第1章

Thefollowingpageswerewrittenmorethantwentyyearssince，andwerethenpublishedperiodicallyin_HouseholdWords。_ IntheoriginalformofpublicationtheRoguewasveryfavorablyreceived。Yearafteryear，Idelayedtherepublication，proposing，atthesuggestionofmyoldfriend，Mr。CharlesReade，toenlargethepresentsketchofthehero\'sadventuresinAustralia。Buttheopportunityofcarryingoutthisprojecthasprovedtobeoneofthelostopportunitiesofmylife。I republishthestorywithitsoriginalconclusionunaltered，butwithsuchoccasionaladditionsandimprovementsaswill，Ihope，renderitmoreworthyofattentionatthepresenttime。 ThecriticalreadermaypossiblynoticeatoneofalmostboisterousgayetyincertainpartsoftheseimaginaryConfessions。Icanonlyplead，indefense，thatthestoryoffersthefaithfulreflectionofaveryhappytimeinmypastlife。ItwaswrittenatParis，whenIhadCharlesDickensforanearneighborandadailycompanion，andwhenmyleisurehourswerejoyouslypassedwithmanyotherfriends，allassociatedwithliteratureandart，ofwhomtheadmirablecomedian，Regnier，isnowtheonlysurvivor。Therevisingofthesepageshasbeentomeamelancholytask。Icanonlyhopethattheymaycheerthesadmomentsofothers。TheRoguemaysurelyclaimtwomerits，atleast，intheeyesofthenewgeneration——heisneverseriousfortwomomentstogether；andhe\"doesn\'ttakelongtoread。”W。C。 GLOUCESTERPLACE，LONDON，_March_6th，1879。 IAMgoingtotryifIcan\'twritesomethingaboutmyself。Mylifehasbeenratherastrangeone。Itmaynotseemparticularlyusefulorrespectable；butithasbeen，insomerespects，adventurous；andthatmaygiveitclaimstoberead，eveninthemostprejudicedcircles。Iamanexampleofsomeoftheworkingsofthesocialsystemofthisillustriouscountryontheindividualnative，duringtheearlypartofthepresentcentury； and，ifImaysaysowithoutunbecomingvanity，Ishouldliketoquotemyselffortheedificationofmycountrymen。 WhoamI。 Iamremarkablywellconnected，Icantellyou。IcameintothisworldwiththegreatadvantageofhavingLadyMalkinshawforagrandmother，herladyship\'sdaughterforamother，andFrancisJamesSoftly，Esq。，M。D。(commonlycalledDoctorSoftly)，forafather。Iputmyfatherlast，becausehewasnotsowellconnectedasmymother，andmygrandmotherfirst，becauseshewasthemostnobly-bornpersonofthethree。Ihavebeen，amstill，andmaycontinuetobe，aRogue；butIhopeIamnotabandonedenoughyettoforgettherespectthatisduetorank。Onthisaccount，Itrust，nobodywillshowsuchwantofregardformyfeelingsastoexpectmetosaymuchaboutmymother\'sbrother。 Thatinhumanpersoncommittedanoutrageonhisfamilybymakingafortuneinthesoapandcandletrade。Iapologizeformentioninghim，eveninanaccidentalway。Thefactis，heleftmysister，Annabella，alegacyofratherapeculiarkind，saddledwithcertainconditionswhichindirectlyaffectedme；butthispassageoffamilyhistoryneednotbeproducedjustyet。I apologizeasecondtimeforalludingtomoneymattersbeforeitwasabsolutelynecessary。Letmegetbacktoapleasingandreputablesubject，bysayingawordortwomoreaboutmyfather。 IamratherafraidthatDoctorSoftlywasnotaclevermedicalman；forinspiteofhisgreatconnections，hedidnotgetaverymagnificentpracticeasaphysician。 Asageneralpractitioner，hemighthaveboughtacomfortablebusiness，withahouseandsnugsurgery-shopattached；buttheson-in-lawofLadyMalkinshawwasobligedtoholduphishead，andsetuphiscarriage，andliveinastreetnearafashionablesquare，andkeepanexpensiveandclumsyfootmantoanswerthedoor，insteadofacheapandtidyhousemaid。Howhemanagedto\"maintainhisposition\"(thatistherightphrase，Ithink)，I nevercouldtell。Hiswifedidnotbringhimafarthing。Whenthehonorableandgallantbaronet，herfather，died，heleftthewidowedLadyMalkinshawwithherworldlyaffairsinacuriouslyinvolvedstate。Herson(ofwhomIfeeltrulyashamedtobeobligedtospeakagainsosoon)madeanefforttoextricatehismother——involvedhimselfinaseriesofpecuniarydisasters，whichcommercialpeoplecall，Ibelieve，transactions——struggledforalittlewhiletogetoutoftheminthecharacterofanindependentgentleman——failed——andthenspiritlesslyavailedhimselfoftheoleaginousrefugeofthesoapandcandletrade。 Hismotheralwayslookeddownuponhimafterthis；butborrowedmoneyofhimalso——inordertoshow，Isuppose，thathermaternalinterestinhersonwasnotquiteextinct。Myfathertriedtofollowherexample——inhiswife\'sinterests，ofcourse；butthesoap-boilerbrutallybuttoneduphispockets，andtoldmyfathertogointobusinessforhimself。Thusithappenedthatwewerecertainlyapoorfamily，inspiteofthefineappearancewemade，thefashionablestreetwelivedin，theneatbroughamwekept，andtheclumsyandexpensivefootmanwhoansweredourdoor。 Whatwastobedonewithmeinthewayofeducation？ Ifmyfatherhadconsultedhismeans，Ishouldhavebeensenttoacheapcommercialacademy；buthehadtoconsulthisrelationshiptoLadyMalkinshaw；soIwassenttooneofthemostfashionableandfamousofthegreatpublicschools。Iwillnotmentionitbyname，becauseIdon\'tthinkthemasterswouldbeproudofmyconnectionwithit。Iranawaythreetimes，andwasfloggedthreetimes。Imadefouraristocraticconnections，andhadfourpitchedbattleswiththem:threethrashedme，andoneI thrashed。Ilearnedtoplayatcricket，tohaterichpeople，tocurewarts，towriteLatinverses，toswim，torecitespeeches，tocookkidneysontoast，todrawcaricaturesofthemasters，toconstrueGreekplays，toblackboots，andtoreceivekicksandseriousadviceresignedly。Whowillsaythatthefashionablepublicschoolwasofnousetomeafterthat？ AfterIleftschool，Ihadthenarrowestescapepossibleofintrudingmyselfintoanotherplaceofaccommodationfordistinguishedpeople；inotherwords，Iwasverynearlybeingsenttocollege。Fortunatelyforme，myfatherlostalawsuitjustinthenickoftime，andwasobligedtoscrapetogethereveryfarthingofavailablemoneythathepossessedtopayfortheluxuryofgoingtolaw。Ifhecouldhavesavedhissevenshillings，hewouldcertainlyhavesentmetoscrambleforaplaceinthepitofthegreatuniversitytheater；buthispursewasempty，andhissonwasnoteligiblethereforeforadmission，inagentlemanlycapacity，atthedoors。 Thenextthingwastochooseaprofession。 HeretheDoctorwasliberalityitself，inleavingmetomyowndevices。Iwasofarovingadventuroustemperament，andIshouldhavelikedtogointothearmy。Butwherewasthemoneytocomefrom，topayformycommission？Astoenlistingintheranks，andworkingmywayup，thesocialinstitutionsofmycountryobligedthegrandsonofLadyMalkinshawtobeginmilitarylifeasanofficerandgentleman，ornottobeginitatall。Thearmy，therefore，wasoutofthequestion。TheChurch？Equallyoutofthequestion:sinceIcouldnotpayforadmissiontothepreparedplaceofaccommodationfordistinguishedpeople，andcouldnotacceptacharitablefreepass，inconsequenceofmyhighconnections。TheBar？Ishouldbefiveyearsgettingtoit，andshouldhavetospendtwohundredayearingoingcircuitbeforeI hadearnedafarthing。Physic？Thisreallyseemedtheonlygentlemanlyrefugeleft；andyet，withtheknowledgeofmyfather\'sexperiencebeforeme，Iwasungratefulenoughtofeelasecretdislikeforit。Itisadegradingconfessiontomake；butIrememberwishingIwasnotsohighlyconnected，andabsolutelythinkingthatthelifeofacommercialtravelerwouldhavesuitedmeexactly，ifIhadnotbeenapoorgentleman。Drivingaboutfromplacetoplace，livingjoviallyatinns，seeingfreshfacesconstantly，andgettingmoneybyallthisenjoyment，insteadofspendingit——whatalifeforme，ifIhadbeenthesonofahaberdasherandthegrandsonofagroom\'swidow! Whilemyfatherwasuncertainwhattodowithme，anewprofessionwassuggestedbyafriend，whichIshallrepentnothavingbeenallowedtoadopt，tothelastdayofmylife。Thisfriendwasaneccentricoldgentlemanoflargeproperty，muchrespectedinourfamily。Oneday，myfather，inmypresence，askedhisadviceaboutthebestmannerofstartingmeinlife，withduecredittomyconnectionsandsufficientadvantagetomyself。 \"Listentomyexperience，\"saidoureccentricfriend，\"and，ifyouareawiseman，youwillmakeupyourmindassoonasyouhaveheardme。Ihavethreesons。IbroughtmyeldestsonuptotheChurch；heissaidtobegettingonadmirably，andhecostsmethreehundredayear。IbroughtmysecondsonuptotheBar； heissaidtobegettingonadmirably，andhecostsmefourhundredayear。Ibroughtmythirdsonupto_Quadrilles_——hehasmarriedanheiress，andhecostsmenothing。” Ah，me!ifthatworthysage\'sadvicehadonlybeenfollowed——ifI hadbeenbroughtuptoQuadrilles!——ifIhadonlybeencastlooseontheballroomsofLondon，toqualifyunderHymen，foragoldendegree!Oh!youyoungladieswithmoney，Iwasfivefeetteninmystockings；Iwasgreatatsmall-talkanddancing；Ihadglossywhiskers，curlinglocks，andarichvoice!Yegirlswithgoldenguineas，yenymphswithcrispbank-notes，mournoverthehusbandyouhavelostamongyou——overtheRoguewhohasbrokenthelawswhich，asthepartnerofalandedorfund-holdingwoman，hemighthavehelpedtomakeonthebenchesoftheBritishParliament!Oh! yehearthsandhomessungaboutinsomanysongs——writtenaboutinsomanybooks——shoutedaboutinsomanyspeeches，withaccompanimentofsomuchloudcheering:whatasettleronthehearth-rug；whatapossessorofproperty；whatabringer-upofafamily，wassnatchedawayfromyou，whenthesonofDr。SoftlywaslosttotheprofessionofQuadrilles! Itendedinmyresigningmyselftothemisfortuneofbeingadoctor。 IfIwasaverygoodboyandtookpains，andcarefullymixedinthebestsociety，Imighthopeinthecourseofyearstosucceedtomyfather\'sbrougham，fashionably-situatedhouse，andclumsyandexpensivefootman。Therewasaprospectforaladofspirit，withthebloodoftheearlyMalkinshaws(whowereRoguesofgreatcapacityanddistinctioninthefeudaltimes)coursingadventurousthrougheveryvein!Ilookbackonmycareer，andwhenIrememberthepatiencewithwhichIacceptedamedicaldestiny，Iappeartomyselfinthelightofahero。Nay，Ievenwentbeyondthepassivevirtueofacceptingmydestiny——I actuallystudied，Imadetheacquaintanceoftheskeleton，Iwasonfriendlytermswiththemuscularsystem，andthemysteriesofPhysiologydroppedinonmeinthekindestmannerwhenevertheyhadaneveningtospare。 Eventhiswasnottheworstofit。Idislikedtheabstrusestudiesofmynewprofession；butIabsolutelyhatedthediurnalslaveryofqualifyingmyself，inasocialpointofview，forfuturesuccessinit。Myfondmedicalparentinsistedonintroducingmetohiswholeconnection。Iwentroundvisitingintheneatbrougham——withastethoscopeandmedicalreviewinthefront-pocket，withDoctorSoftlybymyside，keepinghisfacewellinviewatthewindow——tocanvassforpatients，inthecharacterofmyfather\'shopefulsuccessor。NeverhaveIbeensoillateaseinprison。 Iwasinthatcarriage。Ihavefeltmoreathomeinthedock(suchisthenaturaldepravityandperversityofmydisposition)thaneverIfeltinthedrawing-roomsofmyfather\'sdistinguishedpatronsandrespectablefriends。Nordidmymiseriesendwiththemorningcalls。Iwascommandedtoattendalldinner-parties，andtomakemyselfagreeableatallballs。Thedinnersweretheworsttrial。 Sometimes，indeed，wecontrivedtogetourselvesaskedtothehousesofhighandmightyentertainers，whereweatethefinestFrenchdishesanddranktheoldestvintages，andfortifiedourselvessensiblyandsnuglyinthatwayagainstthefrigidityofthecompany。OftheserepastsIhavenohardwordstosay；itisofthedinnerswegaveourselves，andofthedinnerswhichpeopleinourrankoflifegavetous，thatInowbitterlycomplain。 Haveyoueverobservedtheremarkableadherencetosetformsofspeechwhichcharacterizesthetalkersofarrantnonsense! Preciselythesamesheepishfollowingofonegivenexampledistinguishestheorderingofgenteeldinners。 Whenwegaveadinnerathome，wehadgravysoup，turbotandlobster-sauce，haunchofmutton，boiledfowlsandtongue，lukewarmoyster-pattiesandstickycurryforside-dishes；wildduck，cabinet-pudding，jelly，creamandtartlets。Allexcellentthings，exceptwhenyouhavetoeatthemcontinually。Weliveduponthementirelyintheseason。Everyoneofourhospitablefriendsgaveusareturndinner，whichwasaperfectcopyofours——justasourswasaperfectcopyoftheirs，lastyear。Theyboiledwhatweboiled，andweroastedwhattheyroasted。Wenoneofuseverchangedthesuccessionofthecourses——ormademoreorlessofthem——oralteredthepositionofthefowlsoppositethemistressandthehaunchoppositethemaster。 Mystomachusedtoquailwithinme，inthosetimes，whenthetureenwastakenoffandtheinevitablegravy-soupsmellreneweditsdailyacquaintancewithmynostrils，andwarnedmeofthepersistenteatableformalitiesthatwerecertaintofollow。Isupposethathonestpeople，whohaveknownwhatitistogetnodinner(beingaRogue，Ihavemyselfneverwantedforone)，havegonethroughsomeveryacutesufferingunderthatprivation。Itmaybesomeconsolationtothemtoknowthat，nexttoabsolutestarvation，thesamecompany-dinner，everyday，isoneofthehardesttrialsthatassailhumanendurance。Idatemyfirstseriousdeterminationtothrowoverthemedicalprofessionattheearliestconvenientopportunity，fromthesecondseason\'sseriesofdinnersatwhichmyaspirations，asarisingphysician，unavoidablyandregularlycondemnedmetobepresent。 CHAPTERII。 THEopportunityIwantedpresenteditselfinacuriousway，andled，unexpectedlyenough，tosomeratherimportantconsequences。 Ihavealreadystated，amongtheotherbranchesofhumanattainmentwhichIacquiredatthepublicschool，thatIlearnedtodrawcaricaturesofthemasterswhoweresoobligingastoeducateme。Ihadanaturalfacultyforthisusefuldepartmentofart。IimproveditgreatlybypracticeinsecretafterIleftschool，andIendedbymakingitasourceofprofitandpocketmoneytomewhenIenteredthemedicalprofession。WhatwasItodo？Icouldnotexpectforyearstomakeahalfpenny，asaphysician。Mygenteelwalkinlifeledmeawayfromallimmediatesourcesofemolument，andmyfathercouldonlyaffordtogivemeanallowancewhichwastoopreposterouslysmalltobementioned。 Ihadhelpedmyselfsurreptitiouslytopocket-moneyatschool，bysellingmycaricatures，andIwasobligedtorepeattheprocessathome! AtthetimeofwhichIwrite，theArtofCaricaturewasjustapproachingthecloseofitscoloredandmostextravagantstageofdevelopment。ThesubtletyandtruthtoNaturerequiredforthepursuitofitnow，hadhardlybeguntobethoughtofthen。Sheerfarceandcoarseburlesque，withplentyofcolorforthemoney，stillmadeupthesumofwhatthepublicofthosedayswanted。I wasfirstassuredofmycapacityfortheproductionoftheserequisites，byamedicalfriendoftheripecriticalageofnineteen。Heknewaprint-publisher，andenthusiasticallyshowedhimaportfoliofullofmysketches，takingcareatmyrequestnottomentionmyname。Rathertomysurprise(forIwastooconceitedtobegreatlyamazedbythecircumstance)，thepublisherpickedoutafewofthebestofmywares，andboldlyboughtthemofme——ofcourse，athisownprice。 FromthattimeI became，inananonymousway，oneoftheyoungbuccaneersofBritishCaricature；cruisingabouthere，thereandeverywhere，atallmyintervalsofsparetime，foranyprizeintheshapeofasubjectwhichitwaspossibletopickup。Littledidmyhighly-connectedmotherthinkthat，amongthecoloredprintsintheshop-window，whichdisrespectfullyillustratedthepublicandprivateproceedingsofdistinguishedindividuals，certainspecimensbearingtheclassicsignatureof\"ThersitesJunior，\" wereproducedfromdesignsfurnishedbyherstudiousandmedicalson。Littledidmyrespectablefatherimaginewhen，withgreatdifficultyandvexation，hesucceededingettingmenowandthensmuggled，alongwithhimself，insidethepaleoffashionablesociety——thathewashelpingmetostudylikenesseswhichweredestinedundermyrecklesstreatmenttomakethepubliclaughatsomeofhismostaugustpatrons，andtofillthepocketsofhissonwithprofessionalfees，neveroncedreamedofinhisphilosophy。 FormorethanayearImanaged，unsuspected，tokeepthePrivyPursefairlysuppliedbytheexerciseofmycaricaturingabilities。Butthedayofdetectionwastocome。 Whethermymedicalfriend\'sadmirationofmysatiricalsketchesledhimintotalkingabouttheminpublicwithtoolittlereserve；orwhethertheservantsathomefoundprivatemeansofwatchingmeinmymomentsofArt-study，Iknownot:butthatsomeonebetrayedme，andthatthediscoveryofmyillicitmanufactureofcaricatureswasactuallycommunicatedeventothegrandmotherlyheadandfountofthefamilyhonor，isamostcertainandlamentablematteroffact。OnemorningmyfatherreceivedaletterfromLadyMalkinshawherself，informinghim，inahandwritingcrookedwithpoignantgrief，andblottedateverythirdwordbytheviolenceofvirtuousindignation，that\"ThersitesJunior\"washisownson，andthat，inoneofthelastofthe\"ribald\'s\"caricaturesherownvenerablefeatureswereunmistakablyrepresentedasbelongingtothebodyofalargeowl! Ofcourse，Ilaidmyhandonmyheartandindignantlydeniedeverything。Useless。Myoriginalmodelfortheowlhadgotproofsofmyguiltthatwerenottoberesisted。 Thedoctor，ordinarilythemostmellifluousandself-possessedofmen，flewintoaviolent，roaring，cursingpassion，onthisoccasion——declaredthatIwasimperilingthehonorandstandingofthefamily——insistedonmyneverdrawinganothercaricature，eitherforpublicorprivatepurposes，aslongasIlived；andorderedmetogoforthwithandaskpardonofLadyMalkinshawinthehumblesttermsthatitwaspossibletoselect。IanswereddutifullythatIwasquitereadytoobey，ontheconditionthatheshouldreimbursemebyatrebledallowanceforwhatIshouldlosebygivinguptheArtofCaricature，orthatLadyMalkinshawshouldconferonmetheappointmentofphysician-in-waitingonher，withahandsomesalaryattached。Theseextremelymoderatestipulationssoincreasedmyfather\'sanger，thatheasserted，withanunmentionablyvulgaroath，hisresolutiontoturnmeoutofdoorsifIdidnotdoashebidme，withoutdaringtohintatanyconditionswhatsoever。Ibowed，andsaidthatIwouldsavehimtheexertionofturningmeoutofdoors，bygoingofmyownaccord。Heshookhisfistatme；afterwhichitobviouslybecamemyduty，asamemberofagentlemanlyandpeacefulprofession，toleavetheroom。ThesameeveningIleftthehouse，andIhaveneveroncegiventheclumsyandexpensivefootmanthetroubleofansweringthedoortomesincethattime。 Ihavereasontobelievethatmyexodusfromhomewas，onthewhole，favorablyviewedbymymother，astendingtoremoveanypossibilityofmybadcharacterandconductinterferingwithmysister\'sadvancementinlife。 Bydintofanglingwithgreatdexterityandpatience，underthedirectionofbothherparents，myhandsomesisterAnnabellahadsucceededincatchinganeligiblehusband，intheshapeofawizen，miserly，mahogany-coloredman，turnedfifty，whohadmadeafortuneintheWestIndies。HisnamewasBatterbury；hehadbeendriedupunderatropicalsun，soastolookasifhewouldkeepforages；hehadtwosubjectsofconversation，theyellow-feverandtheadvantageofwalkingexercise:andhewasbarbarianenoughtotakeaviolentdisliketome。Hehadprovedaverydelicatefishtohook；and，evenwhenAnnabellahadcaughthim，myfatherandmotherhadgreatdifficultyinlandinghim——principally，theyweregoodenoughtosay，inconsequenceofmypresenceonthescene。Hencethedecidedadvantageofmyremovalfromhome。Itisaverypleasantreflectiontome，now，torememberhowdisinterestedlyIstudiedthegoodofmyfamilyinthoseearlydays。 Abandonedentirelytomyownresources，Inaturallyreturnedtothebusinessofcaricaturingwithrenewedardor。 AboutthistimeThersitesJuniorreallybegantomakesomethinglikeareputation，andtowalkabroadhabituallywithabank-notecomfortablylodgedamongtheotherpapersinhispocketbook。ForayearIlivedagayandgloriouslifeinsomeofthefreestsocietyinLondon；attheendofthattime，mytradesmen，withoutanyprovocationonmypart，sentintheirbills。Ifoundmyselfintheveryabsurdpositionofhavingnomoneytopaythem，andtoldthemallsowiththefranknesswhichisoneofthebestsidesofmycharacter。Theyreceivedmyadvancestowardabetterunderstandingwithbrutalincivility，andtreatedmesoonafterwardwithawantofconfidencewhichImayforgive，butcanneverforget。Oneday，adirtystrangertouchedmeontheshoulder，andshowedmeadirtyslipofpaperwhichIatfirstpresumedtobehiscard。BeforeIcouldtellhimwhatavulgardocumentitlookedlike，twomoredirtystrangersputmeintoahackneycoach。BeforeIcouldprovetothemthatthisproceedingwasagrossinfringementonthelibertiesoftheBritishsubject，Ifoundmyselflodgedwithinthewallsofaprison。 Well!andwhatofthat？WhoamIthatIshouldobjecttobeinginprison，whensomanyoftheroyalpersonagesandillustriouscharactersofhistoryhavebeentherebeforeme？CanInotcarryonmyvocationingreatercomfortherethanIcouldinmyfather\'shouse？HaveIanyanxietiesoutsidethesewalls？No:formybelovedsisterismarried——thefamilynethaslandedMr。 Batterburyatlast。No:forIreadinthepapertheotherday，thatDoctorSoftly(doubtlessthroughtheinterestofLadyMalkinshaw)hasbeenappointedtheKing\'s-Barber-Surgeon\'s-Deputy-ConsultingPhysician。Myrelativesarecomfortableintheirsphere——letmeproceedforthwithtomakemyselfcomfortableinmine。Pen，ink，andpaper，ifyouplease，Mr。Jailer:Iwishtowritetomyesteemedpublisher。 \"DEARSIR——PleaseadvertiseaseriesoftwelveRacyPrints，frommyfertilepencil，entitled，\'ScenesofModernPrisonLife，\'byThersitesJunior。Thetwofirstdesignswillbereadybytheendoftheweek，tobepaidforondelivery，accordingtothetermssettledbetweenusformypreviouspublicationsofthesamesize。 \"Withgreatregardandesteem，faithfullyyours，FRANKSOFTLY。” Havingthusprovidedformysupportinprison，Iwasenabledtointroducemyselftomyfellow-debtors，andtostudycharacterforthenewseriesofprints，ontheveryfirstdayofmyincarceration，withmymindquiteatease。 Ifthereaderdesirestomakeacquaintancewiththeassociatesofmycaptivity，Imustreferhimto\"ScenesofModernPrisonLife，\" byThersitesJunior，nowdoubtlessextremelyscarce，butproducibletothedemandsofpatienceandperseverance，Ishouldimagine，ifanybodywillbesoobligingastopassaweekorsooverthecatalogueoftheBritishMuseum。MyfertilepencilhasdelineatedthecharactersImetwith，atthatperiodofmylife，withaforceanddistinctnesswhichmypencannothopetorival——hasportrayedthemallmoreorlessprominently，withtheonesolitaryexceptionofaprisonercalledGentlemanJones。ThereasonswhyIexcludedhimfrommyportrait-galleryaresohonorabletobothofus，thatImustaskpermissionbrieflytorecordthem。 Myfellow-captivessoondiscoveredthatIwasstudyingtheirpersonalpeculiaritiesformyownadvantageandforthepublicamusement。Somethoughtthethingagoodjoke；someobjectedtoit，andquarreledwithme。Liberalityinthematterofliquorandsmallloans，reconciledalargeproportionoftheobjectorstotheirfate；thesulkyminorityItreatedwithcontempt，andscourgedavenginglywiththesmartlashofcaricature。IwasatthattimeprobablythemostimpudentmanofmyageinallEngland，andthecommonflockofjail-birdsquailedbeforethemagnificenceofmyassurance。Oneprisoneronlysetmeandmypencilsuccessfullyatdefiance。ThatprisonerwasGentlemanJones。 Hehadreceivedhisnamefromthesuavityofhiscountenance，theinveteratepolitenessofhislanguage，andtheunassailablecomposureofhismanner。Hewasintheprimeoflife，butverybald——hadbeeninthearmyandthecoaltrade——woreverystiffcollarsandprodigiouslylongwristbands——seldomlaughed，buttalkedwithremarkableglibness，andwasneverknowntolosehistemperunderthemostaggravatingcircumstancesofprisonexistence。 Heabstainedfrominterferingwithmeandmystudies，untilitwasreportedinoursociety，thatinthesixthprintofmyseries，GentlemanJones，highlycaricatured，wastoformoneoftheprincipalfigures。Hethenappealedtomepersonallyandpublicly，ontheracket-ground，inthefollowingterms: \"Sir，\"saidhe，withhisusualpolitenessandhisunwaveringsmile，\"youwillgreatlyobligemebynotcaricaturingmypersonalpeculiarities。Iamsounfortunateasnottopossessasenseofhumor；andifyoudidmylikeness，IamafraidIshouldnotseethejokeofit。” \"Sir，\"Ireturned，withmycustomaryimpudence，\"itisnotoftheslightestimportancewhether_you_seethejokeofitornot。Thepublicwill——andthatisenoughforme。” Withthatcivilspeech，Iturnedonmyheel；andtheprisonersnearallburstoutlaughing。GentlemanJones，notintheleastalteredorruffled，smootheddownhiswristbands，smiled，andwalkedaway。 ThesameeveningIwasinmyroomalone，designingthenewprint，whentherecameaknockatthedoor，andGentlemanJoneswalkedin。Igotup，andaskedwhatthedevilhewanted。Hesmiled，andturneduphislongwristbands。 \"Onlytogiveyoualessoninpoliteness，\"saidGentlemanJones。 \"Whatdoyoumean，sir？Howdareyou——？\" Theanswerwasasmartslapontheface。Iinstantlystruckoutinastateoffury——wasstoppedwithgreatneatness——andreceivedinreturnablowonthehead，whichsentmedownonthecarpethalfstunned，andtoogiddytoknowthedifferencebetweenthefloorandtheceiling。 \"Sir，\"saidGentlemanJones，smoothingdownhiswristbandsagain，andaddressingmeblandlyasIlayonthefloor，\"Ihavethehonortoinformyouthatyouhavenowreceivedyourfirstlessoninpoliteness。Alwaysbeciviltothosewhoareciviltoyou。Thelittlematterofthecaricaturewewillsettleonafutureoccasion。Iwishyougood-evening。” Thenoiseofmyfallhadbeenheardbytheotheroccupantsofroomsonmylanding。Mostfortunatelyformydignity，theydidnotcomeintoseewhatwasthematteruntilIhadbeenabletogetintomychairagain。Whentheyentered，Ifeltthattheimpressionoftheslapwasredonmyfacestill，butthemarkoftheblowwashiddenbymyhair。Underthesefortunatecircumstances，Iwasabletokeepupmycharacteramongmyfriends，whentheyinquiredaboutthescuffle，byinformingthemthatGentlemanJoneshadaudaciouslyslappedmyface，andthatI hadbeenobligedtoretaliatebyknockinghimdown。Mywordintheprisonwasasgoodashis；andifmyversionofthestorygotfairlythestartofhis，Ihadthebetterchanceofthetwoofbeingbelieved。 Iwasratheranxious，thenextday，toknowwhatcoursemypoliteandpugilisticinstructorwouldtake。Tomyutteramazement，hebowedtomeascivillyasusualwhenwemetintheyard；heneverdeniedmyversionofthestory；andwhenmyfriendslaughedathimasathrashedman，hetooknottheslightestnoticeoftheiragreeablemerriment。Antiquity，Ithink，furnishesuswithfewmoreremarkablecharactersthanGentlemanJones。 ThateveningIthoughtitdesirabletoinviteafriendtopassthetimewithme。Aslongasmyliquorlastedhestopped；whenitwasgone，hewentaway。Iwasjustlockingthedoorafterhim，whenitwaspushedopengently，butveryfirmly，andGentlemanJoneswalkedin。 Mypride，whichhadnotallowedmetoapplyforprotectiontotheprisonauthorities，wouldnotallowmenowtocallforhelp。I triedtogettothefireplaceandarmmyselfwiththepoker，butGentlemanJoneswastooquickforme。\"Ihavecome，sir，togiveyoualessoninmoralityto-night，\"hesaid；andupwenthisrighthand。 Istoppedthepreliminaryslap，butbeforeIcouldhithim，histerribleleftfistreachedmyheadagain；anddownIfelloncemore——uponthehearth-rugthistime——notover-heavily。 \"Sir，\"saidGentlemanJones，makingmeabow，\"youhavenowreceivedyourfirstlessoninmorality。Alwaysspeakthetruth； andneversaywhatisfalseofanothermanbehindhisback。 To-morrow，withyourkindpermission，wewillfinallysettletheadjournedquestionofthecaricature。Good-night。” Iwasfartoosensibleamantoleavethesettlingofthatquestiontohim。ThefirstthinginthemorningIsentapolitenotetoGentlemanJones，informinghimthatIhadabandonedallideaofexhibitinghislikenesstothepublicinmyseriesofprints，andgivinghimfullpermissiontoinspecteverydesignI madebeforeitwentoutoftheprison。Ireceivedamostcivilanswer，thankingmeformycourtesy，andcomplimentingmeontheextraordinaryaptitudewithwhichIprofitedbythemostincompleteandelementaryinstruction。IthoughtIdeservedthecompliment，andIthinksostill。Ourconduct，asIhavealreadyintimated，washonorabletous，oneitherside。ItwashonorableattentiononthepartofGentlemanJonestocorrectmewhenIwasinerror；itwashonorablecommonsenseinmetoprofitbythecorrection。Ihaveneverseenthisgreatmansincehecompoundedwithhiscreditorsandgotoutofprison；butmyfeelingstowardhimarestillthoseofprofoundgratitudeandrespect。HegavemetheonlyusefulteachingIeverhad；andifthisshouldmeettheeyeofGentlemanJonesIherebythankhimforbeginningandendingmyeducationintwoevenings，withoutcostingmeormyfamilyasinglefarthing。 CHAPTERIII。 Toreturntomybusinessaffairs。WhenIwascomfortablysettledintheprison，andknewexactlywhatIowed，Ithoughtitmydutytomyfathertogivehimthefirstchanceofgettingmeout。HisanswertomylettercontainedaquotationfromShakespeareonthesubjectofthanklesschildren，butnoremittanceofmoney。Afterthat，myonlycoursewastoemployalawyerandbedeclaredabankrupt。Iwasmostuncivillytreated，andremandedtwoorthreetimes。WheneverythingIpossessedhadbeensoldforthebenefitofmycreditors，Iwasreprimandedandletout。Itispleasanttothinkthat，eventhen，myfaithinmyselfandinhumannaturewasstillnotshaken。 Abouttendaysbeforemyliberation，Iwasthunderstruckatreceivingavisitfrommysister\'smahogany-coloredhusband，Mr。 Batterbury。WhenIwasrespectablysettledathome，thisgentlemanwouldnotsomuchaslookatmewithoutafrown；andnow，whenIwasascamp，inprison，hemercifullyandfraternallycametocondolewithmeonmymisfortunes。Alittledexterousquestioningdisclosedthesecretofthisprodigiouschangeinourrelationstowardeachother，andinformedmeofafamilyeventwhichalteredmypositiontowardmysisterinthemostwhimsicalmanner。 WhileIwasbeingremovedtothebankruptcycourt，myuncleinthesoapandcandletradewasbeingremovedtotheotherworld。 Hiswilltooknonoticeofmyfatherormymother；buthelefttomysister(alwayssupposedtobehisfavoriteinthefamily)amostextraordinarylegacyofpossiblepin-money，intheshapeofacontingentreversiontothesumofthreethousandpounds，payableonthedeathofLadyMalkinshaw，providedIsurvivedher。 WhetherthisdocumentsprangintoexistenceoutofanyofhisinvolvedmoneytransactionswithhismotherwasmorethanMr。 Batterburycouldtell。Icouldascertainnothinginrelationtoit，exceptthatthebequestwasaccompaniedbysomecynicalremarks，totheeffectthatthetestatorwouldfeelhappyifhislegacywereinstrumentalinrevivingthedormantinterestofonlyonememberofDoctorSoftly\'sfamilyinthefortunesofthehopefulyounggentlemanwhohadrunawayfromhome。Myesteemeduncleevidentlyfeltthathecouldnotincommondecencyavoiddoingsomethingforhissister\'sfamily；andhehaddoneitaccordinglyinthemostmaliciousandmischievousmanner。Thiswascharacteristicofhim；hewasjusttheman，ifhehadnotpossessedthedocumentbefore，tohavehaditdrawnoutonhisdeath-bedfortheamiablepurposewhichitwasnowdevotedtoserve。 Herewasaprettycomplication!Herewasmysister\'shandsomelegacymadedependentonmyoutlivingmygrandmother!Thiswasdivertingenough；butMr。Batterbury\'sconductwasmoreamusingstill。 Themiserlylittlewretchnotonlytriedtoconcealhisgreedydesiretosavehisownpocketsbysecuringtheallowanceofpin-moneylefttohiswife，butabsolutelypersistedinignoringtheplainfactthathisvisittomesprangfromtheseriouspecuniaryinterestwhichheandAnnabellanowhadinthelifeandhealthofyourhumbleservant。ImadeallthenecessaryjokesaboutthestrengthofthevitalprincipleinLadyMalkinshaw，andthebrokenconditionofmyownconstitution；buthesolemnlyabstainedfromunderstandingoneofthem。Heresolutelykeptupappearancesintheveryfaceofdetection；notthefaintestshadeofredcameoverhiswickedoldmahoganyfaceashetoldmehowshockedheandhiswifewereatmypresentposition，andhowanxiousAnnabellawasthatheshouldnotforgettogivemeherlove。Tenderheartedcreature!Ihadonlybeeninprisonsixmonthswhenthatoverwhelmingtestimonyofsisterlyaffectioncametoconsolemeinmycaptivity。Ministeringangel!youshallgetyourthreethousandpounds。IamfiftyyearsyoungerthanLadyMalkinshaw，andIwilltakecareofmyself，Annabella，forthydearsake! ThenexttimeIsawMr。BatterburywasonthedaywhenIatlastgotmydischarge。HewasnotwaitingtoseewhereIwasgoingnext，orwhatvitalrisksIwaslikelytorunontherecoveryofmyfreedom，buttocongratulateme，andtogivemeAnnabella\'slove。Itwasaverygratifyingattention，andIsaidasmuch，intonesofthedeepestfeeling。 \"HowisdearLadyMalkinshaw？\"Iasked，whenmygratefulemotionshadsubsided。 Mr。Batterburyshookhisheadmournfully。\"Iregrettosay，notquitesowellasherfriendscouldwish，\"heanswered。\"ThelasttimeIhadthepleasureofseeingherladyship，shelookedsoyellowthatifwehadbeeninJamaicaIshouldhavesaiditwasacaseofdeathintwelvehours。Irespectfullyendeavoredtoimpressuponherladyshipthenecessityofkeepingthefunctionsoftheliveractivebydailywalkingexercise；time，distance，andpacebeingregulatedwithproperregardtoherage——youunderstandme？——ofcourse，withproperregardtoherage。” \"Youcouldnotpossiblyhavegivenherbetteradvice，\"Isaid。 \"WhenIsawher，aslongastwoyearsago，LadyMalkinshaw\'sfavoritedelusionwasthatshewasthemostactivewomanofseventy-fiveinallEngland。Sheusedtotumbledownstairstwoorthreetimesaweek，then，becausesheneverwouldallowanyonetohelpher；andcouldnotbebroughttobelievethatshewasasblindasamole，andasricketyonherlegsasachildofayearold。Nowyouhaveencouragedhertotaketowalking，shewillbemoreobstinatethanever，andissuretotumbledowndaily，outofdoorsaswellasin。NoteventhecelebratedMalkinshawtoughnesscanlastoutmorethanafewweeksofthatpractice。 Consideringthepresentshatteredconditionofmyconstitution，youcouldn\'thavegivenherbetteradvice——uponmywordofhonor，youcouldn\'thavegivenherbetteradvice!\" \"Iamafraid，\"saidMr。Batterbury，withapoweroffaceI envied；\"Iamafraid，mydearFrank(letmecallyouFrank)，thatIdon\'tquiteapprehendyourmeaning:andwehaveunfortunatelynotimetoenterintoexplanations。Fivemilesherebyaroundaboutwayisonlyhalfmydailyallowanceofwalkingexercise；fivemilesbackbyaroundaboutwayremaintobenowaccomplished。Sogladtoseeyouatlibertyagain!Mindyouletusknowwhereyousettle，andtakecareofyourself；anddorecognizetheimportancetothewholeanimaleconomyofdailywalkingexercise——donow!DidIgiveyouAnnabella\'slove？She\'ssowell。Good-by。” AwaywentMr。Batterburytofinishhiswalkforthesakeofhishealth，andawaywentItovisitmypublisherforthesakeofmypocket。 Anunexpecteddisappointmentawaitedme。My\"ScenesofModernPrisonLife\"hadnotsoldsowellashadbeenanticipated，andmypublisherwasgrufflydisinclinedtospeculateinanyfutureworksdoneinthesamestyle。Duringthetimeofmyimprisonment，anewcaricaturisthadstarted，withamannerofhisown；hehadalreadyformedanewschool，andtheficklepublicwereallrunningtogetherafterhimandhisdisciples。Isaidtomyself: \"Thissceneinthedramaofyourlife，myfriend，hasclosedin； youmustenteronanother，ordropthecurtainatonce。”OfcourseIenteredonanother。 Takingleaveofmypublisher，Iwenttoconsultanartist-friendonmyfutureprospects。Isupposedmyselftobemerelyonmywaytoachangeofprofession。Asdestinyorderedit，Iwasalsoonmywaytothewomanwhowasnotonlytobetheobjectofmyfirstlove，buttheinnocentcauseofthegreatdisasterofmylife。 IfirstsawherinoneofthenarrowstreetsleadingfromLeicesterSquaretotheStrand。Therewassomethinginherface(dimlyvisiblebehindathickveil)thatinstantlystoppedmeasIpassedher。Ilookedbackandhesitated。Herfigurewastheperfectionofmodestgrace。Iyieldedtotheimpulseofthemoment。Inplainwords，Ididwhatyouwouldhavedone，inmyplace——Ifollowedher。 Shelookedround——discoveredme——andinstantlyquickenedherpace。ReachingthewestwardendoftheStrand，shecrossedthestreetandsuddenlyenteredashop。 Ilookedthroughthewindow，andsawherspeaktoarespectableelderlypersonbehindthecounter，whodartedanindignantlookatme，andatonceledmycharmingstrangerintoabackoffice。 Forthemoment，Iwasfoolenoughtofeelpuzzled；itwasoutofmycharacteryouwillsay——butremember，allmenarefoolswhentheyfirstfallinlove。AfteralittlewhileIrecoveredtheuseofmysenses。Theshopwasatthecornerofasidestreet，leadingtothemarket，sinceremovedtomakeroomfortherailway。\"There\'sabackentrancetothehouse!\"Ithoughttomyself——andrandownthesidestreet。Toolate!thelovelyfugitivehadescapedme。HadIlostherforeverinthegreatworldofLondon？Ithoughtsoatthetime。EventswillshowthatIneverwasmoremistakeninmylife。 Iwasinnohumortocallonmyfriend。ItwasnotuntilanotherdayhadpassedthatIsufficientlyrecoveredmycomposuretoseepovertystaringmeintheface，andtounderstandthatIhadreallynoalternativebuttoaskthegood-naturedartisttolendmeahelpinghand。