit。 ItisasbadasLatin。Hesays，forinstance: SINGULAR Nominative——MeingutERFreund，mygoodfriend。 Genitives——MeinESGutENFreundES，ofmygoodfriend。 Dative——MeinEMgutENFreund，tomygoodfriend。 Accusative——MeinENgutENFreund，mygoodfriend。 PLURAL N——MeinEgutENFreundE，mygoodfriends。G——MeinERgutEN FreundE，ofmygoodfriends。D——MeinENgutENFreundEN，tomygoodfriends。A——MeinEgutENFreundE，mygoodfriends。 Nowletthecandidatefortheasylumtrytomemorizethosevariations，andseehowsoonhewillbeelected。 OnemightbettergowithoutfriendsinGermanythantakeallthistroubleaboutthem。Ihaveshownwhatabotheritistodeclineagood(male)friend；wellthisisonlyathirdofthework，forthereisavarietyofnewdistortionsoftheadjectivetobelearnedwhentheobjectisfeminine，andstillanotherwhentheobjectisneuter。 NowtherearemoreadjectivesinthislanguagethanthereareblackcatsinSwitzerland，andtheymustallbeaselaboratelydeclinedastheexamplesabovesuggested。 Difficult?——troublesome?——thesewordscannotdescribeit。 IheardaCalifornianstudentinHeidelbergsay，inoneofhiscalmestmoods，thathewouldratherdeclinetwodrinksthanoneGermanadjective。 Theinventorofthelanguageseemstohavetakenpleasureincomplicatingitineverywayhecouldthinkof。 Forinstance，ifoneiscasuallyreferringtoahouse，HAUS，orahorse，PFERD，oradog，HUND，hespellsthesewordsasIhaveindicated；butifheisreferringtothemintheDativecase，hesticksonafoolishandunnecessaryEandspellsthemHAUSE，PFERDE，HUNDE。So，asanaddedEoftensignifiestheplural，astheSdoeswithus，thenewstudentislikelytogoonforamonthmakingtwinsoutofaDativedogbeforehediscovershismistake； andontheotherhand，manyanewstudentwhocouldillaffordloss，hasboughtandpaidfortwodogsandonlygotoneofthem，becauseheignorantlyboughtthatdogintheDativesingularwhenhereallysupposedhewastalkingplural——whichleftthelawontheseller\'sside，ofcourse，bythestrictrulesofgrammar，andthereforeasuitforrecoverycouldnotlie。 InGerman，alltheNounsbeginwithacapitalletter。 Nowthatisagoodidea；andagoodidea，inthislanguage，isnecessarilyconspicuousfromitslonesomeness。Iconsiderthiscapitalizingofnounsagoodidea，becausebyreasonofityouarealmostalwaysabletotellanountheminuteyouseeit。Youfallintoerroroccasionally，becauseyoumistakethenameofapersonforthenameofathing，andwasteagooddealoftimetryingtodigameaningoutofit。Germannamesalmostalwaysdomeansomething，andthishelpstodeceivethestudent。Itranslatedapassageoneday，whichsaidthat\"theinfuriatedtigressbrokelooseandutterlyateuptheunfortunatefirforest\" (Tannenwald)。WhenIwasgirdingupmyloinstodoubtthis，IfoundoutthatTannenwaldinthisinstancewasaman\'sname。 Everynounhasagender，andthereisnosenseorsysteminthedistribution；sothegenderofeachmustbelearnedseparatelyandbyheart。Thereisnootherway。 Todothisonehastohaveamemorylikeamemorandum-book。 InGerman，ayoungladyhasnosex，whileaturniphas。 Thinkwhatoverwroughtreverencethatshowsfortheturnip，andwhatcallousdisrespectforthegirl。Seehowitlooksinprint——ItranslatethisfromaconversationinoneofthebestoftheGermanSunday-schoolbooks: \"Gretchen。Wilhelm，whereistheturnip? \"Wilhelm。Shehasgonetothekitchen。 \"Gretchen。WhereistheaccomplishedandbeautifulEnglishmaiden? Wilhelm。Ithasgonetotheopera。\" TocontinuewiththeGermangenders:atreeismale，itsbudsarefemale，itsleavesareneuter；horsesaresexless，dogsaremale，catsarefemale——tomcatsincluded，ofcourse； aperson\'smouth，neck，bosom，elbows，fingers，nails，feet，andbodyareofthemalesex，andhisheadismaleorneuteraccordingtothewordselectedtosignifyit，andNOTaccordingtothesexoftheindividualwhowearsit——forinGermanyallthewomeneithermaleheadsorsexlessones；aperson\'snose，lips，shoulders，breast，hands，andtoesareofthefemalesex；andhishair，ears，eyes，chin，legs，knees，heart，andconsciencehaven\'tanysexatall。Theinventorofthelanguageprobablygotwhatheknewaboutaconsciencefromhearsay。 Now，bytheabovedissection，thereaderwillseethatinGermanyamanmayTHINKheisaman，butwhenhecomestolookintothematterclosely，heisboundtohavehisdoubts； hefindsthatinsobertruthheisamostridiculousmixture； andifheendsbytryingtocomforthimselfwiththethoughtthathecanatleastdependonathirdofthismessasbeingmanlyandmasculine，thehumiliatingsecondthoughtwillquicklyremindhimthatinthisrespectheisnobetteroffthananywomanorcowintheland。 IntheGermanitistruethatbysomeoversightoftheinventorofthelanguage，aWomanisafemale；butaWife(Weib) isnot——whichisunfortunate。AWife，here，hasnosex； sheisneuter；so，accordingtothegrammar，afishisHE，hisscalesareSHE，butafishwifeisneither。 Todescribeawifeassexlessmaybecalledunder-description； thatisbadenough，butover-descriptionissurelyworse。 AGermanspeaksofanEnglishmanastheENGLA\"NDER；tochangethesex，headdsINN，andthatstandsforEnglishwoman—— ENGLA\"NDERINN。Thatseemsdescriptiveenough，butstillitisnotexactenoughforaGerman；soheprecedesthewordwiththatarticlewhichindicatesthatthecreaturetofollowisfeminine，andwritesitdownthus:\"dieEngla\"nderinn，\"——whichmeans\"theshe-Englishwoman。\" Iconsiderthatthatpersonisover-described。 Well，afterthestudenthaslearnedthesexofagreatnumberofnouns，heisstillinadifficulty，becausehefindsitimpossibletopersuadehistonguetorefertothingsas\"he\"and\"she，\"and\"him\"and\"her，\"whichithasbeenalwaysaccustomedtorefertoitas\"it。\" WhenheevenframesaGermansentenceinhismind，withthehimsandhersintherightplaces，andthenworksuphiscouragetotheutterance-point，itisnouse—— themomenthebeginstospeakhistonguefilesthetrackandallthoselaboredmalesandfemalescomeoutas\"its。\" AndevenwhenheisreadingGermantohimself，healwayscallsthosethings\"it，\"whereasheoughttoreadinthisway: TALEOFTHEFISHWIFEANDITSSADFATE[2] 2。Icapitalizethenouns，intheGerman(andancientEnglish)fashion。 ItisableakDay。HeartheRain，howhepours，andtheHail，howherattles；andseetheSnow，howhedriftsalong，andoftheMud，howdeepheis!AhthepoorFishwife，itisstuckfastintheMire；ithasdroppeditsBasketofFishes；anditsHandshavebeencutbytheScalesasitseizedsomeofthefallingCreatures；andoneScalehasevengotintoitsEye。anditcannotgetherout。 ItopensitsMouthtocryforHelp；butifanySoundcomesoutofhim，alasheisdrownedbytheragingoftheStorm。 AndnowaTomcathasgotoneoftheFishesandshewillsurelyescapewithhim。No，shebitesoffaFin，sheholdsherinherMouth——willsheswallowher?No，theFishwife\'sbraveMother-dogdesertshisPuppiesandrescuestheFin——whichheeats，himself，ashisReward。 O，horror，theLightninghasstrucktheFish-basket； hesetshimonFire；seetheFlame，howshelicksthedoomedUtensilwithherredandangryTongue；nowsheattacksthehelplessFishwife\'sFoot——sheburnshimup，allbutthebigToe，andevenSHEispartlyconsumed； andstillshespreads，stillshewavesherfieryTongues； sheattackstheFishwife\'sLeganddestroysIT；sheattacksitsHandanddestroysHERalso；sheattackstheFishwife\'sLeganddestroysHERalso；sheattacksitsBodyandconsumesHIM； shewreathesherselfaboutitsHeartandITisconsumed； nextaboutitsBreast，andinaMomentSHEisaCinder； nowshereachesitsNeck——Hegoes；nowitsChin—— ITgoes；nowitsNose——SHEgoes。InanotherMoment，exceptHelpcome，theFishwifewillbenomore。 Timepresses——istherenonetosuccorandsave?Yes!Joy，joy，withflyingFeettheshe-Englishwomancomes!Butalas，thegenerousshe-Femaleistoolate:wherenowisthefatedFishwife?IthasceasedfromitsSufferings，ithasgonetoabetterLand；allthatisleftofitforitslovedOnestolamentover，isthispoorsmolderingAsh-heap。Ah，woeful，woefulAsh-heap!Letustakehimuptenderly，reverently，uponthelowlyShovel，andbearhimtohislongRest，withthePrayerthatwhenherisesagainitwillbeaRealmwherehewillhaveonegoodsquareresponsibleSex，andhaveitalltohimself，insteadofhavingamangylotofassortedSexesscatteredalloverhiminSpots—— There，now，thereadercanseeforhimselfthatthispronounbusinessisaveryawkwardthingfortheunaccustomedtongue。 Isupposethatinalllanguagesthesimilaritiesoflookandsoundbetweenwordswhichhavenosimilarityinmeaningareafruitfulsourceofperplexitytotheforeigner。 Itissoinourtongue，anditisnotablythecaseintheGerman。NowthereisthattroublesomewordVERMA\"HLT: tomeithassoclosearesemblance——eitherrealorfancied——tothreeorfourotherwords，thatIneverknowwhetheritmeansdespised，painted，suspected，ormarried； untilIlookinthedictionary，andthenIfinditmeansthelatter。Therearelotsofsuchwordsandtheyareagreattorment。ToincreasethedifficultytherearewordswhichSEEMtoresembleeachother，andyetdonot； buttheymakejustasmuchtroubleasiftheydid。 Forinstance，thereisthewordVERMIETHEN(tolet，tolease，tohire)；andthewordVERHEIRATHEN(anotherwayofsayingtomarry)。IheardofanEnglishmanwhoknockedataman\'sdoorinHeidelbergandproposed，inthebestGermanhecouldcommand，to\"verheirathen\"thathouse。 Thentherearesomewordswhichmeanonethingwhenyouemphasizethefirstsyllable，butmeansomethingverydifferentifyouthrowtheemphasisonthelastsyllable。 Forinstance，thereisawordwhichmeansarunaway，ortheactofglancingthroughabook，accordingtotheplacingoftheemphasis；andanotherwordwhichsignifiestoASSOCIATEwithaman，ortoAVOIDhim，accordingtowhereyouputtheemphasis——andyoucangenerallydependonputtingitinthewrongplaceandgettingintotrouble。 Therearesomeexceedinglyusefulwordsinthislanguage。 SCHLAG，forexample；andZUG。Therearethree-quartersofacolumnofSCHLAGSinthedictonary，andacolumnandahalfofZUGS。ThewordSCHLAGmeansBlow，Stroke，Dash，Hit，Shock，Clap，Slap，Time，Bar，Coin，Stamp，Kind，Sort，Manner，Way，Apoplexy，Wood-cutting，Enclosure，Field，Forest-clearing。ThisisitssimpleandEXACT meaning——thatistosay，itsrestricted，itsfetteredmeaning； buttherearewaysbywhichyoucansetitfree，sothatitcansoaraway，asonthewingsofthemorning，andneverbeatrest。Youcanhanganywordyoupleasetoitstail，andmakeitmeananythingyouwantto。 YoucanbeginwithSCHLAG-ADER，whichmeansartery，andyoucanhangonthewholedictionary，wordbyword，clearthroughthealphabettoSCHLAG-WASSER，whichmeansbilge-water——andincludingSCHLAG-MUTTER，whichmeansmother-in-law。 JustthesamewithZUG。Strictlyspeaking，ZUGmeansPull，Tug，Draught，Procession，March，Progress，Flight，Direction，Expedition，Train，Caravan，Passage，Stroke，Touch，Line，Flourish，TraitofCharacter，Feature，Lineament，Chess-move，Organ-stop，Team，Whiff，Bias，Drawer，Propensity，Inhalation，Disposition:butthatthingwhichitdoesNOTmean——whenallitslegitimatepennantshavebeenhungon，hasnotbeendiscoveredyet。 OnecannotoverestimatetheusefulnessofSCHLAGandZUG。 Armedjustwiththesetwo，andthewordALSO，whatcannottheforeigneronGermansoilaccomplish?TheGermanwordALSOistheequivalentoftheEnglishphrase\"Youknow，\" anddoesnotmeananythingatall——inTALK，thoughitsometimesdoesinprint。EverytimeaGermanopenshismouthanALSOfallsout；andeverytimeheshutsithebitesoneintwothatwastryingtoGETout。 Now，theforeigner，equippedwiththesethreenoblewords，ismasterofthesituation。Lethimtalkrightalong，fearlessly；lethimpourhisindifferentGermanforth，andwhenhelacksforaword，lethimheaveaSCHLAGintothevacuum；allthechancesarethatitfitsitlikeaplug，butifitdoesn\'tlethimpromptlyheaveaZUGafterit； thetwotogethercanhardlyfailtobungthehole；butif，byamiracle，theySHOULDfail，lethimsimplysayALSO! andthiswillgivehimamoment\'schancetothinkoftheneedfulword。InGermany，whenyouloadyourconversationalgunitisalwaysbesttothrowinaSCHLAGortwoandaZUG ortwo，becauseitdoesn\'tmakeanydifferencehowmuchtherestofthechargemayscatter，youareboundtobagsomethingwithTHEM。ThenyoublandlysayALSO，andloadupagain。NothinggivessuchanairofgraceandeleganceandunconstrainttoaGermanoranEnglishconversationastoscatteritfullof\"Also\'s\"or\"Youknows。\" Inmynote-bookIfindthisentry: July1——Inthehospitalyesterday，awordofthirteensyllableswassuccessfullyremovedfromapatient——aNorthGermanfromnearHamburg；butasmostunfortunatelythesurgeonshadopenedhiminthewrongplace，undertheimpressionthathecontainedapanorama，hedied。 Thesadeventhascastagloomoverthewholecommunity。 Thatparagraphfurnishesatextforafewremarksaboutoneofthemostcuriousandnotablefeaturesofmysubject——thelengthofGermanwords。SomeGermanwordsaresolongthattheyhaveaperspective。Observetheseexamples: Freundschaftsbezeigungen。 Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten。 Stadtverordnetenversammlungen。 Thesethingsarenotwords，theyarealphabeticalprocessions。 Andtheyarenotrare；onecanopenaGermannewspaperatanytimeandseethemmarchingmajesticallyacrossthepage——andifhehasanyimaginationhecanseethebannersandhearthemusic，too。Theyimpartamartialthrilltothemeekestsubject。Itakeagreatinterestinthesecuriosities。WheneverIcomeacrossagoodone，Istuffitandputitinmymuseum。 InthiswayIhavemadequiteavaluablecollection。 WhenIgetduplicates，Iexchangewithothercollectors，andthusincreasethevarietyofmystock。HereraresomespecimenswhichIlatelyboughtatanauctionsaleoftheeffectsofabankruptbric-a-brachunter: Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen。 Alterthumswissenschaften。 Kinderbewahrungsanstalten。 Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen。 Wiedererstellungbestrebungen。 Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen。 Ofcoursewhenoneofthesegrandmountainrangesgoesstretchingacrosstheprintedpage，itadornsandennoblesthatliterarylandscape——butatthesametimeitisagreatdistresstothenewstudent，foritblocksuphisway； hecannotcrawlunderit，orclimboverit，ortunnelthroughit。Soheresortstothedictionaryforhelp，butthereisnohelpthere。Thedictionarymustdrawthelinesomewhere——soitleavesthissortofwordsout。 Anditisright，becausetheselongthingsarehardlylegitimatewords，butarerathercombinationsofwords，andtheinventorofthemoughttohavebeenkilled。 Theyarecompoundwordswiththehyphensleftout。 Thevariouswordsusedinbuildingthemareinthedictionary，butinaveryscatteredcondition；soyoucanhuntthematerialsout，onebyone，andgetatthemeaningatlast，butitisatediousandharassingbusiness。 Ihavetriedthisprocessuponsomeoftheaboveexamples。 \"Freundshaftsbezeigungen\"seemstobe\"Friendshipdemonstrations，\" whichisonlyafoolishandclumsywayofsaying\"demonstrationsoffriendship。\"\"Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen\"seemstobe\"Independencedeclarations，\"whichisnoimprovementupon\"DeclarationsofIndependence，\"sofarasIcansee。 \"Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen\"seemstobe\"General-statesrepresentativesmeetings，\"asnearlyasI cangetatit——amererhythmical，gushyeuphuismfor\"meetingsofthelegislature，\"Ijudge。Weusedtohaveagooddealofthissortofcrimeinourliterature，butithasgoneoutnow。Weusedtospeakofathingsasa\"never-to-be-forgotten\"circumstance，insteadofcrampingitintothesimpleandsufficientword\"memorable\"andthengoingcalmlyaboutourbusinessasifnothinghadhappened。 Inthosedayswewerenotcontenttoembalmthethingandburyitdecently，wewantedtobuildamonumentoverit。 Butinournewspapersthecompounding-diseaselingersalittletothepresentday，butwiththehyphensleftout，intheGermanfashion。Thisistheshapeittakes: insteadofsaying\"Mr。Simmons，clerkofthecountyanddistrictcourts，wasintownyesterday，\"thenewformputitthus:\"ClerkoftheCountyandDistrictCourtsSimmonswasintownyesterday。\"Thissavesneithertimenorink，andhasanawkwardsoundbesides。Oneoftenseesaremarklikethisinourpapers:\"MRS。AssistantDistrictAttorneyJohnsonreturnedtohercityresidenceyesterdayfortheseason。\"