第11章

Andthenthereispainting。Whataredragistoabull，Turner\'s\"SlaveShip\"wastome，beforeIstudiedart。 Mr。Ruskiniseducatedinartuptoapointwherethatpicturethrowshimintoasmadanecstasyofpleasureasitusedtothrowmeintooneofrage，lastyear，whenIwasignorant。Hiscultivationenableshim——andme，now——toseewaterinthatglaringyellowmud，andnaturaleffectsinthoseluridexplosionsofmixedsmokeandflame，andcrimsonsunsetglories；itreconcileshim——andme，now——tothefloatingofironcable-chainsandotherunfloatablethings；itreconcilesustofishesswimmingaroundontopofthemud——Imeanthewater。Themostofthepictureisamanifestimpossibility——thatistosay，alie；andonlyrigidcultivationcanenableamantofindtruthinalie。ButitenabledMr。Ruskintodoit，andithasenabledmetodoit，andIamthankfulforit。 ABostonnewspaperreporterwentandtookalookattheSlaveShipflounderingaboutinthatfierceconflagrationofredsandyellows，andsaiditremindedhimofatortoise-shellcathavingafitinaplatteroftomatoes。Inmythenuneducatedstate，thatwenthometomynon-cultivation，andIthoughthereisamanwithanunobstructedeye。 Mr。Ruskinwouldhavesaid:Thispersonisanass。 ThatiswhatIwouldsay，now。[1] 1。Monthsafterthiswaswritten，IhappenedintotheNationalGalleryinLondon，andsoonbecamesofascinatedwiththeTurnerpicturesthatIcouldhardlygetawayfromtheplace。 Iwentthereoften，afterward，meaningtoseetherestofthegallery，buttheTurnerspellwastoostrong； itcouldnotbeshakenoff。However，theTurnerswhichattractedmemostdidnotremindmeoftheSlaveShip。 However，ourbusinessinBaden-Badenthistime，wastojoinourcourier。Ihadthoughtitbesttohireone，asweshouldbeinItaly，byandby，andwedidnotknowthelanguage。Neitherdidhe。 Wefoundhimatthehotel，readytotakechargeofus。 Iaskedhimifhewas\"allfixed。\"Hesaidhewas。 Thatwasverytrue。Hehadatrunk，twosmallsatchels，andanumbrella。Iwastopayhimfifty-fivedollarsamonthandrailwayfares。Onthecontinenttherailwayfareonatrunkisaboutthesameitisonaman。 Couriersdonothavetopayanyboardandlodging。 Thisseemsagreatsavingtothetourist——atfirst。 ItdoesnotoccurtothetouristthatSOMEBODYpaysthatman\'sboardandlodging。Itoccurstohimbyandby，however，inoneofhislucidmoments。 CHAPTERXXV [HuntedbytheLittleChamois] NextmorningweleftinthetrainforSwitzerland，andreachedLucerneaboutteno\'clockatnight。 ThefirstdiscoveryImadewasthatthebeautyofthelakehadnotbeenexaggerated。WithinadayortwoImadeanotherdiscovery。Thiswas，thatthelaudedchamoisisnotawildgoat；thatitisnotahornedanimal； thatitisnotshy；thatitdoesnotavoidhumansociety； andthatthereisnoperilinhuntingit。Thechamoisisablackorbrowncreaturenobiggerthanamustardseed； youdonothavetogoafterit，itcomesafteryou； itarrivesinvastherdsandskipsandscampersalloveryourbody，insideyourclothes；thusitisnotshy，butextremelysociable；itisnotafraidofman，onthecontrary，itwillattackhim；itsbiteisnotdangerous，butneitherisitpleasant；itsactivityhasnotbeenoverstated——ifyoutrytoputyourfingeronit，itwillskipathousandtimesitsownlengthatonejump，andnoeyeissharpenoughtoseewhereitlights。 AgreatdealofromanticnonsensehasbeenwrittenabouttheSwisschamoisandtheperilsofhuntingit，whereasthetruthisthatevenwomenandchildrenhuntit，andfearlessly；indeed，everybodyhuntsit； thehuntingisgoingonallthetime，dayandnight，inbedandoutofit。Itispoeticfoolishnesstohuntitwithagun；veryfewpeopledothat；thereisnotonemaninamillionwhocanhititwithagun。 Itismucheasiertocatchitthatitistoshootit，andonlytheexperiencedchamois-huntercandoeither。 Anothercommonpieceofexaggerationisthataboutthe\"scarcity\"ofthechamois。Itisthereverseofscarce。 DrovesofonehundredmillionchamoisarenotunusualintheSwisshotels。Indeed，theyaresonumerousastobeagreatpest。Theromancersalwaysdressupthechamois-hunterinafancifulandpicturesquecostume，whereasthebestwaytohutthisgameistodoitwithoutanycostumeatall。Thearticleofcommercecalledchamois-skinisanotherfraud；nobodycouldskinachamois，itistoosmall。Thecreatureisahumbugineveryway，andeverythingwhichhasbeenwrittenaboutitissentimentalexaggeration。Itwasnopleasuretometofindthechamoisout，forhehadbeenoneofmypetillusions； allmylifeithadbeenmydreamtoseehiminhisnativewildssomeday，andengageintheadventuroussportofchasinghimfromclifftocliff。Itisnopleasuretometoexposehim，now，anddestroythereader\'sdelightinhimandrespectforhim，butstillitmustbedone，forwhenanhonestwriterdiscoversanimpositionitishissimpledutytostripitbareandhurlitdownfromitsplaceofhonor，nomatterwhosuffersbyit； anyothercoursewouldrenderhimunworthyofthepublicconfidence。 Lucerneisacharmingplace。Itbeginsatthewater\'sedge，withafringeofhotels，andscramblesupandspreadsitselfovertwoorthreesharphillsinacrowded，disorderly，butpicturesqueway，offeringtotheeyeaheaped-upconfusionofredroofs，quaintgables，dormerwindows，toothpicksteeples，withhereandthereabitofancientembattledwallbendingitselfovertheridges，worm-fashion，andhereandthereanoldsquaretowerofheavymasonry。Andalsohereandthereatownclockwithonlyonehand——ahandwhichstretchesacrossthedialandhasnojointinit；suchaclockhelpsoutthepicture，butyoucannottellthetimeofdaybyit。 Betweenthecurvinglineofhotelsandthelakeisabroadavenuewithlampsandadoublerankoflowshadetrees。 Thelake-frontiswalledwithmasonrylikeapier，andhasarailing，tokeeppeoplefromwalkingoverboard。 Alldaylongthevehiclesdashalongtheavenue，andnurses，children，andtouristssitintheshadeofthetrees，orleanontherailingandwatchtheschoolsoffishesdartingaboutintheclearwater，orgazeoutoverthelakeatthestatelyborderofsnow-hoodedmountainspeaks。 Littlepleasuresteamers，blackwithpeople，arecomingandgoingallthetime；andeverywhereoneseesyounggirlsandyoungmenpaddlingaboutinfancifulrowboats，orskimmingalongbythehelpofsailswhenthereisanywind。 Thefrontroomsofthehotelshavelittlerailedbalconies，whereonemaytakehisprivateluncheonincalm，coolcomfortandlookdownuponthisbusyandprettysceneandenjoyitwithouthavingtodoanyoftheworkconnectedwithit。 Mostofthepeople，bothmaleandfemale，areinwalkingcostume，andcarryalpenstocks。Evidently，itisnotconsideredsafetogoaboutinSwitzerland，evenintown，withoutanalpenstock。Ifthetouristforgetsandcomesdowntobreakfastwithouthisalpenstockhegoesbackandgetsit，andstandsitupinthecorner。 WhenhistouringinSwitzerlandisfinished，hedoesnotthrowthatbroomstickaway，butlugsithomewithhim，tothefarcornersoftheearth，althoughthiscostshimmoretroubleandbotherthanababyoracouriercould。 Yousee，thealpenstockishistrophy；hisnameisburneduponit；andifhehasclimbedahill，orjumpedabrook，ortraversedabrickyardwithit，hehasthenamesofthoseplacesburneduponit，too。 Thusitishisregimentalflag，sotospeak，andbearstherecordofhisachievements。Itisworththreefrancswhenhebuysit，butabonanzacouldnotpurchaseitafterhisgreatdeedshavebeeninscribeduponit。 ThereareartisansallaboutSwitzerlandwhosetradeitistoburnthesethingsuponthealpenstockofthetourist。 Andobserve，amanisrespectedinSwitzerlandaccordingtohisalpenstock。IfoundIcouldgetnoattentionthere，whileIcarriedanunbrandedone。However，brandingisnotexpected，soIsoonremediedthat。Theeffectuponthenextdetachmentoftouristswasverymarked。 Ifeltrepaidformytrouble。 HalfofthesummerhordeinSwitzerlandismadeupofEnglishpeople；theotherhalfismadeupofmanynationalities，theGermansleadingandtheAmericanscomingnext。 TheAmericanswerenotasnumerousasIhadexpectedtheywouldbe。 Theseven-thirtytabled\'ho^teatthegreatSchweitzerhoffurnishedamightyarrayandvarietyofnationalities，butitofferedabetteropportunitytoobservecostumesthanpeople，forthemultitudesatatimmenselylongtables，andthereforethefacesweremainlyseeninperspective； butthebreakfastswereservedatsmallroundtables，andthenifonehadthefortunetogetatableinthemidstoftheassemblagehecouldhaveasmanyfacestostudyashecoulddesire。Weusedtotrytoguessoutthenationalities，andgenerallysucceededtolerablywell。 Sometimeswetriedtoguesspeople\'snames；butthatwasafailure；thatisathingwhichprobablyrequiresagooddealofpractice。Wepresentlydroppeditandgaveoureffortstolessdifficultparticulars。OnemorningI said: \"ThereisanAmericanparty。\" Harrissaid: \"Yes——butnamethestate。\" Inamedonestate，Harrisnamedanother。Weagreedupononething，however——thattheyounggirlwiththepartywasverybeautiful，andverytastefullydressed。 Butwedisagreedastoherage。Isaidshewaseighteen，Harrissaidshewastwenty。Thedisputebetweenuswaxedwarm，andIfinallysaid，withapretenseofbeinginearnest: \"Well，thereisonewaytosettlethematter——Iwillgoandaskher。\" Harrissaid，sarcastically，\"Certainly，thatisthethingtodo。Allyouneedtodoistousethecommonformulaoverhere:goandsay，\'I\'manAmerican!\'Ofcourseshewillbegladtoseeyou。\" Thenhehintedthatperhapstherewasnogreatdangerofmyventuringtospeaktoher。 Isaid，\"Iwasonlytalking——Ididn\'tintendtoapproachher，butIseethatyoudonotknowwhatanintrepidpersonIam。Iamnotafraidofanywomanthatwalks。 Iwillgoandspeaktothisyounggirl。\" ThethingIhadinmymindwasnotdifficult。 Imeanttoaddressherinthemostrespectfulwayandaskhertopardonmeifherstrongresemblancetoaformeracquaintanceofminewasdeceivingme；andwhensheshouldreplythatthenameImentionedwasnotthenameshebore，Imeanttobegpardonagain，mostrespectfully，andretire。 Therewouldbenoharmdone。Iwalkedtohertable，bowedtothegentleman，thenturnedtoherandwasabouttobeginmylittlespeechwhensheexclaimed: \"IKNEWIwasn\'tmistaken——ItoldJohnitwasyou! Johnsaiditprobablywasn\'t，butIknewIwasright。 Isaidyouwouldrecognizemepresentlyandcomeover； andI\'mgladyoudid，forIshouldn\'thavefeltmuchflatteredifyouhadgoneoutofthisroomwithoutrecognizingme。 Sitdown，sitdown——howodditis——youarethelastpersonI waseverexpectingtoseeagain。\" Thiswasastupefyingsurprise。Ittookmywitsclearaway，foraninstant。However，weshookhandscordiallyallaround，andIsatdown。ButtrulythiswasthetightestplaceIeverwasin。Iseemedtovaguelyrememberthegirl\'sface，now，butIhadnoideawhereI hadseenitbefore，orwhatnamedbelongedwithit。 IimmediatelytriedtogetupadiversionaboutSwissscenery，tokeepherfromlaunchingintotopicsthatmightbetraythatIdidnotknowher，butitwasofnouse，shewentrightalonguponmatterswhichinterestedhermore: \"Ohdear，whatanightthatwas，whentheseawashedtheforwardboatsaway——doyourememberit?\" \"Oh，DON\'TI!\"saidI——butIdidn\'t。Iwishedtheseahadwashedtherudderandthesmoke-stackandthecaptainaway——thenIcouldhavelocatedthisquestioner。 \"Anddon\'tyourememberhowfrightenedpoorMarywas，andhowshecried?\" \"IndeedIdo!\"saidI。\"Dearme，howitallcomesback!\" IferventlywisheditWOULDcomeback——butmymemorywasablank。Thewisewaywouldhavebeentofranklyownup； butIcouldnotbringmyselftodothat，aftertheyounggirlhadpraisedmesoforrecognizingher；soIwenton，deeperanddeeperintothemire，hopingforachancecluebutnevergettingone。TheUnrecognizablecontinued，withvivacity: \"Doyouknow，GeorgemarriedMary，afterall?\" \"Why，no!Didhe?\" \"Indeedhedid。Hesaidhedidnotbelieveshewashalfasmuchtoblameasherfatherwas，andIthoughthewasright。Didn\'tyou?\" \"Ofcoursehewas。Itwasaperfectlyplaincase。 Ialwayssaidso。\" \"Why，noyoudidn\'t!——atleastthatsummer。\" \"Oh，no，notthatsummer。No，youareperfectlyrightaboutthat。ItwasthefollowingwinterthatIsaidit。\" \"Well，asitturnedout，Marywasnotintheleasttoblame——itwasallherfather\'sfault——atleasthisandoldDarley\'s。\" Itwasnecessarytosaysomething——soIsaid: \"IalwaysregardedDarleyasatroublesomeoldthing。\" \"Sohewas，butthentheyalwayshadagreataffectionforhim，althoughhehadsomanyeccentricities。 Yourememberthatwhentheweatherwastheleastcold，hewouldtrytocomeintothehouse。\" Iwasratherafraidtoproceed。EvidentlyDarleywanotaman——hemustbesomeotherkindofanimal——possiblyadog，maybeanelephant。However，tailsarecommontoallanimals，soIventuredtosay: \"Andwhatatailhehad!\" \"ONE!Hehadathousand!\" Thiswasbewildering。Ididnotquiteknowwhattosay，soIonlysaid: \"Yes，heWASratherwellfixedinthematteroftails。\" \"Foranegro，andacrazyoneatthat，Ishouldsayhewas，\" saidshe。 Itwasgettingprettysultryforme。Isaidtomyself，\"Isitpossiblesheisgoingtostopthere，andwaitformetospeak?Ifshedoes，theconversationisblocked。 Anegrowithathousandtailsisatopicwhichapersoncannottalkuponfluentlyandinstructivelywithoutmoreorlesspreparation。Astodivingrashlyintosuchavastsubject——\" Buthere，tomygratitude，sheinterruptedmythoughtsbysaying: \"Yes，whenitcametotalesofhiscrazywoes，therewassimplynoendtothemifanybodywouldlisten。Hisownquarterswerecomfortableenough，butwhentheweatherwascold，thefamilyweresuretohavehiscompany——nothingcouldkeephimoutofthehouse。ButtheyalwaysboreitkindlybecausehehadsavedTom\'slife，yearsbefore。 YourememberTom? \"Oh，perfectly。Finefellowhewas，too。\" \"Yeshewas。Andwhataprettylittlethinghischildwas!\" \"Youmaywellsaythat。Ineversawaprettierchild。\" \"Iusedtodelighttopetitanddandleitandplaywithit。\" \"SodidI。\" \"Younamedit。WhatWASthatname?Ican\'tcallittomind。\" Itappearedtomethattheicewasgettingprettythin，here。Iwouldhavegivensomethingtoknowwhatthechild\'swas。However，Ihadthegoodlucktothinkofanamethatwouldfiteithersex——soIbroughtitout: \"InameditFrances。\" \"Fromarelative，Isuppose?Butyounamedtheonethatdied，too——onethatIneversaw。Whatdidyoucallthatone?\" Iwasoutofneutralnames，butasthechildwasdeadandshehadneverseenit，IthoughtImightriskanameforitandtrusttoluck。ThereforeIsaid: \"IcalledthatoneThomasHenry。\" Shesaid，musingly: \"Thatisverysingular……verysingular。\" Isatstillandletthecoldsweatrundown。Iwasinagooddealoftrouble，butIbelievedIcouldworrythroughifshewouldn\'taskmetonameanymorechildren。 Iwonderedwherethelightningwasgoingtostrikenext。 Shewasstillruminatingoverthatlastchild\'stitle，butpresentlyshesaid: \"Ihavealwaysbeensorryyouwereawayatthetime——I wouldhavehadyounamemychild。\" \"YOURchild!Areyoumarried?\" \"Ihavebeenmarriedthirteenyears。\" \"Christened，youmean。\" `\"No，married。Theyouthbyyoursideismyson。\" \"Itseemsincredible——evenimpossible。Idonotmeananyharmbyit，butwouldyoumindtellingmeifyouareanyovereighteen?——thatistosay，willyoutellmehowoldyouare?\" \"Iwasjustnineteenthedayofthestormweweretalkingabout。Thatwasmybirthday。\" Thatdidnothelpmatters，much，asIdidnotknowthedateofthestorm。Itriedtothinkofsomenon-committalthingtosay，tokeepupmyendofthetalk，andrendermypovertyinthematterofreminiscencesaslittlenoticeableaspossible，butIseemedtobeaboutoutofnon-committalthings。Iwasabouttosay，\"Youhaven\'tchangedabitsincethen\"——butthatwasrisky。 Ithoughtofsaying，\"Youhaveimprovedeversomuchsincethen\"——butthatwouldn\'tanswer，ofcourse。 Iwasabouttotryashyattheweather，forasavingchange，whenthegirlslippedinaheadofmeandsaid: \"HowIhaveenjoyedthistalkoverthosehappyoldtimes—— haven\'tyou?\" \"Ineverhavespentsuchahalf-hourinallmylifebefore!\" saidI，withemotion；andIcouldhaveadded，withanearapproachtotruth，\"andIwouldratherbescalpedthanspendanotheronelikeit。\"Iwasholilygratefultobethroughwiththeordeal，andwasabouttomakemygood-bysandgetout，whenthegirlsaid: \"Butthereisonethingthatiseversopuzzlingtome。\" \"Why，whatisthat?\" \"Thatdeadchild\'sname。Whatdidyousayitwas?\" Herewasanotherbalmyplacetobein:Ihadforgottenthechild\'sname；Ihadn\'timagineditwouldbeneededagain。 However，Ihadtopretendtoknow，anyway，soIsaid: \"JosephWilliam。\" Theyouthatmysidecorrectedme，andsaid: \"No，ThomasHenry。\" Ithankedhim——inwords——andsaid，withtrepidation: \"Oyes——IwasthinkingofanotherchildthatInamed——I havenamedagreatmany，andIgetthemconfused——thisonewasnamedHenryThompson——\" \"ThomasHenry，\"calmlyinterposedtheboy。 Ithankedhimagain——strictlyinwords——andstammeredout: \"ThomasHenry——yes，ThomasHenrywasthepoorchild\'sname。 InamedhimforThomas——er——ThomasCarlyle，thegreatauthor，youknow——andHenry——er——er——HenrytheEight。TheparentswereverygratefultohaveachildnamedThomasHenry。\" \"Thatmakesitmoresingularthanever，\"murmuredmybeautifulfriend。 \"Doesit?Why?\" \"Becausewhentheparentsspeakofthatchildnow，theyalwayscallitSusanAmelia。\" Thatspikedmygun。Icouldnotsayanything。Iwasentirelyoutofverbalobliquities；togofurtherwouldbetolie，andthatIwouldnotdo；soIsimplysatstillandsuffered——satmutelyandresignedlythere，andsizzled——forI wasbeingslowlyfriedtodeathinmyownblushes。 Presentlytheenemylaughedahappylaughandsaid: \"IHAVEenjoyedthistalkoveroldtimes，butyouhavenot。 Isawverysoonthatyouwereonlypretendingtoknowme，andsoasIhadwastedacomplimentonyouinthebeginning，Imadeupmymindtopunishyou。AndIhavesucceededprettywell。IwasgladtoseethatyouknewGeorgeandTomandDarley，forIhadneverheardofthembeforeandthereforecouldnotbesurethatyouhad；andIwasgladtolearnthenamesofthoseimaginarychildren，too。Onecangetquiteafundofinformationoutofyouifonegoesatitcleverly。Maryandthestorm，andthesweepingawayoftheforwardboats，werefacts——alltherestwasfiction。 Marywasmysister；herfullnamewasMary。NOW doyourememberme?\" \"Yes，\"Isaid，\"Idorememberyounow；andyouareashard-headedasyouwerethirteenyearsagointhatship，elseyouwouldn\'thavepunishedmeso。Youhaven\'tchangeyournaturenoryourperson，inanywayatall； youlookasyoungasyoudidthen，youarejustasbeautifulasyouwerethen，andyouhavetransmittedadealofyourcomelinesstothisfineboy。There——ifthatspeechmovesyouany，let\'sflytheflagoftruce，withtheunderstandingthatIamconqueredandconfessit。\" Allofwhichwasagreedtoandaccomplished，onthespot。 WhenIwentbacktoHarris，Isaid: \"Nowyouseewhatapersonwithtalentandaddresscando。\" \"Excuseme，Iseewhatapersonofcolossalignoranceandsimplicitycando。Theideaofyourgoingandintrudingonapartyofstrangers，thatway，andtalkingforhalfanhour；whyIneverheardofamaninhisrightminddoingsuchathingbefore。Whatdidyousaytothem?\" Ineversaidanyharm。Imerelyaskedthegirlwhathernamewas。\" \"Idon\'tdoubtit。UponmywordIdon\'t。Ithinkyouwerecapableofit。Itwasstupidinmetoletyougooverthereandmakesuchanexhibitionofyourself。 ButyouknowIcouldn\'treallybelieveyouwoulddosuchaninexcusablething。Whatwillthosepeoplethinkofus?Buthowdidyousayit?——Imeanthemannerofit。 Ihopeyouwerenotabrupt。\" \"No，Iwascarefulaboutthat。Isaid，\'MyfriendandI wouldliketoknowwhatyournameis，ifyoudon\'tmind。\'\" \"No，thatwasnotabrupt。Thereisapolishaboutitthatdoesyouinfinitecredit。AndIamgladyouputmein； thatwasadelicateattentionwhichIappreciateatitsfullvalue。Whatdidshedo?\" \"Shedidn\'tdoanythinginparticular。Shetoldmehername。\" \"Simplytoldyouhername。Doyoumeantosayshedidnotshowanysurprise?\" \"Well，nowIcometothink，shedidshowsomething； maybeitwassurprise；Ihadn\'tthoughtofthat——Itookitforgratification。\" \"Oh，undoubtedlyyouwereright；itmusthavebeengratification； itcouldnotbeotherwisethangratifyingtobeassaultedbyastrangerwithsuchaquestionasthat。Thenwhatdidyoudo?\" \"Iofferedmyhandandthepartygavemeashake。\" \"Isawit!Ididnotbelievemyowneyes，atthetime。 Didthegentlemansayanythingaboutcuttingyourthroat?\" \"No，theyallseemedgladtoseeme，asfarasIcouldjudge。\" \"Anddoyouknow，Ibelievetheywere。Ithinktheysaidtothemselves，\'Doubtlessthiscuriosityhasgotawayfromhiskeeper——letusamuseourselveswithhim。\'Thereisnootherwayofaccountingfortheirfaciledocility。 Yousatdown。DidtheyASKyoutositdown?\" \"No，theydidnotaskme，butIsupposetheydidnotthinkofit。\" \"Youhaveanunerringinstinct。Whatelsedidyoudo? Whatdidyoutalkabout?\" \"Well，Iaskedthegirlhowoldshewas。\" \"UNdoubtedly。Yourdelicacyisbeyondpraise。Goon，goon——don\'tmindmyapparentmisery——IalwayslooksowhenIamsteepedinaprofoundandreverentjoy。 Goon——shetoldyouherage?\" \"Yes，shetoldmeherage，andallabouthermother，andhergrandmother，andherotherrelations，andallaboutherself。\" \"Didshevolunteerthesestatistics?\" \"No，notexactlythat。Iaskedthequestionsandsheansweredthem。\" \"Thisisdivine。Goon——itisnotpossiblethatyouforgottoinquireintoherpolitics?\" \"No，Ithoughtofthat。Sheisademocrat，herhusbandisarepublican，andbothofthemareBaptists。\" \"Herhusband?Isthatchildmarried?\" \"Sheisnotachild。Sheismarried，andthatisherhusbandwhoistherewithher。\" \"Hassheanychildren。\" \"Yes——sevenandahalf。\" \"Thatisimpossible。\" \"No，shehasthem。Shetoldmeherself。\" \"Well，butsevenandaHALF?Howdoyoumakeoutthehalf? Wheredoesthehalfcomein?\" \"Thereisachildwhichshehadbyanotherhusband—— notthisonebutanotherone——soitisastepchild，andtheydonotcountinfullmeasure。\" \"Anotherhusband?Hassheanotherhusband?\" \"Yes，four。Thisoneisnumberfour。\" \"Idon\'tbelieveawordofit。Itisimpossible，uponitsface。Isthatboythereherbrother?\" \"No，thatisherson。Heisheryoungest。Heisnotasoldashelooked；heisonlyelevenandahalf。\" \"Thesethingsareallmanifestlyimpossible。Thisisawretchedbusiness。Itisaplaincase:theysimplytookyourmeasure，andconcludedtofillyouup。Theyseemtohavesucceeded。IamgladIamnotinthemess； theymayatleastbecharitableenoughtothinkthereain\'tapairofus。Aretheygoingtostayherelong?\" \"No，theyleavebeforenoon。\" \"Thereisonemanwhoisdeeplygratefulforthat。 Howdidyoufindout?Youasked，Isuppose?\" \"No，alongatfirstIinquiredintotheirplans，inageneralway，andtheysaidtheyweregoingtobehereaweek，andmaketripsroundabout；buttowardtheendoftheinterview，whenIsaidyouandIwouldtouraroundwiththemwithpleasure，andofferedtobringyouoverandintroduceyou，theyhesitatedalittle，andaskedifyouwerefromthesameestablishmentthatIwas。 Isaidyouwere，andthentheysaidtheyhadchangedtheirmindandconsidereditnecessarytostartatonceandvisitasickrelativeinSiberia。\" \"Ah，me，youstruckthesummit!Youstrucktheloftiestaltitudeofstupiditythathumanefforthaseverreached。 Youshallhaveamonumentofjackasses\'skullsashighastheStrasburgspireifyoudiebeforeIdo。 TheywantedtoknowIwasfromthesame\'establishment\' thatyouhailedfrom，didthey?Whatdidtheymeanby\'establishment\'?\" \"Idon\'tknow；itneveroccurredtometoask。\" \"Well_I_know。theymeantanasylum——anIDIOTasylum，doyouunderstand?SotheyDOthinkthere\'sapairofus，afterall。Nowwhatdoyouthinkofyourself?\" \"Well，Idon\'tknow。Ididn\'tknowIwasdoinganyharm； Ididn\'tMEANtodoanyharm。Theywereverynicepeople，andtheyseemedtolikeme。\" Harrismadesomeruderemarksandleftforhisbedroom—— tobreaksomefurniture，hesaid。Hewasasingularlyirascibleman；anylittlethingwoulddisturbhistemper。 Ihadbeenwellscorchedbytheyoungwoman，butnomatter，ItookitoutonHarris。Oneshouldalways\"geteven\" insomeway，elsethesoreplacewillgoonhurting。 CHAPTERXXVI [TheNestoftheCuckoo-clock] TheHofkircheiscelebratedforitsorganconcerts。 Allsummerlongthetouristsflocktothatchurchaboutsixo\'clockintheevening，andpaytheirfranc，andlistentothenoise。Theydon\'tstaytohearallofit，butgetupandtrampoutoverthesoundingstonefloor，meetinglatecomerswhotrampininasoundingandvigorousway。 Thistrampingbackandforthiskeptupnearlyallthetime，andisaccentedbythecontinuousslammingofthedoor，andthecoughingandbarkingandsneezingofthecrowd。 Meantime，thebigorganisboomingandcrashingandthunderingaway，doingitsbesttoprovethatitisthebiggestandbestorganinEurope，andthatatightlittleboxofachurchisthemostfavorableplacetoaverageandappreciateitspowersin。Itistrue，thereweresomesoftandmercifulpassagesoccasionally，butthetramp-trampofthetouristsonlyallowedonetogetfitfulglimpsesofthem，sotospeak。Thenrightawaytheorganistwouldletgoanotheravalanche。 ThecommerceofLucerneconsistsmainlyingimcrackeryofthesouvenirsort；theshopsarepackedwithAlpinecrystals，photographsofscenery，andwoodenandivorycarvings。 IwillnotconcealthefactthatminiaturefiguresoftheLionofLucernearetobehadinthem。Millionsofthem。 Buttheyarelibelsuponhim，everyoneofthem。 Thereisasubtlesomethingaboutthemajesticpathosoftheoriginalwhichthecopyistcannotget。Eventhesunfailstogetit；boththephotographerandthecarvergiveyouadyinglion，andthatisall。Theshapeisright，theattitudeisright，theproportionsareright，butthatindescribablesomethingwhichmakestheLionofLucernethemostmournfulandmovingpieceofstoneintheworld，iswanting。 TheLionliesinhislairintheperpendicularfaceofalowcliff——forheiscarvedfromthelivingrockofthecliff。 Hissizeiscolossal，hisattitudeisnoble。Howheadisbowed，thebrokenspearisstickinginhisshoulder，hisprotectingpawrestsupontheliliesofFrance。 Vineshangdownthecliffandwaveinthewind，andaclearstreamtricklesfromaboveandemptiesintoapondatthebase，andinthesmoothsurfaceofthepondthelionismirrored，amongthewater-lilies。 Aroundaboutaregreentreesandgrass。Theplaceisasheltered，reposefulwoodlandnook，remotefromnoiseandstirandconfusion——andallthisisfitting，forlionsdodieinsuchplaces，andnotongranitepedestalsinpublicsquaresfencedwithfancyironrailings。 TheLionofLucernewouldbeimpressiveanywhere，butnowheresoimpressiveaswhereheis。 Martyrdomistheluckiestfatethatcanbefallsomepeople。 LouisXVIdidnotdieinhisbed，consequentlyhistoryisverygentlewithhim；sheischaritabletowardhisfailings，andshefindsinhimhighvirtueswhicharenotusuallyconsideredtobevirtueswhentheyarelodgedinkings。 Shemakeshimouttobeapersonwithameekandmodestspirit，theheartofafemalesaint，andawronghead。 Noneofthesequalitiesarekinglybutthelast。 Takentogethertheymakeacharacterwhichwouldhavefaredharshlyatthehandsofhistoryifitsownerhadhadtheilllucktomissmartyrdom。Withthebestintentionstodotherightthing，healwaysmanagedtodothewrongone。 Moreover，nothingcouldgetthefemalesaintoutofhim。 Heknew，wellenough，thatinnationalemergencieshemustnotconsiderhowheoughttoact，asaman，buthowheoughttoactasaking；sohehonestlytriedtosinkthemanandbetheking——butitwasafailure，heonlysucceededinbeingthefemalesaint。Hewasnotinstantinseason，butoutofseason。Hecouldnotbepersuadedtodoathingwhileitcoulddoanygood——hewasiron，hewasadamantinhisstubbornnessthen——butassoonasthethinghadreachedapointwhereitwouldbepositivelyharmfultodoit，doithewould，andnothingcouldstophim。Hedidnotdoitbecauseitwouldbeharmful，butbecausehehopeditwasnotyettoolatetoachievebyitthegoodwhichitwouldhavedoneifappliedearlier。 Hiscomprehensionwasalwaysatrainortwobehindhand。 Ifanationaltoerequiredamputating，hecouldnotseethatitneededanythingmorethanpoulticing；whenotherssawthatthemortificationhadreachedtheknee，hefirstperceivedthatthetoeneededcuttingoff——sohecutitoff； andheseveredthelegatthekneewhenotherssawthatthediseasehadreachedthethigh。Hewasgood，andhonest，andwellmeaning，inthematterofchasingnationaldiseases，buthenevercouldovertakeone。Asaprivateman，hewouldhavebeenlovable；butviewedasaking，hewasstrictlycontemptible。 Hiswasamostunroyalcareer，butthemostpitiablespectacleinitwashissentimentaltreacherytohisSwissguardonthatmemorable10thofAugust，whenheallowedthoseheroestobemassacredinhiscause，andforbadethemtoshedthe\"sacredFrenchblood\" purportingtobeflowingintheveinsofthered-cappedmobofmiscreantsthatwasragingaroundthepalace。 Hemeanttobekingly，buthewasonlythefemalesaintoncemore。SomeofhisbiographersthinkthatuponthisoccasionthespiritofSaintLouishaddescendeduponhim。 Itmusthavefoundprettycrampedquarters。IfNapoleontheFirsthadstoodintheshoesofLouisXVIthatday，insteadofbeingmerelyacasualandunknownlooker-on，therewouldbenoLionofLucerne，now，buttherewouldbeawell-stockedCommunistgraveyardinPariswhichwouldanswerjustaswelltorememberthe10thofAugustby。 MartyrdommadeasaintofMaryQueenofScotsthreehundredyearsago，andshehashardlylostallofhersaintshipyet。MartyrdommadeasaintofthetrivialandfoolishMarieAntoinette，andherbiographersstillkeepherfragrantwiththeodorofsanctitytothisday，whileunconsciouslyprovinguponalmosteverypagetheywritethattheonlycalamitousinstinctwhichherhusbandlacked，shesupplied——theinstincttorootoutandgetridofanhonest，able，andloyalofficial，wherevershefoundhim。 ThehideousbutbeneficentFrenchRevolutionwouldhavebeendeferred，orwouldhavefallenshortofcompleteness，orevenmightnothavehappenedatall，ifMarieAntoinettehadmadetheunwisemistakeofnotbeingborn。 TheworldowesagreatdealtotheFrenchRevolution，andconsequentlytoitstwochiefpromoters，LouisthePoorinSpiritandhisqueen。 WedidnotbuyanywoodenimagesoftheLion，noranyivoryorebonyormarbleorchalkorsugarorchocolateones，orevenanyphotographicslandersofhim。Thetruthis，thesecopiesweresocommon，souniversal，intheshopsandeverywhere，thattheypresentlybecameasintolerabletotheweariedeyeasthelatestpopularmelodyusuallybecomestotheharassedear。InLucerne，too，thewoodcarvingsofothersorts，whichhadbeensopleasanttolookuponwhenonesawthemoccasionallyathome，soonbegantofatigueus。Wegrewverytiredofseeingwoodenquailsandchickenspickingandstrutingaroundclock-faces，andstillmoretiredofseeingwoodenimagesoftheallegedchamoisskippingaboutwoodenrocks，orlyingupontheminfamilygroups，orpeeringalertlyupfrombehindthem。 Thefirstday，IwouldhaveboughtahundredandfiftyoftheseclocksifIhadthemoney——andIdidbuythree—— butonthethirddaythediseasehadrunitscourse，Ihadconvalesced，andwasinthemarketoncemore——tryingtosell。However，Ihadnoluck；whichwasjustaswell，forthethingswillbeprettyenough，nodoubt，whenIgetthemhome。 Foryearsmypetaversionhadbeenthecuckooclock； nowhereIwas，atlast，rightinthecreature\'shome； sowhereverIwentthatdistressing\"HOO\'hoo!HOO\'hoo! HOO\'hoo!\"wasalwaysinmyears。Foranervousman，thiswasafinestateofthings。Somesoundsarehatefulerthanothers，butnosoundisquitesoinane，andsilly，andaggravatingasthe\"HOO\'hoo\"ofacuckooclock，Ithink。 Iboughtone，andamcarryingithometoacertainperson； forIhavealwayssaidthatiftheopportunityeverhappened，Iwoulddothatmananillturn。WhatImeant，was，thatI wouldbreakoneofhislegs，orsomethingofthatsort； butinLucerneIinstantlysawthatIcouldimpairhismind。 Thatwouldbemorelasting，andmoresatisfactoryeveryway。 SoIboughtthecuckooclock；andifIevergethomewithit，heis\"mymeat，\"astheysayinthemines。 Ithoughtofanothercandidate——abook-reviewerwhomIcouldnameifIwantedto——butafterthinkingitover，Ididn\'tbuyhimaclock。Icouldn\'tinjurehismind。 Wevisitedthetwolong，coveredwoodenbridgeswhichspanthegreenandbrilliantReussjustbelowwhereitgoesplungingandhurrahingoutofthelake。Theserambling，sway-backedtunnelsareveryattractivethings，withtheiralcovedoutlooksuponthelovelyandinspiritingwater。 Theycontaintwoorthreehundredqueeroldpictures，byoldSwissmasters——oldbosssign-painters，whoflourishedbeforethedecadenceofart。 Thelakeisalivewithfishes，plainlyvisibletotheeye，forthewaterisveryclear。Theparapetsinfrontofthehotelswereusuallyfringedwithfishersofallages。 OnedayIthoughtIwouldstopandseeafishcaught。 Theresultbroughtbacktomymind，veryforcibly，acircumstancewhichIhadnotthoughtofbeforefortwelveyears。Thisone: THEMANWHOPUTUPATGADSBY\'S WhenmyoddfriendRileyandIwerenewspapercorrespondentsinWashington，inthewinterof\'67，wewerecomingdownPennsylvaniaAvenueonenight，nearmidnight，inadrivingstormofsnow，whentheflashofastreet-lampfelluponamanwhowaseagerlytearingalongintheoppositedirection。 Thisislucky!YouareMr。Riley，ain\'tyou?\" Rileywasthemostself-possessedandsolemnlydeliberatepersonintherepublic。Hestopped，lookedhismanoverfromheadtofoot，andfinallysaid: \"IamMr。Riley。Didyouhappentobelookingforme?\" \"That\'sjustwhatIwasdoing，\"saidtheman，joyously，\"andit\'sthebiggestluckintheworldthatI\'vefoundyou。