Ihadafeelingthatheunderstoodme,notintellectually,butemotionally.Whatacompanionhemighthavebeen!MoretonandBiddymovedmeless.Theyweremorerobust,morenormal,lessintrospectiveandimaginative;Europemeantnothingtothem,buttheywerefranklydelightedandexcitedattheprospectofgoingontheocean,askingdozensofquestionsaboutthegreatship,impatienttoembark
\"Ishan\'tneedallthat,Hugh,\"Maudesaid,whenIhandedheraletterofcredit.\"I——Iintendtolivequitesimply,andmychiefexpenseswillbethechildren\'seducation.Iamgoingtogivethemthebest,ofcourse.\"
\"Ofcourse,\"Ireplied.\"ButIwantyoutoliveoverthereasyouhavebeenaccustomedtolivehere.It\'snotexactlygenerosityonmypart,——I
haveenough,andmorethanenough.\"
Shetooktheletter.
\"Anotherthing——I\'dratheryoudidn\'tgotoNewYorkwithus,Hugh.I
knowyouarebusy——\"
\"OfcourseI\'mgoing,\"Istartedtoprotest.
\"No,\"shewenton,firmly.\"I\'dratheryoudidn\'t.Thehotelpeoplewillputmeonthesteamerverycomfortably,——andthereareotherreasonswhyIdonotwishit.\"IdidnotinsistOntheafternoonofherdeparture,whenIcameuptown,Ifoundherpinningsomerosesonherjacket.
\"PerryandLuciasentthem,\"sheinformedme.Shemaintainedthefriendly,impersonalmannertotheveryend;butmysoul,aswedrovetothetrain,wasfullofun-probedwounds.Ihadhadrosesputinhercompartmentsinthecar;TomandSusanPetersweretherewithmoreroses,andlittlepresentsforthechildren.Theircheerfulnessseemedforced,andIwonderedwhethertheysuspectedthatMaude\'sabsencewouldbeprolonged.
\"Writeusoften,andtellusallaboutit,dear,\"saidSusan,asshesatbesideMaudeandheldherhand;TomhadBiddyonhisknee.Maudewaspale,butsmilingandcomposed.
\"IhopetogetalittlevillainFrance,nearthesea,\"shesaid.\"I\'llsendyouaphotographofit,Susan.\"
\"AndChickabiddy,whenshecomesback,willberattlingoffFrenchlikeanative,\"exclaimedTom,givingherahug.
\"IhateFrench,\"saidBiddy,andshelookedathimsolemnly.\"Iwishyouwerecomingalong,UncleTom.\"
Bellsresoundedthroughthegreatstation.Theporterwarnedusoff.I
kissedthechildrenonebyone,scarcelyrealizingwhatIwasdoing.I
kissedMaude.Shereceivedmyembracepassively.
\"Good-bye,Hugh,\"shesaid.
Ialighted,andstoodontheplatformasthetrainpulledout.Thechildrencrowdedtothewindows,butMaudedidnotappearIfoundmyselfwalkingwithTomandSusanpasthurryingtravellersandporterstotheDecaturStreetentrance,wheremyautomobilestoodwaiting.
\"I\'lltakeyouhome,Susan,\"Isaid.
\"We\'reeversomuchobliged,Hugh,\"sheanswered,\"butthestreet-carsgoalmosttoferry\'sdoor.We\'rediningthere.\"
Hereyeswerefilledwithtears,andsheseemedtaller,moreungainlythanever——older.Asuddenimpressionofhergreatnessofheartwasbornehometome,andIgraspedthevalueofsuchruggedfriendshipashers——asTom\'s.
\"Weshouldn\'tknowhowtobehaveinanautomobile,\"hesaid,asthoughtosoftenherrefusal.AndIstoodwatchingtheirrecedingfiguresastheywalkedoutintothestreetandhailedthehugeelectriccarthatcametoastopbeyondthem.Aboveitswindowswaspainted\"TheAshuelaTractionCompany,\"alabelreminiscentofmyprofessionalactivities.ThenI
heardthechauffeurask:——
\"Wheredoyouwishtogo,sir?\"
\"TotheClub,\"Isaid.
Myroomwasready,mypersonalbelongings,myclotheshadbeenlaidout,myphotographswereonthedressing-table.Itookup,mechanically,theeveningnewspaper,butIcouldnotreadit;IthoughtofMaude,ofthechildren,memoriesflowedinuponme,——afloodnottobedammed
Presentlytheclubvaletknockedatmydoor.Hehadadinnercard.
\"Willyoubedininghere,sir?\"heinquired.
Iwentdownstairs.FredGriersonwastheonlymaninthedining-room.
\"Hello,Hugh,\"hesaid,\"comeandsitdown.Ihearyourwife\'sgoneabroad.\"
\"Yes,\"Ianswered,\"shethoughtshe\'dtryitinsteadoftheSouthShorethissummer.\"
PerhapsIimaginedthathelookedatmequeerly.IhadmadeagreatdealofmoneyoutofmyassociationwithGrierson,Ihadvaluedveryhighlybeinganimportantmemberofthegrouptowhichhebelonged;butto-
night,asIwatchedhimeatinganddrinkinggreedily,IhatedhimevenasIhatedmyself.Andafterdinner,whenhestartedtalkingwitharidiculethatwasathinlydisguisedbitternessabouttheCitizensUnionandtheirpreparationsforacampaignIlefthimandwenttobed.
Beforeaweekhadpassedmypainfulemotionshadlargelysubsided,andwithmyaccustomedresiliencyIhadregainedthefeelingofself-respectsoessentialtomyhappiness.Iwasfree.MyonlyanxietywasforNancy,whohadgonetoNewYorkthedayaftermylasttalkwithher;anditwasonlybytelephoningtoherhousethatIdiscoveredwhenshewasexpectedtoreturnIfoundhersittingbesideoneoftheopenFrenchwindowsofhersalon,gazingacrossatthewoodedhillsbeyondtheAshuela.Shewasserious,alittlepale;moreexquisite,moredesirablethanever;buthermannerimpliedthepressureofcontrol,andhervoicewasnotquitesteadyasshegreetedme.
\"You\'vebeenawayalongtime,\"Isaid.
\"Thedressmakers,\"sheanswered.Hercolourrosealittle.\"Ithoughtthey\'dnevergetthrough.\"
\"Butwhydidn\'tyoudropmealine,letmeknowwhenyouwerecoming?\"I
asked,takingachairbesideher,andlayingmyhandonhers.Shedrewitgentlyaway.
\"What\'sthematter?\"Iasked.
\"I\'vebeenthinkingitallover——whatwe\'redoing.Itdoesn\'tseemright,itseemsterriblywrong.\"
\"ButIthoughtwe\'dgoneoverallthat,\"Ireplied,aspatientlyasI
could.\"You\'reputtingitonanold-fashioned,moralbasis.\"
\"Buttheremustbesamebasis,\"sheurged.\"Thereareresponsibilities,obligations——theremustbe!——thatwecan\'tgetawayfrom.Ican\'thelpfeelingthatweoughttostandbyourmistakes,andbyourbargains;wemadeachoice——it\'scheating,somehow,andifwetakethis——whatwewant——
weshallbepunishedforit.\"
\"ButI\'mwillingtobepunished,tosuffer,asItoldyou.Ifyoulovedme——\"
\"Hugh!\"sheexclaimed,andIwassilent.\"Youdon\'tunderstand,\"shewenton,alittlebreathlessly,\"whatImeanbypunishmentisdeterioration.Doyourememberonce,longago,whenyoucametomebeforeIwasmarried,Isaidwe\'dbothrunafterfalsegods,andthatwecouldn\'tdowithoutthem?Well,andnowthishascome;itseemssowonderfultome,comingagainlikethatafterwehadpasseditby,afterwethoughtithadgoneforever;it\'sopenedupvisionsformethatI
neverhopedtoseeagain.Itoughttorestoreus,dear——that\'swhatI\'mtryingtosay——toredeemus,tomakeuscapableofbeingwhatweweremeanttobe.Ifitdoesn\'tdothat,ifitisn\'tdoingso,it\'sthemosthorribleoftravesties,ofmockeries.Ifwegainlifeonlytohaveitturnintodeath——slowdeath;ifwegotopiecesagain,utterly.
Fornowthere\'shope.ThemoreIthink,themoreclearlyIseethatwecan\'ttakeanystepwithoutresponsibilities.Ifwetakethis,you\'llhaveme,andI\'llhaveyou.Andifwedon\'tsaveeachother——\"
\"Butwewill,\"Isaid.
\"Ah,\"sheexclaimed,\"ifwecouldstartnew,withoutanypast.ImarriedHamwithmyeyesopen.\"
\"Youcouldn\'tknowthathewouldbecome——well,asflagrantasheis.Youdidn\'treallyknowwhathewasthen.\"
\"There\'snoreasonwhyIshouldn\'thaveanticipatedit.Ican\'tclaimthatIwasdeceived,thatIthoughtmymarriagewasmadeinheaven.I
enteredintoacontract,andHamhaskepthispartofitfairlywell.Hehasn\'tinterferedwithmyfreedom.Thatisn\'tputtingitonahighplane,butthereisanobligationinvolved.Youyourself,inyourlawpractice,arealwaysinsistinguponthesacrednessofcontractastheverybasisofourcivilization.\"
Hereindeedwouldhavebeenahomethrust,hadIbeenvulnerableatthetime.SointentwasIonovercomingherobjections,thatIresortedunwittinglytothemodernargumentIhadmorethanoncedeclaredincourttobeanathema-theargumentofthenewreforminreferencetothecommonlawandtheconstitution.
\"Acontract,nomatterhowseriouslyenteredintoatthetimeitwasmade,thatlaterisseentoviolatetheprinciplesofhumanityshouldbevoid.Andnotonlythis,butyoudidn\'tconsentthatheshoulddisgraceyou.\"
Nancywinced.
\"Inevertoldyouthathepaidmyfather\'sdebts,Inevertoldanyone,\"
shesaid,inalowvoice.
\"Eventhen,\"Iansweredafteramoment,\"yououghttoseethatit\'stooterribleapricetopayforyourhappiness.AndHamhasn\'teverpretendedtoconsideryouinanyway.It\'scertainyoudidn\'tagreethatheshoulddo——whatheisdoing.\"
\"SupposeIadmittedit,\"shesaid,\"thereremainMaudeandyourchildren.
Theirhappiness,theirfuturebecomesmyresponsibilityaswellasyours.\"
\"ButIdon\'tloveMaude,andMaudedoesn\'tloveme.Igrantit\'smyfault,thatIdidherawronginmarryingher,butsheisrightinleavingme.Ishouldbedoingheradoublewrong.Andthechildrenwillbehappywithher,theywillbewellbroughtup.I,too,havethoughtthisout,Nancy,\"Iinsisted,\"andthefactisthatinourrespectivemarriageswehavebeen,eachofus,victimsofourtime,ofoureducation.Wewereborninaperiodoftransition,weinheritedviewsoflifethatdonotfitconditionsto-day.Ittakescouragetoachievehappiness,initiativetoemancipateone\'sselffromamoralitythatbeginstohamperandbind.Tostayasweare,torefusetotakewhatisofferedus,istoremainbetweenwindandwater.Idon\'tmeanthatweshoulddoanything——hastily.Wecanaffordtotakeareasonabletime,tobedignifiedaboutit.ButIhavecometotheconclusionthattheonlythingthatmattersintheworldisalovelikeours,anditsfulfilment.
Achievement,success,areemptyandmeaninglesswithoutit.Andyoudoloveme——you\'veadmittedit.\"
\"Oh,Idon\'twanttotalkaboutit,\"sheexclaimed,desperately.
\"Butwehavetotalkaboutit,\"Ipersisted.\"Wehavetothrashitout,toseeitstraight,asyouyourselfhavesaid.\"
\"Youspeakofconvictions,Hugh,——newconvictions,inplaceoftheoldwehavediscarded.Butwhatarethey?Andistherenosuchthingasconscience——eventhoughitbeonlyanintuitionofhappinessorunhappiness?Idocareforyou,Idoloveyou——\"
\"Thenwhynotletthatsuffice?\"Iexclaimed,leaningtowardsher.
Shedrewback.
\"ButIwanttorespectyou,too,\"shesaid.
Iwasshocked,tooshockedtoanswer.
\"Iwanttorespectyou,\"sherepeated,moregently.\"Idon\'twanttothinkthat——thatwhatwefeelforeachotheris——unconsecrated.\"
\"Itconsecratesitself,\"Ideclared.
Sheshookherhead.
\"Surelyithasitsrootsineverythingthatisfineinbothofus.\"
\"Webothwentwrong,\"saidNancy.\"Webothsoughttowrestpowerandhappinessfromtheworld,tomakeourownlaws.Howcanweassertthat——
thisisnotmerelyacontinuationofit?\"
\"Butcan\'tweworkoutourbeliefstogether?\"Idemanded.\"Won\'tyoutrustme,trustourloveforoneanother?\"
Herbreathcameandwentquickly.
\"Oh,youknowthatIwantyou,Hugh,asmuchasyouwantme,andmore.
ThetimemaycomewhenIcan\'tresistyou.\"
\"Whydoyouresistme?\"Icried,seizingherhandsconvulsively,andsweptbyagustofpassionatherconfession.
\"TrytounderstandthatIamfightingforbothofus!\"shepleaded——anappealthatwrungmeinspiteofthepitchtowhichmyfeelingshadbeenraised.\"Hugh,dear,wemustthinkitout.Don\'tnow.\"
Iletherhandsdrop
BeyondtherangeofhillsrisingfromthefarsideoftheAshuelawasthewidevalleyinwhichwassituatedtheCloverdaleCountryClub,withitspolofield,golfcourseandtenniscourts;andinthissamevalleysomeofourwealthycitizens,suchasHowardOgilvyandLeonardDickinson,hadbought\"farms,\"week-endplaythingsforspringandautumn.HambletonDurretthadstartedthefashion.Capriciously,ashedideverythingelse,hehadbecometheownerofseveralhundredacresofpasture,woodlandandorchard,acquiredsomeseventy-fiveheadofbloodedstock,andproceededtohousetheminmodelbarnsandmilkbymachinery;forseveralmonthshehadboredeveryoneintheBoyneClubwhomhecouldenticeintoconversationonthesubjectoftherecordsofpedigreedcows,andspentmanybibulousnightsonthefarmincompanywiththoseparasiteswhosurroundedhimwhenhewasintown.Thenanotherinteresthadintervened;afeminineone,ofcourse,andhisenergiesweretransferred(soweunderstood)tothereconstructionandfurnishingofalittleresidenceinNewYork,notfarfromFifthAvenue.ThefarmcontinuedundertheexpertdirectionofasuperintendentwhowasagraduateoftheStateAgriculturalCollege,andaselectclientele,whichcouldaffordtopaytheprices,consumedthemilkandcreamandbutter.
QuiteconsistentwiththeirmaritalrelationswasthefactthatNancyshouldhavetakenafancytotheplaceafterHam\'sinteresthadwaned.
NotthatshecaredfortheGuernseys,orJerseys,orwhatevertheymayhavebeen;sheevincedasuddenpassionforsimplicity,——occasionalsimplicity,atleast,——foracontrasttoandescapefromacomplicatedlifeofluxury.Shebuiltanotherhouseforthesuperintendentbanishedhimfromthelittlefarmhouse(whereHamhadkepttworooms);banishedalongwiththesuperintendentthestiffplushfurniture,theyellow-redcarpets,theeaselsandthemelodeon,anddeckeditoutinbrightchintzes,withwall-paperstomatch,daintymuslincurtains,andrag-
carpetrugsonthehardwoodfloors.Thepseudo-classicporchoverthedoorway,whichhadsuggestedacemetery,wasremoved,andawidepiazzaadded,furnishedwithwickerloungingchairsandtables,andshadedwithgayawnings.
Here,tothefarm,accompaniedbyamaid,shehadbeeninthehabitofretiringfromtimetotime,andhereshecameinearlyJuly.Here,dressedinthesimplestlinengownsofpinkorblueorwhite,IfoundaNancymagicallyrestoredtogirlhood,——anewNancy,betrayingonlytracesoftheold,anewNancyinanewEden.Wehadallthesetting,alltheillusionofthatperfectidealofdomesticity,loveinacottage.NancyandI,whoallourliveshadspurnedsimplicity,laughedoverthejoywefoundinit:shemadeahighartofit,ofcourse;wehadoursimpledinners,whichMrs.Olsencookedandservedintheopenair;sometimesontheporch,sometimesunderthegreatbutternuttreespreadingitsshadeoverwhatinamoreelaboratecountry-place,wouldhavebeencalledalawn,——anunevenplotofgrassofridgesandhollowsthatrandowntotheorchard.Nancy\'seyeswouldmeetmineacrossthelittletable,andoftenourgazewouldwanderoverthepasturesbelow,lucentgreenintheleveleveninglight,tothedarkeningwoodsbeyond,gilt-tippedinthesettingsun.Therewerefieldsofripeningyellowgrain,oflustyyoungcornthatgrewalmostaswewatchedit:thewarmwindsofeveningwereheavywiththeacridodoursoffecundity.Fecundity!Inthatlaytheelusiveyetinsistentcharmofthatcountry;andNancy\'s,ofcourse,wasthetransformingtouchthatmadeitparadise.Itwasthus,inthecountry,Isuggestedthatweshouldspendtherestofourexistence.Whatwastheuseofamassingmoney,whenhappinesswastobehadsosimply?
\"Howlongdoyouthinkyoucouldstandit?\"sheasked,asshehandedmeaplateofblackberries.
\"Forever,withtherightwoman,\"Iannounced.
\"Howlongcouldthewomanstandit?\"Shehumoured,smilingly,mycrystal-gazingintoourfuture,asthoughshehadnotthehearttodeprivemeofthepleasure.
\"Isimplycan\'tbelieveinit,Hugh,\"shesaidwhenIpressedherforananswer.
\"Whynot?\"
\"Isupposeit\'sbecauseIbelieveincontinuity,Ihaven\'ttheromantictemperament,——Ialwaysseetheangelwiththeflamingsword.Itisn\'tthatIwanttoseehim.\"
\"Butweshallredeemourselves,\"Isaid.\"Itwon\'tbecuriosityandidleness.Wearenotjusttakingthisthing,andexpectingtogivenothingforitinreturn.\"
\"Whatcanwegivethatisworthit?\"sheexclaimed,withoneofherrevealingflashes.
\"Wewon\'ttakeitlightly,butseriously,\"Itoldher.\"Weshallfindsomethingtogive,andthatsomethingwillspringnaturallyoutofourlove.We\'llreadtogether,andthinkandplantogether.\"
\"Oh,Hugh,youareincorrigible,\"wasallshesaid.
Themaletendencyinmewasforeverstrainedtosolveher,todeducefromherconversationandconductabodyofconsistentlaw.Theeffortwasuseless.Herewasarealm,thatofNancy\'ssoul,inwhichtherewasapparentlynosuchthingasrelevancy.Inthetwilight,afterdinner,weoftenwalkedthroughtheorchardtoagrassybankbesidethelittlestream,wherewewouldsitandwatchthedyingglowinthesky.Afterarainitsswollenwaterswereturbid,opaqueyellow-redwiththeclayofthehills;atothertimesitransmoothly,temperately,almostclearbetweenthepasturegrassesandwildflowers.Nancydeclaredthatitremindedherofme.Wesatthere,intothelush,warmnights,andthemoonshonedownonus,oragainthroughlongsilenceswesearchedthebewildering,starrychartoftheheavens,withtheundertonesofthenight-chorusofthefieldsinourears.Sometimessheletmyheadrestuponherknee;butwhen,throbbingathertouch,withthelife-forcepulsingaroundus,Itriedtotakeherinmyarms,tobringherlipstomine,sheresistedmewithanenergyofwillandbodythatIcouldnotovercome,Idarednotovercome.Sheacknowledgedherloveforme,shepermittedmetocometoher,shehadtheairofyieldingbutneveryielded.Why,then,didsheallowthewordsoflovetopass?andhowdrawthelinebetweencaresses?Iwasmaddenedanddisheartenedbythatelusiveresistanceinher——apparentlysofrailathing!——thatneitherargumentnorimportunitycouldbreakdown.Wastheresomethinglackinginme?orwasitthatI
fearedtomarordestroytheloveshehad.This,surely,hadnotbeenthefashionofotherloves,calledunlawful,theclassicinstancescelebratedbythepoetsofallagesrosetomockme.
