第21章

Thethoughtofthisgivesthesharpestpangthatthetragicstoryconveys。 TheauthoroftheHISTOIREDUMONTBLANCintroducedtheclosingsentencesofMr。Bean\'spatheticrecordthus: \"Herethecharactersarelargeandunsteady；thehandwhichtracesthemisbecomechilledandtorpid； butthespiritsurvives，andthefaithandresignationofthedyingmanareexpressedwithasublimesimplicity。\" Perhapsthisnote-bookwillbefoundandsenttoyou。 Wehavenothingtoeat，myfeetarealreadyfrozen，andIamexhausted；Ihavestrengthtowriteonlyafewwordsmore。IhaveleftmeansforC\'seducation；Iknowyouwillemploythemwisely。IdiewithfaithinGod，andwithlovingthoughtsofyou。Farewelltoall。 Weshallmeetagain，inHeaven……Ithinkofyoualways。 ItisthewayoftheAlpstodeliverdeathtotheirvictimswithamercifulswiftness，butheretherulefailed。 Thesemensufferedthebitterestdeaththathasbeenrecordedinthehistoryofthosemountains，freightedasthathistoryiswithgrislytragedies。 CHAPTERXLVI [MeetingaHogonaPrecipice] Mr。HarrisandItooksomeguidesandportersandascendedtotheHo^teldesPyramides，whichisperchedonthehighmorainewhichborderstheGlacierdesBossons。 Theroadledsharplyuphill，alltheway，throughgrassandflowersandwoods，andwasapleasantwalk，barringthefatigueoftheclimb。 Fromthehotelwecouldviewthehugeglacieratverycloserange。Afterarestwefolloweddownapathwhichhadbeenmadeinthesteepinnerfrontageofthemoraine，andsteppedupontheglacieritself。 Oneoftheshowsoftheplacewasatunnel-likecavern，whichhadbeenhewnintheglacier。Theproprietorofthistunneltookcandlesandconductedusintoit。 Itwasthreeorfourfeetwideandaboutsixfeethigh。 Itswallsofpureandsolidiceemittedasoftandrichbluelightthatproducedalovelyeffect，andsuggestedenchantedcaves，andthatsortofthing。Whenwehadproceededsomeyardsandwereenteringdarkness，weturnedaboutandhadadaintysunlitpictureofdistantwoodsandheightsframedinthestrongarchofthetunnelandseenthroughthetenderblueradianceofthetunnel\'satmosphere。 Thecavernwasnearlyahundredyardslong，andwhenwereacheditsinnerlimittheproprietorsteppedintoabranchtunnelwithhiscandlesandleftusburiedinthebowelsoftheglacier，andinpitch-darkness。Wejudgedhispurposewasmurderandrobbery；sowegotoutourmatchesandpreparedtosellourlivesasdearlyaspossiblebysettingtheglacieronfireiftheworstcametotheworst——butwesoonperceivedthatthismanhadchangedhismind；hebegantosing，inadeep，melodiousvoice，andwokesomecuriousandpleasingechoes。Byandbyhecamebackandpretendedthatthatwaswhathehadgonebehindtherefor。Webelievedasmuchofthataswewantedto。 Thusourliveshadbeenoncemoreinimminentperil，butbytheexerciseoftheswiftsagacityandcoolcouragewhichhadsavedussooften，wehadaddedanotherescapetothelonglist。Thetouristshouldvisitthatice-cavern，byallmeans，foritiswellworththetrouble；butIwouldadvisehimtogoonlywithastrongandwell-armedforce。 Idonotconsiderartillerynecessary，yetitwouldnotbeunadvisabletotakeitalong，ifconvenient。Thejourney，goingandcoming，isaboutthreemilesandahalf，threeofwhichareonlevelground。Wemadeitinlessthanaday，butIwouldcounseltheunpracticed——ifnotpressedfortime——toallowthemselvestwo。NothingisgainedintheAlpsbyover-exertion；nothingisgainedbycrowdingtwodays\'workintooneforthepoorsakeofbeingabletoboastoftheexploitafterward。Itwillbefoundmuchbetter，inthelongrun，todothethingintwodays，andthensubtractoneofthemfromthenarrative。 Thissavesfatigue，anddoesnotinjurethenarrative。 AllthemorethoughtfulamongtheAlpinetouristsdothis。 WenowcalledupontheGuide-in-Chief，andaskedforasquadronofguidesandportersfortheascentoftheMontanvert。 Thisidiotglaredatus，andsaid: \"Youdon\'tneedguidesandporterstogototheMontanvert。\" \"Whatdoweneed，then?\" \"SuchasYOU?——anambulance!\" IwassostungbythisbrutalremarkthatItookmycustomelsewhere。 Betimes，nextmorning，wehadreachedanaltitudeoffivethousandfeetabovethelevelofthesea。Herewecampedandbreakfasted。Therewasacabinthere——thespotiscalledtheCaillet——andaspringofice-coldwater。 Onthedoorofthecabinwasasign，inFrench，totheeffectthat\"Onemayhereseealivingchamoisforfiftycentimes。\" Wedidnotinvest；whatwewantedwastoseeadeadone。 AlittleafternoonweendedtheascentandarrivedatthenewhotelontheMontanvert，andhadaviewofsixmiles，rightupthegreatglacier，thefamousMerdeGlace。 Atthispointitislikeaseawhosedeepswalesandlong，rollingswellshavebeencaughtinmid-movementandfrozensolid；butfurtherupitisbrokenupintowildlytossingbillowsofice。 Wedescendedaticklishpathinthesteepsideofthemoraine，andinvadedtheglacier。Thereweretouristsofbothsexesscatteredfarandwideoverit，everywhere，andithadthefestivelookofaskating-rink。 TheEmpressJosephinecamethisfar，once。SheascendedtheMontanvertin1810——butnotalone；asmallarmyofmenprecededhertoclearthepath——andcarpetit，perhaps——andshefollowed，undertheprotectionofSIXTY-EIGHTguides。 HersuccessorvisitedChamonixlater，butinfardifferentstyle。 ItwassevenweeksafterthefirstfalloftheEmpire，andpoorMarieLouise，ex-Empresswasafugitive。 Shecameatnight，andinastorm，withonlytwoattendants，andstoodbeforeapeasant\'shut，tired，bedraggled，soakedwithrain，\"theredprintofherlostcrownstillgirdlingherbrow，\"andimploredadmittance——andwasrefused!Afewdaysbefore，theadulationsandapplausesofanationweresoundinginherears，andnowshewascometothis! WecrossedtheMerdeGlaceinsafety，butwehadmisgivings。 Thecrevicesintheiceyawneddeepandblueandmysterious，anditmadeonenervoustotraversethem。Thehugeroundwavesoficewereslipperyanddifficulttoclimb，andthechancesoftrippingandslidingdownthemanddartingintoacreviceweretoomanytobecomfortable。 Inthebottomofadeepswalebetweentwoofthebiggestoftheice-waves，wefoundafraudwhopretendedtobecuttingstepstoinsurethesafetyoftourists。 Hewas\"soldiering\"whenwecameuponhim，buthehoppedupandchippedoutacoupleofstepsaboutbigenoughforacat，andchargedusafrancortwoforit。 Thenhesatdownagain，todozetillthenextpartyshouldcomealong。Hehadcollectedblackmailfromtwoorthreehundredpeoplealready，thatday，buthadnotchippedouticeenoughtoimpairtheglacierperceptibly。 Ihaveheardofagoodmanysoftsinecures，butitseemstomethatkeepingtoll-bridgeonaglacieristhesoftestoneIhaveencounteredyet。 Thatwasablazinghotday，anditbroughtapersistentandpersecutingthirstwithit。Whatanunspeakableluxuryitwastoslakethatthirstwiththepureandlimpidice-wateroftheglacier!Downthesidesofeverygreatribofpureicepouredlimpidrillsingutterscarvedbytheirownattrition；betterstill，whereverarockhadlain，therewasnowabowl-shapedhole，withsmoothwhitesidesandbottomofice，andthisbowlwasbrimmingwithwaterofsuchabsoluteclearnessthatthecarelessobserverwouldnotseeitatall，butwouldthinkthebowlwasempty。 ThesefountainshadsuchanalluringlookthatIoftenstretchedmyselfoutwhenIwasnotthirstyanddippedmyfaceinanddranktillmyteethached。EverywhereamongtheSwissmountainswehadathandtheblessing——nottobefoundinEuropeEXCEPTinthemountains——ofwatercapableofquenchingthirst。EverywhereintheSwisshighlandsbrilliantlittlerillsofexquisitelycoldwaterwentdancingalongbytheroadsides，andmycomradeandI werealwaysdrinkingandalwaysdeliveringourdeepgratitude。 ButinEuropeeverywhereexceptinthemountains，thewaterisflatandinsipidbeyondthepowerofwordstodescribe。 Itisservedlukewarm；butnomatter，icecouldnothelpit； itisincurablyflat，incurablyinsipid。Itisonlygoodtowashwith；Iwonderitdoesn\'toccurtotheaverageinhabitanttotryitforthat。InEuropethepeoplesaycontemptuously，\"Nobodydrinkswaterhere。\"Indeed，theyhaveasoundandsufficientreason。Inmanyplacestheyevenhavewhatmaybecalledprohibitoryreasons。 InParisandMunich，forinstance，theysay，\"Don\'tdrinkthewater，itissimplypoison。\" EitherAmericaishealthierthanEurope，notwithstandingher\"deadly\"indulgenceinice-water，orshedoesnotkeeptherunofherdeath-rateassharplyasEuropedoes。 Ithinkwedokeepupthedeathstatisticsaccurately； andifwedo，ourcitiesarehealthierthanthecitiesofEurope。EverymonththeGermangovernmenttabulatesthedeath-rateoftheworldandpublishesit。Iscrap-bookedthesereportsduringseveralmonths，anditwascurioustoseehowregularandpersistentlyeachcityrepeateditssamedeath-ratemonthaftermonth。Thetablesmightaswellhavebeenstereotyped，theyvariedsolittle。 Thesetableswerebaseduponweeklyreportsshowingtheaverageofdeathsineach1，000populationforayear。 Munichwasalwayspresentwithher33deathsineach1，000ofherpopulation(yearlyaverage)，Chicagowasasconstantwithher15or17，Dublinwithher48——andsoon。 OnlyafewAmericancitiesappearinthesetables，buttheyarescatteredsowidelyoverthecountrythattheyfurnishagoodgeneralaverageofCITYhealthintheUnitedStates； andIthinkitwillbegrantedthatourtownsandvillagesarehealthierthanourcities。 HereistheaverageoftheonlyAmericancitiesreportedintheGermantables: Chicago，deathsin1，000populationannually，16；Philadelphia，18；St。Louis，18；SanFrancisco，19；NewYork(theDublinofAmerica)，23。 Seehowthefiguresjumpup，assoonasonearrivesatthetransatlanticlist: Paris，27；Glasgow，27；London，28；Vienna，28； Augsburg，28；Braunschweig，28；K:onigsberg，29； Cologne，29；Dresden，29；Hamburg，29；Berlin，30； Bombay，30；Warsaw，31；Breslau，31；Odessa，32； Munich，33；Strasburg，33，Pesth，35；Cassel，35； Lisbon，36；Liverpool，36；Prague，37；Madras，37； Bucharest，39；St。Petersburg，40；Trieste，40； Alexandria(Egypt)，43；Dublin，48；Calcutta，55。 EdinburghisashealthyasNewYork——23；butthereisnoCITYintheentirelistwhichishealthier，exceptFrankfort-on-the-Main——20。ButFrankfortisnotashealthyasChicago，SanFrancisco，St。Louis，orPhiladelphia。 Perhapsastrictaverageoftheworldmightdevelopthefactthatwhereonein1，000ofAmerica\'spopulationdies，twoin1，000oftheotherpopulationsoftheearthsuccumb。 Idonotliketomakeinsinuations，butIdothinktheabovestatisticsdarklysuggestthatthesepeopleoverheredrinkthisdetestablewater\"onthesly。\" Weclimbedthemoraineontheoppositesideoftheglacier，andthencreptalongitssharpridgeahundredyardsorso，inprettyconstantdangerofatumbletotheglacierbelow。 Thefallwouldhavebeenonlyonehundredfeet，butitwouldhaveclosedmeoutaseffectuallyasonethousand，thereforeIrespectedthedistanceaccordingly，andwasgladwhenthetripwasdone。Amoraineisanuglythingtoassaulthead-first。Atadistanceitlookslikeanendlessgraveoffinesand，accuratelyshapedandnicelysmoothed； butcloseby，itisfoundtobemademainlyofroughbouldersofallsizes，fromthatofaman\'sheadtothatofacottage。 ByandbywecametotheMauvaisPas，ortheVillainousRoad，totranslateitfeelingly。Itwasabreakneckpatharoundthefaceofaprecipiceforthorfiftyfeethigh，andnothingtohangontobutsomeironrailings。 Igotalong，slowly，safely，anduncomfortably，andfinallyreachedthemiddle。Myhopesbegantorisealittle，buttheywerequicklyblighted；forthereImetahog——along-nosed，bristlyfellow，thathelduphissnoutandworkedhisnostrilsatmeinquiringly。AhogonapleasureexcursioninSwitzerland——thinkofit!Itisstrikingandunusual；abodymightwriteapoemaboutit。 Hecouldnotretreat，ifhehadbeendisposedtodoit。 Itwouldhavebeenfoolishtostanduponourdignityinaplacewheretherewashardlyroomtostanduponourfeet，sowedidnothingofthesort。Thereweretwentyorthirtyladiesandgentlemenbehindus；weallturnedaboutandwentback，andthehogfollowedbehind。 Thecreaturedidnotseemsetupbywhathehaddone； hehadprobablydoneitbefore。 WereachedtherestaurantontheheightcalledtheChapeauatfourintheafternoon。Itwasamemento-factory，andthestockwaslarge，cheap，andvaried。Iboughttheusualpaper-cuttertoremembertheplaceby，andhadMontBlanc，theMauvaisPas，andtherestoftheregionbrandedonmyalpenstock；thenwedescendedtothevalleyandwalkedhomewithoutbeingtiedtogether。Thiswasnotdangerous，forthevalleywasfivemileswide，andquitelevel。 Wereachedthehotelbeforenineo\'clock。NextmorningweleftforGenevaontopofthediligence，undershelterofagayawning。IfIrememberrightly，thereweremorethantwentypeopleupthere。 Itwassohighthattheascentwasmadebyladder。 Thehugevehiclewasfulleverywhere，insideandout。 Fiveotherdiligencesleftatthesametime，allfull。 Wehadengagedourseatstwodaysbeforehand，tomakesure，andpaidtheregulationprice，fivedollarseach；buttherestofthecompanywerewiser；theyhadtrustedBaedeker，andwaited；consequentlysomeofthemgottheirseatsforoneortwodollars。Baedekerknowsallabouthotels，railwayanddiligencecompanies，andspeakshismindfreely。 Heisatrustworthyfriendofthetraveler。 WeneversawMontBlancathisbestuntilweweremanymilesaway；thenheliftedhismajesticproportionshighintotheheavens，allwhiteandcoldandsolemn，andmadetherestoftheworldseemlittleandplebeian，andcheapandtrivial。 Ashepassedoutofsightatlast，anoldEnglishmansettledhimselfinhisseatandsaid: \"Well，Iamsatisfied，IhaveseentheprincipalfeaturesofSwissscenery——MontBlancandthegoiter——nowforhome!\" CHAPTERXLVII [QueerEuropeanManners] WespentafewpleasantrestfuldaysatGeneva，thatdelightfulcitywhereaccuratetime-piecesaremadeforalltherestoftheworld，butwhoseownclocksnevergivethecorrecttimeofdaybyanyaccident。 Genevaisfilledwithprettyshops，andtheshopsarefilledwiththemostenticinggimacrackery，butifoneentersoneoftheseplacesheisatoncepouncedupon，andfollowedup，andsopersecutedtobuythis，that，andtheotherthing，thatheisverygratefultogetoutagain，andisnotatallapttorepeathisexperiment。 Theshopkeepersofthesmallersort，inGeneva，areastroublesomeandpersistentasarethesalesmenofthatmonsterhiveinParis，theGrandsMagasinsduLouvre——anestablishmentwhereill-manneredpestering，pursuing，andinsistencehavebeenreducedtoascience。 InGeneva，pricesinthesmallershopsareveryelastic—— thatisanotherbadfeature。Iwaslookinginatawindowataveryprettystringofbeads，suitableforachild。 Iwasonlyadmiringthem；Ihadnouseforthem；Ihardlyeverwearbeads。Theshopwomancameoutandofferedthemtomeforthirty-fivefrancs。Isaiditwascheap，butIdidnotneedthem。 \"Ah，butmonsieur，theyaresobeautiful!\" Iconfessedit，butsaidtheywerenotsuitableforoneofmyageandsimplicityofcharacter。Shedartedinandbroughtthemoutandtriedtoforcethemintomyhands，saying: \"Ah，butonlyseehowlovelytheyare!Surelymonsieurwilltakethem；monsieurshallhavethemforthirtyfrancs。 There，Ihavesaidit——itisaloss，butonemustlive。\" Idroppedmyhands，andtriedtomovehertorespectmyunprotectedsituation。Butno，shedangledthebeadsinthesunbeforemyface，exclaiming，\"Ah，monsieurCANNOTresistthem!\"Shehungthemonmycoatbutton，foldedherhandresignedly，andsaid:\"Gone，——andforthirtyfrancs，thelovelythings——itisincredible!——butthegoodGodwillsanctifythesacrificetome。\" Iremovedthemgently，returnedthem，andwalkedaway，shakingmyheadandsmilingasmileofsillyembarrassmentwhilethepassers-byhaltedtoobserve。Thewomanleanedoutofherdoor，shookthebeads，andscreamedafterme: \"Monsieurshallhavethemfortwenty-eight!\" Ishookmyhead。 \"Twenty-seven!Itisacruelloss，itisruin—— buttakethem，onlytakethem。\" Istillretreated，stillwaggingmyhead。 \"MONDIEU，theyshallevengofortwenty-six!There，Ihavesaidit。Come!\" Iwaggedanothernegative。AnurseandalittleEnglishgirlhadbeennearme，andwerefollowingme，now。Theshopwomanrantothenurse，thrustthebeadsintoherhands，andsaid: \"Monsieurshallhavethemfortwenty-five!Takethemtothehotel——heshallsendmethemoneytomorrow—— nextday——whenhelikes。\"Thentothechild:\"Whenthyfathersendsmethemoney，comethoualso，myangel，andthoushallhavesomethingohsopretty!\" Iwasthusprovidentiallysaved。Thenurserefusedthebeadssquarelyandfirmly，andthatendedthematter。 The\"sights\"ofGenevaarenotnumerous。Imadeoneattempttohuntupthehousesonceinhabitedbythosetwodisagreeablepeople，RousseauandCalvin，butIhadnosuccess。ThenIconcludedtogohome。Ifounditwaseasiertoproposetodothatthantodoit；forthattownisabewilderingplace。Igotlostinatangleofnarrowandcrookedstreets，andstayedlostforanhourortwo。 FinallyIfoundastreetwhichlookedsomewhatfamiliar，andsaidtomyself，\"NowIamathome，Ijudge。\"ButI waswrong；thiswas\"HELLstreet。\"PresentlyIfoundanotherplacewhichhadafamiliarlook，andsaidtomyself，\"NowIamathome，sure。\"Itwasanothererror。Thiswas\"PURGATORYstreet。\"AfteralittleIsaid，\"NOWI\'vegottherightplace，anyway……no，thisis\'PARADISEstreet\'； I\'mfurtherfromhomethanIwasinthebeginning。\" Thosewerequeernames——Calvinwastheauthorofthem，likely。\"Hell\"and\"Purgatory\"fittedthosetwostreetslikeaglove，butthe\"Paradise\"appearedtobesarcastic。 Icameoutonthelake-front，atlast，andthenIknewwhereIwas。IwaswalkingalongbeforetheglitteringjewelryshopswhenIsawacuriousperformance。 Aladypassedby，andatrimdandyloungedacrossthewalkinsuchanapparentlycarefullytimedwayastobringhimselfexactlyinfrontofherwhenshegottohim； hemadenooffertostepoutoftheway；hedidnotapologize； hedidnotevennoticeher。Shehadtostopstillandlethimloungeby。Iwonderedifhehaddonethatpieceofbrutalitypurposely。Hestrolledtoachairandseatedhimselfatasmalltable；twoorthreeothermalesweresittingatsimilartablessippingsweetenedwater。 Iwaited；presentlyayouthcameby，andthisfellowgotupandservedhimthesametrick。Still，itdidnotseempossiblethatanyonecoulddosuchathingdeliberately。 TosatisfymycuriosityIwentaroundtheblock，and，sureenough，asIapproached，atagoodroundspeed，hegotupandloungedlazilyacrossmypath，foulingmycourseexactlyattherightmomenttoreceiveallmyweight。 Thisprovedthathispreviousperformanceshadnotbeenaccidental，butintentional。 Isawthatdandy\'scuriousgameplayedafterward，inParis，butnotforamusement；notwithamotiveofanysort，indeed，butsimplyfromaselfishindifferencetootherpeople\'scomfortandrights。OnedoesnotseeitasfrequentlyinParisashemightexpectto，fortherethelawsays，ineffect，\"Itisthebusinessoftheweaktogetoutofthewayofthestrong。\"Wefineacabmanifherunsoveracitizen；Parisfinesthecitizenforbeingrunover。 Atleastsoeverybodysays——butIsawsomethingwhichcausedmetodoubt；Isawahorsemanrunoveranoldwomanoneday——thepolicearrestedhimandtookhimaway。 Thatlookedasiftheymeanttopunishhim。 ItwillnotdoformetofindmeritinAmericanmanners—— foraretheynotthestandingbuttforthejestsofcriticalandpolishedEurope?Still，Imustventuretoclaimonelittlematterofsuperiorityinourmanners； aladymaytraverseourstreetsallday，goingandcomingasshechooses，andshewillneverbemolestedbyanyman； butifalady，unattended，walksabroadinthestreetsofLondon，evenatnoonday，shewillbeprettylikelytobeaccostedandinsulted——andnotbydrunkensailors，butbymenwhocarrythelookandwearthedressofgentlemen。 Itismaintainedthatthesepeoplearenotgentlemen，butarealowersort，disguisedasgentlemen。ThecaseofColonelValentineBakerobstructsthatargument，foramancannotbecomeanofficerintheBritisharmyexceptheholdtherankofgentleman。Thisperson，findinghimselfaloneinarailwaycompartmentwithanunprotectedgirl——butitisanatrociousstory，anddoubtlessthereaderremembersitwellenough。 LondonmusthavebeenmoreorlessaccustomedtoBakers，andthewaysofBakers，elseLondonwouldhavebeenoffendedandexcited。Bakerwas\"imprisoned\"——inaparlor； andhecouldnothavebeenmorevisited，ormoreoverwhelmedwithattentions，ifhehadcommittedsixmurdersandthen—— whilethegallowswaspreparing——\"gotreligion\"——afterthemanneroftheholyCharlesPeace，ofsaintlymemory。 Arkansaw——itseemsalittleindelicatetobetrumpetingforthourownsuperiorities，andcomparisonsarealwaysodious，butstill——ArkansawwouldcertainlyhavehangedBaker。 Idonotsayshewouldhavetriedhimfirst，butshewouldhavehangedhim，anyway。 Eventhemostdegradedwomancanwalkourstreetsunmolested，hersexandherweaknessbeinghersufficientprotection。 Shewillencounterlesspolishthanshewouldintheoldworld，butshewillrunacrossenoughhumanitytomakeupforit。 Themusicofadonkeyawokeusearlyinthemorning，andweroseupandmadereadyforaprettyformidablewalk——toItaly；buttheroadwassolevelthatwetookthetrain……Welostagooddealoftimebythis，butitwasnomatter，wewerenotinahurry。WewerefourhoursgoingtoChamb`ery。TheSwisstrainsgoupwardofthreemilesanhour，inplaces，buttheyarequitesafe。 ThatagedFrenchtownofChamb`erywasasquaintandcrookedasHeilbronn。Adrowsyreposefulquietreignedinthebackstreetswhichmadestrollingthroughthemverypleasant，barringthealmostunbearableheatofthesun。 Inoneofthesestreets，whichwaseightfeetwide，gracefullycurved，andbuiltupwithsmallantiquatedhouses，Isawthreefathogslyingasleep，andaboy(alsoasleep) takingcareofthem。Fromqueerold-fashionedwindowsalongthecurveprojectedboxesofbrightflowers，andovertheedgeofoneoftheseboxeshungtheheadandshouldersofacat——asleep。Thefivesleepingcreaturesweretheonlylivingthingsvisibleinthatstreet。Therewasnotasound；absolutestillnessprevailed。ItwasSunday； oneisnotusedtosuchdreamySundaysonthecontinent。 Inourpartofthetownitwasdifferentthatnight。 AregimentofbrownandbatteredsoldiershadarrivedhomefromAlgiers，andIjudgedtheygotthirstyontheway。 Theysanganddranktilldawn，inthepleasantopenair。 WeleftforTurinattenthenextmorningbyarailwaywhichwasprofuselydecoratedwithtunnels。Weforgottotakealanternalong，consequentlywemissedallthescenery。 Ourcompartmentwasfull。Aponderoustow-headedSwisswoman，whoputonmanyfine-ladyairs，butwasevidentlymoreusedtowashinglinenthanwearingit，satinacornerseatandputherlegsacrossintotheoppositeone，proppingthemintermediatelywithherup-endedvalise。 Intheseatthuspirated，sattwoAmericans，greatlyincommodedbythatwoman\'smajesticcoffin-cladfeet。Oneofthembegged，politely，toremovethem。Sheopenedherwideeyesandgavehimastare，butanswerednothing。Byandbyhepreferredhisrequestagain，withgreatrespectfulness。 Shesaid，ingoodEnglish，andinadeeplyoffendedtone，thatshehadpaidherpassageandwasnotgoingtobebulliedoutofher\"rights\"byill-bredforeigners，evenifshewasaloneandunprotected。 \"ButIhaverights，also，madam。Myticketentitlesmetoaseat，butyouareoccupyinghalfofit。\" \"Iwillnottalkwithyou，sir。Whatrighthaveyoutospeaktome?Idonotknowyou。Onewouldknowyoucamefromalandwheretherearenogentlemen。 NoGENTLEMANwouldtreataladyasyouhavetreatedme。\" \"Icomefromaregionwherealadywouldhardlygivemethesameprovocation。\" \"Youhaveinsultedme，sir!YouhaveintimatedthatIamnotalady——andIhopeIamNOTone，afterthepatternofyourcountry。\" \"Ibegthatyouwillgiveyourselfnoalarmonthathead，madam；butatthesametimeImustinsist——alwaysrespectfully——thatyouletmehavemyseat。\" Herethefragilelaundressburstintotearsandsobs。 \"Ineverwassoinsultedbefore!Never，never!Itisshameful，itisbrutal，itisbase，tobullyandabuseanunprotectedladywhohaslosttheuseofherlimbsandcannotputherfeettothefloorwithoutagony!\" \"Goodheavens，madam，whydidn\'tyousaythatatfirst!I offerathousandpardons。AndIofferthemmostsincerely。 Ididnotknow——ICOULDnotknow——anythingwasthematter。 Youaremostwelcometotheseat，andwouldhavebeenfromthefirstifIhadonlyknown。Iamtrulysorryitallhappened，Idoassureyou。\" Buthecouldn\'tgetawordofforgivenessoutofher。 Shesimplysobbedandsniffedinasubduedbutwhollyunappeasablewayfortwolonghours，meantimecrowdingthemanmorethaneverwithherundertaker-furnitureandpayingnosortofattentiontohisfrequentandhumblelittleeffortstodosomethingforhercomfort。 ThenthetrainhaltedattheItalianlineandshehoppedupandmarchedoutofthecarwithasfirmalegasanywasherwomanofallhertribe!AndhowsickIwas，toseehowshehadfooledme。 Turinisaveryfinecity。Inthematterofroominessittranscendsanythingthatwaseverdreamedofbefore，Ifancy。Itsitsinthemidstofavastdead-level，andoneisobligedtoimaginethatlandmaybehadfortheasking，andnotaxestopay，solavishlydotheyuseit。 Thestreetsareextravagantlywide，thepavedsquaresareprodigious，thehousesarehugeandhandsome，andcompactedintouniformblocksthatstretchawayasstraightasanarrow，intothedistance。ThesidewalksareaboutaswideasordinaryEuropeanSTREETS，andarecoveredoverwithadoublearcadesupportedongreatstonepiersorcolumns。Onewalksfromoneendtotheotherofthesespaciousstreets，undershelterallthetime，andallhiscourseislinedwiththeprettiestofshopsandthemostinvitingdining-houses。 Thereisawideandlengthycourt，glitteringwiththemostwickedlyenticingshops，whichisroofedwithglass，highaloftoverhead，andpavedwithsoft-tonedmarbleslaidingracefulfigures；andatnightwhentheplaceisbrilliantwithgasandpopulouswithasaunteringandchattingandlaughingmultitudeofpleasure-seekers，itisaspectacleworthseeing。 Everythingisonalargescale；thepublicbuildings，forinstance——andtheyarearchitecturallyimposing，too，aswellaslarge。Thebigsquareshavebigbronzemonumentsinthem。Atthehoteltheygaveusroomsthatwerealarming，forsize，andparlortomatch。 Itwaswelltheweatherrequirednofireintheparlor，forIthinkonemightaswellhavetriedtowarmapark。 Theplacewouldhaveawarmlook，though，inanyweather，forthewindow-curtainswereofredsilkdamask，andthewallswerecoveredwiththesamefire-huedgoods——so，also，werethefoursofasandthebrigadeofchairs。Thefurniture，theornaments，thechandeliers，thecarpets，wereallnewandbrightandcostly。 Wedidnotneedaparloratall，buttheysaiditbelongedtothetwobedroomsandwemightuseitifwechose。 Sinceitwastocostnothing，wewerenotaversetousingit，ofcourse。 Turinmustsurelyreadagooddeal，forithasmorebook-storestothesquarerodthananyothertownI knowof。Andithasitsownshareofmilitaryfolk。 TheItalianofficers\'uniformsareverymuchthemostbeautifulIhaveeverseen；and，asageneralthing，themeninthemwereashandsomeastheclothes。Theywerenotlargemen，buttheyhadfineforms，finefeatures，richolivecomplexions，andlustrousblackeyes。 ForseveralweeksIhadbeencullingalltheinformationIcouldaboutItaly，fromtourists。Thetouristswereallagreedupononething——onemustexpecttobecheatedateveryturnbytheItalians。ItookaneveningwalkinTurin，andpresentlycameacrossalittlePunchandJudyshowinoneofthegreatsquares。Twelveorfifteenpeopleconstitutedtheaudience。Thisminiaturetheaterwasnotmuchbiggerthanaman\'scoffinstoodonend； theupperpartwasopenanddisplayedatinseledparlor——agood-sizedhandkerchiefwouldhaveansweredforadrop-curtain；thefootlightsconsistedofacoupleofcandle-endsaninchlong；variousmanikinsthesizeofdollsappearedonthestageandmadelongspeechesateachother，gesticulatingagooddeal，andtheygenerallyhadafightbeforetheygotthrough。Theywereworkedbystringsfromabove，andtheillusionwasnotperfect，foronesawnotonlythestringsbutthebrawnyhandthatmanipulatedthem——andtheactorsandactressesalltalkedinthesamevoice，too。Theaudiencestoodinfrontofthetheater，andseemedtoenjoytheperformanceheartily。 Whentheplaywasdone，ayouthinhisshirt-sleevesstartedaroundwithasmallcoppersaucertomakeacollection。 Ididnotknowhowmuchtoputin，butthoughtIwouldbeguidedbymypredecessors。Unluckily，Ionlyhadtwoofthese，andtheydidnothelpmemuchbecausetheydidnotputinanything。IhadnoItalianmoney，soIputinasmallSwisscoinworthabouttencents。 Theyouthfinishedhiscollectiontripandemptiedtheresultonthestage；hehadsomeveryanimatedtalkwiththeconcealedmanager，thenhecameworkinghiswaythroughthelittlecrowd——seekingme，Ithought。 Ihadamindtoslipaway，butconcludedIwouldn\'t； Iwouldstandmyground，andconfrontthevillainy，whateveritwas。TheyouthstoodbeforemeandheldupthatSwisscoin，sureenough，andsaidsomething。 Ididnotunderstandhim，butIjudgedhewasrequiringItalianmoneyofme。Thecrowdgatheredclose，tolisten。Iwasirritated，andsaid——inEnglish，ofcourse: \"Iknowit\'sSwiss，butyou\'lltakethatornone。 Ihaven\'tanyother。\" Hetriedtoputthecoininmyhand，andspokeagain。 Idrewmyhandaway，andsaid: \"NO，sir。Iknowallaboutyoupeople。Youcan\'tplayanyofyourfraudfultricksonme。Ifthereisadiscountonthatcoin，Iamsorry，butIamnotgoingtomakeitgood。Inoticedthatsomeoftheaudiencedidn\'tpayyouanythingatall。Youletthemgo，withoutaword，butyoucomeaftermebecauseyouthinkI\'mastrangerandwillputupwithanextortionratherthanhaveascene。 Butyouaremistakenthistime——you\'lltakethatSwissmoneyornone。\" Theyouthstoodtherewiththecoininhisfingers，nonplusedandbewildered；ofcoursehehadnotunderstoodaword。AnEnglish-speakingItalianspokeup，now，andsaid: \"Youaremisunderstandingtheboy。Hedoesnotmeananyharm。 Hedidnotsupposeyougavehimsomuchmoneypurposely，sohehurriedbacktoreturnyouthecoinlestyoumightgetawaybeforeyoudiscoveredyourmistake。 Takeit，andgivehimapenny——thatwillmakeeverythingsmoothagain。\" Iprobablyblushed，then，fortherewasoccasion。 ThroughtheinterpreterIbeggedtheboy\'spardon，butInoblyrefusedtotakebackthetencents。IsaidIwasaccustomedtosquanderinglargesumsinthatway—— itwasthekindofpersonIwas。ThenIretiredtomakeanotetotheeffectthatinItalypersonsconnectedwiththedramadonotcheat。 Theepisodewiththeshowmanremindsmeofadarkchapterinmyhistory。Ioncerobbedanagedandblindbeggar-womanoffourdollars——inachurch。Ithappenedthisway。 WhenIwasoutwiththeInnocentsAbroad，theshipstoppedintheRussianportofOdessaandIwentashore，withothers，toviewthetown。Igotseparatedfromtherest，andwanderedaboutalone，untillateintheafternoon，whenIenteredaGreekchurchtoseewhatitwaslike。 WhenIwasreadytoleave，Iobservedtwowrinkledoldwomenstandingstifflyuprightagainsttheinnerwall，nearthedoor，withtheirbrownpalmsopentoreceivealms。 Icontributedtothenearerone，andpassedout。 Ihadgonefiftyyards，perhaps，whenitoccurredtomethatImustremainashoreallnight，asIhadheardthattheship\'sbusinesswouldcarryherawayatfouro\'clockandkeepherawayuntilmorning。Itwasalittleafterfournow。Ihadcomeashorewithonlytwopiecesofmoney，bothaboutthesamesize，butdifferinglargelyinvalue——onewasaFrenchgoldpieceworthfourdollars，theotheraTurkishcoinworthtwocentsandahalf。 Withasuddenandhorrifiedmisgiving，Iputmyhandinmypocket，now，andsureenough，IfetchedoutthatTurkishpenny! Herewasasituation。Ahotelwouldrequirepayinadvance——Imustwalkthestreetallnight，andperhapsbearrestedasasuspiciouscharacter。Therewasbutonewayoutofthedifficulty——Iflewbacktothechurch，andsoftlyentered。Therestoodtheoldwomanyet，andinthepalmofthenearestonestilllaymygoldpiece。 Iwasgrateful。Icreptclose，feelingunspeakablymean； IgotmyTurkishpennyready，andwasextendingatremblinghandtomakethenefariousexchange，whenIheardacoughbehindme。IjumpedbackasifIhadbeenaccused，andstoodquakingwhileaworshiperenteredandpasseduptheaisle。 Iwasthereayeartryingtostealthatmoney；thatis，itseemedayear，though，ofcourse，itmusthavebeenmuchless。Theworshiperswentandcame；therewerehardlyeverthreeinthechurchatonce，buttherewasalwaysoneormore。EverytimeItriedtocommitmycrimesomebodycameinorsomebodystartedout，andIwasprevented； butatlastmyopportunitycame；foronemomenttherewasnobodyinthechurchbutthetwobeggar-womenandme。 Iwhippedthegoldpieceoutofthepooroldpauper\'spalmanddroppedmyTurkishpennyinitsplace。Pooroldthing，shemurmuredherthanks——theysmotemetotheheart。 ThenIspedawayinaguiltyhurry，andevenwhenIwasamilefromthechurchIwasstillglancingback，everymoment，toseeifIwasbeingpursued。 Thatexperiencehasbeenofpricelessvalueandbenefittome；forIresolvedthen，thataslongasIlivedI wouldneveragainrobablindbeggar-womaninachurch； andIhavealwayskeptmyword。Themostpermanentlessonsinmoralsarethosewhichcome，notofbookyteaching，butofexperience。 CHAPTERXLVIII [BeautyofWomen——andofOldMasters] InMilanwespentmostofourtimeinthevastandbeautifulArcadeorGallery，orwhateveritiscalled。 Blocksoftallnewbuildingsofthemostsumptuoussort，richwithdecorationandgracedwithstatues，thestreetsbetweentheseblocksroofedoverwithglassatagreatheight，thepavementsallofsmoothandvariegatedmarble，arrangedintastefulpatterns——littletablesalloverthesemarblestreets，peoplesittingatthem，eating，drinking，orsmoking——crowdsofotherpeoplestrollingby——suchistheArcade。Ishouldliketoliveinitallthetime。 Thewindowsofthesumptuousrestaurantsstandopen，andonebreakfaststhereandenjoysthepassingshow。 Wewanderedalloverthetown，enjoyingwhateverwasgoingoninthestreets。Wetookoneomnibusride，andasI didnotspeakItalianandcouldnotasktheprice，Iheldoutsomecoppercoinstotheconductor，andhetooktwo。 Thenhewentandgothistariffcardandshowedmethathehadtakenonlytherightsum。SoImadeanote——Italianomnibusconductorsdonotcheat。 NeartheCathedralIsawanotherinstanceofprobity。 Anoldmanwaspeddlingdollsandtoyfans。TwosmallAmericanchildrenandonegavetheoldmanafrancandthreecoppercoins，andbothstartedaway；buttheywerecalledback，andthefrancandoneofthecopperswererestoredtothem。HenceitisplainthatinItaly，partiesconnectedwiththedramaandtheomnibusandthetoyinterestsdonotcheat。 Thestocksofgoodsintheshopswerenotextensive，generally。 Inthevestibuleofwhatseemedtobeaclothingstore，wesaweightortenwoodendummiesgroupedtogether，clothedinwoolenbusinesssuitsandeachmarkedwithitsprice。 Onesuitwasmarkedforty-fivefrancs——ninedollars。 Harrissteppedinandsaidhewantedasuitlikethat。 Nothingeasier:theoldmerchantdraggedinthedummy，brushedhimoffwithabroom，strippedhim，andshippedtheclothestothehotel。Hesaidhedidnotkeeptwosuitsofthesamekindinstock，butmanufacturedasecondwhenitwasneededtoreclothethedummy。 InanotherquarterwefoundsixItaliansengagedinaviolentquarrel。Theydancedfiercelyabout，gesticulatingwiththeirheads，theirarms，theirlegs，theirwholebodies；theywouldrushforwardoccasionallywithasuddenaccessofpassionandshaketheirfistsineachother\'sveryfaces。Welosthalfanhourthere，waitingtohelpcordupthedead，buttheyfinallyembracedeachotheraffectionately，andthetroublewasover。 Theepisodewasinteresting，butwecouldnothaveaffordedallthetimetoitifwehadknownnothingwasgoingtocomeofitbutareconciliation。Notemade——inItaly，peoplewhoquarrelcheatthespectator。 Wehadanotherdisappointmentafterward。Weapproachedadeeplyinterestedcrowd，andinthemidstofitfoundafellowwildlychatteringandgesticulatingoveraboxonthegroundwhichwascoveredwithapieceofoldblanket。Everylittlewhilehewouldbenddownandtakeholdoftheedgeoftheblanketwiththeextremetipsofhisfingertips，asiftoshowtherewasnodeception——chatteringawayallthewhile——butalways，justasIwasexpectingtoseeawonderfeatoflegerdemain，hewouldletgotheblanketandrisetoexplainfurther。 However，atlastheuncoveredtheboxandgotoutaspoonwithaliquidinit，andhelditfairandfranklyaround，forpeopletoseethatitwasallrightandhewastakingnoadvantage——hischatterbecamemoreexcitedthanever。 Isupposedhewasgoingtosetfiretotheliquidandswallowit，soIwasgreatlywroughtupandinterested。 Igotacentreadyinonehandandaflorinintheother，intendingtogivehimtheformerifhesurvivedandthelatterifhekilledhimself——forhislosswouldbemygaininaliteraryway，andIwaswillingtopayafairpricefortheitem——butthisimpostorendedhisintenselymovingperformancebysimplyaddingsomepowdertotheliquidandpolishingthespoon!Thenhehelditaloft，andhecouldnothaveshownawilderexultationifhehadachievedanimmortalmiracle。Thecrowdapplaudedinagratifiedway，anditseemedtomethathistoryspeaksthetruthwhenitsaysthesechildrenofthesouthareeasilyentertained。 Wespentanimpressivehourinthenoblecathedral，wherelongshaftsoftintedlightwerecleavingthroughthesolemndimnessfromtheloftywindowsandfallingonapillarhere，apicturethere，andakneelingworshiperyonder。 Theorganwasmuttering，censerswereswinging，candleswereglintingonthedistantaltarandrobedpriestswerefilingsilentlypastthem；thescenewasonetosweepallfrivolousthoughtsawayandsteepthesoulinaholycalm。 AtrimyoungAmericanladypausedayardortwofromme，fixedhereyesonthemellowsparksfleckingthefar-offaltar，bentherheadreverentlyamoment，thenstraightenedup，kickedhertrainintotheairwithherheel，caughtitdeftlyinherhand，andmarchedbrisklyout。 Wevisitedthepicture-galleriesandtheotherregulation\"sights\" ofMilan——notbecauseIwantedtowriteaboutthemagain，buttoseeifIhadlearnedanythingintwelveyears。 IafterwardvisitedthegreatgalleriesofRomeandFlorenceforthesamepurpose。IfoundIhadlearnedonething。WhenIwroteabouttheOldMastersbefore，Isaidthecopieswerebetterthantheoriginals。