第7章

\"AyoungmanoftheRicciofamily，hishaircutoffrightattheend，dressedinblackwiththesamecap。 AttributedtoRaphael，butthesignationisfalse。\" \"TheVirginholdingtheInfant。ItisverypaintedinthemannerofSassoferrato。\" \"ALarderwithgreensanddeadgameanimatedbyacook-maidandtwokitchen-boys。\" However，theEnglishofthiscatalogueisatleastashappyasthatwhichdistinguishesaninscriptionuponacertainpictureinRome——towit: \"Revelations-View。St。JohninPatterson\'sIsland。\" Butmeanwhiletheraftismovingon。 CHAPTERXVII [WhyGermansWearSpectacles] AmileortwoaboveEberbachwesawapeculiarruinprojectingabovethefoliagewhichclothedthepeakofahighandverysteephill。Thisruinconsistedofmerelyacoupleofcrumblingmassesofmasonrywhichborearuderesemblancetohumanfaces；theyleanedforwardandtouchedforeheads，andhadthelookofbeingabsorbedinconversation。Thisruinhadnothingveryimposingorpicturesqueaboutit，andtherewasnogreatdealofit，yetitwascalledthe\"SpectacularRuin。\" LEGENDOFTHE\"SPECTACULARRUIN\" Thecaptainoftheraft，whowasasfullofhistoryashecouldstick，saidthatintheMiddleAgesamostprodigiousfire-breathingdragonusedtoliveinthatregion，andmademoretroublethanatax-collector。Hewasaslongasarailway-train，andhadthecustomaryimpenetrablegreenscalesalloverhim。Hisbreathbredpestilenceandconflagration，andhisappetitebredfamine。Heatemenandcattleimpartially，andwasexceedinglyunpopular。 TheGermanemperorofthatdaymadetheusualoffer: hewouldgranttothedestroyerofthedragon，anyonesolitarythinghemightaskfor；forhehadasurplusageofdaughters，anditwascustomaryfordragon-killerstotakeadaughterforpay。 Sothemostrenownedknightscamefromthefourcornersoftheearthandretireddownthedragon\'sthroatoneaftertheother。Apanicaroseandspread。Heroesgrewcautious。 Theprocessionceased。Thedragonbecamemoredestructivethanever。Thepeoplelostallhopeofsuccor，andfledtothemountainsforrefuge。 AtlastSirWissenschaft，apoorandobscureknight，outofafarcountry，arrivedtodobattlewiththemonster。 Apitiableobjecthewas，withhisarmorhanginginragsabouthim，andhisstrange-shapedknapsackstrappeduponhisback。Everybodyturneduptheirnosesathim，andsomeopenlyjeeredhim。Buthewascalm。Hesimplyinquirediftheemperor\'sofferwasstillinforce。 Theemperorsaiditwas——butcharitablyadvisedhimtogoandhuntharesandnotendangersopreciousalifeashisinanattemptwhichhadbroughtdeathtosomanyoftheworld\'smostillustriousheroes。 Butthistramponlyasked——\"Wereanyoftheseheroesmenofscience?\"Thisraisedalaugh，ofcourse，forsciencewasdespisedinthosedays。Butthetrampwasnotintheleastruffled。Hesaidhemightbealittleinadvanceofhisage，butnomatter——sciencewouldcometobehonored，sometimeorother。Hesaidhewouldmarchagainstthedragoninthemorning。 Outofcompassion，then，adecentspearwasofferedhim，buthedeclined，andsaid，\"spearswereuselesstomenofscience。\"Theyallowedhimtosupintheservants\' hall，andgavehimabedinthestables。 Whenhestartedforthinthemorning，thousandsweregatheredtosee。Theemperorsaid: \"Donotberash，takeaspear，andleaveoffyourknapsack。\" Butthetrampsaid: \"Itisnotaknapsack，\"andmovedstraighton。 Thedragonwaswaitingandready。Hewasbreathingforthvastvolumesofsulphuroussmokeandluridblastsofflame。 Theraggedknightstolewarilytoagoodposition，thenheunslunghiscylindricalknapsack——whichwassimplythecommonfire-extinguisherknowntomoderntimes—— andthefirstchancehegotheturnedonhishoseandshotthedragonsquareinthecenterofhiscavernousmouth。 Outwentthefiresinaninstant，andthedragoncurledupanddied。 Thismanhadbroughtbrainstohisaid。Hehadreareddragonsfromtheegg，inhislaboratory，hehadwatchedoverthemlikeamother，andpatientlystudiedthemandexperimenteduponthemwhiletheygrew。Thushehadfoundoutthatfirewasthelifeprincipleofadragon； putoutthedragon\'sfiresanditcouldmakesteamnolonger，andmustdie。Hecouldnotputoutafirewithaspear，thereforeheinventedtheextinguisher。 Thedragonbeingdead，theemperorfellonthehero\'sneckandsaid: \"Deliverer，nameyourrequest，\"atthesametimebeckoningoutbehindwithhisheelforadetachmentofhisdaughterstoformandadvance。Butthetrampgavethemnoobservance。 Hesimplysaid: \"Myrequestis，thatuponmebeconferredthemonopolyofthemanufactureandsaleofspectaclesinGermany。\" Theemperorsprangasideandexclaimed: \"ThistranscendsalltheimpudenceIeverheard!A modestdemand，bymyhalidome!Whydidn\'tyouaskfortheimperialrevenuesatonce，andbedonewithit?\" Butthemonarchhadgivenhisword，andhekeptit。 Toeverybody\'ssurprise，theunselfishmonopolistimmediatelyreducedthepriceofspectaclestosuchadegreethatagreatandcrushingburdenwasremovedfromthenation。 Theemperor，tocommemoratethisgenerousact，andtotestifyhisappreciationofit，issuedadecreecommandingeverybodytobuythisbenefactor\'sspectaclesandwearthem，whethertheyneededthemornot。 Sooriginatedthewide-spreadcustomofwearingspectaclesinGermany；andasacustomonceestablishedintheseoldlandsisimperishable，thisoneremainsuniversalintheempiretothisday。Suchisthelegendofthemonopolist\'soncestatelyandsumptuouscastle，nowcalledthe\"SpectacularRuin。\" Ontherightbank，twoorthreemilesbelowtheSpectacularRuin，wepassedbyanoblepileofcastellatedbuildingsoverlookingthewaterfromthecrestofaloftyelevation。 Astretchoftwohundredyardsofthehighfrontwallwasheavilydrapedwithivy，andoutofthemassofbuildingswithinrosethreepicturesqueoldtowers。 Theplacewasinfineorder，andwasinhabitedbyafamilyofprincelyrank。Thiscastlehaditslegend，too，butIshouldnotfeeljustifiedinrepeatingitbecauseIdoubtedthetruthofsomeofitsminordetails。 AlonginthisregionamultitudeofItalianlaborerswereblastingawaythefrontageofthehillstomakeroomforthenewrailway。Theywerefiftyorahundredfeetabovetheriver。Asweturnedasharpcornertheybegantowavesignalsandshoutwarningstoustolookoutfortheexplosions。Itwasallverywelltowarnus，butwhatcouldWEdo?Youcan\'tbackaraftupstream，youcan\'thurryitdownstream，youcan\'tscatterouttoonesidewhenyouhaven\'tanyroomtospeakof，youwon\'ttaketotheperpendicularcliffsontheothershorewhentheyappeartobeblastingthere，too。 Yourresourcesarelimited，yousee。Thereissimplynothingforitbuttowatchandpray。 Forsomehourswehadbeenmakingthreeandahalforfourmilesanhourandwewerestillmakingthat。Wehadbeendancingrightalonguntilthosemenbegantoshout； thenforthenexttenminutesitseemedtomethatIhadneverseenaraftgososlowly。Whenthefirstblastwentoffweraisedoursun-umbrellasandwaitedfortheresult。 Noharmdone；noneofthestonesfellinthewater。 Anotherblastfollowed，andanotherandanother。 Someoftherubbishfellinthewaterjustasternofus。 Weranthatwholebatteryofnineblastsinarow，anditwascertainlyoneofthemostexcitinganduncomfortableweeksIeverspent，eitherashiporashore。Ofcoursewefrequentlymannedthepolesandshovedearnestlyforasecondorso，buteverytimeoneofthosespurtsofdustanddebrisshotalofteverymandroppedhispoleandlookeduptogetthebearingsofhisshareofit。 Itwasverybusytimesalongthereforawhile。 Itappearedcertainthatwemustperish，buteventhatwasnotthebitterestthought；no，theabjectlyunheroicnatureofthedeath——thatwasthesting——thatandthebizarrewordingoftheresultingobituary:\"SHOTWITHAROCK，ONARAFT。\"Therewouldbenopoetrywrittenaboutit。 NoneCOULDbewrittenaboutit。Example: NOTbywar\'sshock，orwar\'sshaft，——SHOT，witharock，onaraft。 Nopoetwhovaluedhisreputationwouldtouchsuchathemeasthat。Ishouldbedistinguishedastheonly\"distinguisheddead\"whowentdowntothegraveunsonneted，in1878。 Butweescaped，andIhaveneverregrettedit。 Thelastblastwaspeculiarlystrongone，andafterthesmallrubbishwasdonerainingaroundusandwewerejustgoingtoshakehandsoverourdeliverance，alaterandlargerstonecamedownamongstourlittlegroupofpedestriansandwreckedanumbrella。Itdidnootherharm，butwetooktothewaterjustthesame。 ItseemsthattheheavyworkinthequarriesandthenewrailwaygradingsisdonemainlybyItalians。 Thatwasarevelation。WehavethenotioninourcountrythatItaliansneverdoheavyworkatall，butconfinethemselvestothelighterarts，likeorgan-grinding，operaticsinging，andassassination。Wehaveblundered，thatisplain。 Allalongtheriver，neareveryvillage，wesawlittlestation-housesforthefuturerailway。Theywerefinishedandwaitingfortherailsandbusiness。 Theywereastrimandsnugandprettyastheycouldbe。 Theywerealwaysofbrickorstone；theywereofgracefulshape，theyhadvinesandflowersaboutthemalready，andaroundthemthegrasswasbrightandgreen，andshowedthatitwascarefullylookedafter。Theywereadecorationtothebeautifullandscape，notanoffense。 Whereveronesawapileofgravelorapileofbrokenstone，itwasalwaysheapedastrimlyandexactlyasanewgraveorastackofcannon-balls；nothingaboutthosestationsoralongtherailroadorthewagon-roadwasallowedtolookshabbyorbeunornamental。ThekeepingacountryinsuchbeautifulorderasGermanyexhibits，hasawisepracticalsidetoit，too，foritkeepsthousandsofpeopleinworkandbreadwhowouldotherwisebeidleandmischievous。 Asthenightshutdown，thecaptainwantedtotieup，butIthoughtmaybewemightmakeHirschhorn，sowewenton。 Presentlytheskybecameovercast，andthecaptaincameaftlookinguneasy。Hecasthiseyealoft，thenshookhishead，andsaiditwascomingontoblow。Mypartywantedtolandatonce——thereforeIwantedtogoon。 Thecaptainsaidweoughttoshortensailanyway，outofcommonprudence。Consequently，thelarboardwatchwasorderedtolayinhispole。Itgrewquitedark，now，andthewindbegantorise。Itwailedthroughtheswayingbranchesofthetrees，andsweptourdecksinfitfulgusts。Thingsweretakingonanuglylook。 Thecaptainshoutedtothesteersmanontheforwardlog: \"How\'sshelanding?\" Theanswercamefaintandhoarsefromfarforward: \"Nor\'-east-and-by-nor\'——east-by-east，half-east，sir。\" \"Lethergooffapoint!\" \"Aye-aye，sir!\" \"Whatwaterhaveyougot?\" \"Shoal，sir。Twofootlarge，onthestabboard，twoandahalfscantonthelabboard!\" \"Lethergooffanotherpoint!\" \"Aye-aye，sir!\" \"Forward，men，allofyou!Lively，now!Standbytocrowdherroundtheweathercorner!\" \"Aye-aye，sir!\" Thenfollowedawildrunningandtramplingandhoarseshouting，buttheformsofthemenwerelostinthedarknessandthesoundsweredistortedandconfusedbytheroaringofthewindthroughtheshingle-bundles。Bythistimetheseawasrunningincheshigh，andthreateningeverymomenttoengulfthefrailbark。Nowcamethemate，hurryingaft，andsaid，closetothecaptain\'sear，inalow，agitatedvoice: \"Preparefortheworst，sir——wehavesprungaleak!\" \"Heavens!where?\" \"Rightaftthesecondrowoflogs。\" \"Nothingbutamiraclecansaveus!Don\'tletthemenknow，ortherewillbeapanicandmutiny!Layherinshoreandstandbytojumpwiththestern-linethemomentshetouches。Gentlemen，Imustlooktoyoutosecondmyendeavorsinthishourofperil。Youhavehats——goforwardandbailforyourlives!\" Downsweptanothermightyblastofwind，clothedinsprayandthickdarkness。Atsuchamomentasthis，camefromawayforwardthatmostappallingofallcriesthatareeverheardatsea: \"MANOVERBOARD!\" Thecaptainshouted: \"Harda-port!Nevermindtheman!Lethimclimbaboardorwadeashore!\" Anothercrycamedownthewind: \"Breakersahead!\" \"Whereaway?\" \"Notalog\'slengthoffherportfore-foot!\" Wehadgropedourslipperywayforward，andwerenowbailingwiththefrenzyofdespair，whenweheardthemate\'sterrifiedcry，fromfaraft: \"Stopthatdashedbailing，orweshallbeaground!\" Butthiswasimmediatelyfollowedbythegladshout: \"Landaboardthestarboardtransom!\" \"Saved!\"criedthecaptain。\"Jumpashoreandtakeaturnaroundatreeandpassthebightaboard!\" Thenextmomentwewereallonshoreweepingandembracingforjoy，whiletherainpoureddownintorrents。 ThecaptainsaidhehadbeenamarinerforfortyyearsontheNeckar，andinthattimehadseenstormstomakeaman\'scheekblanchandhispulsesstop，buthehadnever，neverseenastormthatevenapproachedthisone。 Howfamiliarthatsounded!ForIhavebeenatseaagooddealandhaveheardthatremarkfromcaptainswithafrequencyaccordingly。 Weframedinourmindstheusualresolutionofthanksandadmirationandgratitude，andtookthefirstopportunitytovoteit，andputitinwritingandpresentittothecaptain，withthecustomaryspeech。 Wetrampedthroughthedarknessandthedrenchingsummerrainfullthreemiles，andreached\"TheNaturalistTavern\" inthevillageofHirschhornjustanhourbeforemidnight，almostexhaustedfromhardship，fatigue，andterror。 Icanneverforgetthatnight。 Thelandlordwasrich，andthereforecouldaffordtobecrustyanddisobliging；hedidnotatalllikebeingturnedoutofhiswarmbedtoopenhishouseforus。 Butnomatter，hishouseholdgotupandcookedaquicksupperforus，andwebrewedahotpunchforourselves，tokeepoffconsumption。Aftersupperandpunchwehadanhour\'ssoothingsmokewhilewefoughtthenavalbattleoveragainandvotedtheresolutions；thenweretiredtoexceedinglyneatandprettychambersupstairsthathadclean，comfortablebedsinthemwithheirloompillowcasesmostelaboratelyandtastefullyembroideredbyhand。 SuchroomsandbedsandembroideredlinenareasfrequentinGermanvillageinnsastheyarerareinours。 OurvillagesaresuperiortoGermanvillagesinmoremerits，excellences，conveniences，andprivilegesthanIcanenumerate，butthehotelsdonotbelonginthelist。 \"TheNaturalistTavern\"wasnotameaninglessname；forallthehallsandalltheroomswerelinedwithlargeglasscaseswhichwerefilledwithallsortsofbirdsandanimals，glass-eyed，ablystuffed，andsetupinthemostnaturaleloquentanddramaticattitudes。Themomentwewereabed，therainclearedawayandthemooncameout。Idozedofftosleepwhilecontemplatingagreatwhitestuffedowlwhichwaslookingintentlydownonmefromahighperchwiththeairofapersonwhothoughthehadmetmebefore，butcouldnotmakeoutforcertain。 ButyoungZdidnotgetoffsoeasily。Hesaidthatashewassinkingdeliciouslytosleep，themoonliftedawaytheshadowsanddevelopedahugecat，onabracket，deadandstuffed，butcrouching，witheverymuscletense，foraspring，andwithitsglitteringglasseyesaimedstraightathim。 ItmadeZuncomfortable。Hetriedclosinghisowneyes，butthatdidnotanswer，foranaturalinstinctkeptmakinghimopenthemagaintoseeifthecatwasstillgettingreadytolaunchathim——whichshealwayswas。 Hetriedturninghisback，butthatwasafailure； heknewthesinistereyeswereonhimstill。Soatlasthehadtogetup，afteranhourortwoofworryandexperiment，andsetthecatoutinthehall。Sohewon，thattime。 CHAPTERXVIII [TheKindlyCourtesyofGermans] Inthemorningwetookbreakfastinthegarden，underthetrees，inthedelightfulGermansummerfashion。 Theairwasfilledwiththefragranceofflowersandwildanimals；thelivingportionofthemenagerieofthe\"NaturalistTavern\"wasallaboutus。Thereweregreatcagespopulouswithflutteringandchatteringforeignbirds，andothergreatcagesandgreaterwirepens，populouswithquadrupeds，bothnativeandforeign。 Thereweresomefreecreatures，too，andquitesociableonestheywere。Whiterabbitswentlopingabouttheplace，andoccasionallycameandsniffedatourshoesandshins； afawn，witharedribbononitsneck，walkedupandexaminedusfearlessly；rarebreedsofchickensanddovesbeggedforcrumbs，andapooroldtaillessravenhoppedaboutwithahumble，shamefacedmeinwhichsaid，\"Pleasedonotnoticemyexposure——thinkhowyouwouldfeelinmycircumstances，andbecharitable。\"Ifhewasobservedtoomuch，hewouldretirebehindsomethingandstaythereuntilhejudgedtheparty\'sinteresthadfoundanotherobject。Ineverhaveseenanotherdumbcreaturethatwassomorbidlysensitive。BayardTaylor，whocouldinterpretthedimreasoningsofanimals，andunderstoodtheirmoralnaturesbetterthanmostmen，wouldhavefoundsomewaytomakethispooroldchapforgethistroublesforawhile，butwehavenothiskindlyart，andsohadtoleavetheraventohisgriefs。 AfterbreakfastweclimbedthehillandvisitedtheancientcastleofHirschhorn，andtheruinedchurchnearit。 Thereweresomecuriousoldbas-reliefsleaningagainsttheinnerwallsofthechurch——sculpturedlordsofHirschhornincompletearmor，andladiesofHirschhorninthepicturesquecourtcostumesoftheMiddleAges。 Thesethingsaresufferingdamageandpassingtodecay，forthelastHirschhornhasbeendeadtwohundredyears，andthereisnobodynowwhocarestopreservethefamilyrelics。 Inthechancelwasatwistedstonecolumn，andthecaptaintoldusalegendaboutit，ofcourse，forinthematteroflegendshecouldnotseemtorestrainhimself；butI donotrepeathistalebecausetherewasnothingplausibleaboutitexceptthattheHerowrenchedthiscolumnintoitspresentscrew-shapewithhishands——justonesinglewrench。 Alltherestofthelegendwasdoubtful。 ButHirschhornisbestseenfromadistance，downtheriver。 Thentheclusteredbrowntowersperchedonthegreenhilltop，andtheoldbattlementedstonewall，stretchingupandoverthegrassyridgeanddisappearingintheleafyseabeyond，makeapicturewhosegraceandbeautyentirelysatisfytheeye。 Wedescendedfromthechurchbysteepstonestairwayswhichcurvedthiswayandthatdownnarrowalleysbetweenthepackedanddirtytenementsofthevillage。 Itwasaquarterwellstockedwithdeformed，leering，unkemptanduncombedidiots，whoheldouthandsorcapsandbeggedpiteously。Thepeopleofthequarterwerenotallidiots，ofcourse，butallthatbeggedseemedtobe，andweresaidtobe。 Iwasthinkingofgoingbyskifftothenexttown，Necharsteinach；soIrantotheriversideinadvanceofthepartyandaskedamanthereifhehadaboattohire。 IsupposeImusthavespokenHighGerman——CourtGerman——I intendeditforthat，anyway——sohedidnotunderstandme。 Iturnedandtwistedmyquestionaroundandabout，tryingtostrikethatman\'saverage，butfailed。 HecouldnotmakeoutwhatIwanted。NowMr。Xarrived，facedthissameman，lookedhimintheeye，andemptiedthissentenceonhim，inthemostglibandconfidentway: \"Canmanboatgethere?\" Themarinerpromptlyunderstoodandpromptlyanswered。 Icancomprehendwhyhewasabletounderstandthatparticularsentence，becausebymereaccidentallthewordsinitexcept\"get\"havethesamesoundandthesamemeaninginGermanthattheyhaveinEnglish；buthowhemanagedtounderstandMr。X\'snextremarkpuzzledme。 Iwillinsertit，presently。Xturnedawayamoment，andIaskedthemarinerifhecouldnotfindaboard，andsoconstructanadditionalseat。IspokeinthepurestGerman，butImightaswellhavespokeninthepurestChoctawforallthegooditdid。Themantriedhisbesttounderstandme；hetried，andkeptontrying，harderandharder，untilIsawitwasreallyofnouse，andsaid: \"There，don\'tstrainyourself——itisofnoconsequence。\" ThenXturnedtohimandcrisplysaid: \"MACHENSIEaflatboard。\" Iwishmyepitaphmaytellthetruthaboutmeifthemandidnotanswerupatonce，andsayhewouldgoandborrowaboardassoonashehadlitthepipewhichhewasfilling。 Wechangedourmindabouttakingaboat，sowedidnothavetogo。IhavegivenMr。X\'stworemarksjustashemadethem。 FourofthefivewordsinthefirstonewereEnglish，andthattheywerealsoGermanwasonlyaccidental，notintentional；threeoutofthefivewordsinthesecondremarkwereEnglish，andEnglishonly，andthetwoGermanonesdidnotmeananythinginparticular，insuchaconnection。 XalwaysspokeEnglishtoGermans，buthisplanwastoturnthesentencewrongendfirstandupsidedown，accordingtoGermanconstruction，andsprinkleinaGermanwordwithoutanyessentialmeaningtoit，hereandthere，bywayofflavor。Yethealwaysmadehimselfunderstood。 Hecouldmakethosedialect-speakingraftsmenunderstandhim，sometimes，whenevenyoungZhadfailedwiththem； andyoungZwasaprettygoodGermanscholar。Foronething，Xalwaysspokewithsuchconfidence——perhapsthathelped。 Andpossiblytheraftsmen\'sdialectwaswhatiscalledPLATT-DEUTSCH，andsotheyfoundhisEnglishmorefamiliartotheirearsthananotherman\'sGerman。QuiteindifferentstudentsofGermancanreadFritzReuter\'scharmingplatt-DeutchtaleswithsomelittlefacilitybecausemanyofthewordsareEnglish。IsupposethisisthetonguewhichourSaxonancestorscarriedtoEnglandwiththem。 ByandbyIwillinquireofsomeotherphilologist。