第23章

orwhatdaysthegalleriesareopen，andwhetherapermitisrequired，andwhereyouaretogetit，andwhatyoumustpayforit；orwhenthetheatersopenandclose，whattheplaysaretobe，andthepriceofseats； orwhatisthenewestthinginhats；orhowthebillsofmortalityaverage；or\"whostruckBillyPatterson。\" Itdoesnotmatterwhatyouaskhim:inninecasesoutoftenheknows，andinthetenthcasehewillfindoutforyoubeforeyoucanturnaroundthreetimes。 Thereisnothinghewillnotputhishandto。SupposeyoutellhimyouwishtogofromHamburgtoPekingbythewayofJericho，andareignorantofroutesandprices—— thenextmorninghewillhandyouapieceofpaperwiththewholethingworkedoutonittothelastdetail。 BeforeyouhavebeenlongonEuropeansoil，youfindyourselfstillSAYINGyouarerelyingonProvidence，butwhenyoucometolookcloseryouwillseethatinrealityyouarerelyingontheportier。Hediscoverswhatispuzzlingyou，orwhatistroublingyou，orwhatyourneedis，beforeyoucangetthehalfofitout，andhepromptlysays，\"Leavethattome。\"Consequently，youeasilydriftintothehabitofleavingeverythingtohim。ThereisacertainembarrassmentaboutapplyingtotheaverageAmericanhotelclerk，acertainhesitancy，asenseofinsecurityagainstrebuff；butyoufeelnoembarrassmentinyourintercoursewiththeportier；hereceivesyourpropositionswithanenthusiasmwhichcheers，andplungesintotheiraccomplishmentwithanalacritywhichalmostinebriates。 Themorerequirementsyoucanpileuponhim，thebetterhelikesit。Ofcoursetheresultisthatyouceasefromdoinganythingforyourself。Hecallsahackwhenyouwantone； putsyouintoit；tellsthedriverwhithertotakeyou； receivesyoulikealong-lostchildwhenyoureturn； sendsyouaboutyourbusiness，doesallthequarrelingwiththehackmanhimself，andpayshimhismoneyoutofhisownpocket。Hesendsforyourtheatertickets，andpaysforthem；hesendsforanypossiblearticleyoucanrequire，beitadoctor，anelephant，orapostagestamp；andwhenyouleave，atlast，youwillfindasubordinateseatedwiththecab-driverwhowillputyouinyourrailwaycompartment，buyyourtickets，haveyourbaggageweighed，bringyoutheprintedtags，andtellyoueverythingisinyourbillandpaidfor。 Athomeyougetsuchelaborate，excellent，andwillingserviceasthisonlyinthebesthotelsofourlargecities； butinEuropeyougetitinthemerebackcountry-townsjustaswell。 Whatisthesecretoftheportier\'sdevotion?Itisverysimple:hegetsFEES，ANDNOSALARY。Hisfeeisprettycloselyregulated，too。Ifyoustayaweek，yougivehimfivemarks——adollarandaquarter，orabouteighteencentsaday。Ifyoustayamonth，youreducethisaveragesomewhat。Ifyoustaytwoorthreemonthsorlonger，youcutitdownhalf，orevenmorethanhalf。 Ifyoustayonlyoneday，yougivetheportieramark。 Theheadwaiter\'sfeeisashadelessthantheportier\'s； theBoots，whonotonlyblacksyourbootsandbrushesyourclothes，butisusuallytheporterandhandlesyourbaggage，getsasomewhatsmallerfeethantheheadwaiter； thechambermaid\'sfeeranksbelowthatoftheBoots。 Youfeeonlythesefour，andnooneelse。AGermangentlemantoldmethatwhenheremainedaweekinahotel，hegavetheportierfivemarks，theheadwaiterfour，theBootsthree，andthechambermaidtwo；andifhestayedthreemonthshedividedninetymarksamongthem，inabouttheaboveproportions。Ninetymarksmake$22。50。 Noneofthesefeesareeverpaiduntilyouleavethehotel，thoughitbeayear——exceptoneofthesefourservantsshouldgoawayinthemeantime；inthatcasehewillbesuretocomeandbidyougood-byandgiveyoutheopportunitytopayhimwhatisfairlycomingtohim。 Itisconsideredverybadpolicytofeeaservantwhileyouarestilltoremainlongerinthehotel，becauseifyougavehimtoolittlehemightneglectyouafterward，andifyougavehimtoomuchhemightneglectsomebodyelsetoattendtoyou。Itisconsideredbesttokeephisexpectations\"onastring\"untilyourstayinconcluded。 IdonotknowwhetherhotelservantsinNewYorkgetanywagesornot，butIdoknowthatinsomeofthehotelstherethefeeingsysteminvogueisaheavyburden。Thewaiterexpectsaquarteratbreakfast——andgetsit。Youhaveadifferentwaiteratluncheon，andsohegetsaquarter。 Yourwaiteratdinnerisanotherstranger——consequentlyhegetsaquarter。Theboywhocarriesyoursatcheltoyourroomandlightsyourgasfumblesaroundandhangsaroundsignificantly，andyoufeehimtogetridofhim。 Nowyoumayringforice-water；andtenminuteslaterforalemonade；andtenminutesafterward，foracigar； andbyandbyforanewspaper——andwhatistheresult?Why，anewboyhasappearedeverytimeandfooledandfumbledarounduntilyouhavepaidhimsomething。Supposeyouboldlyputyourfootdown，andsayitisthehotel\'sbusinesstopayitsservants?Youwillhavetoringyourbelltenorfifteentimesbeforeyougetaservantthere； andwhenhegoesofftofillyourorderyouwillgrowoldandinfirmbeforeyouseehimagain。Youmaystrugglenoblyfortwenty-fourhours，maybe，ifyouareanadamantinesortofperson，butinthemeantimeyouwillhavebeensowretchedlyserved，andsoinsolently，thatyouwillhauldownyourcolors，andgotoimpoverishingyourselfwithfees。 ItseemstomethatitwouldbeahappyideatoimporttheEuropeanfeeingsystemintoAmerica。IbelieveitwouldresultingettingeventhebellsofthePhiladelphiahotelsanswered，andcheerfulservicerendered。 ThegreatestAmericanhotelskeepanumberofclerksandacashier，andpaythemsalarieswhichmountuptoaconsiderabletotalinthecourseofayear。 Thegreatcontinentalhotelskeepacashieronatriflingsalary，andaportierWHOPAYSTHEHOTELASALARY。 Bythelattersystemboththehotelandthepublicsavemoneyandarebetterservedthanbyoursystem。 OneofourconsulstoldmethataportierofagreatBerlinhotelpaidfivethousanddollarsayearforhisposition，andyetclearedsixthousanddollarsforhimself。 ThepositionofportierinthechiefhotelsofSaratoga，LongBranch，NewYork，andsimilarcentersofresort，wouldbeonewhichtheholdercouldaffordtopayevenmorethanfivethousanddollarsfor，perhaps。 WhenweborrowedthefeeingfashionfromEuropeadozenyearsago，thesalarysystemoughttohavebeendiscontinued，ofcourse。Wemightmakethiscorrectionnow，Ishouldthink。 Andwemightaddtheportier，too。SinceIfirstbegantostudytheportier，IhavehadopportunitiestoobservehiminthechiefcitiesofGermany，Switzerland，andItaly； andthemoreIhaveseenofhimthemoreIhavewishedthathemightbeadoptedinAmerica，andbecomethere，asheisinEurope，thestranger\'sguardianangel。 Yes，whatwastrueeighthundredyearsago，isjustastruetoday:\"Fewtherebethatcankeepahotel。\" Perhapsitisbecausethelandlordsandtheirsubordinateshaveintoomanycasestakenuptheirtradewithoutfirstlearningit。InEuropethetradeofhotel-keeperistaught。 Theapprenticebeginsatthebottomoftheladderandmasterstheseveralgradesoneaftertheother。 Justasinourcountryprinting-officestheapprenticefirstlearnshowtosweepoutandbringwater； thenlearnsto\"roll\"；thentosort\"pi\"；thentosettype； andfinallyroundsandcompleteshiseducationwithjob-workandpress-work；sothelandlord-apprenticeservesascall-boy；thenasunder-waiter；thenasaparlorwaiter； thenasheadwaiter，inwhichpositionheoftenhastomakeoutallthebills；thenasclerkorcashier； thenasportier。Histradeislearnednow，andbyandbyhewillassumethestyleanddignityoflandlord，andbefoundconductingahotelofhisown。 NowinEurope，thesameasinAmerica，whenamanhaskeptahotelsothoroughlywellduringanumberofyearsastogiveitagreatreputation，hehashisreward。 Hecanliveprosperouslyonthatreputation。Hecanlethishotelrundowntothelastdegreeofshabbinessandyethaveitfullofpeopleallthetime。Forinstance，thereistheHo^teldeVille，inMilan。Itswarmswithmiceandfleas，andiftherestoftheworldweredestroyeditcouldfurnishdirtenoughtostartanotheronewith。 Thefoodwouldcreateaninsurrectioninapoorhouse； andyetifyougooutsidetogetyourmealsthathotelmakesupitslossbyoverchargingyouonallsortsoftrifles——andwithoutmakinganydenialsorexcusesaboutit，either。ButtheHo^teldeVille\'soldexcellentreputationstillkeepsitsdrearyroomscrowdedwithtravelerswhowouldbeelsewhereiftheyhadonlysomewisefriendtowarnthem。 APPENDIXB HeidelbergCastleHeidelbergCastlemusthavebeenverybeautifulbeforetheFrenchbatteredandbruisedandscorchedittwohundredyearsago。Thestoneisbrown，withapinkishtint，anddoesnotseemtostaineasily。Thedaintyandelaborateornamentationuponitstwochieffrontsisasdelicatelycarvedasifithadbeenintendedfortheinteriorofadrawing-roomratherthanfortheoutsideofahouse。 Manyfruitandflowerclusters，humanheadsandgrimprojectinglions\'headsarestillasperfectineverydetailasiftheywerenew。Butthestatueswhicharerankedbetweenthewindowshavesuffered。Thesearelife-sizestatuesofold-timeemperors，electors，andsimilargrandees，cladinmailandbearingponderousswords。 Somehavelostanarm，someahead，andonepoorfellowischoppedoffatthemiddle。Thereisasayingthatifastrangerwillpassoverthedrawbridgeandwalkacrossthecourttothecastlefrontwithoutsayinganything，hecanmadeawishanditwillbefulfilled。Buttheysaythatthetruthofthisthinghasneverhadachancetobeproved，forthereasonthatbeforeanystrangercanwalkfromthedrawbridgetotheappointedplace，thebeautyofthepalacefrontwillextortanexclamationofdelightfromhim。 Aruinmustberightlysituated，tobeeffective。 Thisonecouldnothavebeenbetterplaced。Itstandsuponacommandingelevation，itisburiedingreenwords，thereisnolevelgroundaboutit，but，onthecontrary，therearewoodedterracesuponterraces，andonelooksdownthroughshiningleavesintoprofoundchasmsandabysseswheretwilightreignsandthesuncannotintrude。 Natureknowshowtogarnisharuintogetthebesteffect。 Oneoftheseoldtowersissplitdownthemiddle，andonehalfhastumbledaside。Ittumbledinsuchawayastoestablishitselfinapicturesqueattitude。Thenallitlackedwasafittingdrapery，andNaturehasfurnishedthat； shehasrobedtheruggedmassinflowersandverdure，andmadeitacharmtotheeye。Thestandinghalfexposesitsarchedandcavernousroomstoyou，likeopen，toothlessmouths；there，too，thevinesandflowershavedonetheirworkofgrace。Therearportionofthetowerhasnotbeenneglected，either，butisclothedwithaclinginggarmentofpolishedivywhichhidesthewoundsandstainsoftime。Eventhetopisnotleftbare，butiscrownedwithaflourishinggroupoftreesandshrubs。 Misfortunehasdoneforthisoldtowerwhatithasdoneforthehumancharactersometimes——improvedit。 Agentlemanremarked，oneday，thatitmighthavebeenfinetoliveinthecastleinthedayofitsprime，butthatwehadoneadvantagewhichitsvanishedinhabitantslacked——theadvantageofhavingacharmingruintovisitandmuseover。Butthatwasahastyidea。 ThosepeoplehadtheadvantageofUS。Theyhadthefinecastletolivein，andtheycouldcrosstheRhinevalleyandmuseoverthestatelyruinofTrifelsbesides。 TheTrifelspeople，intheirday，fivehundredyearsago，couldgoandmuseovermajesticruinsthathavevanished，now，tothelaststone。Therehavealwaysbeenruins，nodoubt；andtherehavealwaysbeenpensivepeopletosighoverthem，andassestoscratchuponthemtheirnamesandtheimportantdateoftheirvisit。WithinahundredyearsafterAdamleftEden，theguideprobablygavetheusualgeneralflourishwithhishandandsaid:\"Placewheretheanimalswerenamed，ladiesandgentlemen； placewherethetreeoftheforbiddenfruitstood； exactspotwhereAdamandEvefirstmet；andhere，ladiesandgentlemen，adornedandhallowedbythenamesandaddressesofthreegenerationsoftourists，wehavethecrumblingremainsofCain\'saltar——fineoldruin!\" Then，nodoubt，hetaxedthemashekelapieceandletthemgo。 AnilluminationofHeidelbergCastleisoneofthesightsofEurope。TheCastle\'spicturesqueshape； itscommandingsituation，midwayupthesteepandwoodedmountainside；itsvastsize——thesefeaturescombinetomakeanilluminationamosteffectivespectacle。 Itisnecessarilyanexpensiveshow，andconsequentlyratherinfrequent。Thereforewheneveroneoftheseexhibitionsistotakeplace，thenewsgoesaboutinthepapersandHeidelbergissuretobefullofpeopleonthatnight。 Iandmyagenthadoneoftheseopportunities，andimprovedit。 Abouthalfpastsevenontheappointedeveningwecrossedthelowerbridge，withsomeAmericanstudents，inapouringrain，andstarteduptheroadwhichborderstheNeunheimsideoftheriver。Thisroadwaywasdenselypackedwithcarriagesandfoot-passengers；theformerofallages，andthelatterofallagesandbothsexes。 Thisblackandsolidmasswasstrugglingpainfullyonward，throughtheslop，thedarkness，andthedeluge。 Wewadedalongforthree-quartersofamile，andfinallytookupapositioninanunshelteredbeer-gardendirectlyoppositetheCastle。WecouldnotSEEtheCastle——oranythingelse，forthatmatter——butwecoulddimlydiscerntheoutlinesofthemountainovertheway，throughthepervadingblackness，andknewwhereaboutstheCastlewaslocated。Westoodononeofthehundredbenchesinthegarden，underourumbrellas；theotherninety-ninewereoccupiedbystandingmenandwomen，andtheyalsohadumbrellas。Alltheregionroundabout，andupanddowntheriver-road，wasadensewildernessofhumanityhiddenunderanunbrokenpavementofcarriagetopsandumbrellas。Thuswestoodduringtwodrenchinghours。 Norainfellonmyhead，buttheconvergingwhalebonepointsofadozenneighboringumbrellaspouredlittlecoolingsteamsofwaterdownmyneck，andsometimesintomyears，andthuskeptmefromgettinghotandimpatient。 Ihadtherheumatism，too，andhadheardthatthiswasgoodforit。Afterward，however，IwasledtobelievethatthewatertreatmentisNOTgoodforrheumatism。 Therewereevenlittlegirlsinthatdreadfulplace。 Amenheldoneinhisarms，justinfrontofme，forasmuchasanhour，withumbrella-drippingssoakingintoherclothingallthetime。 Inthecircumstances，twohourswasagoodwhileforustohavetowait，butwhentheilluminationdidatlastcome，wefeltrepaid。Itcameunexpectedly，ofcourse——thingsalwaysdo，thathavebeenlonglookedandlongedfor。 Withaperfectlybreath-takingsuddennessseveralmastsheavesofvaricoloredrocketswerevomitedskywardoutoftheblackthroatsoftheCastletowers，accompaniedbyathunderingcrashofsound，andinstantlyeverydetailoftheprodigiousruinstoodrevealedagainstthemountainsideandglowingwithanalmostintolerablesplendoroffireandcolor。Forsomelittletimethewholebuildingwasablindingcrimsonmass，thetowerscontinuedtospoutthickcolumnsofrocketsaloft，andoverheadtheskywasradiantwitharrowyboltswhichclovetheirwaytothezenith，paused，curvedgracefullydownward，thenburstintobrilliantfountain-spraysofrichlycoloredsparks。 Theredfiresdiedslowlydown，withintheCastle，andpresentlytheshellgrewnearlyblackoutside； theangryglarethatshoneoutthroughthebrokenarchesandinnumerablesashlesswindows，now，reproducedtheaspectwhichtheCastlemusthaveborneintheoldtimewhentheFrenchspoilerssawthemonsterbonfirewhichtheyhadmadetherefadingandspoilingtowardextinction。 Whilewestillgazedandenjoyed，theruinwassuddenlyenvelopedinrollingandrumblingvolumesofvaporousgreenfire；thenindazzlingpurpleones；thenamixtureofmanycolorsfollowed，thendrownedthegreatfabricinitsblendedsplendors。Meantimethenearestbridgehadbeenilluminated，andfromseveralraftsanchoredintheriver，meteorshowersofrockets，Romancandles，bombs，serpents，andCatharinewheelswerebeingdischargedinwastefulprofusionintothesky——amarveloussightindeedtoapersonaslittleusedtosuchspectaclesasIwas。 Forawhilethewholeregionaboutusseemedasbrightasday，andyettherainwasfallingintorrentsallthetime。 Theevening\'sentertainmentpresentlyclosed，andwejoinedtheinnumerablecaravanofhalf-drownedstrangers，andwadedhomeagain。 TheCastlegroundsareveryampleandverybeautiful； andastheyjoinedtheHotelgrounds，withnofencestoclimb，butonlysomenoblyshadedstonestairwaystodescend，wespentapartofnearlyeverydayinidlingthroughtheirsmoothwalksandleafygroves。 Therewasanattractivespotamongthetreeswherewereagreatmanywoodentablesandbenches；andthereonecouldsitintheshadeandpretendtosipathisfoamybeakerofbeerwhileheinspectedthecrowd。Isaypretend，becauseIonlypretendedtosip，withoutreallysipping。 Thatisthepoliteway；butwhenyouarereadytogo，youemptythebeakeratadraught。Therewasabrassband，anditfurnishedexcellentmusiceveryafternoon。 Sometimessomanypeoplecamethateveryseatwasoccupied，everytablefilled。Andneveraroughintheassemblace——allnicelydressedfathersandmothers，younggentlemenandladiesandchildren；andplentyofuniversitystudentsandglitteringofficers；withhereandthereagrayprofessor，orapeacefuloldladywithherknitting； andalwaysasprinklingofgawkyforeigners。 Everybodyhadhisglassofbeerbeforehim，orhiscupofcoffee，orhisbottleofwine，orhishotcutletandpotatoes；youngladieschatted，orfannedthemselves，orwroughtattheircrochetingorembroidering； thestudentsfedsugartotheirdogs，ordiscussedduels，orillustratednewfencingtrickswiththeirlittlecanes； andeverywherewascomfortandenjoyment，andeverywherepeaceandgood-willtomen。Thetreeswerejubilantwithbirds，andthepathswithrollickingchildren。 Onecouldhaveaseatinthatplaceandplentyofmusic，anyafternoon，forabouteightcents，orafamilyticketfortheseasonfortwodollars。 Forachange，whenyouwantedone，youcouldstrolltotheCastle，andburrowamongitsdungeons，orclimbaboutitsruinedtowers，orvisititsinteriorshows——thegreatHeidelbergTun，forinstance。EverybodyhasheardofthegreatHeidelbergTun，andmostpeoplehaveseenit，nodoubt。Itisawine-caskasbigasacottage，andsometraditionssayitholdseighteenthousandbottles，andothertraditionssayitholdseighteenhundredmillionbarrels。 Ithinkitlikelythatoneofthesestatementsisamistake，andtheotherisalie。However，themerematterofcapacityisathingofnosortofconsequence，sincethecaskisempty，andindeedhasalwaysbeenempty，historysays。Anemptycaskthesizeofacathedralcouldexcitebutlittleemotioninme。Idonotseeanywisdominbuildingamonstercasktohoardupemptinessin，whenyoucangetabetterquality，outside，anyday，freeofexpense。Whatcouldthiscaskhavebeenbuiltfor?Themoreonestudiesoverthat，themoreuncertainandunhappyhebecomes。Somehistorianssaythatthirtycouples，somesaythirtythousandcouples，candanceontheheadofthiscaskatthesametime。 Eventhisdoesnotseemtometoaccountforthebuildingofit。Itdoesnoteventhrowlightonit。AprofoundandscholarlyEnglishman——aspecialist——whohadmadethegreatHeidelbergTunhissolestudyforfifteenyears，toldmehehadatlastsatisfiedhimselfthattheancientsbuiltittomakeGermancreamin。HesaidthattheaverageGermancowyieldedfromonetotwoandhalfteaspoonsofmilk，whenshewasnotworkedintheploworthehay-wagonmorethaneighteenornineteenhoursaday。Thismilkwasverysweetandgood，andabeautifultransparentbluishtint；butinordertogetcreamfromitinthemosteconomicalway，apeculiarprocesswasnecessary。 Nowhebelievedthatthehabitoftheancientswastocollectseveralmilkingsinateacup，pouritintotheGreatTun，fillupwithwater，andthenskimoffthecreamfromtimetotimeastheneedsoftheGermanEmpiredemanded。 Thisbegantolookreasonable。ItcertainlybegantoaccountfortheGermancreamwhichIhadencounteredandmarveledoverinsomanyhotelsandrestaurants。 Butathoughtstruckme—— \"Whydidnoteachancientdairymantakehisownteacupofmilkandhisowncaskofwater，andmixthem，withoutmakingagovernmentmatterofit?\' \"Wherecouldhegetacasklargeenoughtocontaintherightproportionofwater?\" Verytrue。ItwasplainthattheEnglishmanhadstudiedthematterfromallsides。StillIthoughtImightcatchhimononepoint；soIaskedhimwhythemodernempiredidnotmakethenation\'screamintheHeidelbergTun，insteadofleavingittorotawayunused。Butheansweredasoneprepared—— \"ApatientanddiligentexaminationofthemodernGermancreamhadsatisfiedmethattheydonotusetheGreatTunnow，becausetheyhavegotaBIGGERonehidawaysomewhere。 EitherthatisthecaseortheyemptythespringmilkingsintothemountaintorrentsandthenskimtheRhineallsummer。\" ThereisamuseumofantiquitiesintheCastle，andamongitsmosttreasuredrelicsareancientmanuscriptsconnectedwithGermanhistory。Therearehundredsofthese，andtheirdatesstretchbackthroughmanycenturies。 OneofthemisadecreesignedandsealedbythehandofasuccessorofCharlemagne，intheyear896。 Asignaturemadebyahandwhichvanishedoutofthislifenearathousandyearsago，isamoreimpressivethingthanevenaruinedcastle。Luther\'swedding-ringwasshownme； alsoaforkbelongingtoatimeanteriortoourera，andanearlybookjack。Andtherewasaplastercastoftheheadofamanwhowasassassinatedaboutsixtyyearsago。Thestab-woundsinthefacewereduplicatedwithunpleasantfidelity。Oneortworealhairsstillremainedstickingintheeyebrowsofthecast。 Thattrifleseemedtoalmostchangethecounterfeitintoacorpse。 Therearemanyagedportraits——somevaluable，someworthless； someofgreatinterest，someofnoneatall。Iboughtacouple——oneagorgeousdukeoftheoldentime，andtheotheracomelyblue-eyeddamsel，aprincess，maybe。Iboughtthemtostartaportrait-galleryofmyancestorswith。 Ipaidadollarandahalfforthedukeandahalffortheprincess。Onecanlayinancestorsatevencheaperratesthanthese，inEurope，ifhewillmouseamongoldpictureshopsandlookoutforchances。 APPENDIXC TheCollegePrisonItseemsthatthestudentmaybreakagoodmanyofthepubliclawswithouthavingtoanswertothepublicauthorities。 HiscasemustcomebeforetheUniversityfortrialandpunishment。Ifapolicemancatcheshiminanunlawfulactandproceedstoarresthim，theoffenderproclaimsthatheisastudent，andperhapsshowshismatriculationcard，whereupontheofficerasksforhisaddress，thengoeshisway，andreportsthematteratheadquarters。Iftheoffenseisoneoverwhichthecityhasnojurisdiction，theauthoritiesreportthecaseofficiallytotheUniversity，andgivethemselvesnofurtherconcernaboutit。 TheUniversitycourtsendforthestudent，listentotheevidence，andpronouncejudgment。ThepunishmentusuallyinflictedisimprisonmentintheUniversityprison。 AsIunderstandit，astudent\'scaseisoftentriedwithouthisbeingpresentatall。Thensomethinglikethishappens:AconstableintheserviceoftheUniversityvisitsthelodgingsofthesaidstudent，knocks，isinvitedtocomein，doesso，andsayspolitely—— \"Ifyouplease，Iamheretoconductyoutoprison。\" \"Ah，\"saysthestudent，\"Iwasnotexpectingit。 WhathaveIbeendoing?\" \"Twoweeksagothepublicpeacehadthehonortobedisturbedbyyou。\" \"Itistrue；Ihadforgottenit。Verywell:Ihavebeencomplainedof，tried，andfoundguilty——isthatit?\" \"Exactly。Youaresentencedtotwodays\'solitaryconfinementintheCollegeprison，andIamsenttofetchyou。\" STUDENT。\"O，Ican\'tgotoday。\" OFFICER。\"Ifyouplease——why?\" STUDENT。\"BecauseI\'vegotanengagement。\" OFFICER。\"Tomorrow，then，perhaps?\" STUDENT。\"No，Iamgoingtotheopera，tomorrow。\" OFFICER。\"CouldyoucomeFriday?\" STUDENT。(Reflectively。)\"Letmesee——Friday——Friday。 Idon\'tseemtohaveanythingonhandFriday。\" OFFICER。\"Then，ifyouplease，IwillexpectyouonFriday。\" STUDENT。\"Allright，I\'llcomearoundFriday。\" OFFICER。\"Thankyou。Goodday，sir。\" STUDENT。\"Goodday。\" SoonFridaythestudentgoestotheprisonofhisownaccord，andisadmitted。 Itisquestionableiftheworld\'scriminalhistorycanshowacustommoreoddthanthis。Nobodyknows，now，howitoriginated。Therehavealwaysbeenmanynoblemenamongthestudents，anditispresumedthatallstudentsaregentlemen；intheoldtimesitwasusualtomartheconvenienceofsuchfolkaslittleaspossible； perhapsthisindulgentcustomowesitsorigintothis。 OnedayIwaslisteningtosomeconversationuponthissubjectwhenanAmericanstudentsaidthatforsometimehehadbeenundersentenceforaslightbreachofthepeaceandhadpromisedtheconstablethathewouldpresentlyfindanunoccupieddayandbetakehimselftoprison。 Iaskedtheyounggentlemantodomethekindnesstogotojailassoonasheconvenientlycould，sothatImighttrytogetinthereandvisithim，andseewhatcollegecaptivitywaslike。Hesaidhewouldappointtheveryfirstdayhecouldspare。 Hisconfinementwastoenduretwenty-fourhours。Heshortlychosehisday，andsentmeword。Istartedimmediately。 WhenIreachedtheUniversityPlace，Isawtwogentlementalkingtogether，and，astheyhadportfoliosundertheirarms，Ijudgedtheyweretutorsorelderlystudents； soIaskedtheminEnglishtoshowmethecollegejail。 IhadlearnedtotakeitforgrantedthatanybodyinGermanywhoknowsanything，knowsEnglish，soIhadstoppedafflictingpeoplewithmyGerman。Thesegentlemenseemedatrifleamused——andatrifleconfused，too——butoneofthemsaidhewouldwalkaroundthecornerwithmeandshowmetheplace。HeaskedmewhyIwantedtogetinthere，andIsaidtoseeafriend——andforcuriosity。 HedoubtedifIwouldbeadmitted，butvolunteeredtoputinawordortwoformewiththecustodian。 Herangthebell，adooropened，andwesteppedintoapavedwayandthenupintoasmallliving-room，wherewewerereceivedbyaheartyandgood-naturedGermanwomanoffifty。 Shethrewupherhandswithasurprised\"ACHGOTT，HERRPROFESSOR!\"andexhibitedamightydeferenceformynewacquaintance。BythesparkleinhereyeIjudgedshewasagooddealamused，too。The\"HerrProfessor\" talkedtoherinGerman，andIunderstoodenoughofittoknowthathewasbringingveryplausiblereasonstobearforadmittingme。Theyweresuccessful。SotheHerrProfessorreceivedmyearnestthanksanddeparted。 Theolddamegotherkeys，tookmeuptwoorthreeflightsofstairs，unlockedadoor，andwestoodinthepresenceofthecriminal。Thenshewentintoajollyandeagerdescriptionofallthathadoccurreddownstairs，andwhattheHerrProfessorhadsaid，andsoforthandsoon。 Plainly，sheregardeditasquiteasuperiorjokethatIhadwaylaidaProfessorandemployedhiminsooddaservice。 ButIwouldn\'thavedoneitifIhadknownhewasaProfessor； thereforemyconsciencewasnotdisturbed。 Nowthedameleftustoourselves。Thecellwasnotaroomyone； stillitwasalittlelargerthananordinaryprisoncell。 Ithadawindowofgoodsize，iron-grated；asmallstove； twowoodenchairs；twooakentables，veryoldandmostelaboratelycarvedwithnames，mottoes，faces，armorialbearings，etc——theworkofseveralgenerationsofimprisonedstudents；andanarrowwoodenbedsteadwithavillainousstrawmattress，butnosheets，pillows，blankets，orcoverlets——forthesethestudentmustfurnishathisowncostifhewantsthem。Therewasnocarpet，ofcourse。 Theceilingwascompletelycoveredwithnames，dates，andmonograms，donewithcandle-smoke。Thewallswerethicklycoveredwithpicturesandportraits(inprofile)，somedonewithink，somewithsoot，somewithapencil，andsomewithred，blue，andgreenchalks；andwheneveraninchortwoofspacehadremainedbetweenthepictures，thecaptiveshadwrittenplaintiveverses，ornamesanddates。IdonotthinkIwaseverinamoreelaboratelyfrescoedapartment。 Againstthewallhungaplacardcontainingtheprisonlaws。 Imadeanoteofoneortwoofthese。Forinstance: Theprisonermustpay，forthe\"privilege\"ofentering，asumequivalentto20centsofourmoney；fortheprivilegeofleaving，whenhistermhadexpired，20cents；foreverydayspentintheprison，12cents；forfireandlight，12centsaday。Thejailerfurnishescoffee，mornings，forasmallsum；dinnersandsuppersmaybeorderedfromoutsideiftheprisonerchooses——andheisallowedtopayforthem，too。 Hereandthere，onthewalls，appearedthenamesofAmericanstudents，andinoneplacetheAmericanarmsandmottoweredisplayedincoloredchalks。 WiththehelpofmyfriendItranslatedmanyoftheinscriptions。 Someofthemwerecheerful，othersthereverse。 Iwillgivethereaderafewspecimens: \"Inmytenthsemester(mybestone)，Iamcastherethroughthecomplaintsofothers。Letthosewhofollowmetakewarning。\" \"IIITAGEOHNEGRUNDANGEBLICHAUSNEUGIERDE。\"Whichistosay，hehadacuriositytoknowwhatprisonlifewaslike； sohemadeabreachinsomelawandgotthreedaysforit。 Itismorethanlikelythatheneverhadthesamecuriosityagain。 (TRANSLATION。)\"E。Glinicke，fourdaysforbeingtooeageraspectatorofarow。\" \"F。GrafBismarck——27-29，II，\'74。\"WhichmeansthatCountBismarck，sonofthegreatstatesman，wasaprisonertwodaysin1874。 (TRANSLATION。)\"R。Diergandt——forLove——4days。\" Manypeopleinthisworldhavecaughtitheavierthanforthesameindiscretion。