IsatdownbesidehimandwespentthemorninggoingoverthedetailsoftheRibblevalesuit,Mr.WatlingdelegatingtomecertainmattersconnectedwithitofakindwithwhichIhadnothithertobeenentrusted;
andhespokeagain,beforeIleft,ofhisintentionoftakingmeintothefirmassoonastheaffaircouldbearranged.Walkinghomeward,withmymindintentuponthingstocome,ImetmymotheratthecornerofLymeStreetcomingfromchurch.Herfacelightedupatsightofme.
\"Haveyoubeenworkingto-day,Hugh?\"sheasked.
IexplainedthatIhadspentthemorningwithMr.Watling.
\"I\'lltellyouasecret,mother.I\'mgoingtobetakenintothefirm.\"
\"Oh,mydear,I\'msoglad!\"sheexclaimed.\"Ioftenthink,ifonlyyourfatherwerealive,howhappyhewouldbe,andhowproudofyou.Iwishhecouldknow.Perhapshedoesknow.\"
TheodoreWatlinghadoncesaidtomethatthemanwhocanbestkeephisowncounselisthebestcounselforothermentokeep.IdidnotgoaboutboastingofthepartIhadplayedinoriginatingthenowfamousBillNo.709,thepassageofwhichhadbroughtaboutthecapitulationoftheRibblevaleSteelCompanytoourclients.ButRalphHambletonknewofit,ofcourse.
\"Thatwasaprettygoodthingyoupulledoff,Hughie,\"hesaid.\"I
didn\'tthinkyouhaditinyou.\"
Itwasrankpatronage,ofcourse,yetIwassecretlypleased.AstheyearswentonIwasthrownmoreandmorewithhim,thoughinboyhoodtherehadbeenbetweenusnobondofsympathy.AboutthistimehewasbeginningtoincreaseveryconsiderablytheHambletonfortune,andalittlelaterIbecamecounselfortheCrescentGasandElectricCompany,inwhichhehadshrewdlygainedacontrollinginterest.Eventowardthecolossalgameofmodernfinancehisattitudewascharacteristicallythatofthedilettante,oftheamateur;heplayedit,asitwere,contemptuously,evenashehadplayedpokeratHarvard,withacynicalaudacitythathadapeculiarlydisturbingeffectuponhiscompanions.Hebluffed,heraisedthelimitinspiteofprotests,andwhenhelostonealwayshadthefeelingthathewouldultimatelygethismoneybacktwiceover.AttheconferencesintheBoyneClub,whichheoftenattended,hismannertowardMr.DickinsonandMr.SchererandeventowardMillerGorsewasfrequentlyoneofthinlyveiledamusementattheirseriousness.I
oftenwonderedthattheydidnotresentit.Buthewasaprivilegedperson.
Hiscousin,HamDurrett,whoseinheritancewasevengreaterthanRalph\'shadbeen,hadalsobecomeaprivilegedpersonwhosecomingsandgoingsandmorereputabledoingswereoftenrecordedinthenewspapers.HamhadattainedtowhatGeneHollisteraptlybutinadvertentlycalled\"notoriety\":asRalphwittilyremarked,Hamgavetopoloandwomenthatwhichmighthavegoneintohighfinance.HespentmuchofhistimeintheEast;hisconductthereandathomewouldoncehavecreatedablackscandalinourcommunity,butweweregraduallyleavingourCalvinismbehindusandgrowingmoretolerant:wewerereadytoForgivemuchtowealthespeciallyifitwasinherited.HostesseslamentedthefactthatHamwas\"wild,\"buttheyaskedhimtodinnersanddancestomeettheirdaughters.
Ifsomemoralistbettereducatedandmorefar-seeingthanPerryBlackwood(forPerryhadbecomeamoralist)hadtoldthesehostessesthatHambletonDurrettwasavictimofournewcivilization,theywouldhaveraisedtheireyebrows.Theydeploredwhiletheycoveted.IfHamhadbeentoldhewasavictimofanysort,hewouldhavelaughed.
Heenjoyedlife;hewasgenialandjovial,bothlavishandparsimonious,——
thislattercharacteristicbeingthecurioussurvivalofthetraitoftheancestorstowhichheowedhismillions.Hewasgrowingevenheavier,anddecidedlyredintheface.
PerryusedtotakeRalphtotaskfornotsavingHamfromhisiniquities,andRalphwouldreplythatHamwasgoingtothedevilanyway,andnoteventhedevilhimselfcouldstophim.
\"Youcanstophim,andyouknowit,\"Perryretortedindignantly.
\"Whatdoyouwantmetodowithhim?\"askedRalph.\"ConverthimtothesaintlylifeIlead?\"
Thiswasaposer.
\"That\'safact,\"sandPerry,\"you\'renobetterthanheis.\"
\"Idon\'tknowwhatyoumeanby\'better,\'\"retortedRalph,grinning.\"I\'mwiser,that\'sall.\"(WehadbeentalkingabouttheethicsofbusinesswhenPerryhadswitchedofftoHam.)\"Ibelieve,atleast,inrestraintoftrade.Hamdoesn\'tbelieveinrestraintofanykind.\"
When,therefore,thenewssuddenlybegantobecirculatedintheBoyneClubthatHamwasshowingatendencytostraightenup,surpriseandincredulityweregenuine.Hewasdrinkingless,——muchless;anditwassaidthathehadseveredcertaintiesthatneednotagainbedefinitelymentioned.Thetheoryofreligiousregenerationnotbeingtenable,itwasnaturallysupposedthathehadfalleninlove;theidentityoftheunknownladybecomingafruitfulsubjectofspeculationamongthefeminineportionofsociety.TheannouncementofthemarriageofHambletonDurrettwouldbenewsofthefirstmagnitude,tobeabsorbedeagerlybythemanywhohadnotthehonourofhisacquaintance,——
comparableonlytothatofadevastatingfloodoramurdermysteryorachangeinthetariff.
Beingabsorbedinaffairsthatseemedmoreimportant,thesubjectdidnotinterestmegreatly.ButonecoldSundayafternoon,asImademyway,inanswertoherinvitation,toseeNancyWillett,IfoundmyselfwonderingidlywhethershemightnotbebywayofmakingashrewdguessastotheobjectofHambleton\'saffections.Itwaswellknownthathehadentertainedahopelessinfatuationforher;andsomewereinclinedtoattributehislaterlapsestoherlackofresponse.Hestillcalledonher,andherlectures,whichshedeliveredlikeagreatauntwithareconditeknowledgeoftheworld,hetookmeekly.Butevenshehadseemedpowerlesstoalterhishabits
PowellStreet,thathappyhunting-groundofmyyouth,hadchangeditscharacter,becomecontractedandunfamiliar,sooty.TheMcAlerysandotherolderfamilieswhohadnotdecayedwiththeneighbourhoodwererapidlydesertingit,movingouttothenewresidencedistrictknownas\"theHeights.\"IcametotheWillettHouse.That,too,hadanairofshabbiness,——ofwell-tendedshabbiness,tobesure;thestonestepshadbeenscrupulouslyscrubbed,butoneofthemwascrackedclearacross,andthesilveronthepolishedname-platewaswearingoff;eventheactofpullingtheknobofadoor-bellwasbecomingobsolete,sousedhadwegrowntopushingporcelainbuttonsinbright,newvestibules.AsI
waitedformysummonstobeanswereditstruckmeasremarkablethatneitherNancynorherfatherhadbeencontaminatedbytheshabbinessthatsurroundedthem.
Shehadmanagedrathermarvellouslytoredeemoneroomfromtheold-
fashionedseverityoftherestofthehouse,thelibrarybehindthebig\"parlour.\"ItwasNancy\'sroom,eloquentofherdaintinessandtaste,ofheressentialmodernityandluxuriousness;andthatevening,asIwasusheredintoit,thisqualityofluxuriousness,ofbeingabletoshutoutthedisagreeableaspectsoflifethatsurroundedandthreatenedher,particularlyimpressedme.Shehadnotlackedopportunitiestoescape.
IwondereduneasilyasIwaitedwhyshehadnotembracedthem.Istrayedabouttheroom.Acoalfireburnedinthegrate,thered-shadedlampsgaveasubduedbutcheerfullight;someimpulseledmetocrossovertothewindowsanddrawasidetheheavyhangings.Duskwasgatheringoverthatgarden,bleakandfrozennow,wherewehadrompedtogetheraschildren.Howqueertheplaceseemed!Howshrivelled!Onceithadhadthewiderangeofapark.There,stillweatheringtheelements,wastheold-fashionedlatticedsummer-house,butthefruit-treesthatIrecalledascloudsofpinkandwhiteweregoneAtouchofpoignancywasinthesememories.Idroppedthecurtain,andturnedtoconfrontNancy,whohadenterednoiselessly.
\"Well,Hugh,wereyoudreaming?\"shesaid.
\"Notexactly,\"Ireplied,embarrassed.\"Iwaslookingatthegarden.\"
\"Thesoothasruinedit.Mylifeseemstobeonecontinualstruggleagainstthesoot,——theblacks,astheEnglishcallthem.It\'samoreexpressiveterm.Theyarelikeanarmy,youknow,overwhelmingintheirrelentlessinvasion.Well,dositdown.Itisniceofyoutocome.
You\'llhavesometea,won\'tyou?\"
Themaidhadbroughtinthetray.Afternoonteawasstillratheranewcustomwithus,moreofaceremonythanameal;andasNancyhandedmemycupandthethinnestofslicesofbreadandbutterIfoundtheintimacyofthesituationalittledisquieting.Hermannerwasindeedintimate,andyetithadtheoddanddisturbingeffectofmakingherseemmoreremote.AsshechattedIansweredherperfunctorily,whileallthetimeIwasaskingmyselfwhyIhadceasedtodesireher,whethertheoldlongingforhermightnotreturn——wasnotevennowreturning?ImightindeedgofarafieldtofindawifesosuitedtomeasNancy.Shehadbeauty,distinction,andposition.Shewasawomanofwhomanymanmightbeproud
\"Ihaven\'tcongratulatedyouyet,Hugh,\"shesaidsuddenly,\"nowthatyouareapartnerofMr.Watling\'s.Ihearonallsidesthatyouareonthehighroadtoagreatsuccess.\"
\"OfcourseI\'mgladtobeinthefirm,\"Iadmitted.
ItwasanewtackforNancy,ratheradisquietingone,thisdiscussionofmyaffairs,whichshehadsolongavoidedorignored.\"Youaregettingwhatyouhavealwayswanted,aren\'tyou?\"
Iwonderedinsometrepidationwhetherbythatword\"always\"shewasmakingadeliberatereferencetothepast.
\"Always?\"Irepeated,ratherfatuously.
\"Nearlyalways,eversinceyouhavebeenaman.\"
Iwasincapableoftakingadvantageoftheopening,ifitwereone.Shewasbaffling.
\"Amanlikestosucceedinhisprofession,ofcourse,\"Isaid.
\"Andyoumadeupyourmindtosucceedmoredeliberatelythanmostmen.I
needn\'taskyouifyouaresatisfied,Hugh.Successseemstoagreewithyou,——althoughIimagineyouwillneverbesatisfied.\"
\"Whydoyousaythat?\"Idemanded.
\"Ihaven\'tknownyouallyourlifefornothing.IthinkIknowyoumuchbetterthanyouknowyourself.\"
\"Youhaven\'tactedasifyoudid,\"Iexclaimed.
Shesmiled.
\"HaveyoubeeninterestedinwhatIthoughtaboutyou?\"sheasked.
\"Thatisn\'tquitefair,Nancy,\"Iprotested.\"Youhaven\'tgivenmemuchevidencethatyoudidthinkaboutme.\"
\"HaveIreceivedmuchencouragementtodoso?\"sheinquired.
\"Butyouhaven\'tseemedtoinvite——you\'vekeptmeatarm\'slength.\"
\"Oh,don\'tfence!\"shecried,rathersharply.
Ihadbecomeagitated,buthernextwordsgavemeashockthatwasmomentarilyparalyzing.
\"Iaskedyoutocomehereto-day,Hugh,becauseIwishedyoutoknowthatIhavemadeupmymindtomarryHambletonDurrett.\"
\"HambletonDurrett!\"Iechoedstupidly.\"HambletonDurrett!\"
\"Whynot?\"
\"Haveyou——haveyouacceptedhim?\"
\"No.ButImeantodoso.\"
\"You——youlovehim?\"
\"Idon\'tseewhatrightyouhavetoask.\"
\"Butyoujustsaidthatyouinvitedmeheretotalkfrankly.\"
\"No,Idon\'tlovehim.\"
\"Thenwhy,inheaven\'sname,areyougoingtomarryhim?\"
Shelaybackinherchair,regardingme,herlipsslightlyparted.Allatoncethefullflavourofher,thesuperfinequalitywasrevealedafteryearsofblindness——NorcanIdescribethesuddenrebellion,therevulsionthatIexperienced.HambletonDurrett!Itwasanoutrage,asacrilege!Igotup,andputmyhandonthemantel.Nancyremainedmotionless,inert,herheadlyingbackagainstthechair.Coulditbethatshewereenjoyingmydiscomfiture?ThereisnoneedtoconfessthatIknewnexttonothingofwomen;hadIbeenlessexcited,ImighthavemadethediscoverythatIstillregardedthemsentimentally.Certainromanticaxiomsconcerningthem,garneredfromVictorianliterature,passedcurrentinmymindforwisdom;andoneofthesedeclaredthattheywerepronetoremaintruetoanearlylove.DidNancystillcareforme?
Thequery,comingasitdidontopofmyemotion,broughtwithitastrangeandoverwhelmingperplexity.DidIreallycareforher?ThemanyyearsduringwhichIhadpractisedthehabitofcautionbegantoexertaninhibitingpressure.Herewasasituation,anopportunitysuddenlythrustuponmewhichmightneverreturn,andwhichIwasutterlyunpreparedtomeet.WouldIbehappywithNancy,afterall?Herexpressionwasstillenigmatic.
\"Whyshouldn\'tImarryhim?\"shedemanded.
\"Becausehe\'snotgoodenoughforyou.\"
\"Good!\"sheexclaimed,andlaughed.\"Helovesme.Hewantsmewithoutreservationorcalculation.\"Therewasastinginthis.\"Andisheanyworse,\"sheaskedslowly,\"thanmanyotherswhomightbementioned?\"
\"No,\"Iagreed.IdidnotintendtobeledintothethanklessanddisagreeablepositionofcondemningHambletonDurrett.\"Butwhyhaveyouwaitedalltheseyearsifyoudidnotmeantomarryamanofability,amanwhohasmadesomethingofhimself?\"
\"Amanlikeyou,Hugh?\"shesaidgently.
Iflushed.
\"Thatisn\'tquitefair,Nancy.\"
\"Whatareyouworkingfor?\"shesuddenlyinquired,straighteningup.
\"Whatanymanworksfor,Isuppose.\"
\"Ah,thereyouhavehitit,——whatanymanworksforinourworld.
Power,——personalpower.Youwanttobesomebody,——isn\'tthatit?Notthenoblestambition,you\'llhavetoadmit,——notthekindofthingweusedtodreamabout,whenwediddream.Well,whenwefindwecan\'trealizeourdreams,wetakethenextbestthing.AndIfailtoseewhyyoushouldblamemefortakingitwhenyouyourselfhavetakenit.
HambletonDurrettcangiveittome.He\'llacceptmeonmyownterms,hewon\'tinterferewithme,Ishan\'tbedisillusionized,——andIshallhaveapositionwhichIcouldnothopetohaveifIremainedunmarried,averymarkedpositionasHambletonDurrett\'swife.Iamthirty,youknow.\"
Herfranknessappalledme.
\"Thetroublewithyou,Hugh,isthatyoustilldeceiveyourself.Youthrowaglamouroverthings.Youwanttokeepyourcakeandeatittoo.
\"Idon\'tseewhyyousaythat.Andmarriageespecially——\"
Shetookmeup.
\"Marriage!Whatothercareerisopentoawoman?Unlesssheismarried,andmarriedwell,accordingtothemoneystandardyoumenhavesetup,sheisnobody.Wecan\'tallbeFlorenceNightingales,andIamunabletoimaginemyselfaJuliaWardHoweoraHarrietBeecherStowe.Whatisleft?Nothingbutmarriage.I\'mhardandcynical,youwillsay,butI
havethought,andI\'mnotafraid,asIhavetoldyou,tolookthingsintheface.Thereareveryfewwomen,Ithink,whowouldnottaketherealthingiftheyhadthechancebeforeitweretoolate,whowouldn\'tbewillingtodotheirowncookinginordertogetit.\"
Shefellsilentsuddenly.Ibegantopacetheroom.
\"ForGod\'ssake,don\'tdothis,Nancy!\"Ibegged.
Butshecontinuedtostareintothefire,asthoughshehadnotheardme.
\"Ifyouhadmadeupyourmindtodoit,whydidyoutellme?\"Iasked.
\"Sentiment,Isuppose.IampayingatributetowhatIoncewas,towhatyouoncewere,\"shesaid.A——asortofgood-byetosentiment.\"
\"Nancy!\"Isaidhoarsely.
Sheshookherhead.
\"No,Hugh.Surelyyoucan\'tmisjudgemeso!\"sheansweredreproachfully.
\"DoyouthinkIshouldhavesentforyouifIhadmeant——that!\"
\"No,no,Ididn\'tthinkso.Butwhynot?You——youcaredonce,andyoutellmeplainlyyoudon\'tlovehim.Itwasallaterriblemistake.Weweremeantforeachother.\"
\"Ididloveyouthen,\"shesaid.\"Youneverknewhowmuch.AndthereisnothingIwouldn\'tgivetobringitallbackagain.ButIcan\'t.It\'sgone.You\'regone,andI\'mgone.Imeanwhatwewere.Oh,whydidyouchange?\"
\"Itwasyouwhochanged,\"Ideclared,bewildered.
\"Couldn\'tyousee——can\'tyouseenowwhatyoudid?Butperhapsyoucouldn\'thelpit.Perhapsitwasjustyou,afterall.\"
\"WhatIdid?\"
\"Whycouldn\'tyouhaveheldfasttoyourfaith?Ifyouhad,youwouldhaveknownwhatitwasIadoredinyou.Oh,Idon\'tmindtellingyounow,itwasjustthatfaith,Hugh,thatfaithyouhadinlife,thatfaithyouhadinme.Youweren\'tcynicalandcalculating,likeRalphHambleton,youhadimagination.I——Idreamed,too.Anddoyourememberthetimewhenyoumadetheboat,andwewenttoLogan\'sPond,andyousankinher?\"
\"Andyoustayed,\"Iwenton,\"whenalltheothersranaway?Yourandownthehilllikeawhirlwind.\"
Shelaughed.
\"Andthenyoucamehereoneday,toaparty,andsaidyouweregoingtoHarvard,andquarrelledwithme.\"
\"Whydidyoudoubtmet\"Iaskedagitatedly.\"Whydidn\'tyouletmeseethatyoustillcared?\"
\"Becausethatwasn\'tyou,Hugh,thatwasn\'tyourrealself.DoyousupposeitmatteredtomewhetheryouwenttoHarvardwiththeothers?
Oh,Iwasfoolishtoo,Iknow.Ishouldn\'thavesaidwhatIdid.Butwhatistheuseofregrets?\"sheexclaimed.\"We\'vebothrunafterthepracticalgods,andtheothershavehiddentheirfacesfromus.Itmaybethatwearenottoblame,eitherofus,thatthepracticalgodsaretoostrong.We\'velearnedtoloveandworshipthem,andnowwecan\'tdowithoutthem.\"
\"Wecantry,Nancy,\"Ipleaded.
\"No,\"sheansweredinalowvoice,\"that\'sthedifferencebetweenyouandme.Iknowmyselfbetterthanyouknowyourself,andIknowyoubetter.\"
Shesmiledagain.\"Unlesswecouldhaveitallbackagain,Ishouldn\'twantanyofit.Youdonotloveme——\"
Istartedoncemoretoprotest.
\"No,no,don\'tsayit!\"shecried.
\"Youmaythinkyoudo,justthismoment,butit\'sonlybecause——you\'vebeenmoved.Andwhatyoubelieveyouwantisn\'tme,it\'swhatIwas.
ButI\'mnotthatanymore,——I\'msimplyrecallingthat,don\'tyousee?
Andeventhenyouwouldn\'twishme,now,asIwas.Thatsoundsinvolved,butyoumustunderstand.Youwantawomanwhowillbewrappedupinyourcareer,Hugh,andyetwhowillnotshareit,——whowilldevoteherselfbodyandsoultowhatyouhavebecome.Awomanwhomyoucanshape.Andyouwon\'treallyloveher,butonlyjustsomuchofherasmaybecometheincarnationofyou.Well,I\'mnotthatkindofwoman.Imighthavebeen,hadyoubeendifferent.I\'mnotatallsure.CertainlyI\'mnotthatkindnow,eventhoughIknowinmyheartthatthesortofcareeryouhavemadeforyourself,andthatIintendtomakeformyselfisalldross.ButnowIcan\'tdowithoutit.\"
\"AndyetyouaregoingtomarryHambletonDurrett!\"Isaid.
Sheunderstoodme,althoughIregrettedmywordsatonce.
\"Yes,Iamgoingtomarryhim.\"Therewasashadeofbitterness,ofdefianceinhervoice.\"Surelyyouarenotofferingmethe——theotherthing,now.Oh,Hugh!\"
\"Iamwillingtoabandonitall,Nancy.\"
\"No,\"shesaid,\"you\'renot,andI\'mnot.Whatyoucan\'tseeandwon\'tseeisthatithasbecomepartofyou.Oh,youaresuccessful,youwillbemoreandmoresuccessful.AndyouthinkIshouldbesomebody,asyourwife,Hugh,moreperhaps,eventually,thanIshallbeasHambleton\'s.
ButIshouldbenobody,too.Icouldn\'tstanditnow,mydear.Youmustrealizethatassoonasyouhavetimetothinkitover.Weshallbefriends.\"
Thesuddengentlenessinhervoicepiercedmethroughandthrough.Sheheldoutherhand.Somethinginhergraspspokeofaresolutionwhichcouldnotbeshaken.
\"Andbesides,\"sheaddedsadly,\"Idon\'tloveyouanymore,Hugh.I\'mmourningforsomethingthat\'sgone.Iwantedtohavejustthisonetalkwithyou.Butweshan\'tmentionitagain,——we\'llclosethebook.\"
AtthatIfledoutofthehouse,andatfirstthethoughtofherasanotherman\'swife,asHambletonDurrett\'swife,wasseeminglynottobeborne.Itwasincredible!\"We\'llclosethebook.\"Ifoundmyselfrepeatingthephrase;anditseemedthenasthoughsomethingwithinmeI
hadbelieveddead——somethingthatformerlyhadbeenallofme——hadrevivedagaintothrobwithpain.
Itisnotsurprisingthattheacutenessofmysufferingwasofshortduration,thoughIremembercertainsharptwingeswhentheannouncementoftheengagementburstonthecity.TherewasmuchcontroversyoverthequestionastowhetherornotHamDurrett\'sreformwouldbepermanent;
butmostpeoplewerewillingtogivehimthebenefitofthedoubt;itwastimehesettleddownandtookthepositioninthecommunitythatwastobeexpectedofoneofhisname;andasforNancy,itwasgenerallyagreedthatshehaddonewellforherself.Shewasnotmadeforpoverty——andwhosowellasshewasfittedforthesocialleadershipofourcommunity?
