Iwassurprisedandmoved.OncemoreIhadamomentaryglimpseoftherealNancy
OurconversationwasinterruptedbythearrivalofRalphHambleton
XIV.
However,thoughtsofMaudecontinuedtopossessme.Shestillappearedthemostdesirableofbeings,andafortnightaftermyrepulse,withoutanyexcuseatall,ItelegraphedtheGeorgeHutchinsesthatIwascomingtopaythemavisit.Mrs.George,wearingaknowingsmile,metmeatthestationinalightbuck-board.
\"I\'veaskedMaudetodinner,\"shesaid
ThuswithmasculinedirectnessIreturnedtothecharge,andMaude\'scontinuedresistancebutincreasedmyardour;couldnotseewhyshecontinuedtoresistme.
\"BecauseIdon\'tloveyou,\"shesaid.
Thiswasincredible.Isuggestedthatshedidn\'tknowwhatlovewas,andsheadmitteditwaspossible:shelikedmevery,verymuch.Itoldher,sagely,thatthiswasthebestfoundationformatrimony.Thatmightbe,butshehadhadotherideas.Foronething,shefeltthatshedidnotknowmeInshort,shewascharmingandmaddeninginherdefensiveruses,inheradvancesandretreats,forIpressedherhardduringthefourweekswhichfollowed,andinthemmadefourvisits.Flingingcautiontothewinds,IdidnotevenpretendtoGeorgethatIwascomingtoseehimonbusiness.IhadtheHutchinsfamilyonmyside,fortheyhadthesensetoseethatthematchwouldbeanadvantageousone;IevensummonedupenoughcouragetotalktoEzraHutchinsonthesubject.
\"I\'llnotattempttoinfluenceMaude,Mr.Paret——I\'vealwayssaidI
wouldn\'tinterferewithherchoice.Butasyouareayoungmanofsoundhabits,sir,successfulinyourprofession,Ishouldraisenoobjection.
Isupposewecan\'tkeepheralways.\"
Toconcealhisemotion,hepulledoutthewatchhelivedby.\"Why,it\'schurchtime!\"hesaidIattendedchurchregularlyatElkington
OnaSundaynightinJune,followingadayduringwhichvictoryseemedmoredistantthanever,withstartlingunexpectednessMaudecapitulated.
Shesatbesidemeonthebench,obscured,yetthewarmnightquiveredwithherpresence.IfelthertrembleIrememberthefirstexquisitetouchofhersoftcheek.Howstrangeitwasthatinconquestthetumultofmybeingshouldbestilled,thatmypassionshouldbetransmutedintoawethatthrilledyetdisquieted!WhathadIdone?ItwasasthoughIhadsuddenlyenteredanunimaginedsanctuaryfilledwithholyflame
Presently,whenwebegantotalk,Ifoundmyselfseekingmorefamiliarlevels.Iaskedherwhyshehadsolongresistedme,accusingherofhavinglovedmeallthetime.
\"Yes,IthinkIdid,Hugh.Only——Ididn\'tknowit.\"
\"Youmusthavefeltsomething,thatafternoonwhenIfirstproposedtoyou!\"
\"Youdidn\'treallywantme,Hugh.Notthen.\"
Surprised,andalittleuncomfortableatthisevidenceofintuition,I
startedtoprotest.ItseemedtomethenasthoughIhadalwayswantedher.
\"No,no,\"sheexclaimed,\"youdidn\'t.Youwerecarriedawaybyyourfeelings——youhadn\'tmadeupyourmind.Indeed,Ican\'tseewhyyouwantmenow.\"
\"YoubelieveIdo,\"Isaid,anddrewhertowardme.
\"Yes,I——Ibelieveit,now.ButIcan\'tseewhy.Theremustbesomanyattractivegirlsinthecity,whoknowsomuchmorethanIdo.\"
IsoughtfervidlytoreassureheronthispointAtlengthwhenwewentintothehouseshedrewawayfrommeatarm\'slengthandgavemeonelongsearchinglook,asthoughseekingtoreadmysoul.
\"Hugh,youwillalwaysloveme——totheveryend,won\'tyou?\"
\"Yes,\"Iwhispered,\"always.\"
Inthelibrary,oneoneachsideofthetable,underthelamp,EzraHutchinsandhiswifesatreading.Mrs.Hutchinslookedup,andIsawthatshehaddivined.
\"Mother,IamengagedtoHugh,\"Maudesaid,andbentoverandkissedher.
EzraandIstoodgazingatthem.Thenheturnedtomeandpressedmyhand.
\"Well,Ineversawthemanwhowasgoodenoughforher,Hugh.ButGodblessyou,myson.Ihopeyouwillprizeherasweprizeher.\"
Mrs.Hutchinsembracedme.Andthroughhertearsshe,too,lookedlongintomyface.WhenshehadreleasedmeEzrahadhiswatchinhishand.
\"Ifyou\'regoingontheteno\'clocktrain,Hugh——\"
\"Father!\"Maudeprotested,laughing,\"ImustsayIdon\'tcallthatverypolite.\"
InthetrainIsleptbutfitfully,awakeningagainandagaintorecalltheextraordinaryfactthatIwasnowengagedtobemarried,togoovertheincidentsoftheevening.Indifferenttothebackingsandthebumpingsofthecar,thevoicesinthestations,theclangingoflocomotivebellsandalltheincomprehensiblestartingsandstoppings,exaltedyettroubledIbeheldMaudeluminouswiththeloveIhadamazinglyawakened,alovesomewherebeyondmycomprehension.Forherindeedmarriagewasmadeinheaven.Butforme?CouldIrisenowtotheidealthathadoncebeenmine,thrusthencefortheviloutofmylife?
Loveforever,livealwaysinthissanctuaryshehadmadeforme?WouldthetimecomewhenIshouldfeelasenseofbondage?
TheweddingwassetfortheendofSeptember.IcontinuedtogoeveryweektoElkington,andinAugust,MaudeandIspentafortnightatthesea.Therecouldbenodoubtastomymother\'shappiness,astoherapprovalofMaude;theylovedeachotherfromthebeginning.Icanpicturethemnow,sittingtogetherwiththeirsewingontheporchofthecottageatMattapoisett.Outonthebaylittlewhite-capsdancedinthesunlight,sail-boatstackedhitherandthither,thestrongcapebreeze,ladenwithinvigoratingsalt,stirredMaude\'shair,andoccasionallyplayedhavocwithmypapers.
\"Sheisjustthewifeforyou,Hugh,\"mymotherconfidedtome.\"IfI
hadchosenhermyselfIcouldnothavedonebetter,\"sheadded,withasmile.
Iwasinclinedtobelieveit,butMaudewouldhavenoneofthisillusion.
\"Hejuststumbledacrossme,\"sheinsisted
Wewentonlongsailstogether,towardsWood\'sHoleandtheopensea,thesprayswashingoverus.HercheeksgrewtannedSometimes,whenI
praisedherandspokeconfidentlyofourfuture,sheworeatroubledexpression.
\"Whatareyouthinkingabout?\"Iaskedheronce.
\"Youmustn\'tputmeonapedestal,\"shesaidgently.\"IwantyoutoseemeasIam——Idon\'twantyoutowakeupsomedayandbedisappointed.
I\'llhavetolearnalotofthings,andyou\'llhavetoteachme.Ican\'tgetusedtothefactthatyou,whoaresopracticalandsuccessfulinbusiness,shouldbesuchadreamerwhereIamconcerned.\"
Ilaughed,andtoldher,comfortably,thatshewastalkingnonsense.
\"Whatdidyouthinkofme,whenyoufirstknewme?\"Iinquired.
\"Well,\"sheanswered,withthecouragethatcharacterizedher,\"Ithoughtyouwererathercalculating,thatyouputtoohighapriceonsuccess.
Ofcourseyouattractedme.Iownit.\"
\"Youhidyouropinionsratherwell,\"Iretorted,somewhatdiscomfited.
Sheflushed.
\"Haveyouchangedthem?\"Idemanded.
\"Ithinkyouhavethatside,andIthinkitaweakside,Hugh.It\'shardtotellyouthis,butit\'sbettertosaysonow,sinceyouaskme.Idothinkyousettoohighavalueonsuccess.\'
\"Well,nowthatIknowwhatsuccessreallyis,perhapsIshallreform,\"I
toldher.
\"Idon\'tliketothinkthatyoufoolyourself,\"shereplied,withaperspicacityIshouldhavefoundextraordinary.
Throughoutmylifetherehavebeendaysandincidents,sometrivial,someimportant,thatlingerinmymemorybecausetheyaresaturatedwith\"atmosphere.\"Irecall,forinstance,agalaoccasioninyouthwhenmymothergaveoneofherluncheonparties;onmyreturnfromschool,thehouseanditssurroundingsworeamysterious,excitingandunfamiliarlook,somehowchangedbythesimplefactthatguestssatdecorouslychattinginadining-roomshiningwithmymother\'sbestlinenandtreasuredfamilysilverandchina.Theatmosphereofmywedding-dayisnolessvivid.ThehouseofEzraHutchinswasscarcelyrecognizable:itsdoorsandwindowswereopenedwide,andallthemorningpeoplewerebeingescortedupstairstoanall-significantroomthatcontainedacollectionlikeajeweller\'sexhibit,——abewilderingdisplay.Therewasamassivepunch-bowlfromwhichdangledthecardofMr.andMrs.AdolfScherer,areallywonderfulteasetofoldEnglishsilvergivenbySenatorandMrs.
Watling,andNancyWillett,withhercertaintyofgoodtaste,hadsentanoldEnglishtankardofthetimeofthesecondCharles.Thesecretwasinthatroom.Anditmagicallytransformedforme(asIstood,momentarilyalone,inthedoorwaywhereIhadfirstbeheldMaude)theaccustomedscene,andchargedwithundivinedsignificancetheblueshadowsundertheheavyfoliageofthemaples.TheSeptembersunlightwasheavy,tingedwithgold
Sofragmentaryandconfusedaretheeventsofthatdaythatacubistliteraturewerenecessarytoconveytheimpressionsleftuponme.Ihadsomethingofthefeelingofarecruitwhoforthefirsttimeistakingpartinabrilliantandcomplicatedmanoeuvre.TomandSusanPetersflitacrosstheview,andGeneHollisterandPerryBlackwoodandtheEwanses,——
allofwhomhadcomeupinaspecialcar;RalphHambletonwas\"bestman,\"lookingpreternaturallytallinhisfrock-coat:andhismanner,throughoutthewholeproceeding,wasoneofgood-naturedtolerancetowardafollynonebuthemightescape.
\"Ifyoumustdoit,Hughie,Isupposeyoumust,\"hehadsaidtome.
\"I\'llseeyouthrough,ofcourse.Butdon\'tblamemeafterwards.\"
Maudewasalittleafraidofhim
IdressedatGeorge\'s;then,likeoneofthosebewilderingshiftsofacinematograph,comesthesceneinchurch,theglimpseofmymother\'swistfulfaceinthefrontpew;andIfoundmyselfinfrontoftheaustereMr.DoddridgestandingbesideMaude——orratherbesideawomanItriedhardtobelievewasMaude——soveiledandgenerallyencasedwasshe.I
wasthinkingofthisallthetimeIwasmechanicallyansweringMr.
Doddridge,andevenwhentheweddingmarchburstforthandIledheroutofthechurch.Itwasasthoughtheyhaddonetheirbesttodisguiseher,toputourunionontheother-worldlyplanethatwasdeemedtobeitsonlyjustification,toneutralizehersexattheverymomentitshouldhavebeenmostenhanced.Well,theysucceeded.IfIhadnotbeenasconventionalastherest,IshouldhavepreferredtohaverunawaywithherinthelavenderdresssheworewhenIfirstproposedtoher.ItwasonlywhenwehadgotintothecarriageandstartedforthehouseandsheturnedtomeherfacefromwhichtheveilhadbeenthrownbackthatI
realizedwhatasublimemeaningitallhadforher.Hereyeswerewet.
OncemoreIwasacutelyconsciousofmyinabilitytofeeldeeplyatsuprememoments.FormonthsIhadlookedforwardwithanticipationandimpatiencetomywedding-day.
Ikissedhergently.ButIfeltasthoughshehadgonetoheaven,andthatthefaceIbeheldenshroudedweremerelyhereffigy.Commonplacewordswereinappropriate,yetitwastotheseIresorted.
\"Well——itwasn\'tsobadafterall!Wasit?\"
Shesmiledatme.
\"Youdon\'twanttotakeitback?\"
Sheshookherhead.
\"Ithinkitwasabeautifulwedding,Hugh.I\'msogladwehadagoodday.\"
Sheseemedshy,atonceverynearandveryremote.Iheldherhandawkwardlyuntilthecarriagestopped.
Alittlelaterwewerestandinginacorneroftheparlour,theatmosphereofwhichwasheavywiththescentofflowers,submittingtotheonslaughtofrelatives.Thencametheweddingbreakfast:croquettes,champagne,chickensalad,ice-cream,thewedding-cake,speechesandmorekissesIrememberTomPetersholdingontobothmyhands.
\"Good-bye,andGodblessyou,oldboy,\"hewassaying.Susan,inviewoftheoccasion,hadallowedhimalittlemorechampagnethanusual——enoughtobetrayhisfeelings,andIknewthatthesehadnotchangedsinceourcollegedays.Iresolvedtoseemoreofhim.IhadneglectedhimandundervaluedhisloyaltyHehadfollowedmetomyroominGeorge\'shousewhereIwasdressingforthejourney,andhegaveitashisdeliberatejudgmentthatinMaudeIhad\"struckgold.\"
\"She\'sjustthegirlforyou,Hughie,\"hedeclared.\"Susanthinksso,too.\"
Laterintheafternoon,aswesatinthestate-roomofthecarthatwasbearinguseastward,Maudebegantocry.Isatlookingatherhelplessly,unabletoenterintoheremotion,resentingitalittle.YetItriedawkwardlytocomforther.
\"Ican\'tbeartoleavethem,\"shesaid.
\"Butyouwillseethemoften,whenwecomeback,\"Ireassuredher.Itwasscarcelythemomentforremindingherofwhatshewasgettinginreturn.Thispeculiarfamilyaffectionsheevincedwasbeyondme;IhadneverexperienceditinanypoignantdegreesinceIhadgoneasafreshmantoHarvard,andyetIwasstruckbythefactthatheremotionsweresorightlyplaced.Itwasnaturaltoloveone\'sfamily.Ibegantofeel,vaguely,asIwatchedher,thatthenewrelationshipintowhichI
hadenteredwastobemuchmorecomplicatedthanIhadimagined.
Twilightwascomingon,thetrainwaswindingthroughthemountainpasses,crossingandre-crossingaswiftlittlestreamwhosebanksweremassedwithalder;hereandthere,onthesteephillsides,blazedthegoldenrodPresentlyIturned,tosurpriseinhereyesawide,questioninglook,——thelookofachild.Eveninthisirrevocablehourshesoughttograspwhatmannerofbeingwasthistowhomshehadconfidedherlife,andwithwhomshewasfaringforthintotheunknown.
Theexperiencewasutterlyunlikemyanticipation.YetIresponded.ThekissIgaveherhadnopassioninit.
\"I\'lltakegoodcareofyou,Maude,\"Isaid.
Suddenly,inthefadinglight,sheflungherarmsaroundme,pressingmetightly,desperately.
\"Oh,Iknowyouwill,Hugh,dear.Andyou\'llforgiveme,won\'tyou,forbeingsohorridto-day,ofalldays?Idoloveyou!\"
Neitherofushadeverbeenabroad.Andalthoughitwasbeforethedaysofswimming-poolsandgymnasiumsandalacartecafesonoceanliners,theAtlanticwasimposingenough.MaudehadamorelastingcapacityforpleasurethanI,akeenerenjoymentofnewexperiences,andasshelaybesidemeinthesteamer-chairwhereIhadcarefullytuckedhershewouldexclaim:
\"Isimplycan\'tbelieveit,Hugh!Itseemssounreal.I\'msureIshallwakeupandfindmyselfbackinElkington.\"
\"Don\'tspeaksoloud,mydear,\"Icautionedher.Thereweresomeveryformal-lookingNewYorkersnextus.
\"No,Iwon\'t,\"shewhispered.\"ButI\'msohappyIfeelasthoughI
shouldliketotelleveryone.\"
\"There\'snoneed,\"Iansweredsmiling.
\"Oh,Hugh,Idon\'twanttodisgraceyou!\"sheexclaimed,inrealalarm.
\"Otherwise,sofarasIamconcerned,Ishouldn\'tcarewhoknew.\"
Peoplesmiledather.Womencameupandtookherhands.AndonthefourthdaytheformidableNewYorkersunexpectedlythawed.
IhadoncethoughtofMaudeasplastic.ThenIhaddiscoveredshehadamindandwillofherown.Oncemoresheseemedplastic;herlovehadmadeherso.WasitnotwhatIhaddesired?Ihadonlytoexpressawish,anditbecameherlaw.Nay,sheappealedtomemanytimesadaytoknowwhethershehadmadeanymistakes,andIbegantodrillherinmysillytraditions,——gently,verygently.
